"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[JustLonely]

I am quite active (=compulsive!) on seeking, recently joining for the next month. I am getting a lot of the "what do you provide for an allowance?" question in messaging on the site. In general I try to negotiate that at the M&G, face to face, to get the best deal. It is also risky to do on seeking, it seems people have gotten banned for getting into that. The site is appropriately paranoid about getting shut down.

I have replied that I can't talk about it on the site because it violates the terms of service, but then of course there's no prevention if we start texting or emailing. I have also said general stuff like 'I wouldn't know how to have that conversation w / someone I'd never met' and 'I'm sure you wouldn't like to discuss sexual acts w / a guy you only know over the internet'. Often times, the conversation stops at that point. I know I want to deflect the sugar discussion as long as possible, but am I missing out on some here? Is there a different way to say it to get them to M&G w / o a sugar promise, or at least a sense. At one point, I think I was saying something like "I'm not poor and I'm not cheap, and I have had very desirable SBs, and they never complained. " In the absence of the old 'lifestyle' buttons, it's hard to know what they want.

Are these who get to this question quickly just UTRs who I mostly am not interested in anyway?

I look to see how long they have been on the site. With it being a really long time, I assume they are UTR and treat them accordingly. With the ones that are really new, I tell them I am open to various arrangements depending on how well we match up. A lot ask me what my previous arrangements were like. Some even ask how did I help my last SB. My usual reply is that depended on the situation that brought the person to SA. Whatever the case, we have a mutually beneficial arrangement that we can discuss over coffee or dinner and see where we might want to go from there.

The exception to all that occurs like what happens just before Christmas and around rent due time. Some of them will say they need X dollars soon to pay for whatever. I will decline or say we can meet for coffee and see if I can help. I never give them an amount when messaging. If I can't get them to meet me first, then it's not going to be the kind of arrangement I am looking for at this point in my life regardless of UTR or green newbie that has no clue what a real Sugar Baby is.

[Walruscl]

I am quite active (=compulsive!) on seeking, recently joining for the next month. I am getting a lot of the "what do you provide for an allowance?" question in messaging on the site. In general I try to negotiate that at the M&G, face to face, to get the best deal. It is also risky to do on seeking, it seems people have gotten banned for getting into that. The site is appropriately paranoid about getting shut down.

I have replied that I can't talk about it on the site because it violates the terms of service, but then of course there's no prevention if we start texting or emailing. I have also said general stuff like 'I wouldn't know how to have that conversation w / someone I'd never met' and 'I'm sure you wouldn't like to discuss sexual acts w / a guy you only know over the internet'. Often times, the conversation stops at that point. I know I want to deflect the sugar discussion as long as possible, but am I missing out on some here? Is there a different way to say it to get them to M&G w / o a sugar promise, or at least a sense. At one point, I think I was saying something like "I'm not poor and I'm not cheap, and I have had very desirable SBs, and they never complained. " In the absence of the old 'lifestyle' buttons, it's hard to know what they want.

Are these who get to this question quickly just UTRs who I mostly am not interested in anyway?

See my post farther down, just happened to me recently. It was strange because usually the GPS girls (in my experience anyway) tend to not be the ones in pursuit. But she reached out to me first, and when I started to flake a little on her she didn't give up. Until we went to text of course, at which point the financials came up again, and then she let it drop that $500 was non-negotiable. Which is ironic because if it's that non-negotiable, that must mean she has SD's beating a path to her door, so why did she feel the need to pursue me?

I don't think she was a UTR, just a GPS who is looking at it very much as a transaction, and for whatever reason (ego, greed, whatever) needs to have the number be high. The one time I agreed to that amount was from someone who claimed to pull down $800 on occasion, but at the same time I was her last SD because she had given up on it as an activity with a good ROI for her. She had no spark, wasn't a clock-watcher but was very stingy with her time, and very much seemed to be of the mindset that she was the one doing me the favor. The latter wasn't obnoxiously so, but that was her general thought process.

So, I'm rambling, but I had no problem just walking away from these situations (demanding to talk financials first, are out of my price range) because I do think that these are girls I am not interested in. The entire vibe is wrong, as they are more likely to be calculating an ROI in terms of their time and are doing it more for the financials than the sex. As a result, the sex is probably not going to be as good, simply because they are either not into it or are treating it so casually that there's no spark.

