EMP (European Massage Parlor) Reports

[Coopertars]

Are they back in Noble Square or are they still hopping around at hotels? The couple of booker numbers I have for them have stopped responding, maybe they blocked me?

[JayKay8]

Despite by misgivings, I decided to give them another shot. As always, booking was done via text. Booker had me waiting 10 minutes, told me to walk in, and then told me they sent me to the wrong address. Had me drive to another place 5 minutes away. The only thing I hate more than paying for parking in the west loop is paying for parking in the west loop twice.

Lina answered the door in a robe and lingerie. She's in her 20's, about 5'4", slim, C-cup man-mades, and really obvious lip filler. Her skin is flawlessly smooth, her tiny ass fit my hand nicely, and she has a super tiny waist. Basically, you'll like her if you like plastic instagram barbies. Her only upgrade is fully nude mutual touch, but she hinted that more could be on the menu next time.

She started with a decent body rub, and then had me flip. She knelt next to me on the bed while she stroked me, and I let my hands roam. She didn't seem to mind me brushing against her tight little asshole, so I started rubbing her clit. She shifted towards me and spread her legs to give me better access. She was getting very wet, and I started running my fingers up and down her slit. I then had her straddle me so I could wrap my hands around her deliciously tiny waist and basically simulate reverse cowgirl while she finished me. She stay on top for a few minutes to give me surprisingly good aftercare. I took a quick shower and left with a hug and a kiss.

Lina said that she would be here until Sunday.

The good: I'm don't usually like plastic girls, but Lina's body almost perfect. I'd rate her body 10/10 if she didn't have the big round fakes. She's actually very pretty, even with the comically large lip fillers. Her technique on the flip is very good, and she let me roam her body to my hearts content.

The bad: As always, way too many rules for what I'm paying. I can understand no full service, but at least allow DATY / DATO and DFK. It's honestly a rip off unless the girl is 10/10 beautiful, and those are far and few in between.

The ugly: The book really needs to figure out their hosting situation. It's a new location every time, and it's been anywhere from 5 star hotels to normal houses to seedy motels. If I'm going through all that, I might as well just go see someone like Mally and get BBBJCIM and BBFSCIP for half the price.

Also interesting to note is that the booker has sent me real pictures of the girls the last two times. Not sure if this will be the new thing going forward, but I like it.

[ApplePiePussy]

I agree with a lot of the sentiment in this thread. I haven't been to them in a long while. At some point they switched to using actual escorts who realized they could make more in the massage game. The last few that I saw wanted something like 400 more for FS. And they were not anything better than what 262 offers looks wise. They just weren't. Why would I pay 630 total for FS which is even more than the top agencies here. And when you decline that, their attitudes noticeably deteriorate. And besides, who wants to be massaged by a hardened escort who wants 100 to touch and 100 to get naked? At least before, the girls were only massage girls and that offered the allure of innocence. The bookers also became super annoying and started spamming fake pics. I ended up blocking them.

[BA4114]

I'd honestly be more ok with it if they actually posted real pics and a schedule of which girls are available. I took a long hiatus because there was a couple of months where all they had was late 30's girls with mediocre bodies and too many rules.

Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.

The first 2-3 girls I saw there were smoking hot, but only one of them gave anything resembling good service (stripped down to lingerie, removed her bra to slide on me, let me roam OTC, decent rub and sensual performance. Didn't offer extras, and I didn't ask) . But the other two were completely stand off-ish, barely rubbed anything, no teasing and and anytime my hand even grazed their thigh they immediately withdrew and said "touching is extra" — then the jerked me off while basically trying to sit at the end of the bed reaching for my dick so nothing else could contact them. It was a complete buzzkill and that kind of shit actually makes me feel guilty and creepy. Which, you know, is not why I'm there.

Then it devolved into a string of 2-3 baits / switches which basically meant thicker MILFs in 30's who still had shitty attitudes. I'm fine with a MILF (even if it's semi bait / switch) if the experience is good. And if the experience is going to be shitty, it can sometimes be semi-redeeming to at least stare at a smoking hot girl, although not ideal. MILFy + shitty is going to be a hard pass for 99% of us I'd assume.

But the first experience was so great that I tried to chase it a little bit. But ultimately threw in the towel on this place.

