Rants and Stupid shit in Orange County

[BSouthgate]

Not attacking you, but I hope no one reading this runs off and overshares with their significant other that they are fucking hookers. I think it's a terrible idea. The fact that you mention you are on wife number three should be enough to convince everyone reading that you may not be the best source of advice regarding marital matters.

My advice. Deny, deny, deny if you want to stay married. If not, simply get divorced on the best possible terms and go fuck all you want.

Note that when my second wife and I got divorced, it was not because I shared that I was fucking ******. She found out and we got divorced because she she was puzzled as to how she had contracted HPV infection. She figured it out. That is the tragedy I hope does not happen to any other brothers here. Of course I could have just denied denied denied and told her she got infected from a toilet seat.

BTW, two thirds of American marriages end in divorce. So the prevalence of twice divorced males is high.

Now, I am married to a woman who allows my sexual freedom and takes care of me. Not a bad end for an 80 year old!!

[RogerOver]

<<SNIPPED>> I advised a brother who mistakenly thinks he has sex addiction to square with his wife. I understand why you disagree with that advice. She may be so overwhelmed with cultural mores about sexual fidelity and she may find it impossible to allow that both the brother, her husband, and she, the aspiring princess, are just physical beings that need sex but actually love each other with a pure love that can liberate them from cultural bonds.

In my long life, I have found it better to be honest in my truly intimate relationships with spouses and children; that may not work for everyone.

Not attacking you, but I hope no one reading this runs off and overshares with their significant other that they are fucking hookers. I think it's a terrible idea. The fact that you mention you are on wife number three should be enough to convince everyone reading that you may not be the best source of advice regarding marital matters.

My advice. Deny, deny, deny if you want to stay married. If not, simply get divorced on the best possible terms and go fuck all you want.

[BSouthgate]

Glad that works for you.

Although I don't really know what goes on inside a woman's head (who here does?) - I can only speak from my experiences.

As the old saying goes, Men are from Mars, women from Venus.

We are built differently.

Especially after a woman starts squeezing out puppies, their priorities change. We don't (by and large).

By that I mean that for the vast majority here, having an occasional side thing going on without disclosure to he wife is far healthier than telling your wife that you are going go be fucking around on her.

Women want that loving dedicated husband, father etc. Take that from her, you do far more damage and the odds are far against any conceivable percentage of chance that she will "understand".

From where I sit, I disagree wholeheartedly.

From experience with three wives, dozens of gfs, scores of casual encounters and hundreds of hookers, I have some idea what goes on in their heads.

There are two levels: physical and cultural.

Physical. Women, like men, have libido or sexuality. They want sexual release ten times a day, one time a week or not at all. Like men, they masturbate. According to research, more frequently than we do. A guy, who posted on a porn site, worked as a hotel night clerk. He put hidden clock cameras in some of the hotel rooms. He recorded single women occupants masturbating. He revealed in a PM that the majority of females hotel room occupants masturbated at least once a night. Some masturbated several times each night. Some not at all.

Hetero women do not just get off by themselves. They also like to fuck with men. Of my three wives, the first was hypersexual and wanted sex several times per day, more than I did. That is one of the reasons we separated and divorced. The third wife does not like sex hardly at all. The second liked it once or twice per week.

Women also have different sexual preferences. Some like to have one partner; some two; some several.

All of the above describe women's physical sexuality. These features are largely genetically programmed and not learned.

Cultural learned sexuality. Women, more than men, learn cultural mores, rules and taboos about sex. Most women are more conformist than men. They need to fit their image to the ideal that they learned as little girls. For most, they need to look like princesses, searching for Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet. When they think they have found Prince Charming, they want him to also conform to their ideal marriage image. He must work hard, support the family and be sexually faithful. She, the princess, must also be faithful. She can enjoy fucking but only with her prince and he can enjoy only with her, the princess.

However, if she is a high libido woman with a physical preference for multiple partners, she will have problems adjusting to monogamy. My first wife was such a woman. She naturally needed to fuck with multiple partners. I was immature and could not accept this. We divorced.

