"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[CantWinLosin]

I think I've been amazingly lucky on this (knocking on wood.) I've only been stood up a couple times, and both times the girl texted me within a few minutes of the appointed time to apologize. One was a car breakdown, the other admitted to falling asleep. Shit happens; I'm not going to hold life's honest accidents against someone, but if I smell the stench of burning BS they won't get another chance.

I've had more that I wish hadn't showed up! . One that demonstrated the power of careful picture cropping (she didn't look large in the pic but when she showed up in was obvious she shopped for clothes in the Camping Equipment section at Dick's.) One that had THE nasal, whiny, fingernails-on-chalkboard voice from hell. And several that the IQ of an old BodArk fencepost.

[F Scott]

"And the most interesting sentiment noted from our entries in general is that men are looking for more intimacy than they are getting at home. Contrary to popular opinion about players just wanting to score more sex, we are seeking love and affection, that meaningfulness to our relationships. The girls in the bowl, particularly the under 30 crowd, do not want intimacy. They are seeking excitement, new experiences, money, consumer goods, and are avoiding being tied down. What a reversal is it not?"

Thanks for the efforts here, Nando. I can't say I'm surprised by the results. It's an issue I've been battling with almost my entire time in the club, once I got past the astonishment that I could get a 20 yo into bed with me in the first place!

I am sitting at home with a bit of free time on my hands, unfortunately, since a baby I was going to meet this morning for coffee is apparently standing me up, again! This will be the last time I try and set something up with her, although she is so totally my type that I am crying just a little as I type this, but my new mantra for 2013 is "Onward." I am curious to hear, if I ever do, what her excuse is for not confirming with me this morning. I finally got smart and tell all new POTs that I will not head to our meeting place, in this case 30 mins away, unless I hear from them in the morning that we are still a "go."

The whole thing has made me think back on the many, and creative, excuses I have gotten from babies for missing their appointments. One of the more outlandish ones was "Sorry, but my dad got arrested for something really bad, and I had to go and bail him out"! Needless to say, there was no second meeting. I have also been told "I got into a serious car crash. I'll get in touch when I get out of the hospital." And this from a baby who was at the same moment logged into SA, which I could see since I also was. I guess she was typing using a pencil in her teeth!

So, I put the question to the brotherhood: what are some of the most outlandish, unbelievable excuses you have gotten for missing a rendezvous?

Onward,

Scott

[Hernando]

Thanks for all the input guys.

It is interesting how many of us are in the same boat. The take home message for guys who aren't in the Sugar Bowl is.to read this blog before getting tied down, right?

The facts of life are twofold :

1) Genetics / hormones work against partnering for life

2) even the most exciting relationship / partner gets stale as the years wear on.

And the most interesting sentiment noted from our entries in general is that men are looking for more intimacy than they are getting at home. Contrary to popular opinion about players just wanting to score more sex, we are seeking love and affection, that meaningfulness to our relationships. The girls in the bowl, particularly the under 30 crowd, do not want intimacy. They are seeking excitement, new experiences, money, consumer goods, and are avoiding being tied down. What a reversal is it not?

[Novaguy2]

I have been on SA for a month now and have not had too much success to share or write about. I hope that my luck will change soon. Any other suggestions beside SA in which others have had better success? I also noticed that SA has a SM section. Anyone every try or consider the SM route to supplement the SB stable you have?

[Magic Rat]

This is a very timely and interesting topic. Yet another example of why this is the best thread on this site.

I too have a SO that seems to have lost the ability or desire for passion and intimacy. While I've always used the excuse of lack of same for jumping into the bowl, there is a lot of frustration there. I haven't seen my ATF in over two months and only 3-4 times in the last six months, so so much for the intimacy there. I subscribe to the theory that there is a finite amount of the 'Rat to go around so whatever is given to a baby, by definition takes away from the home front. It may be a fucked up theory, but if we really think about it, we are cutting our own throats at home with playing around with the babies. Again, my opinion.

Personally I would prefer the passion and intimacy coming from the SO, but due to whatever reasons, I've pretty much given up on that. Even when things were normal with the ATF, we would get together once or twice a month and that was fine with me. While not eliminating the desire at home, it did relieve the frustration knowing that someone cared about you and wanted to be intimate. I think we all need a little reinforcement at times, especially those of us who are getting a little up in years. As I've said before, I really haven't had much luck with the really young babies. My ATF is only about a decade younger than me, and her sugar requirement ceased a long time ago so I'm probably not the norm here. It definitely made this old guy feel pretty damn good when we did get together as it was only because we enjoyed each others company rather than her needing Christmas money or whatever.

