"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[PghGuy2005]

... After you "fessed up" , if the SB piece of shit still harasses you in any way, I'd go to the Police and get a restraining order tagged to her ass ...

Does going to the police necessarily have to involve the spouse? Can I not file a complaint without being asked about things not pertinent to the complaint?

[JZLizard]

Maybe more married guys are like me? I value the relationship with my wife on all levels except sexually. I'm boring, it's forced, it's almost scheduled on the calendar. Kind of predictable. For me the SD thing is like an exciting hobby. Some guys play golf. I bang young chicks. Could it blow up in my face? I suppose. I get the general feeling my wife knows I'm having things taken care of in some way but pretends not to know. Life is pretty good for her and our kids are still pretty young so family disruption is avoided. That said I'm still very cautious and work hard to be stealth.

On one hand, I'd say that's double the risk for the same reward -- getting caught would then mean both financial and emotional devastation, losing someone that you want in your life (perhaps even having your kids hate you for screwing up their family). It's a great deal to lose all just for an exciting hobby. On the other hand, I believe that it can be done in moderation, perhaps even on an ongoing basis, with enough caution (particularly the three rules I posted).

My "need" for the exciting hobby is similar to yours. There is nothing interesting about sex with my girlfriend -- I can't even say it's something I particularly look forward to, it's just something I do in order to satisfy a need, sort of like eating when you're hungry. We don't always get the gourmet meal full of variety by the globally recognized chef of the year for every dinner meal, but as long as we put ourselves in an adult state of mind and realize that life does not entitle us to that, then we are happy to eat whatever we normally eat. Happiness and / or contentment truly comes from within -- we decide if we are happy with what we have or whether we always need more.

I've learned that I can't have everything I want in life, and that is the nature of the human mind to demand more than what we have, regardless of what we do have. And, that the key to true happiness is learning to counter-balance that regretful side of human nature by learning to appreciate what we have instead of always wanting something else.

Thinking like that has taken me a long time and lot of hard-earned lessons. But I'm damn glad I learned to do it.

I still like strange pussy as much as the next guy. But I'll be damned if I'm going to fuck up and lose the important things in life over it.

[FTP1999]

Too bad SA doesn't have like a one-day membership.

This POT I'm dying to hear from messaged me on SA even though she has my text and email. She is probably telling me to fuck off (nicely) but the fact that she may be opening a door is there as a possibility. Kills me that I can't read the message. I am not going to get a one-month membership just for that.

[FTP1999]

STOP< THIEF -- friend reports that.

https://www.seekingarrangement.com/m...ecently-active - LynnB93 robbed him on 3rd meeting.

"a girl I met twice in private before ran on me, taking all my cash ($600). She played well- said she just had her wisdom teeth removed and very painful. Asked me to go to the front desk to get Advil. I followed her instructions and she just left with my wallet! Luckily, she did not steal anything else like my laptop (could have been a disaster if she had done that). But gosh I was trusting her too much and got fooled by her. We had two physical meetings before! ".

[HoyaSvnFgr]

So the JL situation is: values relationship and doesn't want to lose it, but has no risk of losing money.

Whereas it seems the common married SD situation is: does not value relationship, but has huge risk of financial loss by getting caught.

Maybe more married guys are like me? I value the relationship with my wife on all levels except sexually. I'm boring, it's forced, it's almost scheduled on the calendar. Kind of predictable. For me the SD thing is like an exciting hobby. Some guys play golf. I bang young chicks. Could it blow up in my face? I suppose. I get the general feeling my wife knows I'm having things taken care of in some way but pretends not to know. Life is pretty good for her and our kids are still pretty young so family disruption is avoided. That said I'm still very cautious and work hard to be stealth.

I started in The Bowl when my marriage was near ending. I entered The Bowl full on and felt no need to be stealth. I was private in my interactions, but not OCD about it. The financial implications of my divorce was already a reality for me. The Bowl was sort of my break away from everything. It's funny because when I started SB dating my marriage started improving. I was more pleasant and in a better mood all the time.

[Pats Fan1]

So the JL situation is: values relationship and doesn't want to lose it, but has no risk of losing money.

Whereas it seems the common married SD situation is: does not value relationship, but has huge risk of financial loss by getting caught.

Maybe more married guys are like me? I value the relationship with my wife on all levels except sexually. I'm boring, it's forced, it's almost scheduled on the calendar. Kind of predictable. For me the SD thing is like an exciting hobby. Some guys play golf. I bang young chicks. Could it blow up in my face? I suppose. I get the general feeling my wife knows I'm having things taken care of in some way but pretends not to know. Life is pretty good for her and our kids are still pretty young so family disruption is avoided. That said I'm still very cautious and work hard to be stealth.

