Sexual Addiction Reports

[SugarBandit]

Found this thread when looking at the SA archives. Thanks the JZ Lizard for posting the link.

The struggle is real and I appreciate everyone one this thread for their honesty and thoughts.

There are a ton of seniors on here with huge post counts. What got me are the members with 50-60 posts asking for help on how to stop. We got no answers for them.

I stopped for a few years too fellas. It's possible but I wasn't able to quit. After the relapse, it has been harder to quit even for a two days.

I got no answers on how to stop so all I have is appreciation for those that shared.

Maybe as a group we can figure this out. I suspect there are some smart guys here. Or at least smart enough to be well compensated. This ain't a cheap hobby if you're an addict. Thanks.

I do it because I have the cash to do it. If you stop, what do you plan on doing with the money?

[Sarcastic King]

Found this thread when looking at the SA archives. Thanks the JZ Lizard for posting the link.

The struggle is real and I appreciate everyone one this thread for their honesty and thoughts.

There are a ton of seniors on here with huge post counts. What got me are the members with 50-60 posts asking for help on how to stop. We got no answers for them.

I stopped for a few years too fellas. It's possible but I wasn't able to quit. After the relapse, it has been harder to quit even for a two days.

I got no answers on how to stop so all I have is appreciation for those that shared.

Maybe as a group we can figure this out. I suspect there are some smart guys here. Or at least smart enough to be well compensated. This ain't a cheap hobby if you're an addict. Thanks.

[Head First]

My son is on maintenance (Thank God for this program!) for opioid addiction. In October the clinic lost 3 patients to the street. Fentanyl.

Last week (Thanksgiving week) the mother to one of the girls that was lost was handing this out to any that was brave enough to make eye contact with her as she stood in the lobby, alone, visibly broken.

Granted this forum is specifically for sex addiction but IMHO it fits to post it. Be warned it may touch a nerve.

Take a minute.

[UOnlyLiveOnce]

That paragraph about low self esteem had my attention for a while. But I don't think mongering can be explained away that easily.

After some pondering it occurred to me that it requires high self esteem to approach and succeed with some of the amazing looking girls that are out there (think SA). I can post my recent resume of pics if needed LOL.

Also, it requires high self esteem to earn enough money to be able to pursue the hobby.

So, I am not sold on this theory, although it has my attention. I wonder what others think.

Self esteem might have something to do with it in some cases. In others, not so much. My case is a mixed bag. I'm a sex addict, I admit it. In the last couple years, though, the hobby is the only place I've been getting any action. I'm married, but that part of the marriage is just over. After years of trying to keep it going at home, I just finally hit a point where I didn't care any more. But part of the reason I say I'm a sex addict is I was in the hobby before the love life at home completely went away.

In theory, I could find a side piece from every day life. I came close to bagging one once last year. Otherwise, nada. For the time and trouble I would spend trying to find a side piece in every day life, it's just easier to occasionally indulge in the hobby, where I get access to women I'd be very, very unlikely to ever bang in real life. I've gotten to where I can limit myself to seeing providers once, maybe twice a month depending on the monger budget. I can't afford any more often than that at this point.

So to put all this another way, I indulge in the hobby for both practical reasons (such as hating being celibate) and for psychological reasons, as there is a compulsive aspect where I'm trying to fill a psychological need I just can't ever seem to fill.

[JonWan]

I've been a "monger" for a bit over 10 years....

I'll likely always be an addict in that there's always a pit I could potentially fall into. Every day abstained just makes it far less probable. But I'm accomplishing more at this point than I have in years and regained a silly youthful optimism that had been buried under the guilt and shame I'd carried for the past decade.

Brothers, the road is fucking hard. This is an extremely hard thing to beat, and what spurred my change may not be what spurs yours. But I believe that we can all see the other side of this. It took a lot of soul searching to get here and there's more soul searching yet to do. Fundamentally changing yourself takes time, but the journey is way more than worth it. One day at a time.

Congrats on making a change before your addiction destroyed your marriage.

Congrats on improving your self esteem and getting more control over your compulsion.

Causes of addiction tend to be related to (1) genes and (2) environment. Genes play a role, and most addicts have an addictive personality. Addicts tend to have a lot of passion, and they tend to love the feeling that they get from a dopamine release. Sexual release also produces other hormonal and neurochemical changes, and these changes can also be addictive. Environment also plays a role. If you had a lot of partners when you were single, you may bring your addiction into your marriage. Effective social support (I. E. , a good emotional environment) can lessen the likelihood of addiction even for those who are at high risk genetically. So, bad genes and a bad environment can contribute to addiction.