[Walruscl]

That's very possibly an accurate guess, I haven't put too much thought into the science of it. What I have found is that when I hit my optimum fitness level, it mostly seems to maintain itself. Where I have to be careful is when my normal workout deviates, like when my work ramps up and I start spending a lot of time sitting, then increase my alcohol intake, then start slowing down on the gym visits, then get irresponsible like when my girlfriend's friend gives her a home made cheesecake and I end up eating the whole thing in a day. LOL. After a few weeks of a combination of behaviors like that, I eventually step on the scale to see an unwelcome half dozen or so pounds, and that's my queue to quit screwing around and get back to the gym.

Fortunately I've managed to not backslide that far. At most I see less than a pound difference when I "binge" (which basically translates into indulging in pub food, or a larger portion than I might normally have). And again, remarkably I sometimes see a small net loss over the course of a week where I binged once or twice. I know how much work "that last five pounds" are, so at the moment I'm pretty hell-bent on not letting things slide to the point where I'm facing that problem.

The only bummer right now is with the colder weather, I don't have clothing that highlights the trim physique. Good problem to have I suppose.

[FarFarAway]

I am quite active (=compulsive!) on seeking, recently joining for the next month. I am getting a lot of the "what do you provide for an allowance?" question in messaging on the site. In general I try to negotiate that at the M&G, face to face, to get the best deal. It is also risky to do on seeking, it seems people have gotten banned for getting into that. The site is appropriately paranoid about getting shut down.

I have replied that I can't talk about it on the site because it violates the terms of service, but then of course there's no prevention if we start texting or emailing. I have also said general stuff like 'I wouldn't know how to have that conversation w / someone I'd never met' and 'I'm sure you wouldn't like to discuss sexual acts w / a guy you only know over the internet'. Often times, the conversation stops at that point. I know I want to deflect the sugar discussion as long as possible, but am I missing out on some here? Is there a different way to say it to get them to M&G w / o a sugar promise, or at least a sense. At one point, I think I was saying something like "I'm not poor and I'm not cheap, and I have had very desirable SBs, and they never complained. " In the absence of the old 'lifestyle' buttons, it's hard to know what they want.

Are these who get to this question quickly just UTRs who I mostly am not interested in anyway?

[JZLizard]

Ever since summer I'd sworn off pizza, but finally indulged, but in moderation. Didn't make a dent. In fact I find that if I have a small binge here and there (relatively speaking), I tend to lose weight during those periods. My layman's guess is calorie restriction dials back metabolism, and if you give your body some calories, it gives permission to ramp it back up for awhile.

That's very possibly an accurate guess, I haven't put too much thought into the science of it. What I have found is that when I hit my optimum fitness level, it mostly seems to maintain itself. Where I have to be careful is when my normal workout deviates, like when my work ramps up and I start spending a lot of time sitting, then increase my alcohol intake, then start slowing down on the gym visits, then get irresponsible like when my girlfriend's friend gives her a home made cheesecake and I end up eating the whole thing in a day. LOL. After a few weeks of a combination of behaviors like that, I eventually step on the scale to see an unwelcome half dozen or so pounds, and that's my queue to quit screwing around and get back to the gym.

[Walruscl]

There are a few tricks I've found that help maintain the balance through the "comfortable" times.

1. If you're in any sort of long-term situation (SB or civy), keep in mind that if you get too comfortable, she probably will take it as license to do same, and before you know it she's not as hot as she used to be and neither is your sex-life. So by pushing yourself, you're also pushing her to keep up, and it pays dividends across the board in terms of better sex.

2. Don't deprive yourself completely of eating the things you want to eat, but when you do indulge, balance it out with something on the other side. For example if you eat a slice of pie, satisfy the craving but then later eat something like salmon fillet with vegetables. Depriving yourself completely just leads to a bottled up feeling that you're missing something, and most people who swing to the two extremes end up losing the battle to the far end of each extreme they didn't want.

3. Sometimes if I'm feeling too comfortable, I let my mind reflect onto past sugaring experiences -- not just how hot the girl was or how good the sex was, but I start picturing in my mind things like the restaurant we ate at, or what kind of art or decorations were in the hotel room I stayed in, or what was said in the first hour we met. Things like that. It helps to put me back into the "mode" where life is not mundane and I'm traveling around to different cities meeting different girls. Somehow remembering the smallest details of these experiences helps remind me why I want to go to the gym.

4. Don't bust your ass completely on every gym session. Get in the habit of finishing the workout in under an hour, and push yourself just hard enough that the workout itself is enjoyable. This in itself makes the workout itself become addictive, making you look forward to each workout. I've found never, ever to do "as much as I can", because the body does not gauge "too much" very well while it is warmed up during the workout. Injuries only set us back, so avoiding them at all cost is paramount, even if that means stopping the workout at 75%-80% of what you think you have left.

