Massage Parlor Reports

[GeezerX]

Many years ago, under a different user name, I wrote a list of observations about AMPs. Much of it still holds true. Priscilla also has a list that is pretty good (stuff like "never accept the water".

Here are a few that I remember:

- Always get naked.

- Don't even put the towel over yourself.

- Lie face down. (Face up looks like you're either trying to hard, or entrapment.).

- Always ask for 30 minutes the first time.

- If she asks, hard, medium or light: Always light.

- If she asks, "What do you want?" it's a full service place.

- Don't go to a full service place and ask for a handy. They want to make 100+ per customer, and you are wasting their time, so they will rush you.

- If you leave your hands over the edge of the table, and she doesn't avoid them, but brushes against them, you will get at least an HJ. If she picks up your arm and moves it, she doesn't trust you yet.

- Bring exact change.

- This has changed recently, but in the SFV, it used to be that places that charged 40 for 30 were HE places. Places that charged 50 for 30 were FS places. However, there are a lot of FS places in SGV that charge 30 for 30. Since Covid, this has all gone wacky.

- Don't haggle too much. If a girl says the expected tip is 160, and you work her down to 100, do you really think you are going to get good service? You don't have to give the first number requested, but if you do, you are more likely to get the service you expect. UNLESS, the request is outrageous. Then she is just trying to squeeze you, and will take you for a rube.

- Always take the shower, when offered one. If you go to a place where showers are not offered, shower before going if you can. You will get better service.

- Be friendly. Smile to mamasan and your provider. Don't be grumpy, stressed and weirded out. They get that all day. Put out good vibes, and you will get good service. If you act like a nervous teenager about to lose his virginity on meth, do you think they will warm up to you?

- Don't walk into an AMP broke, or with the exact amount of change. Take a little extra, for those special situations when something magic happens and you wish you had a few extra bucks. I used to walk into an AMP with exactly $80. That's stupid. Always have an extra 100, even if you hide it in your shoe.

There were a lot more, but this is the gist of it.

By the way, many years ago, I went to an AMP three times. I got Bebe, Cici, and Deedee, in order. Next time I went back, I wondered if I would get Fifi, or maybe just E. Nope, I got Luna. Never a Coco though.

I was reading Yelp reviews for a known FS shop recently. Most were horrible. I figure they intentionally give bad service to scare away civilians. People were complaining about being asked for a $15 tip, shorted for time, etc. Of course. When the providers can earn $100 tip in the same amount of time, why would they want to do a legit rub? You would think they would just say they were fully booked, but maybe that doesn't work if the next person who walks in is admitted (They could always say they had an appointment?) That was in the SGV. I don't think AMPs in the SFV have that problem.

Haha! This is also true and makes me realize how much social context you pick up in this hobby. Unspoken rules and procedures. And there are so many more.

Those signs on the wall say no illicit offers are laughable.

You will meet many girls named Coco. That is not their real name.

You will occasionally misjudge a place as a rub shop when it's legit and you'll feel bad. They will be fine. The last time somebody made this mistake was like five minutes ago. They probably even wonder if they should just take the money.

[Murrican]

Yeah. But shops with no MMS are also the ones where your provider is always interrupting your massage to answer the phone or deal with a customer in the lobby. Every time you hear the motion activated bells up front you know you're going to be sitting in the room awkwardly for like 2-3 minutes.

The best spas do not have a MMS directing traffic. Shops with a "next provider up" honor system are generally the most "open". M&A in Downey, Smile on Santa Monica Blvd, and I'm assuming Chen's, are exceptions. There was a place in San Pedro called JJ Accu Care that slid all the way down the greased pole to hell, going from a HJ shop to a Full Service shop where bare services became available (to me, at least)!

[HexenDuction]

The best spas do not have a MMS directing traffic. Shops with a "next provider up" honor system are generally the most "open". M&A in Downey, Smile on Santa Monica Blvd, and I'm assuming Chen's, are exceptions. There was a place in San Pedro called JJ Accu Care that slid all the way down the greased pole to hell, going from a HJ shop to a Full Service shop where bare services became available (to me, at least)!

Haha! This is also true and makes me realize how much social context you pick up in this hobby. Unspoken rules and procedures. And there are so many more.

Those signs on the wall say no illicit offers are laughable.

You will meet many girls named Coco. That is not their real name.

You will occasionally misjudge a place as a rub shop when it's legit and you'll feel bad. They will be fine. The last time somebody made this mistake was like five minutes ago. They probably even wonder if they should just take the money.

You will be disappointed in the quality of provider. Repeatedly. Both looks and attitude. Surprise: in this business Yelp is not a thing.

Speaking of which, bad Yelp reviews means it's a tug shop.

[PriscillaM]

Looks like their yelp reviews are truthful.

[Murrican]

Haha! This is also true and makes me realize how much social context you pick up in this hobby. Unspoken rules and procedures. And there are so many more.

Those signs on the wall say no illicit offers are laughable.

You will meet many girls named Coco. That is not their real name.

You will occasionally misjudge a place as a rub shop when it's legit and you'll feel bad. They will be fine. The last time somebody made this mistake was like five minutes ago. They probably even wonder if they should just take the money.

You will be disappointed in the quality of provider. Repeatedly. Both looks and attitude. Surprise: in this business Yelp is not a thing.

Speaking of which, bad Yelp reviews means it's a tug shop.

