Thread: "Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?
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11-05-14 12:40 #7563
Success story
Good for you Walrus, sounds like one of those successful relationships. You took a chance fronting her a significant amount but she is evidently honest and normal. Sometimes you have to take a risk which we all do. Most of the time we lose advancing money, but there is no absolute in this crazy business. I have never won that game myself. Most use the emergency ploy to increase their take home pay, and never intend to repay in service. My former FB was a classic example. There was always some dire problem and after a number of months she was into me for $$ ,just $50 here,$50 there. I asked to reduce her fee each visit but she kept ahead of me by concocting a crisis. I fell for it too many times until I finally stopped. Sometimes a good piece is not worth the effort.
Originally Posted by Walruscl
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11-04-14 23:04 #7562
Transitions.
18 months into this adventure, and assuming I make it out unscathed, will have been the most mind-bending of my life.
I'm a monogamous SD (well, married, but only have one SB), and I'm as sure as one can be in this situation that she is exclusive to me. So I'm not one of the superstars with a pipeline of POTS and M&G's to tend to. Too much time and energy: juggling a family and even one SB is enough for me.
The sex has ranged from mind-blowing, to almost-scary-adventurous, yet sometimes routine. Even routine is fine with me since 3-4 hours of non-stop attention to the little head from a killer spinner body is something I never thought I'd see in my lifetime. At the same time she is sweet, forthright, hardworking, and supportive of my struggles with the daily turbulence in my household. There's been drama, but for the most part it's normal angst of a girl that age, with dollop of issues coming from a somewhat f*cked-up family situation. I have also gotten my share of personal reward in being able to mentor her on many fronts.
At the beginning, before we built up a trust relationship, it was a typical arrangement: $$ per visit. There were some occasions (like an all-too-rare overnight for example) where she refused the sugar. Then about six months ago there were a couple of financial crisis which made me throw caution to the wind and front her some significant sugar. At this point I cared too much to see her future getting trashed by something as simple as a cash flow jam, so out it went. I couched it as an advance, but also made it clear that even if we broke up the next day, I didn't expect to see the sugar back. She was deeply grateful, as the advance kept her in school and avoided some other fiscal meltdowns. With the assumption that the original arrangement was still in force, I roughly figured she was advanced for at least the rest of the year, so at that point it stopped flowing, and there were no complaints or further discussion.
Recently she mentioned a cash flow problem that perhaps I could help with. It was minor, but made me realize that we never really discussed where things stood. On our next visit I gave her enough to cover the expense plus some extra, which she was a little surprised about. Turns out she had only mentioned it since she wasn't really clear how / when the financial part would work going forward. We had a talk later, to make sure we were on the same page. I had come around to the notion that I could provide sugar as major expenses came along, since the pay-for-play was getting a little awkward. Over the summer I'd been steadily skimming enough to take a bite out of the next round of school expenses by the end of this year, and figured that's what I'd use it for when the time came. When I mentioned that she insisted that she was probably in ok shape until mid-2015, and as we talked the strong implication was that she really didn't expect or even want sugar until she had a concrete need for it.
Which took me aback.
Dream come true, right? Well for me it tested a lot of the compartmentalization that I think a lot of us have to do in the bowl, especially if married. The sugar aspect is the source of a lot of discomfort for many. But at the same time, it's the main differentiator between a sugar and a civvie relationship. For me, a civvie relationship is out of my comfort zone since it's more like an affair and therefore a more direct threat to the relationship with the SO. A sugar relationship, for all the balancing act it represents, is more of a business arrangement than a relationship.
That said, this specific relationship is not a threat in the traditional sense. I'm almost 50, she's 20. We wouldn't last a month if we spent any amount of "normal" time together. I'm aware of this in a very real sense, for her perhaps it's a little more abstract. She's also aware that as challenging as it is, I'm not going to abandon my family. Much of her admiration comes from my dedication to the keeping the household intact. So it's not like running off with her is a possibility.
New territory for sure, never a dull moment.
