What I learned as a Monger for the past 2 years. Good read for Newbies

[AngelBravo]

I will agree with some of you here, that the best sessions I had was when I had a mutual respectful conversation with the providers. This might be because she found you somewhat attractive, sweet, or you simply always treated her with respect and over time you where a customer she never minded seeing. I had that with Dana who gave L1 and a massage. I actually know her real name and at some point she said it was a bit akward since we got to know each other on a personal level it was a bit more than just seeing a customer. Eventually she recommended that I don't visit her anymore because she knew this was something I wasn't fully built for. She honestly gave wonderful massages with amazing L1 and honestly that's all I wanted from her; but I agree it was starting to feel like I was seeing an old friend and at the same time she felt like I needed to move on to better things because it was obvious she was starting not to like the job and attributing me to the job was also starting to sour our mutual relationship.

I think that was a rare experience however, and I don't foresee it happening again; I think we where just very similar and I met her when she just started and in another timeline maybe she would have been someone I dated. Every other girl I met in this hobby wasn't like that at all and I was fine with it. It is a simple transaction, she wants money and you want pleasure; there is absolutely nothing more that she needs from you and honestly vice versa. You want to have a good time, and hope she enjoys it too but that's just not always possible especially because she see's so many men in a day / week / month. Imagine you worked at a restaurant and you had to build a tight relationship with any random stranger that walks through the door. It's just not going to happen and if you do it long enough your going to stop caring as much and just want to get it over with. You understand that customer service keeps you in business but at some point you'll stop caring too and just want to walk away and not care about the money either and move onto something else. I feel for girls, their experience is similar.

In the end, whatever floats your boat to have a wonderful time while respecting the lady is fair game; but don't get jaded into thinking it's nothing more than a sexual transaction. Money for Pleasure nothing more, nothing less.

[Jinurso]

This connection is not Real! I don't know a single provider who develops a real connection.
I'm not preaching but Goodluck and enjoy your journey, just do it eyes wide open.

That's a jaded way of looking at it. I very much believe you can create a real connection with a sex worker. And I do, often. A connection doesn't have to mean she's going to leave her life behind and move on with you (I wouldn't want that anyway). A connection can be something as simple as an easy, fun, flowing conversation where you have a genuinely good time, learn something fun or new and think back fondly. And if you become a regular, it continues to build. You can build a connection with anybody. Your Uber driver, mailman, airplane passenger next to you. It doesn't have to be romantic, but it can still be real, even if it's ultimately business.

Trouble starts not when you believe in real connections with a sex worker, it's when you stop believing in it. They're still people in the end, and can still be emotionally engaged like anybody else.

[Buggsy52]

I know its a fake connection. But I like to play around like it is. In my limited experience it has lead to a better session. Thats what I mean.

I treat them well but have no qualms about telling to f*ck off if needed, which I did just yesterday.

How much it cost you? It had been $$ big money guys with money burn on ugly scabs on skip who worth little, ruin it for everyone else, you find little for $100, worthless scabs on skip well turn offers down.

[Rook6642]

Yes, Yes, Yes!

I had some great sex because, one provider, she wanted me to think there was a real connection. I went along but never really believed it was real. She got to the point where she was telling me all kinds of personal things going on with her, a willingness to do role playing and BBFS. As real as it seemed, one time the $50 bills stuck together and she texted me about how we had such a great understanding, but I shorted her $50. There's your wake-up call if you think it was a real connection. I went a while longer, allowing her to give apology sex that was awesome, but for all I had done for her, all the money over time, she got upset over $50 one time because she didn't look carefully in the envelope. I knew it wasn't real, but I made plans to move on back to strangers and agency girls I only see once in a while.

I know its a fake connection. But I like to play around like it is. In my limited experience it has lead to a better session. Thats what I mean.

I treat them well but have no qualms about telling to f*ck off if needed, which I did just yesterday.

[Illinois Guy 7]

This connection is not Real! I don't know a single provider who develops a real connection. Just read the thousands of posts on their Twitter and reviews. They are acting for money, period. If they have a relationship, it's not a customer it's outside. The best ones fool you into thinking you have a connection because that means more money from you to fund what they do for real. You are a customer, never fool yourself otherwise, that's you penis thinking. They could give a shit about you beyond the transaction. Don't believe me, ask them to do it for free.

