"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[Revvo]

Brothers.

I have come across a POT that is outside of my normal financial range. She cannot host because of a room mate, but she desires the full budget. I am not sure where this will lead and how far I am willing to go. I only consider this one because she is a legit model. 5'7, with a killer body to include a six pack. She is in her 20's and absolutely stunning.

Now it has been proven that giving more money does not equate to performance. So I move forward cautiously and I will keep you updated to journey together.

BT

How much more money brother?

I thought about springing for a really hot 10 looking chick locally one time. But could not pull the trigger since I had so much other quality pussy lined up.

[HollywoodGuy]

I have been where you are brother. And a lot of it is being too nice and having this covert contract that if I am nice to her I will get sex. But for women it does not work that way. They need tension not a nice guy but tension. Notice below I never said give her a gift or flowers. This can unfortunatley come off as needy and pressure to a woman. I quit giving my wife gifts even on holidays and it has not affected anything between us. If anything it has made things better. Ask yourself who are the gifts really for? Do you not think she knows this? Women are very intuitive.

They need tension. One of the ways to give her tension is with transparency and being direct. I would start by sitting her down and telling her what you need. No threats no resentment, no anger. Just what you need. Do this outside of an argument and when you are alone and can talk. Don't ask her about her needs tell her what yours are. Don't ask just tell her. Then just walk away calmly and let it sink in. See what happens. And whatever you do never ever react to her when she refuses sex. Just act as if it does not matter to you. Go on about your lives. See what she does.

Can't hurt right?

Revvo

I used to start fake fights with my x so just so I could get makeup sex. What a waste of time (except I did get better sex). Just broke up with my "little princess" and made up. Can't wait to see her tomorrow. LOL. But that wasnt a fake fight. And it did open the lines of communication way better.

[BigTigger]

Brothers.

I have come across a POT that is outside of my normal financial range. She cannot host because of a room mate, but she desires the full budget. I am not sure where this will lead and how far I am willing to go. I only consider this one because she is a legit model. 5'7, with a killer body to include a six pack. She is in her 20's and absolutely stunning..

Now it has been proven that giving more money does not equate to performance. So I move forward cautiously and I will keep you updated to journey together.

BT

[Revvo]

Ha, I have lost that battle countless times before. I've usually viewed it as an attempt to provide a wake-up call to demonstrate how one-sided things are. After awhile it just gets tiring being the horn-dog all the time. Admittedly it's mostly served to sexually frustrate me and only garner a passing observation from the SO that "it has been awhile hasn't it".

We have had heart-to-heart discussions in the past where I have literally told her that it seems like I'd be happier if I could just make my libido go away. Responses ranged from resentment (go figure) , to short-lived attempts at putting some effort into the bedroom. Which always dies on the vine after a few weeks at most.

Turning down sex is not unprecedented, this is hardly different than most bottom-of-the-downswing times. The only difference is that I can cope with it better, and the trick is not letting that show I suppose. Right now there is so much else going on in our family that I can easily attribute it to burn-out, which frankly a lot of it is. Clearly it's not a good idea to let it continue for too long, and I don't intend to do that.

Agreed, although the goal of the SB was to be able to cope with the libido mismatch at home and avoid the anger and suffering. To a large extent that's working. An unanticipated side-effect was finding just how sexual some women really are. After years of living with the implicit worldview that it's my job to accommodate her tiny libido, I'm seeing that just maybe the problem isn't just my Y chromosome. But I'm pretty sure I can move to an "is what it is" mindset and not let that bother me.

I have been where you are brother. And a lot of it is being too nice and having this covert contract that if I am nice to her I will get sex. But for women it does not work that way. They need tension not a nice guy but tension. Notice below I never said give her a gift or flowers. This can unfortunatley come off as needy and pressure to a woman. I quit giving my wife gifts even on holidays and it has not affected anything between us. If anything it has made things better. Ask yourself who are the gifts really for? Do you not think she knows this? Women are very intuitive.

They need tension. One of the ways to give her tension is with transparency and being direct. I would start by sitting her down and telling her what you need. No threats no resentment, no anger. Just what you need. Do this outside of an argument and when you are alone and can talk. Don't ask her about her needs tell her what yours are. Don't ask just tell her. Then just walk away calmly and let it sink in. See what happens. And whatever you do never ever react to her when she refuses sex. Just act as if it does not matter to you. Go on about your lives. See what she does.

Can't hurt right?

Revvo

[F Scott]

This is the essence of the problem which is the outward display of an inward and infinitely more complicated problem. All couples go through ebbs and flows depending on what is going on in their lives, and I think most of us are understanding to a point. But chronic differences where a SO will not attempt to satisfy her man will ALWAYS result in a split. This works both ways but women usually have a different set of issues they are unhappy about. Men are frequently about sex.

