"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[JoesParty]

Keep in mind that whatever you give her tonight will set the bar for the future. If it works out and becomes a regular thing it will be very hard to take back what you have already given. Nando

Very true, and thanks for the reality check. I'm repeating the mantra "Never negotiate against yourself."

[Hernando]

Keep in mind that whatever you give her tonight will set the bar for the future. If it works out and becomes a regular thing it will be very hard to take back what you have already given. Nando

[GeorgeRichmond]

My first overnight with my recent favorite is tonight. I've been eating my Wheaties and doing my stretches (as Scott is won't to say) , and so far, the day at work seems to be speeding by. The sexy talk has ramped up significantly the last few days, and she has been sending photo evidence that she has acquired the appropriate accoutrements for the evening. My only concern is with the amount of sugar, given that we've not done a sleep over before. After significant thought, I've decided to be generous and give what I consider my best and final offer. I'm not big on negotiating, and if she's not happy with it, I have at least two other fish on my lines. If she is happy with it, I think it will engender significant goodwill going forward. I really like this girl.

Wish me luck, brothers and Mandy.

Regards,

Joe

Joe,

All the best. Have fun and post the report too. Well, it is quite tough to discuss how much sugar. I am always tend to be very generous when it comes to this. In fact, SB gets more that what they are looking. Ex: I went to my visit my first one, on coffee date. And gave a nice gift card, second SB to dinner date and she did shopping for a gift. I am hoping to get full night with one I like but she want 2-3 more dates before that. I always struggle, what sugar to pay for lunch / dinner / hang around type date vs a big night date?

Mandy / Scott and others who are experienced can shed more light! I have one coming this week and it will be another 4-5 hour date but will be just that. Should I give full sugar or partial? Hmm. Don't know. Does shopping on me **** towards sugar?

[JoesParty]

My first overnight with my recent favorite is tonight. I've been eating my Wheaties and doing my stretches (as Scott is wont to say), and so far, the day at work seems to be speeding by. The sexy talk has ramped up significantly the last few days, and she has been sending photo evidence that she has acquired the appropriate accoutrements for the evening. My only concern is with the amount of sugar, given that we've not done a sleep over before. After significant thought, I've decided to be generous and give what I consider my best and final offer. I'm not big on negotiating, and if she's not happy with it, I have at least two other fish on my lines. If she is happy with it, I think it will engender significant goodwill going forward. I really like this girl.

Wish me luck, brothers and Mandy.

Regards,

Joe

[Hernando]

Thanks for all the input my fellow (gents and lady ). I do struggle with this concept since I put so much emotion into my SB. I don't like thinking about it but when Mandy talks about being so happy and excited seeing The Doctor with her husband at home (granted doing the same thing) I just wouldn't like it if my SB were feeling those same feelings and doing those same things that we do together with someone else. But that is just me and I am certainly not being critical or judging at all. I'm wrestling with it myself. It would be a whole lot easier if the L word were not involved and I cared, but not so much.

Varoom, you bring up the essential question which brings this whole scene back around to Sugar. Realistically, she probably cares about me but is it really love? The big question is if the sugar went away, would she? LOL Probably. Nando

[Varoom]

Does a SD / SB relationship involving monogamy inhibit a young SB 's social development? To put it a different way, if a SD insists that his SB not become sexually involved with anyone else does that do her a disservice because she is not free to seek a male who could be a potential mate (IRL BF or husband )?

Nando, Your question brings another question to mind. WHY would a SB (HYCB) have a desire to be menogomous with an aged SD in his sixties? Is this even a realisitc expectation? Fortunately for you, since this is important to you, that you have found this but it doesn't seem as though it would be easily duplicated. If one were bestowing the Hugh Heffner lifestyle upon a young girl this would be one thing, but from what I have gleaned this isn't the case with most of us here, so why would a HYCB be inclined for a meager sum, pocket money per week, to be menogomous with someone generations older? I can't come up with the answer, so help me out here. And Nando, make no mistake about this, I'm being serious and in no way chiding you here at all. I just felt that I needed to clarify since it could be taken as such. Glad that it is working for you and hope that it continues as long as you like.

[SbabyBlog]

I know I've shared this story with a few of you offline but this is the best description for loving two people that I've ever heard.

One afternoon while 'Him' and I were in Las Vegas relaxing he looked at me and said, 'You know, it's like when my first daughter was born and I held her and thought I'll never love anyone as much. And then I had another daughter. And, my love for the first didn't dissipate at all and I love the second just as much. '

At the time we were both wrestling with how we could have the emotions we were feeling towards each other when we were completely happy and in love with our spouse.