Now the good ones will make you feel connected if that is what they know you want. And as a person they may actually enjoy your company compared to say the random one and done customer etc. BUT they are not connected to you and there's almost NEVER a relationship beuknd money and even those that actually find their fish, well think about it, how long will that really last? She fucked guys for money so you better either have a gravy train that doesn't run out or it's a question of time before she dumps you and goes looking again. Or if you dump her, she will look again. Nothing genuine.

I'm not preaching but Goodluck and enjoy your journey, just do it eyes wide open.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

I had some great sex because, one provider, she wanted me to think there was a real connection. I went along but never really believed it was real. She got to the point where she was telling me all kinds of personal things going on with her, a willingness to do role playing and BBFS. As real as it seemed, one time the $50 bills stuck together and she texted me about how we had such a great understanding, but I shorted her $50. There's your wake-up call if you think it was a real connection. I went a while longer, allowing her to give apology sex that was awesome, but for all I had done for her, all the money over time, she got upset over $50 one time because she didn't look carefully in the envelope. I knew it wasn't real, but I made plans to move on back to strangers and agency girls I only see once in a while.

[DivingDeep70]

The happiest people in this hobby have found a real match between what they want and what they get. A lot of guys who you see are jaded on the board complain about transactional sex where they come in, put the money on the table, bend the girl over and then leave a few minutes later. I can see how that can burn guys out. But they don't want to spend more than $100 so that's what they get.

I asked myself going in what exactly do I want out of this and can I get it? For me, I do like trying to find a real connection. I don't always manage to do it, but the best experiences are like that. I genuinely enjoy meeting new women, seducing / being seduced, creating a bond, and having better sex because of it. There really is an emotional component to it more than the physical that I love the most. But I appreciate that different men have different motivations and not all of those motivations last forever.

This isn't an addiction for me, it's a passion. It truly is something I Iook forward to doing whenever I'm able and I'll probably always be in it to some degree or other.

This connection is not Real! I don't know a single provider who develops a real connection. Just read the thousands of posts on their Twitter and reviews. They are acting for money, period. If they have a relationship, it's not a customer it's outside. The best ones fool you into thinking you have a connection because that means more money from you to fund what they do for real. You are a customer, never fool yourself otherwise, that's you penis thinking. They could give a shit about you beyond the transaction. Don't believe me, ask them to do it for free.

Now the good ones will make you feel connected if that is what they know you want. And as a person they may actually enjoy your company compared to say the random one and done customer etc. BUT they are not connected to you and there's almost NEVER a relationship beuknd money and even those that actually find their fish, well think about it, how long will that really last? She fucked guys for money so you better either have a gravy train that doesn't run out or it's a question of time before she dumps you and goes looking again. Or if you dump her, she will look again. Nothing genuine.

I'm not preaching but Goodluck and enjoy your journey, just do it eyes wide open.

[Rook6642]

The happiest people in this hobby have found a real match between what they want and what they get. A lot of guys who you see are jaded on the board complain about transactional sex where they come in, put the money on the table, bend the girl over and then leave a few minutes later. I can see how that can burn guys out. But they don't want to spend more than $100 so that's what they get.

I asked myself going in what exactly do I want out of this and can I get it? For me, I do like trying to find a real connection. I don't always manage to do it, but the best experiences are like that. I genuinely enjoy meeting new women, seducing / being seduced, creating a bond, and having better sex because of it. There really is an emotional component to it more than the physical that I love the most. But I appreciate that different men have different motivations and not all of those motivations last forever.

This isn't an addiction for me, it's a passion. It truly is something I Iook forward to doing whenever I'm able and I'll probably always be in it to some degree or other.

I'm very new to the hobby. About a year in. Meaning seeing providers not SW's which I would do when I was younger. Got scared straight when I found a pipe in my car the next morning cleaning out my car. And almost being robbed.

Started to see girls again last year. I started because I wanted 2 things.

1) the PSE.

2) being able to recreate that time when you first meet someone and you bang all day.

3) being with girls I couldn't normally pull at a bar or something.

That's why I don't go for girls off of Babylon, listcrawler etc.

I wasn't into having a "connection" with at first. I was going through girls and maybe getting the PSE.

That changed when I met with a girl in LV. Found out when I connected with her I got much better service and we did things not on her menu. And that continued with the next and the next.

Heck a connection I had had led me to be verified with an agency that's notorious for not letting new people in.

What I'm trying to say is I've gotten to a point where I don't mind paying 500-700. Because I can get 9-10's, in my book, and get everything listed above.

Now I'm finally feel like I'm accomplishing what I first set out to do.