5. Remember there's another reason to exercise. Medical science now knows that failure to exercise is more harmful than smoking and drinking combined, so by exercising we are fending off a gazillion other health issues that would otherwise haunt us when our sugaring days are behind us.

1. That's definitely true. Though in my case my LTSB was blessed with a high metabolism. She never exercised but always had a slim, spinner body to die for. From the day we met to the day she walked. Boy do I miss that.

2. My sister is a nutritionist. Her motto is "everything in moderation, including moderation". So yes, I have been doing exactly what you describe. Ever since summer I'd sworn off pizza, but finally indulged, but in moderation. Didn't make a dent. In fact I find that if I have a small binge here and there (relatively speaking), I tend to lose weight during those periods. My layman's guess is calorie restriction dials back metabolism, and if you give your body some calories, it gives permission to ramp it back up for awhile.

3. Yes. My current SB is as much about the romance angle as the sex, and that's a big motivator. Not to mention that when we do get naked, fitness-wise we're about comparable, which is a nice feeling.

4. I've been doing a slow-and-steady six months, and just enjoying the gradual improvement without being in afterburner mode. 35-45 minutes of weights and that's that, never over-extending myself. Preferably 3 x a week, and the frequency seems to be one of the biggest wins (going from 2 x to 3 x was noticeable).

5. Nice to know.

[Geechie Dan]

https://www.seeking.com/member/c1c90...c-35e6cb0a2ee7

Anyone have info? She's fun sized and I'm intrigued.

[JZLizard]

And I wish I had taken your advice earlier. Though once you end up in a pattern with a very long-term SB it's easy to slack off, just like in civvie relationships. It was when the relationship with her came crashing down hard that I found myself in a mental space that fueled my weight loss and fitness training. It was a pretty negative space (summer was brutal, emotionally), but I was able to rescue something positive out of all that. The trick is to stay invested in it, and so far so good, as I'm continually seeing a return on that investment.

There are a few tricks I've found that help maintain the balance through the "comfortable" times.

1. If you're in any sort of long-term situation (SB or civy), keep in mind that if you get too comfortable, she probably will take it as license to do same, and before you know it she's not as hot as she used to be and neither is your sex-life. So by pushing yourself, you're also pushing her to keep up, and it pays dividends across the board in terms of better sex.

2. Don't deprive yourself completely of eating the things you want to eat, but when you do indulge, balance it out with something on the other side. For example if you eat a slice of pie, satisfy the craving but then later eat something like salmon fillet with vegetables. Depriving yourself completely just leads to a bottled up feeling that you're missing something, and most people who swing to the two extremes end up losing the battle to the far end of each extreme they didn't want.

3. Sometimes if I'm feeling too comfortable, I let my mind reflect onto past sugaring experiences -- not just how hot the girl was or how good the sex was, but I start picturing in my mind things like the restaurant we ate at, or what kind of art or decorations were in the hotel room I stayed in, or what was said in the first hour we met. Things like that. It helps to put me back into the "mode" where life is not mundane and I'm traveling around to different cities meeting different girls. Somehow remembering the smallest details of these experiences helps remind me why I want to go to the gym.

4. Don't bust your ass completely on every gym session. Get in the habit of finishing the workout in under an hour, and push yourself just hard enough that the workout itself is enjoyable. This in itself makes the workout itself become addictive, making you look forward to each workout. I've found never, ever to do "as much as I can", because the body does not gauge "too much" very well while it is warmed up during the workout. Injuries only set us back, so avoiding them at all cost is paramount, even if that means stopping the workout at 75%-80% of what you think you have left.

5. Remember there's another reason to exercise. Medical science now knows that failure to exercise is more harmful than smoking and drinking combined, so by exercising we are fending off a gazillion other health issues that would otherwise haunt us when our sugaring days are behind us.

[Walruscl]

I've written a great deal about how much difference staying in shape can make.

And I wish I had taken your advice earlier. Though once you end up in a pattern with a very long-term SB it's easy to slack off, just like in civvie relationships. It was when the relationship with her came crashing down hard that I found myself in a mental space that fueled my weight loss and fitness training. It was a pretty negative space (summer was brutal, emotionally), but I was able to rescue something positive out of all that. The trick is to stay invested in it, and so far so good, as I'm continually seeing a return on that investment.

[BamBam]

Funny thing happened to me this week. I stumble on a hot chick newly separated in my area of NH on SA, I know the girl because I interviewed her for an opening I had for my company and she ended choosing another place over mine. Now I find her on SA but did not give my pictures, I have a SO and if I reveal my identity it would be just awkward and risky for my situation. I have her number but hesitant to get in touch.

