Strip Club Reports

[NiceChicaGaGuy]

In the spirit of sharing information as discussed below, following is my write up of Heavenly Bodies Fantasy Sports Bar (abbreviated as HB in this report), located at 1300 Elmhurst Road in Elk Grove Village. My last report on this establishment, amazingly enough, was 12 years ago. I decided to go to HB because it wasn't too far from home and I had to get back at a reasonable hour; my original plan was to go to NW Indiana, but that's over an hour-long drive from my house. That'll have to wait for another weekend.

The site visit occurred on a Saturday night at about 8:30 p. There was plenty of parking available in the gravel lot that adjoins the club. The entrance on the south side of the building has handicapped access (a ramp) in addition to the stairs. Upon entering, an employee was doing temperature checks and they had you sign a release (though you can scribble "John Smith" and it won't matter). I had my jacket and hat on and was asked to check them, which was free. I then proceeded through a metal detector, but when I had set it off their security person had me dump my belongings in a little basket and then I went through without issues.

Then security wanted to look at my license, and they proceeded to scan it using a wall-mounted device of some sort, so fair warning to all. Finally, I paid the $15 cover and got a green wristband in return. I was also given a little gold token which is needed to get through the turnstyle and enter the club. All of this felt like I was flying commercially once again.

Went I got in, I saw that not a whole lot of folks were there: maybe about 20 patrons at that moment. There were two couples at a nearby table, so HB is couple-friendly in that regard. I saw six to eight dancers, mostly white, but one Latina who was presently on the main stage; there's a second smaller stage closer to the club entrance. The main bar is on the west wall, and there was perimeter seating and small four-seat raised tables dotting the floor area. A server took my drink order (Diet Coke), which was just $1; not too long after she brought it to me, the aforesaid Latina sauntered by. Her name was Kitty and she was from south Texas. Mid-20's, very pretty spinner type with B-cups; she explained that pricing was $60 for five dances or $100 for 15 minutes. I opted for the $60 option and we proceeded upstairs to where the booths were located. Note: the songs are played by a DJ, though they didn't seem severely cut short.

At the top of the stairs was another cashier: Kitty paid $15 to her, and then before we went back to the booth area a bartender asked if I wanted a drink, which I declined; he then asked if I'd like to buy Kitty a drink, and I said sure. Kitty's shot was $10 + $1 tip. After she drank that, we proceeded to the booth.

The booths were all set up nicely: adequate red lighting along the top of the booth wall's perimeter, plus a comfy loveseat, and this one had a window that looked out over the club. Kitty was kind enough to wait for the next song, and she shed her top and her dancer shoes while we waited; at this time I proceeded to pay her the $60. The dances were good mileage--Kitty is very talented, but HB still enforces where one can touch with one's hands: so it was basically anything but the lady bits, though Kitty made the best of it (she said she has six years of experience) and I appreciated her efforts by giving her a $10 tip at the end.

Once the set was over, we headed back downstairs and I noticed HB had gotten much busier, like double the number of patrons and dancers--I tried in vain to look for some AA dancers, as my tastes run that way, but didn't see anyone of that description. While I finished my drink, a white dancer, Dynasty, popped by; interestingly, she was from Texas, too. We chatted for a little bit, but I wasn't interested in spending another $60 at that moment, as I was wanting to save my money for the forthcoming NW Indiana trip, or maybe even a side visit to one of the Melrose Park clubs, if possible. Then just as I decided to leave I saw at least two AA dancers, but they were with other customers and I had to go anyway.

I almost walked out without my jacket and hat, but I remembered to stop at the coat check window before going to the parking lot.

License scan?: Yes.

Pros: Decent enough variety of dancers (if one is patient); five dances at $60, even though they're DJ-controlled, is actually not a bad deal; booth area is great: comfy well-padded loveseat and good lighting; club itself is convenient (right off of I-90) and has lots of parking; Kitty was an excellent dancer in terms of talent and beauty, plus she was a good conversationalist.

Cons: needlessly Byzantine procedures to enter both the club and the booth area--like why the gold token? These folks would be great government bureaucrats; licenses are scanned; DJ plays the songs, but at least they're not severely cut short (as far as I can tell); strict rules on where / how customers can touch the dancers; pressure to buy the dancer a drink, which led to a feeling of being nickeled and dimed.