I have been seeing a civie gal lately, mostly for drinks with a couple of visits to the FC. Like most babies I've ever met, there is a lot of baggage that comes with this one as well, which of course enters into the relationship. Between her and the ATF, the 'Rat is pretty much worn out emotionally with the effort involved, so I'm not really interested in adding to the baby total at this point. We've talked a lot on here about effort and reward, and I'm presently not prepared to put in the effort.

As a final note regarding the wiping ass question, I asked my new civie gal if she would change my diapers when I got to that point. Her reply was that was a wife's job, and if we were married she most definitely would. Not exactly sure how to take that, so I'll probably just let that one die a natural death.

[F Scott]

Gentlemen,

Like many of us, I assume, I got into The Bowl for a variety of reasons, not the least being that I was not getting something I needed at home, and I am not referring to merely sex. I have been married more than 30 years, and at present have a "working relationship" with my SO, and by that I mean that there is genuine affection and love, but no passion to speak of. As I say to any baby who asks why I am doing this, I reply "I'm not ready to be old just yet."

For me, these relationships offer a chance to be Peter Pan for just a bit longer, and to be with someone who thinks, or pretends to think, I'm fun and interesting, and who wants to fuck me, (or pretends to want to LOL!)

I don't think my adventures have created a different dynamic for me at home, but I do confess to having sporadic panic attacks when I imagine that I have left tracks that my SO could discover. So far, so good, though there have been a few close calls, mostly involving misplacing the batphone, or an imprudent written list of names and appointments on my dresser. Fortunately there are so many other scraps of paper that it was a case of hiding in plain sight, but still. Yikes!

For me, the biggest issue is the amount of effort it sometimes takes to set up an FC visit, especially if it involves a motel. This may be why I have more luck, and more fun, on the road, when the whole room question is taken care of.

As for the emotional component, in thinking back, when I was in the Happy Place with my last ATF, and getting the emotional connection I was missing in real life, I remember that I felt far less deprived at home, since I was getting that need met from my baby. As things stand now, I am more discontent at home than I had been, and I think now this is why I am seeking more than a hook-up out of The Bowl. Simply a spirited fucking does not seem to be hard for me to achieve. It is the "something more" that is the more challenging aspect.

Hope this all makes some sense. I am making arrangements for the coming week, and have Bond Baby, the one with the boyfriend / husband, inked in for the entire afternoon on Wednesday, this time at a hotel! She has requested champagne for a refreshment, and I am excited to see her again. We have unfinished business!

Peace,

Scott

[Zomby]

Significant Other?

In the form of a wife, yes.

A) improve your relationship with the SO?

It takes certain stresses out of it, yes. From her standpoint, as well.

B) deepen the divide that is already there?

Absolutely not.

Is the HCB going to wipe your ass when you are in the nursing home?

Nope. That's what my retirement fund is for. (:

/z

[Zomby]

In my experience I have found that paying at the time of service keeps everyone honest. We can all talk all day long about the definition of escort vs prostitute vs SB vs Friend with benefit, and it is like politics, everyone has their own spin on it. But the bottom line is that if a girl is providing services to a guy for money that has been negotiated in advance and a requirement for the relationship to prosper, then it is prostitution.

Agree completely. Mind you, I don't consider prostitution, in and of itself, any more immoral than any other human activity, so that's in no way, shape or form, a derogatory attitude, in my opinion.

/z

[Zomby]

I have to say at this point that while I was pleased to have given her the kind of thing she wanted, (snip) I'm just not into the whole spanking thing. I guess I'm happy to oblige, if that's where a baby wants to be taken, but it does little to nothing for Scottie and me by itself.

Well, frankly, it is my thing. Unfortunately, my current SB doesn't care for that sort of thing. Considering her background, I can't say that I really blame her. Fortunately, there's no lack of other things that she does care for that I don't feel the lack.

The pleasure for me, I now think, is in the reaction of the baby, not the action of spanking, if that makes any sense.

It makes a lot of sense, at least to me. I consider myself fortunate in that applying such techniques to someone who doesn't like them herself does absolutely nothing for me. A real, healthy, BDSM relationship requires a great deal of trust, in both directions, to work properly. That level of trust is hard to attain in the more casual type of encounters I've enjoyed with strippers over the years, though there have been occasions. My SB and I do have that level of trust right now, and she trusts me not to do it. (:

/z

[AliasSM]

Hernando- You have obviously put some thought into this yourself for some reason. The same type questions occurred to me this weekend as I was celebrating several decades of marriage with my own SO. Married since college, practically grew up together, normal ups and downs while raising 2 kids and paying the mortgage, etc. Etc.

For me, sex was always a huge part of our relationship when we were younger. She was an average to above average looker and age has taken its toll on both of us over the years. We still have an active sex life, but the sessions are not nearly as intense as they were before I entered the SD world. When we are in bed together, the obvious comparisons always come up in my mind that dampen the excitement for me. Luckily, I've never had a problem with getting it up almost on command, but I always worry that this might not always be the case in the years to come because she just can't compare to the the thoughts of that last HYCB that I have been with.

