"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

**F Scott** · 12-12-11 16:58

Gentlemen,

Please allow the King of Drama to bring his tale to a (happy) conclusion.

I had a very pleasant lunch with my ATF this afternoon, at which I strove to keep the mood light-hearted and fun, considered that she might have just been busy, or that she was a little freaked out by the intensity of what we had going on. I am pleased to report that things are back to normal. She is in the lead-up to finals, had an extremely awkward situation at work where one of her co-workers was crudely hitting on her (I will be killing him, of course) , and was fighting with her mom via email. She also did mention that this thing we have had gotten intense for her all of a sudden, and she needed to think about where she saw it going.

We had a short, light but frank discussion about what we both were looking for in this relationship, and find we are on the same page: long-term, stable and fun.

I now head out of town with a song in my heart and something to look forward to when I return. We have a room booked at this extremely well-reviewed restaurant that also has an inn component. Sounds like it was created for us SDs, doesn't it? Drock, I'll share the info with you if you want, it's in the Logan Square neighborhood.

Again, thank you all for your advice, some of which was a needed reality check, but all of which was supportive. Varoom, no need to apologize about sounding preachy, although I do have one question to ask: were you trying to make me cry? ("What I didn't see mentioned is maybe she has met someone else.") Just kidding.

Adios for a week, my brothers. Keep up the good work,

Scott

**Varoom** · 12-12-11 13:34

Others have mentioned possible fears on her part, of either your feelings or hers developing into something that becomes more cumbersome. Maybe, maybe not.

What I didn't see mentioned is maybe she has met someone else. Or decided that she needs to date someone else, maybe in her own age group and step away from being the SB. She may not be up for some of the intensity that the relationship has developed into. It does become less fun and more work, if one is not really into it naturally.

One of the risks of spending more time with the same lady, and especially overnighters, is that it violates the theme of "absense makes the heart grow fonder" and perpetuates that "familiarity breeds contempt". In fact, the latter is the reason why many seek a SB to begin with, as an escape. And the minute that you attempt to mold this hobby into something that it shouldn't, then the relationships take on all the trappings of the things we attempt to escape. Either for us or for our HYB's.

This whole thing works much better if you avoid making something out of these encounters that they are not meant to be. (not lecturing here, just re-stating the obvious). When these gigs attract baggage, then you need a HYB to escape from your HYB. Or our HYB needs a HYD to escape from HOSD.

I'd spend more time wondering why you intended or allowed for things to turn out in a much more intense relationship than most of these SD / SB are meant to be. Something is staring you right in the face, and I'd figure out what it is. Others here in the past (Golf, et al) have cautioned against getting to this point. (again, don't take this as lecturing, because I am not) , and it is almost a foregone conclusion that this will happen. You just need to recognize it for what it probably is, and prepare to move on. Hopefully w / o being wounded to badly. Definitely avoiding this detour in the future; or repeat the pains of the past.

**Hernando** · 12-12-11 11:18

Excellent advice from the brothers!

Scott, I suffer from the same emotionally charged POV with my baby. I can't imagine the shock and dismay that I would experience if my ATF HYB HCB SO became cool with me after so much emotion and loving. I have got it bad for my Baby I must admit.

Everyone on this and other boards confirms that we must keep it light to keep these youngsters happy and not feeling threatened, but I'll be darned if I can do it very well. The only thing I haven't done is tell my baby I am leaving my wife and moving her in .Yikes! My Baby will just not communicate much with me between visits which drives me crazy, but I try not to bug her for the very reason that you are going through what you are. PS- I do not blow her phone up.I might text a sweet nothing one liner every 1 to 2 days just to let her know I'm thinking about her.

I think your baby got frightened by the strength of her own feelings for you.and thus the reality of your age gap. Realistically. 20 yrs might be do-able marginally but 30 or 40 yrs (like mine) is simply ludicrous. Although I would not have any trouble with it myself. Her family and peers would go ape shit if she brought you / me home to mom and dad and friends. They'd probably call the cops for child abuse LOL.

I would suggest a light hearted discussion with her about your feelings about what happened. She needs to know that you noticed a big difference in her attitude and that while you do have strong feelings for her they are manageable in order for the relationship to go on.

Good luck and keep us posted.

**F Scott** · 12-12-11 10:06

Originally Posted by Madaboutmax [View Original Post]

I'll add my 2 cents to the discussion. From the girls point of view, many of them are looking for an escape from the immature drama they may be experiencing with guys their own age. There is something safe about a relationship with a man 2 or more decades their senior. They quite often just want an escape from the jealousy and unpredictable emmotional reaction of younger men. I think it is very important to always keep a happy go lucky attitude with a sugar baby.

Scott's well planned out overnight may have scared his ATF into believing he is getting too serious or that she may start to experience unexpected emotions for him. In either case, I would be careful to keep it very light at this point and let her sort things out.

