Sexual Addiction Reports

[N Gorged]

Somewhere there is a scale following the title, but w / a 4th stage, interdependency, that I omitted as I've forgotten the difference. It was used to describe relationships in general, but I'm applying it to sexuality relationships, specifically. Dependency we know. We call it addiction; independency we know when having been dependent, we study and grow or gain sobriety. Inter. Is being sexual but not judging it, I think. Intra. Is being inclusive to the entire drama (that I am about to share).

It's a lot like the Stages of Faith work of James Fowler, describing human maturity along Ericksonian lines. 0-6 yr, 7-12, 13-18, 19-34, 35-55, & 56 on. As toddler / imaginative, pre-teen / literal, teen / group level, early adult / personal, mid-adult / mystical, and finally elder adult / sacrificial. Some folks stay at the group mind level, in churches. And in sexual awareness, as I understand it. In faiths, Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, MLK Jr, have all attained the 6th level. So sure of their understandings of life that they are willing to die for it.

It helps having a framework for our understanding, and an ability to keep looking into it. In sexuality, it was Victorian era English who put strict stds on what is proper and what is not, such that most are rebelling at it, and less can extract themselves from it, getting sobriety as generally spoken. But while some personalities can fit into that mold, others have a more playful side, wanting to share love and explore their sensuality and sexuality. In Victorian era English, those with diverse tastes, were usually driven underground. And were likely part of the control-file nature of politics. Catherine Austin Fitts talks of this to some extent. Knowing the depths that some elitist will go to retain their power, and to influence or extort others to go along with their plans, sadly. The whole thing has skewed the fuller maturation process that sexuality goes through, when not usurped to serve a political objective.

Oriental cultures have studied the body longer, developing wholistic medicine incorporating energy lines and points, called meridians. Then heightened or lessened via acupuncture. Whenever at an Asian Massage Parlor, and getting a rub, it is nice to be teased. Ideally, it need not happen all the time. Tantra yoga notes we can channel our sexual seeds up the spine to depart along chakra points - 1st, sexually into children; 2nd with others in relationships; 3rd to heighten our self esteem via arts, crafts, work; 4th to augment our ability to love which is also healing from love scars of past lovers or abuses; 5th is to be vocalized along anything spoken or sung; 6th is to be aware of the seat of our soul, in this 3rd eye point; 7th is to live out our highest and best self, even being able to re-start our endocrine system and prolong our lifetime into our 100's. As with Stages of Faith, most stay between the 2nd or 3rd level, though as others do more into 4th chakra work, it creates a 100th Monkey-effect to allow others to ascend to that level as well.

So to make a long story short, many spiritual seekers have talked of putting restraints upon our carnal instincts, as our ego in psychological terms. But rather than keeping it immature, we can also grow above that, to mature it. To have a fuller sensual and sexual experience. Ego / psych students have either the basic resource to get into a problem, then get out of it, and never go back in. Certainly, addicts who've relapsed will say it is impossible to do so, yet I believe it is only impossible for some types. See the Meyers-Briggs personality profiling book, Gifts Differing; some cannot, but a rare few can attain the Boddhisatvic level, and bring the rest of us further along. I'm not there, just being a gate-holder, or trying to open an alchemical channel to show that we can turn our base emotions into golden wisdom - - - Ross Hamilton has a great talk on this on Dr Rita Louise Youtube show, from how pyramids were to channel magnetic energy deep in the earth. Like our bodies. By connecting up to the electrical nature of the sky. Oddly, the RH talk is of the Serpent Mound in Ohio. Bringing us back full circle to sexuality, spirituality and the ascension or descension of the planet and its peoples.

[LJ Looking]

I have been in this hobby for about 10 years first the strip clubs, then the AMPs and topping it off with backpage. I have seen friends busted and families destroyed. I have even been caught by my SO who JlsG910 remind me of and I still don't know why I do it I always have buyers regret. This is the first time that I am being honest about this I don't know if I have a problem but this is my first step and thank you Jarston1 for sharing.