Women will be less honest about their sex lives especially when they discuss them with other women. Even modern women will try to mould their stories into the princess cultural ideology. They will not admit to masturbating often; they will deny enjoying sex with multiple partners. It is only within the last two generations that they started to admit to like sex at all. Before that, nobody even imagined that women could enjoy orgasms, much less orgasms from their fingers, vibrators or tongues.

There is a dichotomous contradiction between their physical and cultural sexuality. Physically, they are hornier than we are. Culturally they dare not admit horniness. This applies to prostitutes, certainly to Chinese pros. I am Caucasian but lived in China for years. I am fluent in Mandarin. I once overheard Chinese pros in China talking about their customers. Two sex workers, one who was assigned to service me as soon a a room was free, were competing in convincing each other about how much they disliked sex work. I sat quietly and listened. I expected my hour with the woman to be mechanical, boring and disappointing. It was not. She was very responsive and had several convulsive orgasms. No, she was not faking. Those of you with experience know the difference. She would never admit to her colleague that she really enjoyed sex with her clients. Her colleague probably the same. This is the dichotomous contradiction. They like the sex with lots of guys but they cannot admit it. Many if not most women have this contradiction.

I advised a brother who mistakenly thinks he has sex addiction to square with his wife. I understand why you disagree with that advice. She may be so overwhelmed with cultural mores about sexual fidelity and she may find it impossible to allow that both the brother, her husband, and she, the aspiring princess, are just physical beings that need sex but actually love each other with a pure love that can liberate them from cultural bonds.

In my long life, I have found it better to be honest in my truly intimate relationships with spouses and children; that may not work for everyone.

[FreeWally]

I understand precisely what you are going through. I have been there. I wasted thousands on sex addiction therapy. I wasted hours at "I am Bobby. I am a sex addict. " 12-step meetings. After all the useless therapy and meetings, I divorced my former wife, realizing that "I am who I am. I am polyamorous".

I found my way out of the shadows of shame and guilt and into the light of self-realization. I am now married to a truly loving woman who understands me for who I am, not for what her church tells her I should be. I enjoy her love immensely as well as an occasional visit to the massage parlor.

Polyamorous of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your shame; you have a hell of a lot of pussy to win.

I think there are two sides of this and culture plays a big role. Yes, if therapy consists of admissions of guilt and pretending not to be who you are, it is a waste. But actual therapy can be useful, it's not hopeless there. My friend recommended a therapist who did none of that and helped a lot. It made me more of who I am, not less. Be who you really are, as early as you can in life.

As you say religion and culture play a big role. It makes a huge difference to avoid religious women for that reason.

[DarkRoomDaddy]

Should have figured that some clever therapist would figure out a new way to surreptitiously rip us off for our normal behaviour.

Try it and report back.

We probably all share a lov of fresh tuna. But did you ever ask yourself why? If you go see 30 different massage girls to pay and spray, and maybe get a handful (or mouthful) of some salty fish broth, what exactly are we looking for? To compare to eating, its boring to eat the same meal at the same restaurant every night. Its much more fun to have tacos one night, beef burgundy the next, pizza the following night, followed by some Chinese then Thai. That variety seems natural. But when we (me included) to 30 different AMP's and get the same experience, its like just going out to different restaurants to try their different variations of tacos. And once I found the place that serves the best tacos, I would probably just keep going back there.

If its a matter of seeing if you can convince a gilr to do naughty things because of your personal charm, that would be another motivation. Although is it your witty banter or your c-note that she loves? And actuallly your wit and humor and knowledge of fine wines might seduce a high class woman, but those thigns fall kind of flat on sex workers. There are some who get into the cuddling arena for whom that scenario makes much more sense, and is not about money so much. That is closer to the situatoin of going out in the street, and picking up a woman and charming her and seducing her. Thats the real challenge.

Bottom line. Don't put too much mental effort or congratulations into mongering. Just enjoy the ride for what its worth.

[RedRoddddd]

Glad that works for you.

Although I don't really know what goes on inside a woman's head (who here does?) - I can only speak from my experiences.

As the old saying goes, Men are from Mars, women from Venus.

We are built differently.

Especially after a woman starts squeezing out puppies, their priorities change. We don't (by and large).

By that I mean that for the vast majority here, having an occasional side thing going on without disclosure to he wife is far healthier than telling your wife that you are going go be fucking around on her.