I continue to see my ATF, who is a Sex Goddess. It is indeed wonderful to have a girl who thinks and talks about sex all the time. If I lived with her I would probably be the one who couldn't perform as regularly as she would like.

My wife was crazed for sex when we were dating and in the first years of our marriage. There were times when I couldn't keep up, and I was in my 20's! She would have been an ideal SB if there had been such a creature way back then. After our first child, things started to wane, and after our second, it was pretty much done, at least compared to before.

I stayed faithful until I found the bowl, with the exception of a few AMP visits now and again, (but only for a handy.)

But once I discovered the Bowl, and how much these young things enjoy sex, it struck me what a difference there was between time with my babies and time at home. Granted, times are different now, and female sexuality is not at all the same as 30 years ago, and as many have said issues with one's spouse are far more complicated than mere sex, but I do wonder if I would have strayed at all if things were on a more regular basis, intimacy-wise and sex-wise.

I guess I'll be finding out!

Scott

[FredMoore]

This is the essence of the problem which is the outward display of an inward and infinitely more complicated problem. All couples go through ebbs and flows depending on what is going on in their lives, and I think most of us are understanding to a point. But chronic differences where a SO will not attempt to satisfy her man will ALWAYS result in a split. This works both ways but women usually have a different set of issues they are unhappy about. Men are frequently about sex.

I continue to see my ATF, who is a Sex Goddess. It is indeed wonderful to have a girl who thinks and talks about sex all the time. If I lived with her I would probably be the one who couldn't perform as regularly as she would like.

[Walruscl]

Please don't get into a battle over who can go without sex longer. She will win. So I would suggest giving it to her when there is slightest indication of her interest. And women can be real subtle about their interest. Then when you fuck her that is when you fuck her real good and hard. Remember women that suspect their husband is cheating on them will many times become more sexual with the husband as a way of trying to keep them. Besides if you all of a sudden are turning down sex is that out of character and suspicious?

Ha, I have lost that battle countless times before. I've usually viewed it as an attempt to provide a wake-up call to demonstrate how one-sided things are. After awhile it just gets tiring being the horn-dog all the time. Admittedly it's mostly served to sexually frustrate me and only garner a passing observation from the SO that "it has been awhile hasn't it".

We have had heart-to-heart discussions in the past where I have literally told her that it seems like I'd be happier if I could just make my libido go away. Responses ranged from resentment (go figure) , to short-lived attempts at putting some effort into the bedroom. Which always dies on the vine after a few weeks at most.

Turning down sex is not unprecedented, this is hardly different than most bottom-of-the-downswing times. The only difference is that I can cope with it better, and the trick is not letting that show I suppose. Right now there is so much else going on in our family that I can easily attribute it to burn-out, which frankly a lot of it is. Clearly it's not a good idea to let it continue for too long, and I don't intend to do that.

Doing nothing and being angry is just putting you further and further into suffering.

Agreed, although the goal of the SB was to be able to cope with the libido mismatch at home and avoid the anger and suffering. To a large extent that's working. An unanticipated side-effect was finding just how sexual some women really are. After years of living with the implicit worldview that it's my job to accommodate her tiny libido, I'm seeing that just maybe the problem isn't just my Y chromosome. But I'm pretty sure I can move to an "is what it is" mindset and not let that bother me.

[Walruscl]

Women, on the other hand, have to feel needed, wanted, adored, and appreciated. And this starts with taking out the trash in the AM, sending her flowers during the day, calling her from work, etc. It's a lot of fucking work. It's OK for the first 2 years, but after 20 yrs it is difficult and not as thrilling. Hence Sugar Babies.

Yeah, well that's the irony-short of my extracurriculars, I am as much of a "model husband" as anyone is likely to find. I've been complimented on that both from my SO and from friends and neighbors. I do more than my share of house chores. I cover a lot of the child care, and backfill the all-too-often times she can't hold her end of the bargain. Any time I find myself having to drop something off in her office I always bring flowers with me. Always. Birthdays and Christmases are almost always marked with romantic gifts.

One thing that is backsliding (and this started way before my SB) is the amount of emotional support I can sustain, but in many ways that's in resignation to the fact that I haven't been getting much of that back either.

If you want your marriage to work, and actually prosper, you should get marriage and sex therapy. She needs to hear and understand where you are coming from. (Mars of course) And you need to understand her mind set. A good therapist will call you both out on your shortcomings and help you change things a bit. A good marriage without SBs is cheaper and can be good. If it is not good then move on.

Like pretty much everyone else here, I don't want my family to fall apart. And despite my bitterness my SO is not my enemy. We are in choppy seas for lots of reasons, some situational, some of them self-inflicted or natural outgrowths of personal limitations.