Max,

I think your approach, keep it light, is one I need to work on. We often say in our profiles that we are looking for "nsa, no drama" relationship, and yet here I am acting like a drama queen myself. I am having lunch with my ATF this afternoon before heading out of town, and I will keep your advice first and foremost in my head.

Again, thanks to all who weighed in on this one, and a shout out to my fellow angler here in Chicago: good luck to you, Drock. We should compare notes sometime. I had limited success on SD4M. Too much emailing and not enough action, but clearly you found the key.

Gentlemen, keep up the good work. I will be out of town for a week, and planning on being as celibate as a monk. A modern-day one, not from Chaucer's time!

Scott

**BuckDancer** · 12-12-11 08:42

Yes Mr. Scott, I followed your advice and my correspondence with my first baby off SA stayed very cordial and I left it with Have a great holiday and feel free to contact me if you decide you would like some company. She sent back a nice message as well. So whether or not she contacts me again I didn't do anything to shut the door.

As far as your ATF is concerned I would have to agree with win and fix, give her some time and space. By all your accounts here on this forum you are polite, gentlemenly, and considerate. Exams can be stressful and maybe she truly just would prefer not to think about your arrangement during this time. I'd be willing to bet as soon as exams are done she'll be ready for some quality time with you as soon as you can fit it in.

Good Luck!

**Drock1234** · 12-11-11 19:19

Hello everyone, it has been a while since I reported. I have been very successful with the sdfme site. Probably about a75% success rate. I have had 6 dates with 5 successes. It is time to chose my ATF because funds are running low. I have found the gamet of SB's on the site. Currently my ATF will be a 22 year old SB. She is in college and we have had the most dates and have a real connection.

Fscott, I'm out of Chicago also. Just moved here and love it. The amount of SB's available is unbelievable.

Thanks everyone for your donations to the forum. It has been a tremendous help.

Have fun and stay safe.

**Madaboutmax** · 12-11-11 13:29

I'll add my 2 cents to the discussion. From the girls point of view, many of them are looking for an escape from the immature drama they may be experiencing with guys their own age. There is something safe about a relationship with a man 2 or more decades their senior. They quite often just want an escape from the jealousy and unpredictable emmotional reaction of younger men. I think it is very important to always keep a happy go lucky attitude with a sugar baby.

I personally always try to keep things light and humorous. My compliments are always jokingly dramatic. I will give them a blank stare and slap myself out of my dayze. Check my pulse and say "good I'm still alive". Just smile and say "damn!". Grab my chest and ask if they know CPR. Anything too serious can scare them away.

Scott's well planned out overnight may have scared his ATF into believing he is getting too serious or that she may start to experience unexpected emotions for him. In either case, I would be careful to keep it very light at this point and let her sort things out.

**F Scott** · 12-11-11 12:57

Fix and Win,

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I had thought about the possibility that she too was affected by the intimacy and intensity of the overnight experience. As has been stated before, there is no long term future for this, if looked at objectively, and this could be scary and a little sad to both of us.

As counseled, I will stay cool and calm, and see what transpires.

This, if I may say, is what makes this thread so great.

With warm regards,

Scott

**CantWinLosin** · 12-11-11 09:19

Scott,

I agree that you should be patient. Consider how meaningful that overnight was to you. If you two have the sort of multi-layered connection you've described, it likely was meaningful for her as well... possibly enough to scare her at the depth of the event. It could also be that she saw how deeply it affected *you*, and that scared her some. Either way, if she perceives you becoming clingy, needy, blowing her phone up, etc, it will confirm her fears and ruin things. So be cool. Contact her at the same level and frequency as before, and give her the space to find her feet with respect to your relationship.

Good luck!

**Fixinit** · 12-11-11 02:26

Originally Posted by F Scott [View Original Post]

Gentlemen,

I am extremely puzzled and vexed to report that since our golden-hued overnight, my ATF has been what I can only call "aloof." There seems to be no spot for me in her schedule, not even for some makin' out in my car. I know this is finals time, which she has told me, but I was in college once, and I know sometimes a study break is what's called for.

Am I being way too sensitive and clingy-old-fossilish? I really need some guidance in how to think of this before I go and do something I will regret later.

I am trusting in your compassion here. If you have rude or snide things to say, please keep them to yourself. No one likes a hater. If I'm being foolish, I'd like to know, but try not to dump on me, my brothers. Your time may come around one day as well.

Scott

Scott,

I would give it some time to see if she changes her attitude. With how much you appreciate her it is the least you can do before doing something you regret that will be irreversible. It is easy for me to say that not being involved but that is what I would try to do.

You are not being too sensitive as it is unfortunately normal to become attached to someone special.

Be patient and she may come right back to you.