Now I looking for girls from different backgrounds LOL.

[Jinurso]

I think it's important to discuss these topics and not hide them like they don't exist. It's obvious we are all experiencing similar feelings and as someone put it similar addictions.

The biggest one for me really was asking myself, do I really want to keep doing this for decades. It's a strange idea when you realize your penis can dictate your life choices and when you start to see it for what it is, which is a sex addiction it becomes clear that I need to understand it fully before I let it consume myself. You should always be in control and the moment, it's directing your life it should be a red flag that you should take control back into your life. For some people that's a sobriety coin, for the fear that they know within themselves they know their addictions too well and this is the only way; I only hope that for many of us, we all walk away with fond memories and not painful ones about the one that gave you a STD or ruined your relationships with the people you love or ever worst severely shortened your life.

Your life is a story, and you are the author make it a good one and be proud of the chapters in your life. End it on a high note, not one where you lost control of the ship and crashed and sank in the middle of the ocean alone and unhappy.

The happiest people in this hobby have found a real match between what they want and what they get. A lot of guys who you see are jaded on the board complain about transactional sex where they come in, put the money on the table, bend the girl over and then leave a few minutes later. I can see how that can burn guys out. But they don't want to spend more than $100 so that's what they get.

I asked myself going in what exactly do I want out of this and can I get it? For me, I do like trying to find a real connection. I don't always manage to do it, but the best experiences are like that. I genuinely enjoy meeting new women, seducing / being seduced, creating a bond, and having better sex because of it. There really is an emotional component to it more than the physical that I love the most. But I appreciate that different men have different motivations and not all of those motivations last forever.

This isn't an addiction for me, it's a passion. It truly is something I Iook forward to doing whenever I'm able and I'll probably always be in it to some degree or other.

[AngelBravo]

I think it's important to discuss these topics and not hide them like they don't exist. It's obvious we are all experiencing similar feelings and as someone put it similar addictions.

The biggest one for me really was asking myself, do I really want to keep doing this for decades. It's a strange idea when you realize your penis can dictate your life choices and when you start to see it for what it is, which is a sex addiction it becomes clear that I need to understand it fully before I let it consume myself. You should always be in control and the moment, it's directing your life it should be a red flag that you should take control back into your life. For some people that's a sobriety coin, for the fear that they know within themselves they know their addictions too well and this is the only way; I only hope that for many of us, we all walk away with fond memories and not painful ones about the one that gave you a STD or ruined your relationships with the people you love or ever worst severely shortened your life.

Your life is a story, and you are the author make it a good one and be proud of the chapters in your life. End it on a high note, not one where you lost control of the ship and crashed and sank in the middle of the ocean alone and unhappy.

[Tela1980]

This is very helpful, especially the part I left in the quote above.

I have found that ATF lady and was hooked for awhile until she left. A few stayed and yet, I still moved on myself. One agency lady from a rotating ladies agency saw me 18 months prior and called me a **** for having to keep checking out the new ladies that come around.

Chasing the carrot now, I am sure I will cut down and probably totally leave the hobby soon. Instead of feeling unfulfilled, I think I can manage to look back with fond memories of how I have had sex with some super-hot women. I will leave with the "It's fun to sleep with girls. ".

There is some truth in that lengthy post, but one must remember that everyone's situation is different. Some of us are married, have a girlfriend, divorced or single. And of course all different ages. When I first started this hobby it is was about 12 years after I broke up with a longtime girlfriend. At first living so close to O'Hare I was like a kid in a candy store, seeing at LEAST one girl a week (local or touring). For the most part I saw agency girls but also a few reliable independents too. And I did it all threesomes etc. I'd say after about three years of that, I began to get burned out and was down to maybe one or two girls a month for several years. And then it was one girl a month tops. For me seeing girls under 30 just made me feel young and was probably the main reason I kept at it for so long; but I reached a point before covid that I no longer felt I Needed to see any provider. Some of those memories though and I just think back and smile, but knowing I'm never going back to that level of this lifestyle. So here I am now in 2023 perfectly happy to date woman my age (50's) and if I ever feel the urge to reach out to an agency I will, but thus far that has not been the case this year.

[DivingDeep70]

So partaking in this mongering business for over 2 years now, there are a few things I've noticed about both the providers and myself.