Having seen some therapy situations I agree you need a good one. She's been through several and it hasn't helped much for her core issues. So I hear ya that it's probably the better path, but for better or worse I'm not sure how I get my mindset in the right place for that.

[FredMoore]

Since the SO can't seem get in the mood unless she's already stress-free, the bedroom hasn't seen much action for awhile. There have been half-hearted promises, which never see follow-through, and it's easier just to let them slide. The last time I showed some initiative (following the wisdom of staying in routine) , it only reminded me of what a train wreck our sex life is. Everything has to be just so."Don't touch the boobs! No, that tickles! Etc etc" No wonder I've had such low self-esteem in the bedroom, nothing I do is ever good enough. That particular session never got any momentum due to a kid interruption, which was fine with me.

I

Sadly, marriages devolve into this dance too often. It makes one wonder if it is worth getting married at all. What are we thinking?

Women do what they have to do to secure their future including act like a sexual freak until they have what they want. The answer to a good relationship is communication and most of us guys are not good communicators the way our ladies need us to be. Foreplay in their world is not a hard dick as it is in ous. If my dick is up, I am ready to rock and roll with any available vagina. Women, on the other hand, have to feel needed, wanted, adored, and appreciated. And this starts with taking out the trash in the AM, sending her flowers during the day, calling her from work, etc. It's a lot of fucking work. It's OK for the first 2 years, but after 20 yrs it is difficult and not as thrilling. Hence Sugar Babies.

If you want your marriage to work, and actually prosper, you should get marriage and sex therapy. She needs to hear and understand where you are coming from. (Mars of course) And you need to understand her mind set. A good therapist will call you both out on your shortcomings and help you change things a bit. A good marriage without SBs is cheaper and can be good. If it is not good then move on.

I'm trying all of this and I am missing the Sugar Dance and am not yet in the OK stage. I'm not saying it will work, but it might.

[BigTigger]

. One of the things I do is intentionally let my wife catch me when she suspected I may be up to something. For instance. I will clean everything off of my IPAD or Laptop, and then leave it intentionally open and leave the room for an extended period of time. This gives her an opportunity to snoop and find nothing. This is one of the best ways to her to calm down. Much better than your denial.

Revvo

I've done this and she never looks. Lately I've been more free with her using my phone. Only because I have a burner.

BT

[BigTigger]

Well the day is finally here where I get to meet Lug nuts. 9/7/10 & a preseason rank of a 10 on her skills based on her texts. She said she will wear a dress for easy access when I scoop her up at the airpot so I am looking forward to meeting her. She has the prettiest eyes, a nice rack & lips that were made for sucking.

Great pic. I'm looking forward to hearing what happens!

BT

[Revvo]

So the SO had already talked herself out of Breaking Bad, and I didn't argue. We stumbled upon How I Met Your Mother, which left me unimpressed after the 2nd episode. Maybe it gets better. But right now I'm really annoyed with the sideshow that is his roommate and roommate's fiancé, where she continually lures him into sex to the detriment of his law school duties. Oh, yeah, you mean there are women out there with actual sex drives? Maybe it only happens in sitcom-land.

Since the SO can't seem get in the mood unless she's already stress-free, the bedroom hasn't seen much action for awhile. There have been half-hearted promises, which never see follow-through, and it's easier just to let them slide. The last time I showed some initiative (following the wisdom of staying in routine) , it only reminded me of what a train wreck our sex life is. Everything has to be just so."Don't touch the boobs! No, that tickles! Etc etc" No wonder I've had such low self-esteem in the bedroom, nothing I do is ever good enough. That particular session never got any momentum due to a kid interruption, which was fine with me.

When on the rare occasion it actually clicks and goes well, it only serves to stoke my desire and set me up for the disappointment that is the male / female libido mismatch. I. E, two days later I'm ready to have fun again and the SO has had her monthly fill and isn't in the mood anymore. There have been many times where I've convinced myself that I'd be much happier if I could somehow make my libido disappear. How much simpler life would be to get out of that negative feedback loop.

So lately I've decided that the only way to win is to not play. On the all-too-frequent days that daily stress translates into bitchiness, sex is off the menu. One particularly unpleasant day she asked me if I was in the mood, and I answered "not really". She then asked if I'd be willing "in the near future" I gave a non-committal "perhaps".

I know that overtly sustaining that sort of hard-line stance is not where I want to go, for lots of reasons. But damn does it feel good. To finally be the one who can take-it-or-leave-it. No more dying of thirst at a faucet that only drips. No more being at the mercy of whims of someone else's non-libido. How much angst this has cost me over the years, and for once it's nice to at least feel in control of my own needs.