Verdict: Would I go back? While the dance cost is decent enough, I'm beginning to not be a fan of the license scan, in accord with the opinions of SouthSideRed and Visconti5683 (see our discussion in the Melrose Park Strip Clubs thread). I'm willing to do it once at a given club for the sake of research, I guess, but I'm thinking that it's not worthwhile to do so repeatedly (which is why I've not yet gone back to All Star in McCook--though the siren song of Colombiana still rings out in my head from time to time). I guess everyone needs to make up their own mind about that. Another reason I'd hesitate to return is that other clubs allow for more mileage than HB, and funds that I'd spend on a second HB trip would be better spent on expanding research efforts elsewhere (for example, NW Indiana). As such, unless I hear something different I'll schedule another HB visit for (checks calendar) 2033!

You said she shed her top. Are the dances there topless only?

[Chicagorfp]

In the spirit of sharing information as discussed below, following is my write up of Heavenly Bodies Fantasy Sports Bar (abbreviated as HB in this report), located at 1300 Elmhurst Road in Elk Grove Village. My last report on this establishment, amazingly enough, was 12 years ago. I decided to go to HB because it wasn't too far from home and I had to get back at a reasonable hour; my original plan was to go to NW Indiana, but that's over an hour-long drive from my house. That'll have to wait for another weekend.

The site visit occurred on a Saturday night at about 8:30 p. There was plenty of parking available in the gravel lot that adjoins the club. The entrance on the south side of the building has handicapped access (a ramp) in addition to the stairs. Upon entering, an employee was doing temperature checks and they had you sign a release (though you can scribble "John Smith" and it won't matter). I had my jacket and hat on and was asked to check them, which was free. I then proceeded through a metal detector, but when I had set it off their security person had me dump my belongings in a little basket and then I went through without issues.

Then security wanted to look at my license, and they proceeded to scan it using a wall-mounted device of some sort, so fair warning to all. Finally, I paid the $15 cover and got a green wristband in return. I was also given a little gold token which is needed to get through the turnstyle and enter the club. All of this felt like I was flying commercially once again.

Went I got in, I saw that not a whole lot of folks were there: maybe about 20 patrons at that moment. There were two couples at a nearby table, so HB is couple-friendly in that regard. I saw six to eight dancers, mostly white, but one Latina who was presently on the main stage; there's a second smaller stage closer to the club entrance. The main bar is on the west wall, and there was perimeter seating and small four-seat raised tables dotting the floor area. A server took my drink order (Diet Coke), which was just $1; not too long after she brought it to me, the aforesaid Latina sauntered by. Her name was Kitty and she was from south Texas. Mid-20's, very pretty spinner type with B-cups; she explained that pricing was $60 for five dances or $100 for 15 minutes. I opted for the $60 option and we proceeded upstairs to where the booths were located. Note: the songs are played by a DJ, though they didn't seem severely cut short.

At the top of the stairs was another cashier: Kitty paid $15 to her, and then before we went back to the booth area a bartender asked if I wanted a drink, which I declined; he then asked if I'd like to buy Kitty a drink, and I said sure. Kitty's shot was $10 + $1 tip. After she drank that, we proceeded to the booth.

The booths were all set up nicely: adequate red lighting along the top of the booth wall's perimeter, plus a comfy loveseat, and this one had a window that looked out over the club. Kitty was kind enough to wait for the next song, and she shed her top and her dancer shoes while we waited; at this time I proceeded to pay her the $60. The dances were good mileage--Kitty is very talented, but HB still enforces where one can touch with one's hands: so it was basically anything but the lady bits, though Kitty made the best of it (she said she has six years of experience) and I appreciated her efforts by giving her a $10 tip at the end.

Once the set was over, we headed back downstairs and I noticed HB had gotten much busier, like double the number of patrons and dancers--I tried in vain to look for some AA dancers, as my tastes run that way, but didn't see anyone of that description. While I finished my drink, a white dancer, Dynasty, popped by; interestingly, she was from Texas, too. We chatted for a little bit, but I wasn't interested in spending another $60 at that moment, as I was wanting to save my money for the forthcoming NW Indiana trip, or maybe even a side visit to one of the Melrose Park clubs, if possible. Then just as I decided to leave I saw at least two AA dancers, but they were with other customers and I had to go anyway.