I too am a sex addict. Seeking prostitutes, watch a ton of porn, masturbate several times a day everyday.

If you're like me or think you're an addict or know someone that you think maybe an addict, search "The Most Personal Addiction" book by Joe Zychik. You can download a pdf, it's free.

If you do, I'd like your thoughts. I have no affiliation with the author, I just understood where he was coming from. It just made things a bit more clear. I also don't agree with everything, but I did find it very helpful in understanding this addiction better. I still struggle as I am married, but my wife doesn't understand and is not as supportive as I was hoping for, which I believe is vital to success in overcoming this addiction.

[BaseHit]

Aloha gentleman,

I wanted to say hello. This is my first time hearing about this thread and I must say I'm glad I stumbled on it. I've been in the mongering game for a few years, still young too (haven't even hit my thirties yet) and I thought it was only me who was going through these addictive episodes. I'm both relieved but saddened that I am not the only one. I always considered myself below average, low self-esteem so nothing much going for me but work. When I did my first attempt seeing an escort, I ended up getting a rush of adrenaline and carnal pleasure that I never felt before. I felt like I was something more. I thought the trade of a couple bucks for that high was worth it. Kept going at it whenever a new provider came to the island (Hawaii is scarce on providers where I'm from so it's not easy to get a variety) until one day I found myself with a girlfriend. She was sweet, pretty, and she truly cares and sees me for me which makes me feel worse because I couldn't stop trying to see a provider. I was already so deep into the monger world that I would search sites everyday if anyone was available on the island. That high which was becoming less and less potent on me which made me want it more and my hatred for myself was growing larger whenever I would see a provider than my girlfriend after. The feeling of having a significant other who truly has your back and is there for you in every way is such a sharp contrast from having some attractive random girl who will do what you want but doesn't have any feelings for you. Trying to make sense of all that is too much, because I truly believe you cannot have both. It's a black hole of self-loathing folks and the outcome is either a numbness or complete and utter chaos on your emotions. Up is down, left becomes right and you have to handle all these feelings in private because you cornered yourself from being able to tell anyone. Even if you did speak about it how would you justify why you did what you did.

I reached a breaking point of my guilt and shame when they closed backpage. I literally started scrambling finding ways to see a provider (remember this is Hawaii, but not Oahu so providers are scarce). I looked like a madman when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I am an addict. You might hate me for saying this but closing BP was a good thing for me. I tried hard to pick up the pieces and try to live before my mongering. I went to therapy, I focused more on my work and I even reawakened old hobbies I long forgot. Worked out a lot whenever I felt the urge to feel that high again and I always tried to be a better boyfriend. Unfortunately, the struggle is never ending. Relapses happen which is why you see me posting here. I have not seen a provider for about a year or two, but urges find a way. I have found myself now on seeking, not all the time but when the urge is too much. I wish this story had a happy ending, but I wanted to give the realistic journey and not some fairytale.

As a closer I just wanted to say I am not one to judge anyone on their reasons or why they are doing this. Truth be told there are some who embraced this lifestyle and are doing so of their own accord. If so than I wish more power to you and all the providers to treat you well. If you feel you are an addict and want out of this vicious cycle than hang in there alright, from one stranger to another. Keep strong.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. If you think I am scum than that is alright, I deserve it. I'm weak, a coward, but I'm trying. If anyone here is reading this and going through the same thing then DON'T give up and accept it. I know you can be better than this. You will not just hurt yourselves, but others as well.

Learn from p

Mahalo and stay safe.

Hi DreamCatching. How goes the fight? Are you winning? I've had my ups and downs and personally know it is a tough road. Don't beat yourself up. You are not scum. When I read your post I can tell you have a good heart and a good moral compass. Don't forget to look in the mirror and remind yourself of that. I do it daily and it does help. Keep up the good fight learn from your mistakes when you make them and carry on.

Tony.