Fix

**CantWinLosin** · 12-10-11 22:07

I've only had a couple of girls query me early and directly about sugar. I always tell them,"I'm sorry, but I never discuss that before meeting someone. It's just not safe, for either person. I'm sure you understand." Neither of them complained. But I didn't try to meet either of them, either; I prefer someone who's a little less mercenary, as I seldom click with that sort of female.

**F Scott** · 12-10-11 18:30

Originally Posted by F Scott [View Original Post]

I had a similar situation when I was first getting into the SB scene. The baby wanted 6x$, which she revealed after lots of teasing and sexy emails back and forth. I assured her she was no doubt worth it, but respectfully declined, saying my comfort level was half that. A few days later, I was contacted by her saying that since my communications with her had been uniformly polite and respectful, she had decided to take me up on my offer. A date was chosen, a location secured, and the deal was consummated. Oddly, the sex was not fantastic, but she was Gorgeous, so there was that. Maybe these babies with GPS aren't all they think they are in more ways than one.

Moral of the story, I guess, is that you can never outguess these creatures, politeness is never a bad thing (even just karma-wise) , and sometimes patience brings unexpected results. Just because she's asking that doesn't mean anyone has ever paid it, despite what she might assert. Back-burner her and keep fishing, Buck. Sooner or later you'll get a hit.

Best,

Scott

Buck,

Just to relate both sides of the story, truthfully I have had several interviews with babies which ended with our inability to come to an agreement on the sugar amount, and nothing more was heard from them. I guess the real moral of the story is that you just never know, so try not to slam the door just in case.

Scott

**F Scott** · 12-10-11 16:55

Gentlemen,

I am extremely puzzled and vexed to report that since our golden-hued overnight, my ATF has been what I can only call "aloof." There seems to be no spot for me in her schedule, not even for some makin' out in my car. I know this is finals time, which she has told me, but I was in college once, and I know sometimes a study break is what's called for.

Am I being way too sensitive and clingy-old-fossilish? I really need some guidance in how to think of this before I go and do something I will regret later.

I am trusting in your compassion here. If you have rude or snide things to say, please keep them to yourself. No one likes a hater. If I'm being foolish, I'd like to know, but try not to dump on me, my brothers. Your time may come around one day as well.

Scott

**Madaboutmax** · 12-10-11 13:33

There are definitely different types of SB's out there as has been discussed at length on this thread.

I know at least 5 local dancers with profiles on one site. They act much more like escorts with similar rates, all negotiated up front with clear time limits. My current HYB wanted a monthly sugar amount for being exlusive with as many visits as I wanted. I indicated she was clearly woth it, but the sugar amount was too rich for me. I suspected the offer for as many times as I wanted wouldn't pan out logistically. I agreed to half the amount of monthly sugar with sugar spread out over the first few visits.

Its been less than two weeks, but we've already had 5 overnights. We've had a minimum of 4 rounds every night with her initiating most of them. Looking at the sugar / round, I may have one of the best deals going. I don't know how long this will last, but I sure am enjoying the ride.

I've decided she needs a new acronym. HYN (Hot Young Nympho).

**F Scott** · 12-10-11 10:40

Originally Posted by BuckDancer [View Original Post]

I emailed back and forth with this potential SB and she kept pressing the issue on a number for sugar, I played it cool and kept talking about how I'd like to meet her for coffee and to see if we connected blah, blah, blah. She continued to press, so I said well in your personal ad you mentioned you had done this before and I can't really put a price on beauty so why don't you tell me where you're at. Ready for this. $$$$$$$.5! Yes that's 7 for you guys with the failing eyes. This sugar is on top of dinner and wine being requested mind you, but to be fair she did say she had mostly overnights. I then inquired what dinner, drinks, and a couple hours of fun might entail? Her "oh about the same." Zoinks! Ole Buckdancer may have to go a new route. While this girl definitely is a college freshman, yes freshman, they teach them early at Mr. Jefferson's University and I think I've been priced out of the Sugar Daddy market by some serious heavy hitters in hooville.

I had a similar situation when I was first getting into the SB scene. The baby wanted 6x$, which she revealed after lots of teasing and sexy emails back and forth. I assured her she was no doubt worth it, but respectfully declined, saying my comfort level was half that. A few days later, I was contacted by her saying that since my communications with her had been uniformly polite and respectful, she had decided to take me up on my offer. A date was chosen, a location secured, and the deal was consummated. Oddly, the sex was not fantastic, but she was gorgeous, so there was that. Maybe these babies with GPS aren't all they think they are in more ways than one.

Moral of the story, I guess, is that you can never outguess these creatures, politeness is never a bad thing (even just karma-wise) , and sometimes patience brings unexpected results. Just because she's asking that doesn't mean anyone has ever paid it, despite what she might assert. Back-burner her and keep fishing, Buck. Sooner or later you'll get a hit.

Best,

Scott