I almost walked out without my jacket and hat, but I remembered to stop at the coat check window before going to the parking lot.

License scan?: Yes.

Pros: Decent enough variety of dancers (if one is patient); five dances at $60, even though they're DJ-controlled, is actually not a bad deal; booth area is great: comfy well-padded loveseat and good lighting; club itself is convenient (right off of I-90) and has lots of parking; Kitty was an excellent dancer in terms of talent and beauty, plus she was a good conversationalist.

Cons: needlessly Byzantine procedures to enter both the club and the booth area--like why the gold token? These folks would be great government bureaucrats; licenses are scanned; DJ plays the songs, but at least they're not severely cut short (as far as I can tell); strict rules on where / how customers can touch the dancers; pressure to buy the dancer a drink, which led to a feeling of being nickeled and dimed.

Verdict: Would I go back? While the dance cost is decent enough, I'm beginning to not be a fan of the license scan, in accord with the opinions of SouthSideRed and Visconti5683 (see our discussion in the Melrose Park Strip Clubs thread). I'm willing to do it once at a given club for the sake of research, I guess, but I'm thinking that it's not worthwhile to do so repeatedly (which is why I've not yet gone back to All Star in McCook--though the siren song of Colombiana still rings out in my head from time to time). I guess everyone needs to make up their own mind about that. Another reason I'd hesitate to return is that other clubs allow for more mileage than HB, and funds that I'd spend on a second HB trip would be better spent on expanding research efforts elsewhere (for example, NW Indiana). As such, unless I hear something different I'll schedule another HB visit for (checks calendar) 2033!

[NiceChicaGaGuy]

Completely agree with this: I'm vaccinated now and feel like I can visit places with more confidence. We should divide and conquer.

A tip for potential reviewers: I tend to write some brief field notes on my monger phone in the parking lot before I head home, and then I can write up the full report at a later (more convenient) time. That way you don't lose certain details by time you get home.

I'm also looking at NW Indiana since those clubs are relatively close, and I want to hit some of the more obscure ones on our side of the border, for example Cellar in Joliet. Anyway, best of luck and health to everyone this spring!

Maybe we should have a secret handshake or gesture, LOL. Seriously, just kidding. My fucked up arthritic hands make me easily identifiable anyway.

[Morrisman]

Completely agree with this: I'm vaccinated now and feel like I can visit places with more confidence. We should divide and conquer.

A tip for potential reviewers: I tend to write some brief field notes on my monger phone in the parking lot before I head home, and then I can write up the full report at a later (more convenient) time. That way you don't lose certain details by time you get home.

I'm also looking at NW Indiana since those clubs are relatively close, and I want to hit some of the more obscure ones on our side of the border, for example Cellar in Joliet. Anyway, best of luck and health to everyone this spring!

Cellar is a money trap with little to show for it. Don't go unless things have radically changed. Which I doubt.

[Chicagorfp]

Perhaps we should make an effort this spring to revisit some places and review them anew.

I think this is a good time to update and "reboot" some of our Intel.

Completely agree with this: I'm vaccinated now and feel like I can visit places with more confidence. We should divide and conquer.

A tip for potential reviewers: I tend to write some brief field notes on my monger phone in the parking lot before I head home, and then I can write up the full report at a later (more convenient) time. That way you don't lose certain details by time you get home.

I'm also looking at NW Indiana since those clubs are relatively close, and I want to hit some of the more obscure ones on our side of the border, for example Cellar in Joliet. Anyway, best of luck and health to everyone this spring!

[NiceChicaGaGuy]

I probably shouldn't use that title because it implies throwing stuff away, and I don't mean that. I could do probably put this same post in Massage Parlor Reports.

Perhaps we should make an effort this spring to revisit some places and review them anew. There is a lot here about 390, of course, and a few references (fewer than, say, this time last year) to Atlantis and IS (the NW Indiana clubs are so close to the state line they can arguably be included here), but what's happening at Jimmy's these days? Is the place near the old Cowboys still operating (of course, that is a bit risky). Is Black Jack's still a viable, although distant, alternative? I have rarely seen anything about Ocean's. Club O is obviously dead. Or is it? I've seen what I believe are veiled references to it on one of the YouTube stripper vlogs. Is the old Skybox anything now? Are there any hidden gem out there?