[Dicdic]

I have been in this hobby for about 10 years first the strip clubs, then the AMPs and topping it off with backpage. I have seen friends busted and families destroyed. I have even been caught by my SO who JlsG910 remind me of and I still don't know why I do it I always have buyers regret. This is the first time that I am being honest about this I don't know if I have a problem but this is my first step and thank you Jarston1 for sharing.

[Chuckrr]

[Deleted by Admin]

EDITOR'S NOTE: This report was deleted because the content of the report was pointless, unproductive drama. Please read the Forum FAQ and the Forum's Posting Guidelines for more information. Thank You!

[Member #7016]

This is obviously an old thread that I'm resurrecting and I doubt she'll / you'll ever read this, but I just want to say that you are being really understanding and honest about this. I think a lot of women, although generally hurt, act out a fantasy of how they should feel about it instead of confronting how they actually feel about it.

He could have a sex addiction of some kind. As far as the escorts go, maybe he peruses but never sees them. I look at the escort sites but I don't partake. Most of us aren't addicted to this because of some weird illness. It's because it's an exciting experience for not a whole lot of money. Other than the possibility of a raid, it feels very safe too. You never know what you are going to get. Especially with the AMP scene. You walk in, you are greeted by someone you have never seen before, escorted into a room you have never seen before, then are given a massage and you don't know where it will lead. Some guys know where it will lead because they know the place. I specifically look for places that I don't know anything about.

I like to be surprised.

Life can be pretty damned boring and any excitement can grab us and not let us go.

If it were me and my wife tried to "confront" me about it I don't know what I would do. But, if she came up to me and just said "Look, I think I know about the places you go and things that you do. I need you to stop if you love me. " I would be completely devastated and it could be enough for me to change. As I write this, I wonder what my SO knows about my problem. For me, it is. I'm deeply conflicted and ashamed of it. I had a friend convince me that getting "happy endings" while on travel was kind of a perk that all men should partake of. "It makes the heart grow fonder, lets you blow out some steam" kind of thing. He didn't seem to have any guilt about it, he told me his wife even knew about it but she didn't care. I thought the "happy ending" thing was a myth until he told me about it - so I gave it a go. But then it became more regular the the endings got more than "happy."

I never feel good about myself after I go. I feel terrible. I think about my wife, I think about the money and how I could have spent it on more nice things for the family, I think about my morals and faith. It's awful. Then, somehow, it's a brand new day and I want to go again. I want to never go to another one of these places again in my life - but when I get out there on the road for business that "thrill seeking" part of me comes out and I repeat the behavior. I'm about to travel next week and I've been hunting all of this week planning for where I'm going to have an encounter. Maybe it is a sickness now that I think about it. It's ludicrous.

Best of luck to you, if you ever read this.

Hopefully this post doesn't get taken down, but I guess I understand if it does. I'm not a monger.

I'm the wife of someone who likely is a monger and it is tearing me apart. I say "likely" bc I know he comes on here and does searches for escorts and Asian massage parlors, and I know inadvertently that he has visited and tried to visit massage parlors, ones that I know he frequented before we were married. We are under lockdown bc of the pandemic (health issues) and he's talked about wishing he could get massages (he really does need them) but the fact that a) he hasn't told me about going when he's gone, b) he visits this site and has searched for escorts, and c) the place he went gets thumbs up from the monger crowd kinda has me believing he's gone for more than just muscle work.

We have a great relationship and a sex life that would make most of you green with envy. Has always been good but got even better with marriage (been married less than a year). We lived in different parts of the country for the couple of years we dated and over the past year I have learned of just how much sex he was having behind my back. Like, 15 different women (most fairly regularly, and most purely about sex, it seems). All the while also going to massage parlors and seeking out escorts.

I sort of feel like I am answering my own question, but any thoughts on possible sex addiction? And if he were you, how would you like to be approached about it? This man is the love of my life and I know I satisfy him. I'm not worried about him going to others bc he's not getting good stuff at home I'm worried that his sexual behavior is out of control. I want to stand by him and help him, presuming he wants it. He has to know all that he is risking by his behavior. He is a good guy, beautiful person, loving, and caring. And I can't help but think he's suffering. I can't help but think he has this compulsive desire and if I think about that in comparison to a drug or booze addict, he must have some sort of inner turmoil.

