Thread: "Sugar Babies" and "Arrangements"
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10-01-24 22:58 #14896There's great advice in the previous comments below. The sugarbaby dynamic has been exceptionally rewarding for me personally. Like you I am married and I fully intend to stay that way, so my first and most critically important rule has always been to keep everything as discreet as possible. I have always sought out longer term girlfriend type relationships and have been very successful on that front. There are SO MANY young women out there in their 20's living their best life who are very happy to have an older successful man in their life, even if he's married. Many of them prefer dating married guys - even BEING COMMITTED to married guys - given they don't have any desire to settle down. That is a tremendous opportunity for guys like us, and those are the girls I look for. I've posted about this before, but a quick recap: My first girlfriend and I saw each other for a year before she decided she wanted me to leave my wife. That was never going to happen so it would be fair to say I learned a lot about what NOT to do going forward. I used that experience to approach things differently with the next girlfriend; that worked out much better and she & I saw each other for four years. That was an exceptionally good relationship and very rewarding for us both. I'm now in my 3rd long term girlfriend situation which is my best yet BY FAR. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say I have hit the SB jackpot and found the unicorn of all unicorns. I've got it so good you guys wouldn't believe me if I told you. We have been together for almost 4 years at this point and we're both very happy with how things have turned out. She's in her late twenties, she's focused on her career goals and is in no hurry to settle down. We're in a really good spot with each other. She loves her role as my trophy girlfriend and treats me better than any woman I've ever been with. There is absolutely zero drama. She honestly brings a tremendous amount of value to my life, and I'm lucky to have her. Life is good.
Originally Posted by Xcvxxx
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I've been very fortunate to have these experiences over the past 12 years with no issues at all at home (knock on wood). To emphasize and add to some of the points below:
- Be very upfront about the type of arrangement or relationship you want in the short term and long term. It's very beneficial when you both know you're on the same page.
- It's important to talk about what you both want out of the relationship. It's even more important to talk about boundaries and set clear limits so you both know that you have no chance of a future together. That will help her keep things in perspective as the relationship progresses.
- The best candidates for the type of relationship I'm looking for either aren't looking for an allowance, or it's not at the top of their list of priorities. They want the experience - they want to be squired around town, they want the nice dinners that guys their age can't afford, they want the sex and orgasms that guys their age can't give them. Vet your potential SB's carefully. If they lead with questions in the early conversations about how much of an allowance you can offer, they're obviously focused on the money. That's not necessarily a deal breaker, but I always sought out women that were fairly self sufficient. That eliminates a LOT of potential problems down the road. The counter argument is that the allowance keeps things more business-like, and that's a fair point. I have always preferred to spend my time with women who didn't have a financial incentive to be there ... your mileage may vary.
- Get full panel STD tests for you both up front. This can be done discreetly and anonymously.
- Use birth control. Be paranoid about it. Have a serious talk with your girl about what happens if she gets pregnant so you're both on the same page. This is actually such a huge issue that I would never have been able to do this had I not gotten a vasectomy beforehand. If you're not already snipped you should very seriously consider it.
- Keep your personal details hidden. Don't use your real name for AT LEAST the first year. If you're into short term arrangements, use whatever fake name you want. But if your intent is to go long term, I would recommend using your real first name with a different last name just so you don't have to make an awkward switch somewhere down the road. Your SB will eventually know your real name. It will be on the TV in a hotel, she'll see it on the credit card when you pay for dinner, she'll see it on something in your car. It's going to happen. Plan accordingly.
- Given she will eventually know your name, take the initiative to clean up and lock down your online profiles NOW. Set your Facebook account to private and make sure there are no public posts on your page. Do the same for all of your wife's social accounts.
- I found it very helpful to be up front and honest with my girls as much as possible. I told them there would be things they would ask that I couldn't tell them, or maybe parts of my life I couldn't share with them, but rather than lie about it I would always do my best to tell them exactly that. When you explain that keeping your home together for your kids depends on it, the good ones will understand and respect your position.
- Use an app on your phone to keep all of your communications hidden. I recommend Google Voice for initial comms as you can be completely anonymous. If you get to the point where you are comfortable assuming a little more risk with your SB I recommend switching to WhatsApp as it offers a great option to keep private conversations hidden and secure. WhatsApp will reveal your real phone number to anyone you communicate with, so that's why you need to wait until you fully trust the girl to use it.
- Don't leave a paper trail. Use cash. When you can't use cash, use a Vanilla Visa card or similar. Create a firewall between your real life and your SB life and don't ever breach it. It takes a lot of discipline, but the consequences will be severe if you don't.
- Never let your guard down. Keep your head on a swivel and pay close attention to the small comments your girl makes, the little things she does that tip you off to being dishonest or any sort of instability or personality traits / character issues that could threaten your situation at home. My best advice is to end the relationship at the first sign of trouble. You're married, there is no margin for error. I've found the tipping point on all my relationships to be somewhere around the one year mark. By that time you'll have a pretty good idea if your girl is emotionally and mentally stable.
- Don't change any of your patterns at home. Never take risks or do anything unusual in the service of your SB relationship. That's the first thing that tips off the wife that something is amiss.
- Finally, as in all things in life, always hope for the best but plan for the worst. Give yourself outs. Don't take unnecessary risks. If the wife thinks you're in Toledo for business when you're out of town with your SB, actually be in Toledo. Always be very deliberate about the chances you take and be vigilant - never let your guard down. Take the time to think through your worst case scenarios and have plausible excuses well rehearsed and ready to go.