As you stated, addiction can be tied to self esteem. Compulsive behaviors can mask insecurities, and addiction can certainly lower one's self esteem. A person with low self-esteem may have trouble overcoming insecurities, negative thoughts and feelings and therefore turn to outside experiences or activities to change those negative thoughts into positive ones. Also, as you stated, improving one's self esteem can help with treatment of addiction. Also, one needs to treat depression, anxiety or other mood disorders, since these can also contribute to addiction. Getting control over addiction requires attending to one's emotional health.

Congrats again.

[Dj Hunter]

That paragraph about low self esteem had my attention for a while. But I don't think mongering can be explained away that easily.

After some pondering it occurred to me that it requires high self esteem to approach and succeed with some of the amazing looking girls that are out there (think SA). I can post my recent resume of pics if needed LOL.

Also, it requires high self esteem to earn enough money to be able to pursue the hobby.

So, I am not sold on this theory, although it has my attention. I wonder what others think.

Everyone who examines themselves and / or their relationships will determine their own reasons for doing this. Everyone's reasons and root causes aren't the same, I agree.

[Glennie]

That paragraph about low self esteem had my attention for a while. But I don't think mongering can be explained away that easily.

After some pondering it occurred to me that it requires high self esteem to approach and succeed with some of the amazing looking girls that are out there (think SA). I can post my recent resume of pics if needed LOL.

Also, it requires high self esteem to earn enough money to be able to pursue the hobby.

So, I am not sold on this theory, although it has my attention. I wonder what others think.

I've been a "monger" for a bit over 10 years. There were periods during those years where I was insanely active. Paying for extras at strip clubs, dating escorts on Craigslist and Backpage, making rounds on the street, just going wherever I could get my nut off. At a certain point in that time I decided to propose to the girl I'd been dating on and off for a few years. I thought that'd be the changing moment. I actually fucked who I'd christened as my "last girl" the morning of the day I proposed. What a fucking joke, thinking I could force myself to change just because I was getting engaged. I've been married for six years now, and it's only been in these last two that I began doing the serious digging required to move the quitting needle in any significant way. Prior to that, I'd had a couple STD scares, once mistakenly texted my wife while I was trying to text my escort date (was REALLY shaken by that one), and had other stupid situations that made me temporarily consider quitting but were me simply me succumbing to the guilt. I wasn't genuinely trying to change shit. Hell, as long as I didn't get caught, I was good.

The thought of quitting was always playing silently in the background though. Four years ago, I started dating the girl who gave me my first BBFS experience. I dated her several more times, most times with no cover, and it became the thing I sought out in dates. I got so adept, I could tell from assessing a girl's pics whether or not she'd be likely to let me hit raw, and I was fairly accurate. During that time I had the STD scares (that fortunately turned out to be nothing) and hit a brief phase of deep depression, unbeknownst to my wife. A couple times I just sat in my car and cried before coming home from work. It made me start taking the hard look at myself, though. Who I was, what I thought of myself, and why I was like this. When I started out in this hobby, I'd operated on the idea that man is biologically hardwired to "spread his seed" and that the hobby was was simply a byproduct of man's biological nature. But that was bullshit. While the biology may be a factor to a minimal extent, I've come to believe that sex addiction is deeply rooted in, and borne from, my personal experiences. Honestly, smoking weed really encouraged and enhanced my introspection and even heightened the imaginings of some of the worst things that could happen from this hobby. And I spent several nights over the course of about a year having these scary, dark, and entirely plausible fantasies. Over the course of time, my thoughts gradually shifted to introspection. I realized several things through self assessment: I had low self esteem, I wasn't nurtured much by my mother and sought validation through girls and women to fill the void (since an adolescent), and I'd become so adept at spotting the right escorts because I'd been seeking out escorts who had the lowest self esteem and didn't give as much of a shit about themselves.

Over the last two years, I'd also started focusing seriously on my health. I changed my diet, started running, and going to the gym. It became a natural distraction. I saw my body changing and I felt the best that I'd ever fucking felt. I was motivated and naturally filling the void through simply realizing my potential and worth. The few times that I did partake during this time felt worse than ever. I felt like I was sabotaging myself and my progress. More importantly, I felt like I had no more excuses because I'd been shown all the answers, the reasons why I am this way, and the things that could most certainly happen if I stay active in this hobby. It's gotten to a point that, although I still browse escort sites, I don't have much taste for anything. I don't drive aimlessly along the "stroll". I can finally drive past the strolls most times without feeling an overwhelming need to turn down those streets. It's been almost eight months since I last dated. It might sound cliche but I feel so much better. Through my health journey, I realized how much I've begun to care about myself and how conflicting and threatening the hobby is to that notion. The stress and guilt of the hobby is unhealthy, as is the time and money wasted. Iv'e assessed myself, my marriage, and what I want from life that I know I can get, and the hobby doesn't fit into any of that. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments. The challenges still linger and I still have urges. I'll likely always be an addict in that there's always a pit I could potentially fall into. Every day abstained just makes it far less probable. But I'm accomplishing more at this point than I have in years and regained a silly youthful optimism that had been buried under the guilt and shame I'd carried for the past decade.