Dude I have been there. One of the reasons that I am doing this hobby myself. But you got to hang in there. Please don't get into a battle over who can go without sex longer. She will win. So I would suggest giving it to her when there is slightest indication of her interest. And women can be real subtle about their interest. Then when you fuck her that is when you fuck her real good and hard. Remember women that suspect their husband is cheating on them will many times become more sexual with the husband as a way of trying to keep them. Besides if you all of a sudden are turning down sex is that out of character and suspicious?

Women want sex also. They just need certain things for this to happen. Most importantly tension. Not just sexual tension but positive tension in the relationship. And it is your job to give her the tension. And I am talking the good kind of tension. Like teasing, joking, being spontaneous, slap her on the ass when she does not expect it, and it is not an expectation of leading to sex. Kiss her when she walks by. Touch her more. Change your at home routine (notice I did not say change your routine when out of the house or when you come and go, but you can change that routine also if you are open and transparent about it). Exercise. Be fun and playful. Don't just watch TV, in fact go a few days without TV. And don't put up with her shit if she is just giving you shit. That does not mean getting into an argument with her. It means Telling her calmly and outright that you will not have to take this. And walk away, I have even just left the house for several hours. She will actually most likely want to be with you more when you do this.

Now the only problem with creating the good tension above is that it is a change in your routine. So this may arouse suspicion to your extra curricular activities. So you have to decide if you can do it or not. Good luck. Doing nothing and being angry is just putting you further and further into suffering.

Also a word about your lock-down situation and getting caught. One of the things I do is intentionally let my wife catch me when she suspected I may be up to something. For instance. I will clean everything off of my IPAD or Laptop, and then leave it intentionally open and leave the room for an extended period of time. This gives her an opportunity to snoop and find nothing. This is one of the best ways to her to calm down. Much better than your denial. Another way is when I am talking on the phone she will many times snoop and ask who I am talking with so I will intentionally set up a call with someone I know and when she walks up and asks me who I am on the phone with. I will just hand her the phone. She will then be stuck talking with my mother or one of my friends and will get the assurance she is really looking for.

Be careful out there.

Revvo

[LoriTruck]

Well the day is finally here where I get to meet Lug nuts. 9/7/10 & a preseason rank of a 10 on her skills based on her texts. She said she will wear a dress for easy access when I scoop her up at the airpot so I am looking forward to meeting her. She has the prettiest eyes, a nice rack & lips that were made for sucking.

[Walruscl]

So the SO had already talked herself out of Breaking Bad, and I didn't argue. We stumbled upon How I Met Your Mother, which left me unimpressed after the 2nd episode. Maybe it gets better. But right now I'm really annoyed with the sideshow that is his roommate and roommate's fiancé, where she continually lures him into sex to the detriment of his law school duties. Oh, yeah, you mean there are women out there with actual sex drives? Maybe it only happens in sitcom-land.

Since the SO can't seem get in the mood unless she's already stress-free, the bedroom hasn't seen much action for awhile. There have been half-hearted promises, which never see follow-through, and it's easier just to let them slide. The last time I showed some initiative (following the wisdom of staying in routine) , it only reminded me of what a train wreck our sex life is. Everything has to be just so."Don't touch the boobs! No, that tickles! Etc etc" No wonder I've had such low self-esteem in the bedroom, nothing I do is ever good enough. That particular session never got any momentum due to a kid interruption, which was fine with me.

When on the rare occasion it actually clicks and goes well, it only serves to stoke my desire and set me up for the disappointment that is the male / female libido mismatch. I. E, two days later I'm ready to have fun again and the SO has had her monthly fill and isn't in the mood anymore. There have been many times where I've convinced myself that I'd be much happier if I could somehow make my libido disappear. How much simpler life would be to get out of that negative feedback loop.

So lately I've decided that the only way to win is to not play. On the all-too-frequent days that daily stress translates into bitchiness, sex is off the menu. One particularly unpleasant day she asked me if I was in the mood, and I answered "not really". She then asked if I'd be willing "in the near future" I gave a non-committal "perhaps".

I know that overtly sustaining that sort of hard-line stance is not where I want to go, for lots of reasons. But damn does it feel good. To finally be the one who can take-it-or-leave-it. No more dying of thirst at a faucet that only drips. No more being at the mercy of whims of someone else's non-libido. How much angst this has cost me over the years, and for once it's nice to at least feel in control of my own needs.

[BigTigger]

I read the forum and there are two sites being reference. I am ready to plunge into the SD / SB world. But I want to start with a site that has ample SB in the Michigan area. Especially, near the Ann Arbor. Is there one site better than the other for this location? I plan on doing a trial first. I plan on using pre-purchase credit card. Will that work? Just want to be low key as possible. Thanks.

Thanks.

J Draven

There are a number of sites. Sign up with free accounts and search your area before paying.

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