Married & mongering

[DonJuan8891]

I agree with Sc John. Life is too short to feel guilty. I do make sure I get regularly checked for stds. In a vast majority of marriages sex drive is goig to be different between two people. Always ends up with one party wanting sex more than the other. Often this can lead to resentment. As long as you're being safe I don't see the big issue. That being said I'm sure there are exceptions, but I don't see a majority of guys doing this with wives that are still hyped for sex and continue to try to keep up their appearance. I would greatly prefer to have a healthy sexual relationship with my wife rather than hobbying. Having to choose between essentially never having sex vs occasionally hobbying is an easy choice for me. At the end she's happy to not be hassled and I'm happy because I get some relief. Escort is happy because she made some cash. Win win win.

[SCJohn]

It's sad, but true. It's an addiction, like any other. The rush you get when you get the text of the room number and going up to see your latest fix. I moved from California to Nashville to get away from it, but even after being caught cheating I still face the same addiction day after day. I can't leave my wife due to the fact that I feel guilt that she never had a child because I felt sorry for her, but never told her the truth. It's the guilt that keeps me where I am now. I stopped from my days of mongering 2 to 3 times, and my hx account I am almost a level 5, but at times I have to stop and feel sadness for the way things came out and what I've done to someone else. She never found out the full truth, only that I cheated "once" with some random stranger from tinder. The truth is, I've cheated hundreds of times, mongering or through other means such as fetlife or craigslist.

Life is too short to feel guilty. I've read some of your post in Nashville. You need move back to CA and get back on HX. There's a lot of great talent here. You at least need to visit once a year. Don't know why you feel guilty about the wife. If she's not satisfying your needs. That's on her. There are other ways to feel fulfilled in life.

[HapaBoy86]

I bet they are much happier now right hapa!?

Some yes and some NO.

Few of them still hobby!

Several of them after taking a financial hit and going through the divorce and court process we're "so embarrassed"!

And, when the wives showed all the evidence to his and her families. LOL.

One lost his job cause he worked for the family business of hers.

[Suede15]

It's sad, but true. It's an addiction, like any other. The rush you get when you get the text of the room number and going up to see your latest fix. I moved from California to Nashville to get away from it, but even after being caught cheating I still face the same addiction day after day. I can't leave my wife due to the fact that I feel guilt that she never had a child because I felt sorry for her, but never told her the truth. It's the guilt that keeps me where I am now. I stopped from my days of mongering 2 to 3 times, and my hx account I am almost a level 5, but at times I have to stop and feel sadness for the way things came out and what I've done to someone else. She never found out the full truth, only that I cheated "once" with some random stranger from tinder. The truth is, I've cheated hundreds of times, mongering or through other means such as fetlife or craigslist.

What a fantastic thread PPMM! My compliments & gratitude to you & the rest of the gentlemen who have commented and make me finally come out of the closet on this Board. I've been a lurker of this site for a long time but I've never posted as this is my very first. I've been married and mongering for years; way too many to count. I started mongering back in the 80's before I got married. Then after I got married I completely stopped until we had our first & only child. After that everything changed. My wife's body never returned to the slim version that I liked & over the years I completely lost interest in having sex with her, which is now about 5 years.

Believe me, I feel horrible and sooo guilty about it. I know she's thinking that I can't get it up anymore but that's not it. I get it up quite often as a matter of fact so I either masturbate or see an escort or go the an MP..

[Suede15]

I haven't been caught mongering but cheating. Yet, I have cheated again since and very cautious. I get calls and texts all the time, so I have to be very very careful. My mongering used to be 3 times a week at times until covid hit. Have seen a handful since then.

I appreciate that reminder. There is nothing better than a healthy fear of consequences to make people ultra-careful.

IK a few people who were long term sugardaddies, perhaps that is easier to keep under wraps. You can't make mistakes, you have to know your subconscious (I. E, sometimes the SO knows you are 'too happy' - someone married I saw long ago used to say she would 'suck a lemon' before she went home to her hubs, so he would not suspect how happy she was), and you have to have a bit of luck. Sometimes, just really unfortunate coincidences or whatever can reveal to the SO you were in a place you weren't supposed to be.