While it is a dangerous line to walk, particularly when the sugar person you're playing with is single. If the line can adequately be drawn that there are no expectations that your 'regular world' won't change, then you're fine. But, this is a difficult balance

Nando, to your question 'is it unfair'. Well, in my opinion it is a little bit when you 'demand' monogamy. But, she did agree to those conditions so as it was pointed out she knew what she was getting into.

I'll admit though, I rarely hear of an SD who wants monogamy. It just adds to the problems that abound when lines get crossed. Granted, most don't want to know the details about what you're doing, its understood that we have our own life as well.

[GeorgeRichmond]

Originally Posted by G George [View Original Post]

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

Sharing personal information depends on two issues 1) the trust you have for your SB and how trustworthy she is and 2) how NSA your relationship is

Most of us pray to the altar of NSA in this exciting sport of ours. That is, we keep it undramatic, simple, and safe. This is particularly true of married Sugars and those who could be harmed by public knowledge of this lifestyle. So, be careful about revealing personal information that could compromise you if the Sugar deal went sour. Nando 1 desperately poor addicted SBs need the most help but will cause the most damage if rejected. I have been blackmailed three times by Nando 1 s, and so far survived it. However, as Mandy said, a smart SB who is looking and alert can see your personal info, your license plate number, etc. And can figure you out. So keep your cover story to a close facsimile of your real self. This is particularly true if your NSA relationship develops into a non NSA one.

I never think it is a good idea to discuss your sexual experiences with a new partner. We are engaging in a fantasy when we enter the Sugar world, and part of that fantasy is thinking that we are the one and only person who can turn the other on and that your SB is the hottest and sexiest girl in the universe. IF girls make reference to a previous partner's sexual performance I am totally turned off. I don't even want to think that she has had sex before although I know different. Preserve the fantasy. Now if you are turned on by your Sb's sexual exploits then you need one who will talk about it.

Well my new SB, I met this week. She was very well prepared herself (according to her it was her first experience. So called date in this world). I think first meeting dinner, then coffee, talk. I was attracted to her but was still kept me thinking should I tell her. Well next day I thought will tell her everything. But then I thought. Let's see where this goes before breaking the news. I don't want to hurt anyone here but like to be safe and also want to make sure SB is serious. So at this point will hold of the info and soon will go for next date. While first SB#1 kind of not preparing herself for meets and am thinking how you all can manage more than 1 SB. I am already getting overwhelmed. Planning, communication, safety, etc.

[JoesParty]

This brings up a question for the Board, and Mandy in particular.

Does a SD / SB relationship involving monogamy inhibit a young SB 's social development? To put it a different way, if a SD insists that his SB not become sexually involved with anyone else does that do her a disservice because she is not free to seek a male who could be a potential mate (IRL BF or husband )?

This also brings up another question re: a non NSA relationship.

How can you love more than one person simultaneously? Mandy is happily successful with this it seems. How is it possible to go from one lover's arms in which love is expressed to anothers? If Love is not involved and it is just recreational sex with a dear friend I get it.

I'm not Mandy, but I've given these issues a LOT of thought, so here's my two cents.

I have never insisted that a SB relationship be monogamous. After all, I am married, so even if I'm only seeing one SB, I'm not being monogamous. However--and I actually said this to a SB recently in describing a past experience--don't rub my face in the fact that you are seeing other guys. I never considered myself the jealous type, but I discovered last year that I kind of am the jealous type. I learned (indirectly) that my ATF was seeing other guys, and it made me sick to my stomach. We were able to get through it after I took a little break, and she never was "rubbing my face in it." But I had to be more careful, for example, when checking out her FB page (I stopped doing that) and so on. And she never brought up other guys.

Now, on to the second part of the question: Does monogamy do her a disservice by making her unavailable to a potential mate? Maybe. But she is making the choice, isn't she? Again, the SBs I meet are familiar with my situation, if not only because it's in my profile on SA, but also because I make a point to bring it up during the first M&G. Still, it is a valid concern, as my recent offline discussions with a fellow member illustrate. Some ladies will still get attached and start to expect you to change your home life. In those cases, I'd say it is very important to back away as quickly but politely as possible. There, she is looking for a real commitment, something that many of us cannot and will not give.

Finally, can one love more than one person simultaneously? Yes, without a doubt. But here again, there are different degrees. My ATF told me she loves me a few months after we started seeing each other. I reciprocated. But our discussions made clear, as noted above, that we couldn't take it any farther. I do love her, though, and I believe her when she says it. I care about her, I care what happens to her, I want only the best for her in life, and I would do many things to make her happy. I think that qualifies as love. And that doesn't mean I don't love my wife any less, but they're two different situations.