1. Girls don't last very long, it's obvious that this job is mentally taxing and some girls who are especially just in it for the money will get their money and run. I see many of the same posts, she's very mechanical, she's mentally checked out, she gives fake moans. The truth is that she can't possibly enjoy having sex with every person she encounters and physically she has to be somewhat sore after the 3rd guy in the same day. Also some guys may be really rough with them, or try to slip it in without a condom putting them out of their comfort zone. What I've noticed is that I enjoy new girls that just stared in the business, they aren't as jaded but it will take as little as 2 weeks or 1 month for them to start changing. Some will quit even after the first day and others maybe weeks later, but it's rare to see a girl working for longer than 6 months. I have always had great service when I asked them upfront what they where comfortable with and wasn't. I also always asked them to tell me if they weren't comfortable about something that we forgot to discuss and I would immediately stop. Truthfully I had my own comfort list, like no kissing and always having a condom and no exchange of fluids so having this conversation in the beginning set the state for a agreeable and more comfortable situation for both of us.

2. I think going into mongering, you really need to know why your doing it. This mongering business isn't cheap. I'm clearly out thousands of dollars before I started and I've noticed that I sometimes get a Fear Of Missing Out feeling with some of these girls. I book the appointment and more often than not I walk away disappointment...

I appreciate the thoughts, you are on to something. Let's face it, we are sex addicts no different than any other addiction but harder to cure. People can justify what we do in so many ways but it is sex addiction in many forms. 2 years ago, after decades of this hobby and lots of $$$ spent and many experiences and so many girls I can't even count, I finally went to therapy for well over a year, met others like me, got better after a lot of struggle but some deep emotional catharsis. But you have to stay with it otherwise here I am 3 years later hobbying again. It's almost worse now because I know what I know. I'm not as bad as I was at certain times. But I still enjoy an encounter with the right girl once because that thrill of sex with someone new and in my case younger and hot just satisfies a deep rooted fantasy or issue I'm struggling with since I started this hobby. I've decided to at least limit my encounters only to a particular profile. I'm in and out and done. Nothing more. Maybe that will help transition as I age too. I don't want to keep doing this forever.

[FafaFooey]

So partaking in this mongering business for over 2 years now, there are a few things I've noticed about both the providers and myself.

Stay safe and know if you ever start having the same thoughts as myself, you aren't alone and it might be your time to quit or keep going if you really feel this is something you can't live without. Like anything you do in life don't let it take over your finances and mental well being and stay healthy. Adios.

Great thoughts and its good we have this place to unload some our soul searching with like minded people. Here's some of my thoughts after decades of doing this through lots of phases of life.

First, there's no argument that a good sexual experience with someone new is one of life's real thrills, and its hard to imagine denying or depriving that.

That being said, it can also definitely be a slippery slope into negative and dangerous territory. I have a few warning signs I've learned in myself that are signals its time to take a break or slow down drastically:

* Looking to hobby when you're not really horny, trying to compensate for another recent bad session, or because you feel like you have to have it on a certain schedule. This would be the equivalent of 'chasing the high' in other types of addictions. It will lead to cycles of over spending, taking more risks, and a spiral of not very satisfying experiences.

* Doing it in search of a real connection. Yes, it can and does happen, but its not the norm and rarely is going to happen when you're looking for it. It doesn't mean you want cold, transactional, encounters, but if you're expecting to make a real friend or start an ongoing relationship every time you knock on a new door, you're going to be left feeling even more empty and depressed. Which leads into the next point.

* Not seeing the girls as they are. The best providers will present themselves well and put you at ease, and we all want to believe the myth of the well adjusted, healthy girl just doing this to make a few extra bucks for college, but we all mostly know the reality. The vast majority of these girls are very damaged, whether its from addiction, mental illness, lack of any kind of family support or guidance, bad luck & decisions, etc. If you do get an exception to my point above and get a look behind the curtain at their real lives, your image of the fun companion will be shattered and you'll likely end up with a very troubled person in your life. The fallout from this can range from just sad to dangerous, if they decide that your support and / or money is the answer to their problems.

* Taking new risks to make things more exciting or to compensate for FOMO from reading this board. If you've decided that for your life situation, covered activities in decent locations with well researched & reviewed providers are the risk parameters that let you do this with the best feeling, then don't feel like you have to try BBFS in a crackhouse to keep up with some of the other guys here.

Hopefully you'll find the right balance for you to enjoy this kind of thing & have it still feel like a positive part of your life, and if you can't then of course hope you find the willpower to walk away and move on.

[MikeIsHome]

.... Some call this a hobby but it's really just a sexual struggle with yourself that you need to understand to get better and figure out what you really are trying to get out of it.