Obviously this is just a quick list of general pointers. Feel free to send me a PM to discuss this further, I'm happy to share more insight on what's worked for me. Good luck!
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10-01-24 20:14 #14895
Talked to her
I talked to her a month ago, her requirements is that you have to talk on the phone about what you looking for and a meet and greet is a must, didn't pursue since for me meet and greet never work she blocked me right after we hung up. Originally Posted by PeterJohnson
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10-01-24 16:28 #14894Listen to the man with 1000 posts. And PM if you'd like. Originally Posted by PeterJohnson
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10-01-24 15:15 #14893
Venus
Wants $$$ + a hotel b / c they can't host.
https://members.seeking.com/member/e...a-581c6137725b
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10-01-24 13:02 #14892
Depends on What You Want
All the advance given is right on so nothing to add there. But I think it all depends on what you want. Do you want something more touchy feely or just an attractive side piece that doesn't ask a lot of questions? You need to know. If it's just a side piece the SB doesn't need to know your real name, your real number, details about your life, or any other details that can hurt you as already stated. You set the time, place, conditions, because you're the one paying. If you can't maintain this frame consult a divorce lawyer and protect your assets. Originally Posted by Xcvxxx
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10-01-24 12:49 #14891
Hairy
If you like 70's & 80's porn she's your girl if I remember right she said she's doesn't used deodorant or uses natural deodorant. Originally Posted by PeterJohnson
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10-01-24 12:43 #14890
I had messaged her back and forth several times via text and almost met up. I don't recall what she was asking for because I deleted our convos. We never met up though, my fault. Seems nice and real though.
Originally Posted by PeterJohnson
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10-01-24 12:28 #14889I'm not married, but just remember the saying "There are 100 ways to get busted, cheating, and if you can think of 50 of them, you are a genius." And I've certainly had girlfriends and had to do the same thing so I know how challenging it can be. But the obvious steps to take are use burner phone, don't use your real name. Use burner email for the Seeking acct, of course don't have your real pics on there, etc. You can also go further and takes steps not to let a SB see your car or license plate, etc but can only go so far and there will always be some risk. And always, the usual std, pregnancy and psychb*tch stalker risks, as with any dating. Originally Posted by Xcvxxx
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But yes, it can all be worth it if you find the right girl and have some amazing experiences (and no fallout). Just don't get lazy and complacent, if you have a lot to lose and could be a lot of innocent and harmless fun, to be had by all.
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10-01-24 12:28 #14888
The sugar daddy lifestyle is very much a situation of you get exactly what you're looking based on how much effort you and SB put into the relationship.
If you still just want pump and go, you'll find that. If you want something more long term FWB, you'll find that. If you want to divorce your wife and find a new one, you'll find it. If you're poly and want a real gf with sugar benefits, you'll find it. Whatever you want, establish it early at the latest in the meet and greet.
For boundaries, a burner phone or google voice number is great. Avoid connecting on social media. If you're meeting out in public, have a game plan if you run into someone you know.
Originally Posted by Xcvxxx
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10-01-24 12:22 #14887
CompanyForYou in Tucker?
Has anyone met this girl:
https://members.seeking.com/member/3...3-66ed59a717eb
She seems nice enough in chat. I got her on the Signal app, for more private conversation, but she oddly didn't want to discuss ppm details that way, and only wanted to do so over the phone.
That could be an awkward conversation, and of course a chance it could be recorded, etc. One reason I use Signal is not have paper trail of such conversation, at least linked to my name and identity. (Although Signal still uses your phone #, but the girls don't have it. And you can actually register with any # you want).
In her Seeking pics, she has hairy pits, so perhaps that means hairy bush as well? Anyway I doubt I will pursue her further, but just curious if anyone else has.
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10-01-24 12:06 #14886
Xoxo195
She's Filipina, it was like pulling teeth to get her to show a pic of her. The profile pic is supposedly her four kids go. She first sent me a pic of her when she was slim her current pics she try to hide her shape. Originally Posted by ReffingMan94
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10-01-24 10:48 #14885
OG advice
PM if you like, but this is the concise version.
It's still a quid pro quo situation, just as you are accustomed to, but less turn & burn. You need to play up your value slightly (but not overboard) and persona a bit more than a girl who knows nothing about you before you come & after you go. But don't overthink it, keep it simple and don't share anything you don't want getting out to the world. Create an alter ego and live up to that. A decent SB only wants to know some basics to know you are a decent human typically and she wants to be left alone outside of the arrangement probably as much as you do.
Originally Posted by Xcvxxx
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10-01-24 10:06 #14884
Want to hear from the Ogs in the game
Hey everyone, I'm 30 and married. In the past, I've mostly seen pump-and-dump girls, but I'm now in a fortunate financial position where I can afford to explore the sugar daddy lifestyle. I've recently met someone new, and this arrangement feels much more promising than anything I've experienced before.
As I'm navigating this dynamic, I have a lot of questions and would love to hear from those who are more experienced in balancing it with marriage. Any private insights on maintaining boundaries, handling expectations, and keeping things smooth would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance for your advice!
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09-30-24 22:25 #14883
Content seller avoid
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09-30-24 09:30 #14882
Lani-Avoid, Catfish pics
She has decent pics on the site, but they hide the gut in front (40#'s worth). And she is very aware of it, boring, unethusiastic and a pain in the ass to pin down for a meet. Originally Posted by ReffingMan94
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