Women want that loving dedicated husband, father etc. Take that from her, you do far more damage and the odds are far against any conceivable percentage of chance that she will "understand".

From where I sit, I disagree wholeheartedly.

American girls want Princess Charming, and all the she's the one and only one rules.

Tell your wife, I had a porn star experience with Megan ans Sofia / Selina BBBJCIM and all. Oh and I went backdoor on YaYa last time. It was dark and tight.

No bueno. Be smart. Be safe. She might want BBFS but you do not. Or go Buddhist and be free.

Happy hunting.

Red.

[Taws6]

So, guys, it is not reckless to tell your spouse. It is reckless not to tell her and to endanger her health without her knowledge. You are not sex addicts or perverts. You are polyamorous. Be honest with her and with yourselves. Accept yourself and rejoice. Polyamorous pride forever.

Glad that works for you.

Although I don't really know what goes on inside a woman's head (who here does?) - I can only speak from my experiences.

As the old saying goes, Men are from Mars, women from Venus.

We are built differently.

Especially after a woman starts squeezing out puppies, their priorities change. We don't (by and large).

By that I mean that for the vast majority here, having an occasional side thing going on without disclosure to he wife is far healthier than telling your wife that you are going go be fucking around on her.

Women want that loving dedicated husband, father etc. Take that from her, you do far more damage and the odds are far against any conceivable percentage of chance that she will "understand".

From where I sit, I disagree wholeheartedly.

[BSouthgate]

Appreciate your thoughts and good intentions. All of you guys. Not sure there's a wrong or right. Why'know: different strokes (no pun intended) for different folks.

Each of you has hit on some truths, and the rest is just individual circumstances and preferences.

I have to say this now.

A brother recently criticized my advice to a third brother regarding opening up to one's spouse. I had advised a troubled brother who was concerned about his perceived "sexual addiction" to square with his wife and try to get her to accept him for who he was rather than for what she wanted him to be. Alternatively, since he would always be polyamorous and seek relations with other women, he could continue the hobby and cease having sex with his wife. The criticizing brother called my advice reckless because it might lead to divorce.

It is reckless to continue living a lie. It is irresponsible for polyamorous people who have had multiple relationships before marriage to promise their spouses that they will be loyal forever when it is likely that they will not be loyal forever. Many, including myself, have made this mistake.

I married, loved, fathered two children, and secretly led a second life with lovers, affairs, one-night stands, and hookers. My wife contracted asymptomatic HPV and, during her pregnancy, contracted PID. My God! What shame for such disgusting recklessness. She eventually discovered my second life.

To save my sick marriage, I underwent useless sex addiction therapy and absurd 12-step programs and read Patrick Carnes's book, only to find that I could not change my nature. Like a closeted gay guy who dreams every night about cocks, I dreamt every night about pussies, lots of them. The one thing that the addiction therapists got right was that I should have opened up to my wife earlier in my life. What they got wrong was that I could somehow change my nature.

After a six months of celibacy, I picked up a street girl for a joyous hour of uninhibited sex in a hotel room. The shame of that hit me the next day after I had come down from the bliss of the event. Again, I tried celibacy, therapy, "I am Bobby, I am a sexaholic" meetings. I spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours trying to convert.

A month later, on a business trip, I took a dinner companion to my hotel room for a night of orgasmic joy. Again, guilty, guilty, guilty.

Finally, I realized that I would never change. I decided that I could induce my wife to change. I urged her to try swinging groups with me and to go to singles bars to meet new guys and have new experiences. I loved her and wanted her to enjoy the kind of joy I had with other people. No luck. She was not polyamorous. She could not convert, and neither could I. She could not accept me, and I could never change.

I left to live in another country. I divorced.

I finally found a partner who accepts me for who I am. I am delighted with her and want to die in her arms. She is my angel.

So, guys, it is not reckless to tell your spouse. It is reckless not to tell her and to endanger her health without her knowledge. You are not sex addicts or perverts. You are polyamorous. Be honest with her and with yourselves. Accept yourself and rejoice. Polyamorous pride forever.

See my other post on this here.

http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/show...iction-Reports

[Jhadiib]

There are some app-based counseling services where you can go on a video call with a therapist once a week and it isn't that expensive. Like $30 for a counseling session. Mindspace and Better Help are two that I can think of off the top of my head. You could do that somewhat anonymously without having to worry about actually going to a therapy session and explaining to people why you're in therapy.