True. Thanks for writing; enjoyed reading.

[Bkmsw]

So partaking in this mongering business for over 2 years now, there are a few things I've noticed about both the providers and myself.

1. Girls don't last very long, it's obvious that this job is mentally taxing and some girls who are especially just in it for the money will get their money and run. I see many of the same posts, she's very mechanical, she's mentally checked out, she gives fake moans. The truth is that she can't possibly enjoy having sex with every person she encounters and physically she has to be somewhat sore after the 3rd guy in the same day. Also some guys may be really rough with them, or try to slip it in without a condom putting them out of their comfort zone. What I've noticed is that I enjoy new girls that just stared in the business, they aren't as jaded but it will take as little as 2 weeks or 1 month for them to start changing. Some will quit even after the first day and others maybe weeks later, but it's rare to see a girl working for longer than 6 months. I have always had great service when I asked them upfront what they where comfortable with and wasn't. I also always asked them to tell me if they weren't comfortable about something that we forgot to discuss and I would immediately stop. Truthfully I had my own comfort list, like no kissing and always having a condom and no exchange of fluids so having this conversation in the beginning set the state for a agreeable and more comfortable situation for both of us.

2. I think going into mongering, you really need to know why your doing it. This mongering business isn't cheap. I'm clearly out thousands of dollars before I started and I've noticed that I sometimes get a Fear Of Missing Out feeling with some of these girls. I book the appointment and more often than not I walk away disappointment. Not only are the pics fake about 80% of the time, but for me, I really need to feel comfortable the girl is at least enjoying herself. Most of us want the girl to have fun and enjoy themselves as well as ourselves. However depending on the girl and the guy, because of these short 30-60 minute hookups it's almost impossible to get comfortable with one another and it makes more often than not a very uncomfortable situation. This is why sometimes 2nd visits are better, simply there is a sense of comfort between the 2 parties. I have noticed as well that some guys love the power they have over someone using sex. Maybe they like to talk dirty to her because in their personal lives they can't or something's missing that they are trying to fill it in with. The thing I keep asking myself is, when is this ever going to stop. Will I be doing this into my 70's. At some point you should figure out what your trying to get out of it because I feel, in the long term you're going to get burned, both financially and mentally and health wise.

3. By getting burned I mean that your either going to catch a non-curable STD the longer you stay in the game, you'll keep getting broke, or you might be in a mental loop unable to really see what your UN-fulfilled in life with that mongering is trying to replace. I'm writing this because I think I've realized more about myself and what I want out of this and it might be my time to leave..

I have been paying for sex around 30 years and I don't plan to stop. There is a lot of truth in what you say but I guess I am wired different. I love the variety. Even in high school when I was truly in love and a teenage and could get hard anytime even after masturbating sometimes I could not cum with my girlfriend. This happened after we been seeing each other over a year. I guess I grew "bored" with her even though she was gorgeous sweet and everything you would want for a girlfriend / wife. I needed the variety. Of course I was young and didn't understand this and I just stop masturbating before we had sex which "fixed" the problem but I was always looking. I was in my early 20's and married to someone else when I first paid for a blowjob from a streetwalker. It was great and the butterflies in my stomach I had picking her up hooked me. I could have my variety and didn't have to worry about dating someone and all that bullshit that went along with it. But as I said, I am wired different.

B.

[Illinois Guy 7]

It's fun to sleep with girls, and variety is nice but knowing what it is will always leave you UN-fulfilled and hoping for the next one. You might even find a girl you want to settle down with, but you've become a sex addict and need now a variety of woman to get a boner. It could really fuck you up, and you need to prepare for it similar to how some pornstars lose a part of their sexual drive. Another thing I want to discuss, is that, I think we all have that one ATF girl where we get hooked. She leaves and we keep looking for another girl to replace her; we might find her but it doesn't last long and we are always chasing the carrot. The truth is those girls leave because it was their time to leave and at some point it will be your time as well.

This is very helpful, especially the part I left in the quote above.

I have found that ATF lady and was hooked for awhile until she left. A few stayed and yet, I still moved on myself. One agency lady from a rotating ladies agency saw me 18 months prior and called me a **** for having to keep checking out the new ladies that come around.

Chasing the carrot now, I am sure I will cut down and probably totally leave the hobby soon. Instead of feeling unfulfilled, I think I can manage to look back with fond memories of how I have had sex with some super-hot women. I will leave with the "It's fun to sleep with girls. ".