Your input is appreciated.

J.

That sounds like a perfect situation in which to pass her over to someone else in your area as a favor. He either reciprocates now or later. All you have to do is give her his number and he acts like he is your profile. Guys are always asking me to trade off an SB I am leaving and I have never found a safe way to do so. This may be the only way. Before initial contact.

BAM.

[Javazer]

Funny thing happened to me this week. I stumble on a hot chick newly separated in my area of NH on SA, I know the girl because I interviewed her for an opening I had for my company and she ended choosing another place over mine. Now I find her on SA but did not give my pictures, I have a SO and if I reveal my identity it would be just awkward and risky for my situation. I have her number but hesitant to get in touch.

Your input is appreciated.

J.

[JZLizard]

Got myself squarely into the green zone after getting dead serious about my diet and keeping up with weight training starting last summer. Lost 25 lbs and I now have noticeable muscle definition. Can't compete with a gym rat, but I definitely now like what I see when I take off my shirt in the bathroom mirror.

And yes, it makes a huge difference. Your game is naturally better because you look good and you know it. Losing 25 lbs easily shaves 5 years off your looks, and your self-esteem probably another 1-2 on top of that. When it comes time for FC, you look forward to getting naked. Not am I only in better shape than the majority of 50-somethings, I'm in better shape than most of the SB's I've encountered. My latest flakey one actually apologized as we were getting started that she hadn't been to the gym in awhile. Prior to that, as we were sipping wine on the couch, she commented on how firm I was when she was stroking my chest through my shirt.

Anything and everything you can do to shatter their preconceived notion that sex with an older guy is something to endure rather than enjoy will pay off handsomely.

And that extends beyond the bowl. I carry myself with much more confidence now. I'm thrilled every day when I put on the 32 W jeans that haven't fit in years, and now are actually starting to be a little loose on me. Can't recommend trimming down highly enough!

I've written a great deal about how much difference staying in shape can make. It does far more for the overall SD experience than any other single factor -- everything from attracting better SBs, to allowing endless sexual endurance without pills. Women are attracted to alpha males, and alphas don't let themselves get lazy and out of shape, because they want the competitive edge at all times. I can't tell you how much free pussy (well -- free of direct payment that is) the cost of a gym membership has bought me in the bowl.

Regular exercise elevates your natural testosterone levels, and when it comes to T levels, no SB has ever thought to herself "less is more".

A good SB already (as opposed to an escort) has a natural preference for much older men, and while escorts and UTRs will do anything for money, the kind of SBs most of us are after do look for SDs they are physically attracted to. It's hard for an 18-22 year old to be attracted to a lazy schlub of any age, or a guy who has money but let his looks go. But the vast majority of them get horny for a successful and ambitious older man who works out and who can fuck them better than guys half his age.

[JustLonely]

Continuing on the Married theme, I have had 2 college SB's in the last week tell me they were not interested because I was married. One had not seen it on my profile and it wasn't until we were planning our second date that I off handily mentioned needing to get home by 10 pm. She said she wasn't going to be that "other woman". So that ended before the fun started. The other just this morning was willing to "meet for massages but no sex with a married man". That pleasure would cost me 300.

[JustLonely]

My one con with a married sb was her getting too attached. Just be careful, many of the married ones are neglected at home and more sensitive to attention a man might give her. Otherwise I've enjoyed the married ones.

I had 9 months with a married 25 yo SB. She said she felt under appreciated. It was hot and heavy for 7 months. I even got her to grow out her pussy hair as that is what I like on a woman. She said her hubby wouldn't care as wouldn't go down on her anyway. So she got her confidence back as a woman and decided she wanted out of her marriage and told him so. That didn't go over so well with him. That situation dampened her mood and her marriage problems soon become the dominant conversation when we were together. I like to be supportive but I also view my time with an SB as my escape not a therapy session. So we drifted apart. She separated from her husband and now has a new job and new boy friend for real.

So for now I avoid the married ones and the open relationship ones. The OR SBs are another story with jealous boyfriends.

[Javazer]

My one con with a married sb was her getting too attached. Just be careful, many of the married ones are neglected at home and more sensitive to attention a man might give her. Otherwise I've enjoyed the married ones.

I can concur with your assessment, I am with one right now since July and we would be dripping just by giving me a BJ, still one of my ATF. Had to take a few weeks break but will get in her shortly.

Enjoy the bowl!

J.