Anyway, I'm just looking for advice on how to reach him. I confronted him about a few relationships he was in that I found out before we married and he was a bit defensive. I've forgiven him and would still forgive him if he could work on leaving this secret life behind. Like I said, he is the love of my life (and no, I'm not young. Middle aged and second marriage, been around the block enough times to know that getting angry won't get me anywhere and I actually don't take all of this personally. I feel confident in what we have. If this is an addiction, how can I not try to help?? In sickness and in health, right?

[DreamCatching]

Aloha gentleman,

I wanted to say hello. This is my first time hearing about this thread and I must say I'm glad I stumbled on it. I've been in the mongering game for a few years, still young too (haven't even hit my thirties yet) and I thought it was only me who was going through these addictive episodes. I'm both relieved but saddened that I am not the only one. I always considered myself below average, low self-esteem so nothing much going for me but work. When I did my first attempt seeing an escort, I ended up getting a rush of adrenaline and carnal pleasure that I never felt before. I felt like I was something more. I thought the trade of a couple bucks for that high was worth it. Kept going at it whenever a new provider came to the island (Hawaii is scarce on providers where I'm from so it's not easy to get a variety) until one day I found myself with a girlfriend. She was sweet, pretty, and she truly cares and sees me for me which makes me feel worse because I couldn't stop trying to see a provider. I was already so deep into the monger world that I would search sites everyday if anyone was available on the island. That high which was becoming less and less potent on me which made me want it more and my hatred for myself was growing larger whenever I would see a provider than my girlfriend after. The feeling of having a significant other who truly has your back and is there for you in every way is such a sharp contrast from having some attractive random girl who will do what you want but doesn't have any feelings for you. Trying to make sense of all that is too much, because I truly believe you cannot have both. It's a black hole of self-loathing folks and the outcome is either a numbness or complete and utter chaos on your emotions. Up is down, left becomes right and you have to handle all these feelings in private because you cornered yourself from being able to tell anyone. Even if you did speak about it how would you justify why you did what you did.

I reached a breaking point of my guilt and shame when they closed backpage. I literally started scrambling finding ways to see a provider (remember this is Hawaii, but not Oahu so providers are scarce). I looked like a madman when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I am an addict. You might hate me for saying this but closing BP was a good thing for me. I tried hard to pick up the pieces and try to live before my mongering. I went to therapy, I focused more on my work and I even reawakened old hobbies I long forgot. Worked out a lot whenever I felt the urge to feel that high again and I always tried to be a better boyfriend. Unfortunately, the struggle is never ending. Relapses happen which is why you see me posting here. I have not seen a provider for about a year or two, but urges find a way. I have found myself now on seeking, not all the time but when the urge is too much. I wish this story had a happy ending, but I wanted to give the realistic journey and not some fairytale.

As a closer I just wanted to say I am not one to judge anyone on their reasons or why they are doing this. Truth be told there are some who embraced this lifestyle and are doing so of their own accord. If so than I wish more power to you and all the providers to treat you well. If you feel you are an addict and want out of this vicious cycle than hang in there alright, from one stranger to another. Keep strong.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. If you think I am scum than that is alright, I deserve it. I'm weak, a coward, but I'm trying. If anyone here is reading this and going through the same thing then DON'T give up and accept it. I know you can be better than this. You will not just hurt yourselves, but others as well.

Learn from me.

Mahalo and stay safe.

[Gumpy1989]

Hopefully this post doesn't get taken down, but I guess I understand if it does. I'm not a monger.