Brothers, the road is fucking hard. This is an extremely hard thing to beat, and what spurred my change may not be what spurs yours. But I believe that we can all see the other side of this. It took a lot of soul searching to get here and there's more soul searching yet to do. Fundamentally changing yourself takes time, but the journey is way more than worth it. One day at a time.

[Dj Hunter]

I've been a "monger" for a bit over 10 years. There were periods during those years where I was insanely active. Paying for extras at strip clubs, dating escorts on Craigslist and Backpage, making rounds on the street, just going wherever I could get my nut off. At a certain point in that time I decided to propose to the girl I'd been dating on and off for a few years. I thought that'd be the changing moment. I actually fucked who I'd christened as my "last girl" the morning of the day I proposed. What a fucking joke, thinking I could force myself to change just because I was getting engaged. I've been married for six years now, and it's only been in these last two that I began doing the serious digging required to move the quitting needle in any significant way. Prior to that, I'd had a couple STD scares, once mistakenly texted my wife while I was trying to text my escort date (was REALLY shaken by that one), and had other stupid situations that made me temporarily consider quitting but were me simply me succumbing to the guilt. I wasn't genuinely trying to change shit. Hell, as long as I didn't get caught, I was good.

The thought of quitting was always playing silently in the background though. Four years ago, I started dating the girl who gave me my first BBFS experience. I dated her several more times, most times with no cover, and it became the thing I sought out in dates. I got so adept, I could tell from assessing a girl's pics whether or not she'd be likely to let me hit raw, and I was fairly accurate. During that time I had the STD scares (that fortunately turned out to be nothing) and hit a brief phase of deep depression, unbeknownst to my wife. A couple times I just sat in my car and cried before coming home from work. It made me start taking the hard look at myself, though. Who I was, what I thought of myself, and why I was like this. When I started out in this hobby, I'd operated on the idea that man is biologically hardwired to "spread his seed" and that the hobby was was simply a byproduct of man's biological nature. But that was bullshit. While the biology may be a factor to a minimal extent, I've come to believe that sex addiction is deeply rooted in, and borne from, my personal experiences. Honestly, smoking weed really encouraged and enhanced my introspection and even heightened the imaginings of some of the worst things that could happen from this hobby. And I spent several nights over the course of about a year having these scary, dark, and entirely plausible fantasies. Over the course of time, my thoughts gradually shifted to introspection. I realized several things through self assessment: I had low self esteem, I wasn't nurtured much by my mother and sought validation through girls and women to fill the void (since an adolescent), and I'd become so adept at spotting the right escorts because I'd been seeking out escorts who had the lowest self esteem and didn't give as much of a shit about themselves.

Over the last two years, I'd also started focusing seriously on my health. I changed my diet, started running, and going to the gym. It became a natural distraction. I saw my body changing and I felt the best that I'd ever fucking felt. I was motivated and naturally filling the void through simply realizing my potential and worth. The few times that I did partake during this time felt worse than ever. I felt like I was sabotaging myself and my progress. More importantly, I felt like I had no more excuses because I'd been shown all the answers, the reasons why I am this way, and the things that could most certainly happen if I stay active in this hobby. It's gotten to a point that, although I still browse escort sites, I don't have much taste for anything. I don't drive aimlessly along the "stroll". I can finally drive past the strolls most times without feeling an overwhelming need to turn down those streets. It's been almost eight months since I last dated. It might sound cliche but I feel so much better. Through my health journey, I realized how much I've begun to care about myself and how conflicting and threatening the hobby is to that notion. The stress and guilt of the hobby is unhealthy, as is the time and money wasted. Iv'e assessed myself, my marriage, and what I want from life that I know I can get, and the hobby doesn't fit into any of that. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments. The challenges still linger and I still have urges. I'll likely always be an addict in that there's always a pit I could potentially fall into. Every day abstained just makes it far less probable. But I'm accomplishing more at this point than I have in years and regained a silly youthful optimism that had been buried under the guilt and shame I'd carried for the past decade.

Brothers, the road is fucking hard. This is an extremely hard thing to beat, and what spurred my change may not be what spurs yours. But I believe that we can all see the other side of this. It took a lot of soul searching to get here and there's more soul searching yet to do. Fundamentally changing yourself takes time, but the journey is way more than worth it. One day at a time.

[SugarBandit]

I had another B'Day last week and it reminded me of the promise I made to myself a while ago to stop paying for pussy.

At the height (or is it the lowest) of this addiction I was going 5-7 X a week, every week, for years. I could so I did. Then some things changed but I also recognized that what I was doing was harmful (to me) so I decided to stop it. But I soon realized what a hold it had on me. Many visits with a psychiatrist and a psychologist didn't work and I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be spending this cash on pussy than doctors.