[FarFarAway]

All my married friends who mongered it never worked out!

Few of them The Wife would give them a free pass on the first one with yelling, sleeping by themselves for a few months, etc.

But, after there 2nd time getting caught straight to divorce and hit them financially Hard!

Several of then we're straight to Divorce!

Cheating "never" works out when your married!

I appreciate that reminder. There is nothing better than a healthy fear of consequences to make people ultra-careful.

IK a few people who were long term sugardaddies, perhaps that is easier to keep under wraps. You can't make mistakes, you have to know your subconscious (I. E, sometimes the SO knows you are 'too happy' - someone married I saw long ago used to say she would 'suck a lemon' before she went home to her hubs, so he would not suspect how happy she was), and you have to have a bit of luck. Sometimes, just really unfortunate coincidences or whatever can reveal to the SO you were in a place you weren't supposed to be.

[Plasma Spray]

What the heck do these women think?!

If it ain't from her, it will be from somewhere else.

All these stiffs seem to belong to the same club and follow the same script. LOL!

[PayPalMakesMon]

All my married friends who mongered it never worked out!

Few of them The Wife would give them a free pass on the first one with yelling, sleeping by themselves for a few months, etc.

But, after there 2nd time getting caught straight to divorce and hit them financially Hard!

Several of then we're straight to Divorce!

Cheating "never" works out when your married!

I bet they are much happier now right hapa!?

[HapaBoy86]

All my married friends who mongered it never worked out!

Few of them The Wife would give them a free pass on the first one with yelling, sleeping by themselves for a few months, etc.

But, after there 2nd time getting caught straight to divorce and hit them financially Hard!

Several of then we're straight to Divorce!

Cheating "never" works out when your married!

[RealSexyPanda]

Thanks for creating this.

I've been married for almost a year and had to go back to mongering. It went downhill after the engagement. She went from wild crazy PSE daily sex, to bland missionary only once a month sex. Always with excuses and also stopped trying to dress up, use makeup etc.

I went the route of making myself look better and doing activities without her. Will see how she responds over the next few months as I improve.

I did get a prenup before ever getting married and not afraid to divorce, but stay patient in the for better or worse part as I don't want to just give up or walk and leave her with nothing.

Since my offices in the PNW and Bay area are back to RTO mode, I travel a lot more and have conferences in midwest and east coasts.

I've hobbied a few times since with some desirables I never had a chance with as well as AMPs and K agencies.

I ended up creating a seperate bank account for hobby funds and will buy items as debit, with extra cash back to slowly build hobby cash when travelling.

Google Voice and Gmail has been an unreliable mess for my hobby line (cannot ever reccomend this anymore) so that's actually blocked me from contacting providers.

DO NOT USE GOOGLE.

It will want you to authenticate with the last burner device you had or block you if using WiFi from another IP outside your normal area you activated or got the phone from.

The bank I use for hobby funds only has branches in one state so I will cancel it sometime. I leave my card at the office but really want a bank I can walk in with just I'd and withdraw cash, so no need for a card.

I can't risk BBFS ever and even avoid BBBJ.

Any sign of disease even if treatable is too costly. If I avoid sex, she would get paranoid why.

This has been tough with providers who love BBBJ, DFK and SS.

One provider was upset as she straight up wanted to go PSE GFE like a crazy horny high school girl and I would only do CFS.

I don't regret marriage yet, but will say I probably did it way too soon.

[CJung78]

What a fantastic thread PPMM! My compliments & gratitude to you & the rest of the gentlemen who have commented and make me finally come out of the closet on this Board. I've been a lurker of this site for a long time but I've never posted as this is my very first. I've been married and mongering for years; way too many to count. I started mongering back in the 80's before I got married. Then after I got married I completely stopped until we had our first & only child. After that everything changed. My wife's body never returned to the slim version that I liked & over the years I completely lost interest in having sex with her, which is now about 5 years.

Believe me, I feel horrible and sooo guilty about it. I know she's thinking that I can't get it up anymore but that's not it. I get it up quite often as a matter of fact so I either masturbate or see an escort or go the an MP.