On the brighter side, she has never desired sex nearly as often as I have, and this has left me frustrated and angry often throughout the years. That frustration has resided since the SD good times and we probably fight a lot less over this topic than in the past.

I have to admit though, I was right in the middle of a romantic evening with her just last night, and couldn't get the thoughts of my current ATF out of my head. That can't be good for a relationship.

Just my opinion.

Alias.

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here but Scotty brought it up.

Significant Other? A general question (s) for the group.

Does having an outlet in the Sugar Bowl

A) improve your relationship with the SO?

B) deepen the divide that is already there?

C) Have no effect.

For the single guys :

Do you prefer Sugar Dating over traditional relationship building?

Do you think having access to all these hot babes prevents you from establishing a real relationship?

And the question that has been on my mind lately:

Is the HCB going to wipe your ass when you are in the nursing home?

Out

[Spitfire]

For the single guys :

1. Do you prefer Sugar Dating over traditional relationship building?

2. Do you think having access to all these hot babes prevents you from establishing a real relationship?

And the question that has been on my mind lately:

3. Is the HCB going to wipe your ass when you are in the nursing home?

Answers:

1. They both have their advantages, but sugar dating gives me access to younger, more attractive women.

2. Not at all.

3. No, but no one is going to do that for me anyway.

[CantWinLosin]

Nando, I'll give you my thoughts. And they're mine alone, I don't pretend to speak for others.

When I was married, being in the Bowl definitely created more tension for me. Not because of the sex or emotions, but because of the money - or rather, the efforts to sequester money for play from the prying eyes of the SO. I know that some of us are better at that than others; the couples that have kept their finances highly separated find it much easier to do this than those of us who more completely merged their finances. Some might say that this is a very good reason to keep the finances separate. I know that when I entered into my marriage, hiding money from my spouse for any reason wasn't on my radar, and I would tend to question a relationship that saw the need for that from the start, but that's just me.

As for my now-single play, there's no doubt that sugar gives this out-of-shape 50's-vintage warrior access to younger and more attractive women than I would otherwise ever dream of connecting with (I'm leaving in a few to have a first meeting with one of those hot young things.) Unfortunately, my experience has been that sugar tends to increase the drama associated with the course of a relationship. I can't say that I prefer sugar relationships to traditional ones. But I sure do prefer them to the long dry spells that come between traditional relationships.

But the sugar babes have not prevented me from establishing a solid relationship with a wonderful woman who unfortunately lives half a continent away... indeed, they've made the dry spells between her visits bearable. I don't see it as sugar-vs-non-sugar, because ALL relationships are based in barter. We each have needs we seek to fill in our lives with others; a relationship works when both parties are getting their needs met, whether those needs are financial or otherwise.

[Hernando]

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here but Scotty brought it up.

Significant Other? A general question (s) for the group.

Does having an outlet in the Sugar Bowl

A) improve your relationship with the SO?

B) deepen the divide that is already there?

C) Have no effect.

For the single guys :

Do you prefer Sugar Dating over traditional relationship building?

Do you think having access to all these hot babes prevents you from establishing a real relationship?

And the question that has been on my mind lately:

Is the HCB going to wipe your ass when you are in the nursing home?

Big Tigg You absolutely ROCK! You must be one hot Dude for these young girls to give it up for next to nothing. I agree with Scotty, I need counseling with you to lessen the tab and still have them coming back.

F Scott My Man! You are scoring some serious Quan. You must be a Don Juan as well. I am proud of you!

If any of you guys swing through VA and don't have a date. Let's have a drink. Drop me a PM.

Peace Out

[F Scott]

While you may not find this your cup of tea, I suggest you all try it out. You will most likely get a positive response. Start out light and increase the sting gradually. They'll let you know when you have reached the proper intensity. And of course a positive response can lead to more confidence, intimacy and satisfaction for all.

Hollywood,

I think you have smacked the nail on the head, so to speak, especially with your last sentence. As I said, it was erotic in that I was giving her what she wanted, but not necessarily what I might have enjoyed. In the end, we both felt happy, so who's to say? My only fear is that I may want to spank my SO a little too hard to make up for all the shit that has transpired between us over the years, good and bad! Ah well, we shall see.

Scott

[HollywoodGuy]

My friends,

As promised, I am posting the third and final installment on my Most Excellent Adventure through the magical South. I apologize for the tardiness of this report, but the moment I got back I had to jump headfirst into the Christmas holiday, and what with family constantly underfoot, I found it impossible to carve out any Me Time until now. I am happy to relay that everyone is back where they belong, and I can finally find the privacy needed to finish my tale. Not that any of you were holding your breath, LOL!