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11-04-14 22:55 #7561I can't say I have had a flood but twice I have let my membership (two different profiles) expire and noticed an uptick in messages while it was expired. The strangest one is when the oldest profile (expired, I used different email addys for both) hit me with a message from a MILF in OBX. I couldn't read the message since the account was expired. I tried searching the profile using my active account and it didn't show up. Hmm. Not sure why one account would show available profiles in a geography when another wouldn't. Fishy. Originally Posted by SlowMo
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11-04-14 22:19 #7560I know for a fact that many girls will intentionally try and trap you! Even girls who originally are not that type can change when they get emotionally involved with you and start seeing a great future with you. If you are a nice guy, even though older, not bad looking, meet her emotional needs and make open ended promises, there is a good chance she might start missing her pills. A tale tale sign is if she starts mentioning things like how cute the kid might look if you ever had one. Etc, etc. Be careful! Originally Posted by FredMoore
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I have seen the most career oriented college bound, liberal SB's try and get knocked up.
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11-04-14 20:19 #7559
SA membership weirdness
Those on SA know that the whole membership payment system is weird at best. From my experience, you can't re-up until your previous membership runs out, which means that you go dark (ie not premium) for at least a little bit. So recently I ran out and didn't get around to re-upping for 4 days. When I finally did, I got something like 20 contacts within the first 24 hours. Mind you, this is with the same profile as before where I had to be a lot more pro-active. I will grant you that three quarters of the contacts were from hare brained chicks from out of state or out of the country, but there are about 5 potential ones in there. Including one I spoke to on the phone tonight with the hottest body I've seen on SA yet. Still a long way to go on that front thought.
Anyone else receive a flood of messages after updating their membership?
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11-04-14 16:21 #7558"Johnson says the average student receives $3000 a month in gifts, travel and money. " This part is believable. Its just that most of the guys on this thread like to spread it around and not give it all to one girl. Originally Posted by Beachesnole02
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11-04-14 14:11 #7557
Story about SA on news
http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/sh...899&viewfull=1#post2260899.
Local story about SA, they all acted like they were getting rich. One holds up a Luis Viton purse and claims she got it for just having dinner.
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11-04-14 12:20 #7556
Preggo
Good tip! Since I like playing bare back it is always a risk. I try to maintain distance so that they don'why know how to find me. And I try to make sure they are on BC, but who knows about that? Originally Posted by Donatello
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A girl I was last seeing over 1 year ago wrote that she had a baby which was conceived while I was seeing her. She said she and her then estranged husband got it on trying to rekindle the marriage and it did not work out. She never tried to say it was mine so I can only hope that it isn't and she will not come looking.
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11-04-14 00:48 #7555
Be Careful
Donatello, did you ever have a test done to confirm you are the Paternal Adult? I don't know how long ago this episode happened but, hopefully, the SB won't get to a place in her life where She decides you need to get caught up on your Paternal financial responsibilities. Sounds like everything is cool now so that's good. Originally Posted by Donatello
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11-03-14 23:34 #7554
Classic NANDO move
In my adventures I've only dealt with this issue a handful of times. More often than not, I use the standard "can't be mine, I've been snipped. " (Which I haven't) but they suddenly stop the scam and within a few days they reach out with "sorry, false alarm" text, offering to meet up again. Usually I pass, unless it was all 9's across the board. Originally Posted by TravelingJohn#2
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Ironically, only 1 was a true tale, which turns out she and her hubby had been trying to have kids and couldn't. Seems I helped out with our even knowing until a year later when she told me. Didn't want anything else from me, and seemed honestly grateful. She had moved outa state when her hubby was sent to another base.
Don't know if this helps, but has helped me avoid scams.