[JZLizard]

...I did mange to fuck a tourist....

This reminds me of the old "I went to _ and all I got was this lousy t-shirt". You should get a t-shirt printed up that said "A tourist came to LA hoping for a t-shirt but only left sticky and confused". LOL.

[JZLizard]

Those of us addicted to the lifestyle of fucking 20 yr old hotties can not quit. It's not a question of "should we" but one of "how". Our single fellow SDs can play in a more traditional bowl where they can date and pursue a baby without fear of SO kickback, but even JL has an SO that he has to watch out for. I'm sure discovery would not be pleasant, perhaps without the legal and financial blowback though. We marrieds do the best we can to be careful, but sometimes it is not enough. But the alternative --staying true to the SO and not ever experiencing what we do--is unacceptable. Do not get married is the bottom line. And date only SBs.

I have a GF, but for me there is zero financial risk -- no alimony, no child support, no division of assets. Even without those risks, it's important to understand that the time I spend dabbling in the bowl is about. 001% of the time it would be if I were single. The reason is that I value my relationship and don't want to lose it. I only become an SD when she has to travel and I'm bored -- that's more of a personality flaw of mine than something I intentionally set out to do.

So the JL situation is: values relationship and doesn't want to lose it, but has no risk of losing money.

Whereas it seems the common married SD situation is: does not value relationship, but has huge risk of financial loss by getting caught.

If I were in the second situation, I would get out of the marriage as quickly and cleanly as possible so that I could maximize my resources toward whatever it is I really wanted to be doing.

In terms of how -- well kicking any addiction is a challenge and some people are better than others. It's hard for me to just give up all my POTS when it's time to go dark, and I literally sulk about it for about a month when that happens. But at the end of the day I am a disciplined adult, I am able to assess what is important to me and put on the long-term vision glasses long enough to peer into the future and see what it will be like if the things that are important to me come crashing down.

So, to that I would say that, most people are money motivated. Money is what makes the whole SB hobby possible. Doesn't the risk of having a good portion of that money go flying out the window provide pretty good motivation for at least controlling our behavior such that the risk is lessened? I'm not saying every SD should quit, I'm just saying they shouldn't put themselves at risk of ruining their lives. Look at the post from the OP who started this subject, he says life just isn't the same. Is it not possible to learn something from each other's mistakes? If mankind cannot do that then quite frankly none of it matters because we're screwed (and not like we'd like to be).

[HollywoodGuy]

I have now spent five of the last seven days with my Hawaiian Princess. I did mange to fuck a tourist and a stripper in between. But its been all about her and she has slept here the last two nites in a row. Being still disabled she has been a calming influence on me thanks to her chill hawaiian upbringing. Pics coming when I can. She isn't thrilled about me fucking other girls, but she knows I have big boy needs that she can't live up to yet. But so far its been fun. And there is nothing like sticking my tongue in that virgin ass and pussy. I have been spending a $ a day for her time including all meals and trips to the store.

[FredMoore]

Sorry to hear of this. If I were married I wouldn't go near the bowl, personally.

I'm not sure a lot of SDs realize that HWG and some of the other guys who seem to have the most fun are able to do this because they are single. They don't have the stress of living a double life, they can bring girls back to their place and those girls know that there's really nothing they can hold over the SD.

The advice I've written here I think goes largely unnoticed, but if I had to summarize the three most important rules I've ever posted here, they would be:

1. If you have an SO, never play close to home. 60 mile radius is the danger zone.

2. Never agree to money up front. Gift them after the fact.

3. Retain your anonymity as much as possible, even avoiding letting them see your license plate.

Lots of folks will disagree, and in truth I doubt many operate by those rules -- but without them, for married guys at least it's not a question of if it will come crashing down, it is a question of when.

Those of us addicted to the lifestyle of fucking 20 yr old hotties can not quit. It's not a question of "should we" but one of "how". Our single fellow SDs can play in a more traditional bowl where they can date and pursue a baby without fear of SO kickback, but even JL has an SO that he has to watch out for. I'm sure discovery would not be pleasant, perhaps without the legal and financial blowback though. We marrieds do the best we can to be careful, but sometimes it is not enough. But the alternative --staying true to the SO and not ever experiencing what we do--is unacceptable. Do not get married is the bottom line. And date only SBs.

[NiceGuy804]

I DO pay a lady 60-100 (especially WYP) for an interview lunch to make myself (and them) feel better about a potential meet later. Haven't always had the second meeting, but I've never gotten burned that way.

Yeah, and the sites don't help much either. Me thinks they de-emphasize the p4 p aspect in order to stay on the right side of the law. That WYP site is particularly bad. Who is gunna pay 200 or 300 for the "honor" of buying a girl dinner & drinks, with zero expectations later? LOL!