I used to be a heavy hitter on HX.

Agree with the appreciation of creating this thread.

Mongering for the past 10 years on and off.

Still can't get over the thrills of making appts to see a new provider.

Though many times also got disappointed with the looks and the services provided.

Used to feel lots of guilt but less nowadays.

Tried to quit but never fully worked.

Best to just enjoy it when you can.

Everyone has their own personal struggles and stories and reasons for mongering.

Why not just do what makes you happy while keeping the Mrs happy too.

[FarFarAway]

"Love is the illusion that one woman is better than the next. " HL Menken.

Great discussion here and good perspectives. Got divorced a few years back and escorts world is a game changer vs the dating game IMO. Levels the playing field in our favor, and agree with that thrill of the chase theory. Only gripe is HX quality has gone down quite a bit overall, while prices gone up compared to several years back. Expecting that to change with next major recession, supply and demand turning back in our favor for the casual hobbyist. Cash is king is a recession.

Yah, I don't think I'll be taking any life advice from Mencken (SP, BTW), a widely known curmudgeon. I want my life to be happy. I can say that there are many many women who are better than other women, and it took me a long time to find someone whose company I can enjoy no matter what we're doing. I am happily married and aim to stay that way. That doesn't mean everything in the relationship is perfect, but we are together for mutual benefits.

[CityboysUp]

Seeing these threads is pretty depressing but word of advice, if you want to keep your marriage going and you want to bring back the sex, you got to take the comfort away from her.

Hit the gym, spend more time doing other things, ghosting her, keeping her guessing, etc. She'll accuse you of cheating, but it doesn't matter anyway because what's going to happen, you get a divorce? That's what's going to happen anyway if you keep going down the path you're on. At which point, if the sex does get better, if you're bold enough you can start pushing for other partners and get MFF threesomes going.

But all of this means nothing if you feel like you have zero leverage and don't want to risk losing her. The irony is that if you can detach that feeling, you will actually have MORE leverage to get the life you want and to be fulfilled.

[PelicanT99]

…The down side is that as a monger you occasionally have bad experiences. Girls that are not interested, clock watchers, etc. And for me that causes my self worth to take a hit. That's probably why I stick with a very small list of providers because I am comfortable with them, and they enjoy seeing me (or they play the part well, which I'm fine with).

Enough time with sex workers and you'll learn not to take their actions or words personally; it's not about you, it's about them. And don't confuse their interest in your money with interest in you. That's just you wanting to believe. Just take the good parts and ignore the bad, until they get too much to keep patronizing her, and then move on. Yes, some play the part convincingly, and that's great: enjoy it but don't take it (or her) to the bank based on her performance. Mongering is great but it's not a "relationship," and trying to substitute is unlikely to end well. It's more like a petting zoo with exotic animals: it's cool, but always be wary of their nature.

[PitfallHarry13]

Very interesting thread. I accidentally stumbled into happy endings I'd been in a dead bedroom for years, and I would get massages at places that I felt were probably legit (look up Google reviews and see if there are any women's names in the list). It was just to experience having someone touch me, but I purposely avoided places where I would be tempted to cross a line. That was until one day I was in a place with legit reviews and it escalated from a great massage to tickling to an HJ gesture and I gladly said "Yes!

I wondered that day how I would feel. What I realized was that the DB had left me feeling unwanted. I felt like no one would want to touch me sexually or make me feel good. I realized that night that I felt desirable again. I knew I paid for it, but still, a hot woman wanted to touch me and make me climax. The boost to my self worth was huge. I really think I became a different person after that first experience.

I'm not fooling myself I can't tell my wife nor can I leave her for reasons I won't go into here. I'm cheating. But our marriage is actually better now, and I feel like a desirable person for the first time in a long time.

The down side is that as a monger you occasionally have bad experiences. Girls that are not interested, clock watchers, etc. And for me that causes my self worth to take a hit. That's probably why I stick with a very small list of providers because I am comfortable with them, and they enjoy seeing me (or they play the part well, which I'm fine with).