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11-03-14 23:14 #7553I agree with Fred. I might even try something more direct. Once upon a time I had to tell a GF to stop randomly calling me at work several times per day or else we'd break up because of that. It was never an issue after that. So, perhaps put it back on her that you need space to take care of business to then allow you to spend time with her? Originally Posted by FredMoore
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11-03-14 15:13 #7552
Good problem
Hmmm That is a no brainer Deeds. Door #1 is it! We all dream of a girl like her but * and there is always a but* it depends on the depth of involvement in your life. The ultimate question is when you want separation will she trash your life? A woman scorned and all that. My advice is to slowly back off on communication so that you are not endlessly on a string at her beck and call. Take a little longer to text back etc. Train her to give you some space. I forget but it seems you are single? If married you can use that excuse. If single you just have to explain that you need ethernet space. Originally Posted by DirtyDeeds38
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11-03-14 15:12 #7551I love quality problems. BTW... if girl A is a true submissive she wants you to be happy at any cost. Meaning whatever you say goes. But you would have to tell her how much you love daddys little girl everyday. And how much daddy misses her but that you are a busy executive with a lot of responsibilities and maybe another little girl or 2 to take care of as well. That you chose her out of all the other little girls that need a daddy and she is your special princess. I have four of them right now, all exclusive for now. But its a lot of emotional upkeep except for my MILF. This is the only scenario I am even interested in anymore if its going to be a LTR. And it keeps the STD risk to the bare minimum as they are only playing with you and no one else. Originally Posted by DirtyDeeds38
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11-03-14 14:27 #7550
Girl A or girl B for a long term SB, who'd you pick?
Girl A:
Sexy as fuck, orgasms endlessly, gets off sucking your dick and is turned on insatiably with all things sex. One of those girls put on earth to have sex. But she is sensitive, sweet, shy and not aggressive. She likes to be dominated, use all toys, and we leave each other marked up with bites, bruises, scratches. The sex is out of this world, most intense ever, nothing off limits and I know I won't find another like her. Downside? She wants a real relationship, is VERY insecure, needy and seeks reassurance 24/7 I'm going to stay around. I mean all fucking day and night. But she is so sweet and innocent and submissive about it.
Girl B:
Enjoys the sex, but she knows why she is there. To get me off and take a little enjoyment out of it for herself. Equally as beautiful as girl A, but not orgasmic like her. She's more of a get it done and when I cum, we are done, etc. She does not want a relationship, is not needy and leaves me the fuck alone in between.
How can I keep girl A around for a long time without this turning into a huge fucking mess again? Because it's right there now. She wants her entire life with me. I naturally do not want this with her, but I also can't walk away from the sex and yeah the emotional give and take is pretty fun too.
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11-03-14 14:17 #7549
Blind dates
I don't post a pic on the SD sites, since I currently have a jealous GF, and, previously, because I was married (a long time ago, now, thankfully!) In the time where I didn't have a reason not to post a pic, I did find that, in my few dabblings, having a picture cut down on the number of responses, but also sharply cut down on the number of flakes or disappearances, possibly because they knew from the first "Hello," what you look like, and set their expectations accordingly. (I'm just an average looking guy. Not scary looking, but definitely the kind of guy who needs to use PUA tactics to hook up with civvies, because I'm not going to get there on my looks! Originally Posted by SlowMo
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However, I do not go to any blind dates, and I don't expect the girls to, either. In an age of cellphones, there's no reason for not exchanging a picture, and, let's face it, the pros don't care at all about what you look like, but, in the Sugar Bowl, a girl is not going to be interested if you're too far outside of her expectations. Those expectations are significantly lowered from their civilian dating, given that the sugar makes everything sweeter, but they are still there. I like to move the conversation to regular email as soon as I've determined that I'm not talking to a nigerian scammer, and I offer "give me your email address, and I'll send you current pics, so you won't be wondering what I look like. " If they disappear after that, I'm not their type. Sure, I might have been able to sweet talk them at the M&G, but why would I want to waste my time and $ with a girl who would have rejected me up-front if she saw my picture?