Personally, I'm recovering from surgery at the moment (catheters suck, BTW) but I should be up and around by next weekend and I think I'll check out Jimmy's and write it up. It used to be one of my favorites but the scuttlebutt is that I'll be disappointed.

I'm not criticizing anything here in any way (I know a few contributors get a bit defensive on occasion), but I think this is a good time to update and "reboot" some of our Intel.

[John N]

I'm white and I've done it myself. I felt sorry for her because she was sorta homely and wasn't getting much attention. Went for a private and dropped 75 for five short songs. Massive boob lady stuck her tongue in my ear and whispered to meet her afterwards. At breakfast she told me she couldn't do it and quit. She sensed I was there just for entertainment. One of the best fux I ever had and I still see her to this day.

Clarify: hip-hop thing (so just done overwhelmingly like black dudes). It's done to show you're balling out with more money than you know what to do with, not to make some stripper feel good about herself.

[NiceChicaGaGuy]

It's a black dude thing. Showering a dancer with dollar bills is like ordering bottle service. It's definitely something you do for the attention / sense of superiority.

I think the "showering the stage with bills" thing is disrespectful, seriously. You don't have the regard to sit there and hand the girl the tip? But I also think it's a learned thing. It's pretty much all you see when a strip joint is depicted in films (I'm remembering just offhand the strip scene in the 1975 film "Nashville") and some people think that's how it should be done.

[HanginBalls]

It's a black dude thing. Showering a dancer with dollar bills is like ordering bottle service. It's definitely something you do for the attention / sense of superiority.

I'm white and I've done it myself. I felt sorry for her because she was sorta homely and wasn't getting much attention. Went for a private and dropped 75 for five short songs. Massive boob lady stuck her tongue in my ear and whispered to meet her afterwards. At breakfast she told me she couldn't do it and quit. She sensed I was there just for entertainment. One of the best fux I ever had and I still see her to this day.

[NewCleve]

My personal favorite is BTS in Dearborn, but there are a handful of places that meet the criteria. The Detroit strip club forum is the place to start. Other popular options include Silver Cricket, Flight Club, Bogarts, Henry the 8th North, and Landing Strip.

One of the hottest blondes I've ever seen danced at Legends downtown.

[GeorgeBoyd]

[Deleted by Admin]

EDITOR'S NOTE: This report was redacted or deleted to remove sections of the report that were largely argumentative. Please read the Forum FAQ and the Forum's Posting Guidelines for more information. Thank You!

[John N]

I think making it rain is just bizarre, seems like those guys never get private dances. Are the guys looking to be the center of attention of the club, just weird. I just throw a buck unless the girl looks to be in big demand and then I will give a 5 and home she notices and that gets me ahead in the line for private dances. It works sometimes, but sometimes not. I only go up toe the stage if I am wanting to get her private, or a closer look at the goods to see if I want to see more.

It's a black dude thing. Showering a dancer with dollar bills is like ordering bottle service. It's definitely something you do for the attention / sense of superiority.

[NiceChicaGaGuy]

Do whatever you want. They are there for YOU.

I usually put a buck up, maybe two, and keep one or two fives on hand if I want to ensure a visit at my seat later.

[Moejoo]

I go to the clubs occasionally but usually don't sit at the stage. What is the current etiquette on tipping? It used to be you just put a buck up there. The last time I was at a stage was a couple of years ago and I put a couple bucks up. Is that still about right? I read about making it rain which I'm not interested in.

I think making it rain is just bizarre, seems like those guys never get private dances. Are the guys looking to be the center of attention of the club, just weird. I just throw a buck unless the girl looks to be in big demand and then I will give a 5 and home she notices and that gets me ahead in the line for private dances. It works sometimes, but sometimes not. I only go up toe the stage if I am wanting to get her private, or a closer look at the goods to see if I want to see more.

[Iamslobbyist]

Which places in Michigan would you recommend, senpai? PM if you'd prefer.

My personal favorite is BTS in Dearborn, but there are a handful of places that meet the criteria. The Detroit strip club forum is the place to start. Other popular options include Silver Cricket, Flight Club, Bogarts, Henry the 8th North, and Landing Strip.