And I'll say this because sometimes I think it matters. I'm a super clean-cut, fit, white, married guy in my late 40's who is essentially shy with providers because I'm trying to be unmemorable and not find / cause any trouble and allow myself to buy into an illusion for an hour. Essentially I'm a fucking dream client if what providers have told me over the years is to be believed (they essentially like middle-aged guys who have great hygiene and something to lose) . And before anyone jumps down my throat on if race matters / doesn't matters, I don't give a shit. I don't think anyone's preferences are right / wrong — I'm just telling you what I've heard. I say this because sometimes when I hear about negative experiences I find myself wondering if a sweaty, smelly dude with body odor, bad breath and shitty attitudes are reporting on these experiences, maybe the girls aren't the problem? But I digress.

So if I walk in and I get stand-offish, detached service I kind of imagine others who fall outside of some sort of ideal customer profile are going to have further degraded service. Thus, at this price point. I will continue to pass, and would recommend others do as well. I'm happy to overpay for great service (to the chagrin of many of you) . But this service needs to start achieving some sort of baseline of experience to be worth it.

My 2 c.

[JayKay8]

Yeah, I came to the same conclusion for myself. The inconsistency eventually turned me away. Had some really good experiences and some really bad experiences. Most were below average.

I'd honestly be more ok with it if they actually posted real pics and a schedule of which girls are available. I took a long hiatus because there was a couple of months where all they had was late 30's girls with mediocre bodies and too many rules. There are girls that I would see every time they are here, but I'm not going to text them every week to check and then try to decipher which "Mary" is the good one.

[Jost312]

I wish this place was more consistent with both their pricing and their girls. Some are hot and allow some extras, others not so much. If it was like CLM with guaranteed nude massage and HE that would be one thing, but the upcharges for nude or mutual touch are silly. And that's before you get to the few girls that allow anything BEYOND that. It reminds me of a strip club, in the sense that you feel guilty afterwards that you spent so much for so LITTLE. The only answer for me personally was to just stop going all together. Most SBs are about the same as what you paid for a HE and you get a lot more, both in terms of time and service.

Yeah, I came to the same conclusion for myself. The inconsistency eventually turned me away. Had some really good experiences and some really bad experiences. Most were below average.

[Chiguyxxx]

I wish this place was more consistent with both their pricing and their girls. Some are hot and allow some extras, others not so much. If it was like CLM with guaranteed nude massage and HE that would be one thing, but the upcharges for nude or mutual touch are silly. And that's before you get to the few girls that allow anything BEYOND that. It reminds me of a strip club, in the sense that you feel guilty afterwards that you spent so much for so LITTLE. The only answer for me personally was to just stop going all together. Most SBs are about the same as what you paid for a HE and you get a lot more, both in terms of time and service.

[JayKay8]

As always, booking was over text and very easy. They have been having issues with their Noble Square apartment the past couple of weeks, so I was sent to a hotel (Near West Side). Alla opened the door dressed very casually in a tshirt and jeans, but she looked very pretty even with very minimal makeup. Her upcharges are very high, but I still opted for the 450 fully nude mutual touch for the hour.

Alla is in her 20's, about 5'4", petite, and very perky b-cup tits. She's not skinny, but certainly not chubby or flabby at all. I'd say that she's perfect. The massage was very gentle, but still good. The body-to-body rub was very perfunctory and quick before she had me flip. She curled up next to me, feeding me her delicious perky tits and stroking me. I rubbed her clit and ran my fingers up and down her pussy, but she would not let me put my finger inside. Also didn't allow DATY / DATY. A little disappointing for how much I was paying, but she's pretty and her tits are so amazing that I wasn't too broken up about it. As I got closer to popping, she smothered me with her tits and whispers "the" over and over in my ear. She stroked me through my orgasm, and then stayed cuddled with me for some aftercare.

I thought we were done (even though I had plenty of time left), but she asked me to give her a massage. Her body is absolutely incredible, and I couldn't help but plant a kiss on her tight little asshole. She immediately clenched up and squirmed out of the way, but she didn't seem super mad about it. She sent me on my way with a kiss, and told me she'll be here all week.

The Good: Alla is probably the best looking girl with this booker I've seen in a long time. She's not shy at all, even giving me a quick smack on the ass and purring "Relax" when I tensed up while she teased me. She's also amazingly aggressive about having me maul her tits, and literally smothered me when I popped.

The Bad: As always, very expensive for what it is, especially when she doesn't kiss and doesn't allow DATY / DATO.

The Ugly: This booker has been making me nervous lately. First, they respond to me a few months ago as if they've never talked to me before. Then, they cancelled on me, and then sent me to a brand new location the next day (with an older, not so good looking girl with a bad attitude and too many rules). Now, they sent me to a hotel. I'm not sure what's going on with them, but it's not good.