I'm the wife of someone who likely is a monger and it is tearing me apart. I say "likely" bc I know he comes on here and does searches for escorts and Asian massage parlors, and I know inadvertently that he has visited and tried to visit massage parlors, ones that I know he frequented before we were married. We are under lockdown bc of the pandemic (health issues) and he's talked about wishing he could get massages (he really does need them) but the fact that a) he hasn't told me about going when he's gone, b) he visits this site and has searched for escorts, and c) the place he went gets thumbs up from the monger crowd kinda has me believing he's gone for more than just muscle work.

We have a great relationship and a sex life that would make most of you green with envy. Has always been good but got even better with marriage (been married less than a year). We lived in different parts of the country for the couple of years we dated and over the past year I have learned of just how much sex he was having behind my back. Like, 15 different women (most fairly regularly, and most purely about sex, it seems). All the while also going to massage parlors and seeking out escorts.

I sort of feel like I am answering my own question, but any thoughts on possible sex addiction? And if he were you, how would you like to be approached about it? This man is the love of my life and I know I satisfy him. I'm not worried about him going to others bc he's not getting good stuff at home I'm worried that his sexual behavior is out of control. I want to stand by him and help him, presuming he wants it. He has to know all that he is risking by his behavior. He is a good guy, beautiful person, loving, and caring. And I can't help but think he's suffering. I can't help but think he has this compulsive desire and if I think about that in comparison to a drug or booze addict, he must have some sort of inner turmoil.

Anyway, I'm just looking for advice on how to reach him. I confronted him about a few relationships he was in that I found out before we married and he was a bit defensive. I've forgiven him and would still forgive him if he could work on leaving this secret life behind. Like I said, he is the love of my life (and no, I'm not young. Middle aged and second marriage, been around the block enough times to know that getting angry won't get me anywhere and I actually don't take all of this personally. I feel confident in what we have. If this is an addiction, how can I not try to help?? In sickness and in health, right?

Hello. He might not realize that he has an addiction, or might not see it that way. You will need to have a frank talk with him about it eventually. You need to tell him exactly how it makes you feel. Offer to get help for him. There are groups out there for him and you. Look up celebrate recovery. It's a Christian 12 step program for any addiction really. Some have support groups for spouses of the addiction. It does help. Though the first step is admitting that you have a problem. If he's not willing to get help or doesn't think it's a problem you should still go yourself for your own peace of mind. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

[SecondTry]

Hey why'll.

I got into the game very early. Around when I was 20/21 years old? I had / have pretty low self esteem in the past so I guess the thought of having sex easily appealed to me greatly. To add to that, the thrill of backpage was something else. Anyway, I used my parents money to see girls and when I graduated and got my own job I started trying to quit. For me its like once the feeling latches on, I'm doing nothing but scrolling forums, calling girls. I feel very much helpless when I get in this phase.

Nice to see some other people's struggles though, thanks for posting, I am looking into some authors that have been mentioned like Rob Weiss, maybe can find some inspiration to keep my streak going.

If there's no sex addicts anonymous where you live they got stuff online- I went to a couple dozen meetings and if you're serious about getting a new life they'll help a lot. Also you can go to Aa or NA when they talk about alcohol or dope you just substitute those words with "pussy" in your mind. Don't tell anyone you're working on sex addiction there they'll all cringe LOL but it's essentially the same anti addiction theme.

I didn't work the steps but managed to cut back dramatically where I now live outside "the bubble" that being the all consuming haze of lust. Now I just bang a ho a few times a month (instead of a few times a day LOL).

[HungPartyGuy]

Until the shame reaches the same intensity as the rush, I can't see stopping.

Even since my first time I've always been hooked and I use sex so unhealthily as far a reasons go sometimes its to cope with depression but more often than not its so to try and feel at least slightly less worthless as if I can just get enough people off then I deserver to exist (I have bipolar depression so especially in my low lows I get totally out of control sexually) I truly only find females or passable MtF attractive but I've let strange men run train on my ass more than I'd like to admit and I feel so much shame after rando after rando pumps their load in me but at the same time I feel a sort of rush or happiness because at least in those moments I'm not completely worthless.

[Bozone]

Until the shame reaches the same intensity as the rush, I can't see stopping.