As with my other addictions I learned that tapering works best for me. So I've been doing that and after 2 years it's gotten me to the point of 2-4 visits / rewards a month. I've not gotten this monkey completely off my back but it seems to be working and I consider it progress.

Curbing my Appetite (For Destruction) has allowed me to consider getting into a healthy meaningful relationship again. But the other side of that coin has me fantasizing about buying an AMP. It should be a no-brainer but it's not (yet), so.

I went 7 days a week for three years, because I could.

I was single.

[Head First]

I had another B'Day last week and it reminded me of the promise I made to myself a while ago to stop paying for pussy.

At the height (or is it the lowest) of this addiction I was going 5-7 X a week, every week, for years. I could so I did. Then some things changed but I also recognized that what I was doing was harmful (to me) so I decided to stop it. But I soon realized what a hold it had on me. Many visits with a psychiatrist and a psychologist didn't work and I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be spending this cash on pussy than doctors.

As with my other addictions I learned that tapering works best for me. So I've been doing that and after 2 years it's gotten me to the point of 2-4 visits / rewards a month. I've not gotten this monkey completely off my back but it seems to be working and I consider it progress.

Curbing my Appetite (For Destruction) has allowed me to consider getting into a healthy meaningful relationship again. But the other side of that coin has me fantasizing about buying an AMP. It should be a no-brainer but it's not (yet), so.

[Rahulss]

Hallo, ik ben op zoek naar vrouwen voor sex. Ik ben al lid op verschillende sites zoals https://www.gratissexafspreken.nl. Hebben jullie nog andere tips?

[SugarBandit]

Um, yeah, it is if you're doing it regularly.

One of the most recognized symptoms of sexual addiction is repeatedly and regularly going out looking for, and hiring, prostitutes. So, we're *all* probably sex addicts.

So guys that go to bars every week and get laid are sex addicts?

After I was with Samantha, I spotted Kat, a really cute one, but she wanted $30 and I now realize they all will come down to $20.

I didn't see Laura and Sandy walked by fast.

[MrFrench]

Its not sex addiction if you go out on your nights off looking for pussy..

Um, yeah, it is if you're doing it regularly.

One of the most recognized symptoms of sexual addiction is repeatedly and regularly going out looking for, and hiring, prostitutes. So, we're *all* probably sex addicts.

[SugarBandit]

Good job, sex addiction is no joke and hope you stay strong, I am extremely careful who I play bare with but it is combination of luck and paranoia that kept me safe so far but this game is dangerous.

Its not sex addiction if you go out on your nights off looking for pussy.

About a week ago, I saw a girl I never had before, Samantha. She did a very good job for $20. She said she was out there about a year. A cute 23 year old.

[BlueBuff]

After 20+ years of multi-state mongering I've decided to quit while I'm still healthy. I've busted more than a fair share of awesome nuts and had a great time doing it. I've met some great girls who have let me live out every sexual fantasy that I could imagine (At a price LOL). But I'm older now, and I realize that for me buying sex is an addiction for me just as much as drugs are the girls addiction. This game we play is dangerous but we play anyway. I don't know about the rest of you but I have a wife and kids a home and a great job making 200 K / yr. I can't tell you how many times I've been pulled over just by an officer recognizing a girl in my car as we passed or how many times I had to physically remove a violently upset that I didn't want a date girl from my car before the cops came. Most of all I have caught everything except herpes and HIV from these girls and thank god I never passed anything to my wife. The last couple of times including very recently I have caught gonorrhea from BBBJ. I had symptoms and like I always did I went and got tested anonymously thru a website I use. Only the test came back negative but the very mild symptoms persisted and I went to a urgentcare and was diagnosed. I had to take meds and take a shot and the doctor told me there is an untreatable strain going around so thank god I was cured. Who wants gonorrhea forever? Not me! But after my last infection and the fact that I see so many girls that I don't even know who infected me but I do know that I had to infect a couple of my regs and I had to tell them so they could get treatment which wasnt easy. One girl told me that she wasnt upset because "its all part of the game". And that made me think to how much I value my own life. I've thrown my dick on the crap table on many a night whether having BBFS BBBJ or CFS with a BBj finish. I think to all the times a girl told me that it was ok if I didn't use a condom. I'm a lucky mF to be walking around still healthy so I'm quitting before my luck runs out because the way these girls are moving out there i know its just a matter of time b4 i catch HIV. So good luck to you gents. Be smart and stay safe. Don't mean to be preachy just wanted to share a bit of my story.

Kudos to you Bro for taking a step in the right direction. I stopped SW business and occationally visit AMP's in passaic which are much safer and clean. Eventually will stop them as well.