On the other side of this, I do tend to say Hello, to girls on the sites who don't have pictures, and it has been a surprisingly mixed bag. I say "surprisingly" because I would expect that most without pictures would be. Less than desirable. Usually, that's exactly correct. Other times, however, their appearance is fine, and, in one case, very much my type. (The good old days. A SYT from West Virginia, 19, who I saw for a little less than a year before I broke it off, who was willing to meet in the middle for $$ and a hotel room for the night, whether I stayed or not, because she didn't want to have to drive back without sleep. Yes, I have let the girls keep the rooms, if they're willing to use their I'd to check in, and I pay cash. If the hotel room keeps a cash deposit, that comes out of the sugar for the girl, since she can recover it the next morning.).
In any event, I only tend to regret it when I allude to a meet-and-greet before I have seen the girl's picture, since some of them will jump at the implied chance before sending their pictures, leaving me with a meeting with someone with whom I probably wouldn't have agreed to see if I had seen her picture, first. Yes, I do still show up for those, because I think we all have a responsibility to not flake, and one quick meal where you're polite and complimentary to a lady you'll be "too busy" to see again is not a big sacrifice to make, for playing in the bowl.
Oh, as for "laying it out there" at the M&G, I'm still a member of the paranoid crowd who would never deign to discuss price and services, so there's a very simple rule I go by: I NEVER mention sex explicitly, and I do not encourage steamy emails or texts, since I've found that the more steamy stuff she sends, the more likely she is to flake (I think they get carried away, and then are afraid of living up to the heightened expectations that they have set.) Admittedly, I don't have any particularly special requirements in mind, so YMMV if you do. However, if they're playing in the bowl, they already understand the expectations, and they know those expectations are NOT platonic, no matter what the confused girls with the recently discussed ads say. I may refer to "private time, when we're ready to move to that level," but I welcome as many dinners and dates as they'd like "for us to get comfortable with each other. " (Unsaid: in most cases, that winds up being the first or second meeting, but if it goes to 3 with no move towards the FC, I will not be "free" for another meeting. If I just wanted civilian dating, I wouldn't be talking to an SB.).
I do tend to set ballpark expectations prior to the meet for eventual support, and I put it in terms of covering a few bills, but not the mortgage on their mansion. If they don't flinch at that, they will usually accept $ to $. 5 per meeting, and then it's up to you to see what your schedule / budget allows. If they have specific $ expectations that they present, I do the quick division to break it down to $ per meeting, and I tell them matter-of-factly about how often we'd have to meet, monthly, to fulfill their needs. If their needs are outside of my range, I use (I think it was HG's method) and tell them politely that they should absolutely be able to get whatever they need, that I would not be the one whose budget is able to handle that, but that I hope they'll keep me in mind if they have a quiet evening sometime.
The laying it out there, for me, pretty much comes down to whether or not they'll accept $ to $. 5 per meeting (nothing explicit ever mentioned, just "private time" or "quiet time" and whether or not our schedules will allow that. During these discussions, it does come into play whether or not they have their own transportation (or will I have to pick them up every time,) and whether or not they have their own place (or taking care of a hotel will come into play, in which case I need to consider how much I can offer for support.) You may find that even the ones with kids will soon discover that they can drop the kids off at grandma's for free, so you can visit them in their home, and let them enjoy the money that would have been going to the hotel. Speaking of babysitters, when you have a GPS one who tries to negotiate your payment of the sitter into the sugar, I politely tell them that their babysitter is their responsibility, and I'll agree to not charge them for my expenses for coming to see them, as well If they're offended by this (and they probably won't be. It's a negotiation technique on their part,) it's better that they walk, rather than having to suffer through them trying to bleed you dry via a thousand cuts. (The ones who ask for you to cover the babysitter will find more things that you should cover for them, as well. Yes, I speak from bitter experience on this.).
In any event, I go into M&Gs with the expectation that she already knows the score, so all we have left to discuss is $ per meeting ("until we're comfortable enough to be in a monthly arrangement". Be forewarned that when you do enter a monthly plan, the SB may suddenly become much less available, and will have to be cut off,) and scheduling. Assume they know that this is going to entail more than platonic friendship, since, hey, they're at the M&G with you, and you're not offering them anything for just going out on a date with you, right? .
My $0. 02.
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