To add one more thing to all this excellent advice: The cheaper the sign out front, the more accommodating the place. If they have a fancy, illuminated sign, with a custom logo and the name of the spa, it is more likely to be legit. The best places are the ones with the simple "Massage" sign on the building, or even better, a canvas / vinyl sign, held on by grommets. It's pretty much an open admission that they expect to be shut down. Best of all are the places with no sign at all. Maybe just decals on the glass windows. An amazing place I once went to in Chatsworth had no sign at all. You had to know it was there. The windows were blacked out with film. I don't think they lasted six months, but it was fun while it lasted.

[GeezerX]

To add one more thing to all this excellent advice: The cheaper the sign out front, the more accommodating the place. If they have a fancy, illuminated sign, with a custom logo and the name of the spa, it is more likely to be legit. The best places are the ones with the simple "Massage" sign on the building, or even better, a canvas / vinyl sign, held on by grommets. It's pretty much an open admission that they expect to be shut down. Best of all are the places with no sign at all. Maybe just decals on the glass windows. An amazing place I once went to in Chatsworth had no sign at all. You had to know it was there. The windows were blacked out with film. I don't think they lasted six months, but it was fun while it lasted.

To add to this excellent advice:

Don't lie. If they ask, yes, it's your first time there. You don't have to say first time ever, just first time there.

A gentle caress on her leg will help put her at ease, and let her set the pace for the session.

Book the thirty min. If they only offer an hour, or try to upsell, walk.

Bring. 6 for HJ. That should be good if that's all you are after. You may get some negotiations about upper or lower access, and, like the rest of us, you play that by ear..

[PlayerN818]

You'll understand when you go your first time, but with your expectations literally anyplace will do. These places are largely interchangeable or this forum wouldn't exist? Pick a place with an awkward sounding name, a neon Open light out front, and a holding area up front that someone has to unlock to get to the massage rooms. Strip naked and put the towel on yourself. And just wait for the words "turn over. ".

To add to this excellent advice:

Don't lie. If they ask, yes, it's your first time there. You don't have to say first time ever, just first time there.

A gentle caress on her leg will help put her at ease, and let her set the pace for the session.

Book the thirty min. If they only offer an hour, or try to upsell, walk.

Bring. 6 for HJ. That should be good if that's all you are after. You may get some negotiations about upper or lower access, and, like the rest of us, you play that by ear.

Deep breaths, because you're going to be nervous as fuck.

Good luck.

[Murrican]

Looking for the best spot to get a decent massage and a HJ. My expectations are pretty low as it will be first time so looks don't matter too much since I'll be excited as fuck. Noob friendly places?

Thanks!

You'll understand when you go your first time, but with your expectations literally anyplace will do. These places are largely interchangeable or this forum wouldn't exist? Pick a place with an awkward sounding name, a neon Open light out front, and a holding area up front that someone has to unlock to get to the massage rooms. Strip naked and put the towel on yourself. And just wait for the words "turn over. ".

[GmJuan]

Looking for the best spot to get a decent massage and a HJ. My expectations are pretty low as it will be first time so looks don't matter too much since I'll be excited as fuck. Noob friendly places?

Thanks!

[LAKoreanMonger]

Anyone got a good MP spot that has pretty latinas?

I have had disinterested sessions with Latinas in the area, they don't usually seem to care.

[PlayerN818]

I have to agree with you on this one. I'm even hesitant to pay MP girls via electronics payments. Hence they have my cell phone number and real name and usually what follows with that is a picture of you on their phone. If LE ever gets a hold of that phone they will be making a phone call to you or me or anyone else on her phone for a statement and bank records.

Call me paranoid (Okay, You're paranoid!) but:

Data base hack? Something happened to one of the girls and there is an investigation?

Cash, masks, and a worry free drive home.

[Christophe1]

Fellow Massage Lovers.

Who was that guy that visited a West side location on Sunday and interrupted my lunch? Gilfy said that you requested for me to be the first of the day to run the front and back course. Just want to say, thank you! She said, you like to hear what's going on, so we did the PSE and I got all a-hole in 1. Left it creamy for you. I didn't know the old gal had it in her. We literally banged the massage table across the floor as I tested the front and back course repeatedly.

Hope it helped.

[FishyHunter]

Yeah. I'm there too. It's in their interest to maintain discretion and confidentiality. But it's also in their interest to cooperate for a lower sentence and turn over all their records. I don't think I'll be giving anyone my personal info and a record of my indiscretions.

So. Back to the aamp hag shack lottery I go.

I have to agree with you on this one. I'm even hesitant to pay MP girls via electronics payments. Hence they have my cell phone number and real name and usually what follows with that is a picture of you on their phone. If LE ever gets a hold of that phone they will be making a phone call to you or me or anyone else on her phone for a statement and bank records.

[Murrican]

Wow. That's a lot of info for a hobby best kept anonymous.

Yeah. I'm there too. It's in their interest to maintain discretion and confidentiality. But it's also in their interest to cooperate for a lower sentence and turn over all their records. I don't think I'll be giving anyone my personal info and a record of my indiscretions.

So. Back to the aamp hag shack lottery I go.

[PlayerN818]

The verifying process is not that hard and I appreciate that they have alternatives other than references. Just moved to LA from a dry land and is relatively new in this area. Contact lakangels and was asked to provide name, age, race, phone number, and 2 references.

As I do not have recent reference, I was asked to provided Humaniplex handle, and a login screen shot, and a photo taken in the day with date on the photo, then they let me in and made the first appointment.

Enjoy.

Wow. That's a lot of info for a hobby best kept anonymous.