[JlsG910]

[Deleted by Admin]

EDITOR'S NOTE: This report was deleted because it contributed nothing of value and in fact constituted a complete waste of bandwidth.

The purpose of this Forum is to provide for the exchange if information between men on the subject of finding women for sex. Let's stick to the subject.

[DaveSalem]

HRT sounds great but I've been tested and my T is fine. They tested me when I asked for ED meds, which I really only use for recreational purposes.

I doubt that I could get them without a medical reason. ED meds they'll give to anyone who can tolerate them, because it's not really medically detectable if your Testosterone is normal.

Doc recommended HRT for chronic low T. Wow! I'm better is so many ways! Getting jacked is super easy (not body builder size) although you don't take super high amounts as that's an issue. I feel 25 again save some aches and pains after heavy physical activities. On the hobby front. Holy crap I'm horny as a three dick billy goat! HRT is not helping getting out of pooning! It want it so much these days! A saw a girl in yoga pants at the market and had to cover my boner.

Gee thanks doc.

I do worry about the number of girls addicted these days. Lots of robs to fulfil the habit. Society at large appears to be numbing itself with dope and VR. There's a reason I don't own a VR hood. It be too much porn and trust me way better VR is on the way. That will likely kill sex between real people as soon you'll not be able to distinguish VR pussy (think flesh light hooked to a vr hood with moisture sensors and heat for $1000 initially). Sounds crazy, but it's coming. Couple years later that VR pussy will sell for $299. AI is getting cheaper all the time. I'm totally rambling now. It helps get crap off my mind.

P.S. My staying power is unreal. Only thing is I don't shoot huge loads anymore and sometimes that orgasm is a tad bit weaker. Other times earth shattering.

Be safe fellas and enjoy.

[JlsG910]

Hopefully this post doesn't get taken down, but I guess I understand if it does. I'm not a monger.

I'm the wife of someone who likely is a monger and it is tearing me apart. I say "likely" bc I know he comes on here and does searches for escorts and Asian massage parlors, and I know inadvertently that he has visited and tried to visit massage parlors, ones that I know he frequented before we were married. We are under lockdown bc of the pandemic (health issues) and he's talked about wishing he could get massages (he really does need them) but the fact that a) he hasn't told me about going when he's gone, b) he visits this site and has searched for escorts, and c) the place he went gets thumbs up from the monger crowd kinda has me believing he's gone for more than just muscle work.

We have a great relationship and a sex life that would make most of you green with envy. Has always been good but got even better with marriage (been married less than a year). We lived in different parts of the country for the couple of years we dated and over the past year I have learned of just how much sex he was having behind my back. Like, 15 different women (most fairly regularly, and most purely about sex, it seems). All the while also going to massage parlors and seeking out escorts.

I sort of feel like I am answering my own question, but any thoughts on possible sex addiction? And if he were you, how would you like to be approached about it? This man is the love of my life and I know I satisfy him. I'm not worried about him going to others bc he's not getting good stuff at home I'm worried that his sexual behavior is out of control. I want to stand by him and help him, presuming he wants it. He has to know all that he is risking by his behavior. He is a good guy, beautiful person, loving, and caring. And I can't help but think he's suffering. I can't help but think he has this compulsive desire and if I think about that in comparison to a drug or booze addict, he must have some sort of inner turmoil.

Anyway, I'm just looking for advice on how to reach him. I confronted him about a few relationships he was in that I found out before we married and he was a bit defensive. I've forgiven him and would still forgive him if he could work on leaving this secret life behind. Like I said, he is the love of my life (and no, I'm not young. Middle aged and second marriage, been around the block enough times to know that getting angry won't get me anywhere and I actually don't take all of this personally. I feel confident in what we have. If this is an addiction, how can I not try to help?? In sickness and in health, right?

[LazyAss69]

In Sex Addicts anonymous. They say 'progress not perfection', so if you feel like you are moving in the direction of sobriety you should be grateful.

What's sobriety??