As you may recall, I spent two glorious nights, and mornings, with a fantastic musician baby in New Orleans, in her romantic ruin of an apartment on the wrong side of St Charles street. It could not have been better, in all honesty, and I am still conflicted about how to proceed, and how to think about it, if at all, but that is another matter. On to Asheville, and a baby I had seen the last time I was there, and for whom Scottie has an almost incurable infatuation. She is not the prettiest baby I have ever fucked, nor the slimmest, but there is something almost feral about her that I find intoxicating, at least in bed.

I arrived late Monday evening, but had been texting her all afternoon, and so she was ready for our arrival. Instead of drinks and dinner, she suggested we meet at the hotel, and she would bring some wine and toys! Sounds good to me! I check in, shower, and text her the landing coordinates. A few minutes later, she arrives, and after some small talk, and a paper cup or two of wine each, we get down to business.

Now this baby has an incredible head of hair, very thick and luxurious, and one of her profile photos is of just her hair, from behind, so I already know there is something to it that she likes. As we are kissing, she starts to talk dirty, asking me to do various things to her that I would do anyway, but having it spelled out like that was helpful and quite erotic, I must say. Eventually she gets around to "I love it when you pull my hair", which stirs a vague memory in me of another baby, who also had long, thick beautiful red hair, and a penchant for cashmere and penny loafers, and who also liked things a little on the rough side. Obligingly, I grab a handful of her locks just at the base of her neck and simply close my hand, thereby creating a tension on her hair that produces one of the louder moans she has yet to emit that evening, so far at least. This is apparently just what the doctor ordered, and she urges me on by kissing me hard, with just the hint of a bite, and moving my hand firmly between her legs. I continue along these lines for a bit more, kissing, pulling, and petting, until she indicates that it is finally time to get serious.

I move around to doggie, grab some more hair, and on a whim, give her a solid smack on her exquisite ass. Well, my brothers, this is apparently what she has been waiting for, and she lets out a sound that I'm not sure I've ever heard before from anyone, clamps down hard on Scottie, and pushes up and back with a force that almost knocks me over! Ride 'them cowboy indeed! Fortunately I am a graduate of the Polo School of Recreational Spanking, and so am able to "hit it", so to speak from both sides, all the while gently but firmly pulling on great handfuls of her glorious hair! With each swat she squeezed Scottie harder and harder, and it was the work of but a moment or two longer before things reached their climax, so to speak, and she slipped down onto the bed, apparently in a stupor of happiness and contentment.

I have to say at this point that while I was pleased to have given her the kind of thing she wanted, and was truly impressed with the power and size of her orgasm, I'm just not into the whole spanking thing. I guess I'm happy to oblige, if that's where a baby wants to be taken, but it does little to nothing for Scottie and me by itself. The pleasure for me, I now think, is in the reaction of the baby, not the action of spanking, if that makes any sense. Apparently she is not alone among babies in sometimes just needing some discipline, however, since a few days after I got back there was an article in the paper about the rise of BD / SM scenarios among the soccer mom set, brought on, it said, by the "Shades of Grey" books. Whatever.

We spend the next hour or so engaged in what used to be called "heavy petting", then went for round two, after which she curled up in my arms and fell asleep. I will refrain from any more blow-by-blow, except to say that she was on a four hour sleep cycle, and apparently having some fairly salacious dreams, as I barely got any more sleep that night, long into the morning. Overnights are nice, but I need to work out more before I head down there again. The following evening was spent with Brother Rat doing our best to deplete the town of its craft beer supply, and the night after that was back with Naughty Baby; a wonderful time indeed. I love Asheville!

I share this not to boast, (well, maybe just a little) but to offer the suggestion that you all might, the next time you are with your babies, give them a light smack, just to see how they react. It could open up a whole new world for you both, unless you have already discovered it.

As for me, I am back at work, my head all ajumble with thoughts of my sweet NOLA baby, and how in the hell I am going to get to see her again anytime soon. Do you think airline tickets and hotel room for a week is a legitimate thing to ask for on Kickstarter?

Peace,

Scott.

PS. We never did get around to the toys. Next time, I guess!

My ATF and a pro thats my current roommate are both reading 50 shades. I have a small collection of whips, paddles and crops. Although a firm hand is most always welcome. Over the years I have noticed a few pro's with their guard down admit to really being submissive, even though they may have to be more in control on the job. The SD SB dynamic by nature is one that conjures up a the / S or SM relationship. Add in a 30 year or more age difference and you have almost a stereotypical master slave relationship. SB's call their men daddy for a reason. They want a firm yet loving hand to guide, reward and punish them when it's appropriate. While you may not find this your cup of tea, I suggest you all try it out. You will most likely get a positive response. Start out light and increase the sting gradually. They'll let you know when you have reached the proper intensity. And of course a positive response can lead to more confidence, intimacy and satisfaction for all.