.

[JZLizard]

What strikes me about what OP wrote is the fact that the SB constant calling was what tripped him over the line. What better evidence for using a GV number and a burner phone for these kind of arrangements? That way if she become obnoxious, just use GV to block her number. If she switches numbers and continues to call, then dump the GV number and get another one. If it is total mahem, dump GV and the burner phone.

Yes, why not a burner phone? Was the first thought that crossed my mind when he said she kept calling, but I assume he meant that she knew so much about him that going dark on the phone would just lead to an escalation (her showing up at his home or work or whatever). I've seen that happen -- and then the victim feels hostage to retain contact with the girl in order to try to keep her calm enough until she meets someone else or the situation cools.

That the basics of keeping married life and hobby life separate. Just because these girls aren't SWers, Strippers, CL / BP girls doesn't mean all of those rules don't apply.

The great thing about strippers or escorts is they rarely have any direct interest in being vindictive. SBs are far more likely to form an emotional attachment and feel more "invested" in their SD, thus not want to let him get away so easy when he wants out.

[Cephlapod Love]

Sorry to hear of this. If I were married I wouldn't go near the bowl, personally.

I'm not sure a lot of SDs realize that HWG and some of the other guys who seem to have the most fun are able to do this because they are single. They don't have the stress of living a double life, they can bring girls back to their place and those girls know that there's really nothing they can hold over the SD.

The advice I've written here I think goes largely unnoticed, but if I had to summarize the three most important rules I've ever posted here, they would be:

1. If you have an SO, never play close to home. 60 mile radius is the danger zone.

2. Never agree to money up front. Gift them after the fact.

3. Retain your anonymity as much as possible, even avoiding letting them see your license plate.

Lots of folks will disagree, and in truth I doubt many operate by those rules -- but without them, for married guys at least it's not a question of if it will come crashing down, it is a question of when.

What strikes me about what OP wrote is the fact that the SB constant calling was what tripped him over the line. What better evidence for using a GV number and a burner phone for these kind of arrangements? That way if she become obnoxious, just use GV to block her number. If she switches numbers and continues to call, then dump the GV number and get another one. If it is total mahem, dump GV and the burner phone.

That the basics of keeping married life and hobby life separate. Just because these girls aren't SWers, Strippers, CL / BP girls doesn't mean all of those rules don't apply.

The other part is that one needs to be able to keep things separate emotionally! NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL! Yeah, I know seems obvious, but I can tell you that on a few occasions I have fallen down in that regard! It is tough when one is sharing intimacies and clicks with another human being, especially if the home situation is strained. So I get it, at times it can be tough! In my case, thank goodness for a few buddies from sites like this that grabbed me by the collar and pulled me back from the brink and supplied numerous "beatings" to keep me from going back into the danger zone.

So hope the OP can salvage things at home. Best.

[HoyaSvnFgr]

I am so glad I ditched all my POTS about a month ago. With all new girls its like getting a totally fresh start. I still have my ATF but that's it from the old girls. Sometimes hanging on or working a POT for weeks or even months just gets really stale. I feel like I am smelling the roses again.

I used the rinse and repeat method a few times. Only the best SB's carry over. I know it sounds strange, but I grew tired and bored of banging two SB's a day and juggling several during the week.

There was one SB that's now more like my GF. We clicked immediately, both grew up in the same area and had similar experiences. There's huge perks in settling with one spinner, especially if there's mutual attraction. This GF / SB / SO is one of the best relationships I've had. It's much better than my previous marriages for sure. LMAO!

[JZLizard]

I've read this section for a long time, read with great interest.
I got involved with a CL SB, so she said. Some of it I shared on here and in the area I met her. I let my guard down, let her know some of the real me. I was stupid and a sucker, both for stepping into this world and for letting my guard down.
I got caught when the sugar stopped. SB called and called and called. Only way to stop the torture (and sleepless nights since I stepped out) was to fess up. Life is not the same. I wish I had never opened Pandoras box.

Sorry to hear of this. If I were married I wouldn't go near the bowl, personally.

I'm not sure a lot of SDs realize that HWG and some of the other guys who seem to have the most fun are able to do this because they are single. They don't have the stress of living a double life, they can bring girls back to their place and those girls know that there's really nothing they can hold over the SD.

The advice I've written here I think goes largely unnoticed, but if I had to summarize the three most important rules I've ever posted here, they would be:

1. If you have an SO, never play close to home. 60 mile radius is the danger zone.

2. Never agree to money up front. Gift them after the fact.

3. Retain your anonymity as much as possible, even avoiding letting them see your license plate.

Lots of folks will disagree, and in truth I doubt many operate by those rules -- but without them, for married guys at least it's not a question of if it will come crashing down, it is a question of when.