Appreciate your thoughts and good intentions. All of you guys. Not sure there's a wrong or right. Why'know: different strokes (no pun intended) for different folks.

Each of you has hit on some truths, and the rest is just individual circumstances and preferences.

[BSouthgate]

There are some app-based counseling services where you can go on a video call with a therapist once a week and it isn't that expensive. Like $30 for a counseling session. Mindspace and Better Help are two that I can think of off the top of my head. You could do that somewhat anonymously without having to worry about actually going to a therapy session and explaining to people why you're in therapy.

Should have figured that some clever therapist would figure out a new way to surreptitiously rip us off for our normal behaviour.

Try it and report back.

[Grimmy23]

Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.

An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).

Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.

There are some app-based counseling services where you can go on a video call with a therapist once a week and it isn't that expensive. Like $30 for a counseling session. Mindspace and Better Help are two that I can think of off the top of my head. You could do that somewhat anonymously without having to worry about actually going to a therapy session and explaining to people why you're in therapy.

[BSouthgate]

Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.

An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).

Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.

I understand precisely what you are going through. I have been there. I wasted thousands on sex addiction therapy. I wasted hours at "I am Bobby. I am a sex addict. " 12-step meetings. After all the useless therapy and meetings, I divorced my former wife, realizing that "I am who I am. I am polyamorous".

I found my way out of the shadows of shame and guilt and into the light of self-realization. I am now married to a truly loving woman who understands me for who I am, not for what her church tells her I should be. I enjoy her love immensely as well as an occasional visit to the massage parlor.

Polyamorous of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your shame; you have a hell of a lot of pussy to win.

[James D 2004]

Coffee is an addiction. But it's affordable for most people. Numerous studies claim that coffee is beneficial (probably sponsored by Starbucks). It's not going to hurt any other people. If you want to save some money paying for sex, go for counseling by all means if you think it will work. Sex by itself is not harmful and somewhat self-regulated. I don't think you need to suppress your urges; that's evolution.

Guilt is what you feel. If your sexual urges are not satisfied by your SO, it's only natural to find satisfaction somewhere else. Just don't let your religion or morality get the better of you.

By definition, I'm somewhat in a polyamorous relationship. I have various (paid) partners, and they have other partners. Do I like it? Hell no. Do I like my ATF being fucked by other clients and put their dick into her mouth? No. But for money makes it OK; I can't afford exclusive. If she goes to bed with another person because she likes it, I'm jealous. I'm not only paying for pure sex and attraction. I need more to get more buck out of the money.

Am I mono or poly? I tend to settle down on the one who satisfies me most and enough. But mostly I'm in various stages of audition.

[Jhadiib]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and can run your life the way you want to. But to advise others to follow your path, is reckless. For anyone considering doing what BSouthgate is advocating; Once you let the cat out of the bag, there's no going back. You will never know how your partner will react to this news. If you do decide to go down this path, be prepared for the consequences, upto and including divorce.

Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.

An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).

Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.

[BSouthgate]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and can run your life the way you want to. But to advise others to follow your path, is reckless. For anyone considering doing what BSouthgate is advocating; Once you let the cat out of the bag, there's no going back. You will never know how your partner will react to this news. If you do decide to go down this path, be prepared for the consequences, upto and including divorce.

If he takes the path of sex addiction treatment. Part of that treatment is to square with your partner. And if you do not square, you have to continuously lie about why you are going to therapy sessions twice a week, why you have a 12-step sponsor, and why you are taking those pills for ADHD.

SCjohn, if you had read all of my post, including the reference, you would see that I propose another path which is not the ridiculous sex addiction treatment nor letting the cat out. Here is the reference again. http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/show...iction-Reports.

Jhadiib's problem is not that he needs sex with multiple partners. All of us have this need. His problem, and the problem many of us suffer from, is that we do not want to admit that we are polyamorous. Not even to ourselves, let alone to our loved ones. Polyamorous people need to come out of the closet as gay people did in the end of the last century. Polyamorous people are not sick, perverted or addicted. They are genetically predisposed to a certain sexual preference.