OK, that's enough sharing by me, especially after the discussion about how much is too much to share!

Regards,

Joe

[Hernando]

" NSA is simply impossible when you see someone for a significant length of time " Mandy

I agree totally that NSA is impossible long term if you develop feelings for your Sugar. If you are only about sex then it is feasible.

I totally was looking for an emotional connection and found one with my SB. We know most everything about the details of each other's lives, but do not discuss anything about previous partners including my wife. This is a little disingenous because my Wife is the elephant in the room so to speak. And I have not broached the subject of my single SB's dating practices. I don't want to know if she is banging some other guy. I am not as open as Mandy in embracing polyamoury and prefer to think that I am her only partner.

This brings up a question for the Board, and Mandy in particular.

Does a SD / SB relationship involving monogamy inhibit a young SB 's social development? To put it a different way, if a SD insists that his SB not become sexually involved with anyone else does that do her a disservice because she is not free to seek a male who could be a potential mate (IRL BF or husband )?

This also brings up another question re: a non NSA relationship.

How can you love more than one person simultaneously? Mandy is happily successful with this it seems. How is it possible to go from one lover's arms in which love is expressed to anothers? If Love is not involved and it is just recreational sex with a dear friend I get it.

[Hernando]

Originally Posted by G George [View Original Post]

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

Sharing personal information depends on two issues 1) the trust you have for your SB and how trustworthy she is and 2) how NSA your relationship is

Most of us pray to the altar of NSA in this exciting sport of ours. That is, we keep it undramatic, simple, and safe. This is particularly true of married Sugars and those who could be harmed by public knowledge of this lifestyle. So, be careful about revealing personal information that could compromise you if the Sugar deal went sour. Nando 1 desperately poor addicted SBs need the most help but will cause the most damage if rejected. I have been blackmailed three times by Nando 1 s, and so far survived it. However, as Mandy said, a smart SB who is looking and alert can see your personal info, your license plate number, etc. And can figure you out. So keep your cover story to a close facsimile of your real self. This is particularly true if your NSA relationship develops into a non NSA one.

I never think it is a good idea to discuss your sexual experiences with a new partner. We are engaging in a fantasy when we enter the Sugar world, and part of that fantasy is thinking that we are the one and only person who can turn the other on and that your SB is the hottest and sexiest girl in the universe. IF girls make reference to a previous partner's sexual performance I am totally turned off. I don't even want to think that she has had sex before although I know different. Preserve the fantasy. Now if you are turned on by your Sb's sexual exploits then you need one who will talk about it.

[SbabyBlog]

This week I've been thinking about this A LOT. NSA is simply impossible when you see someone for a significant length of time. Well, last night while I was enjoying the happiness from my non-NSA relationship I wrote a little about it for my blog. http://sugarbabystory.com/2012/05/05...non-nsa-world/

I have a feeling a few of you feel the same way and would love to hear your thoughts.

Happy reading!

Mandy

[SbabyBlog]

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

George,

This is the question that everyone (Including SB's) wrestles with. I once had someone tell me their "rules" and that included not knowing anything about their normal life. I wrote them back and said no thanks, I wasn't interested in that type of relationship. For me, I like longer term relationships and that means that eventually you share a lot of information. It doesn't mean you fork it all over during the first meeting though. With "Him" he held to closely his last name and employer for several months. However, he hadn't realized he used a credit card to pay for dinner the first date we had so I saw his last name, did my research etc. The details he wanted to protect, I had already known. I eventually felt bad and came clean about knowing the info, by that point he just laughed though. The Doctor, isn't married, and I was going to have to travel a couple of hours for our first meet so he volunteered his first and last name. The facility he practices and teaches at has his picture on his bio and that obviously matched what he sent me. So, I knew all of his information before we ever met.

I would say that it partially depends on the SB you're seeing. If she's like Scott's Polo (who has her own family) or myself looking at a very promising career, we have just as much to lose as you do. But, if you're dealing with a Nando 1 type. Well, they don't have much to lose and wouldn't think twice about using your information against you.

At the end of the day it comes down to how comfortable you are with revealing. If the thought of sharing personal information unnerves you, then start practicing your alter ego now. If it doesn't bother you, then just make sure the girls you pick are sane.

Good luck!

Mandy

[Rvaman]

I have been reading the reports on here and would love to try this but have no idea what site to use of how to go about this. Would love for someone to private message me some info on this.

Thanks

[JoesParty]

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

George, you will get varied opinions on this, but tread carefully in sharing details. They can come back to haunt you. On the other hand, I find it difficult to keep up with my alter-ego.