Overall, I still had a great time. Alla is one of the prettiest girls I've ever met, and I don't feel like I got ripped off even though I definitely overpaid.

[AyoHell]

Saw a girl there from a tip here two years ago who was a natural 10/10 with a bunch of interesting tattoos including one behind her ear. Mutual touch FIV L1 if I recall. But one of the very hottest I've seen. Anyone remember her name or seen her more recently?

[Jost312]

Yeah, I ended up just booking, and it was fine. Same place, same procedure. Definitely a different booker, though.

Anna is a very cute brunette in her early to mid 20's. Very perky C tits, amazing ass, and just a little bit of chub in her middle. She started with a decent massage. I had her go light, but she still did a good job working out the knots in my shoulders. On the flip, she teased me with her amazing tits, rubbing her nipples on my cock while she stroked me. I had her straddle me in the 69 position so I could admire and play with her ass and pussy while she finished me all over her tits. She did some aftercare, softly stroking me and rubbing my cock on her tits until I was completely soft.

The Good: Anna is very cute, and her shy smile lights up her face. Her tits are perky and firm, and her ass is to die for.

The Bad: She only offers mutual touch with no other upgrades. She didn't like it when I spread her pussy or rubbed her clit, even though I could feel that she got wetter as I touched her. She would not allow DATY.

Overall, I had a good time. Very expensive ($230/ hr + $70 for fully nude mutual touch) for what it is, but I've had some truly incredible experiences with amazing girls using this service.

It sounds like we've seen the same Anna. She's been through here a couple of times. Agree with your review, decent quality. Unfortunately she is one of their better ones. The only other two I've seen that are even remotely worth it are Roxy (very worth it) and Mary (still a good time). Anna would be number 3 for me mostly because of the great tits.

Otherwise, I find the girls to be woefully disappointing. I haven't been back in a long time.

[JayKay8]

They are constantly changing their number. If the location they give you is in Noble Square, it will be basically across The street from their previous location.

Yeah, I ended up just booking, and it was fine. Same place, same procedure. Definitely a different booker, though.

Anna is a very cute brunette in her early to mid 20's. Very perky C tits, amazing ass, and just a little bit of chub in her middle. She started with a decent massage. I had her go light, but she still did a good job working out the knots in my shoulders. On the flip, she teased me with her amazing tits, rubbing her nipples on my cock while she stroked me. I had her straddle me in the 69 position so I could admire and play with her ass and pussy while she finished me all over her tits. She did some aftercare, softly stroking me and rubbing my cock on her tits until I was completely soft.

The Good: Anna is very cute, and her shy smile lights up her face. Her tits are perky and firm, and her ass is to die for.

The Bad: She only offers mutual touch with no other upgrades. She didn't like it when I spread her pussy or rubbed her clit, even though I could feel that she got wetter as I touched her. She would not allow DATY.

Overall, I had a good time. Very expensive ($230/ hr + $70 for fully nude mutual touch) for what it is, but I've had some truly incredible experiences with amazing girls using this service.

[CornCobMaker]

Has anyone booked with the Noble Square location recently? I took a hiatus, and now their old number isn't responding anymore. The new number responded, but in a completely different manner than I'm used to. I'm wondering if they just changed bookers, or if there is something shadier going on.

They are constantly changing their number. If the location they give you is in Noble Square, it will be basically across The street from their previous location.

[JayKay8]

Has anyone booked with the Noble Square location recently? I took a hiatus, and now their old number isn't responding anymore. The new number responded, but in a completely different manner than I'm used to. I'm wondering if they just changed bookers, or if there is something shadier going on.

[TheyTanky]

What was the total donation? $230 + $100 + $150? Asking for a friend.

That's what it looks like.

[KiwiEater48]

Any info on this? Phone # matches one I had saved from Lovely Hands European touch a few years ago on Shermer in northbrook:

https://chicago.craigslist.org/nwc/h...868803848.html

I tried her for an outcall earlier this year. Pic, if it's her, is old. The woman who came over I sort of remember from the basement on Shermer. 50+, very nice person, good at teasing, limited OTC roaming. L1 only as far as I can tell. $120 and she didn't ask about a tip, though I gave her one. Overall not bad at that price point, I've done worse with outcalls. Still looking for better outcall options in the NW suburbs in case anyone has ideas. Euro, Asian, I'm flexible.