Jokes & Humorous Stories

**LazyAss69** · 02-19-21 21:04

A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?

**Head First** · 08-08-20 09:27

Originally Posted by SwiftChariot [View Original Post]

Hi!

Not really a direct joke, but I got to tell ya if I am getting a happy ending and the provider is using her left hand I will not get to the finish line. All I can think about is whether or not she is actually left-handed and if she's not then why the hell is she using her left hand. Very distracting.

I know a woman that's been in the biz for almost 20 yrs. A while back she fell on some ice and hurt her rt shoulder and arm. She stayed off work for a week then said she had to get back to making money. I asked her if she'd still be able to take care of the customers, she's rt handed. She said that she always uses her left hand to jerk guys off with. Huh? Why? She told me a lot of workers get carpal tunnel if they stay in the biz long enough so if she's going to get it it'll be on her left side, which won't be as much of an issue when she retires / goes back to the homeland, to live off the S. S. Check Uncle Sam is going to be sending her every month. Makes sense.

**SwiftChariot** · 08-07-20 09:27

Hi!

Not really a direct joke, but I got to tell ya if I am getting a happy ending and the provider is using her left hand I will not get to the finish line. All I can think about is whether or not she is actually left-handed and if she's not then why the hell is she using her left hand. Very distracting.

**Earl2211** · 02-10-20 00:48

Originally Posted by FigLeaf [View Original Post]

If having sex for money makes a woman a wh*re, does not charging money for sex make a woman a nonprofit whoreginization?

They are all charging in some way. If they are completely free then you have to listen to their stories or drama, no matter what in some way you are paying. LOL.

**FigLeaf** · 02-09-20 17:54

If having sex for money makes a woman a wh*re, does not charging money for sex make a woman a nonprofit whoreginization?

**Earl2211** · 01-17-20 10:23

Originally Posted by HardBall99 [View Original Post]

You know, it's tough getting old. You want to know how tough it is? Well, I'm at the point that I have to take Viagra just to jerk off!

I am getting to that point LOL.

**Alixx** · 12-14-19 11:28

So about 15 years or so ago, I'm in a 95 mustang having sex with my boyfriend at about 2 am. It's cold out so we've got the heater running and we're full on involved in this. Theres a tap on the window, I jump over a shirt on real quick and roll the window down. It's a cop. Ask what we're doing oh, I tell him we're talking. He asked if I planned on driving home. I replied"no sir I just looked right across the street". The cop that asks me why I don't just take this back to my house. I told the cop that I would but my husband doesn't like me taking strange men home. At that point the cop shakes his head looks at me and says shut the car off and leave.

**HardBall99** · 10-07-19 11:32

You know, it's tough getting old. You want to know how tough it is? Well, I'm at the point that I have to take Viagra just to jerk off!

**DockMan** · 09-28-19 09:32

So a preacher check into a motel and asks the clerk if the porn channel is disabled. The clerk looks at him and says no you sick fuck it's normal porn.

**MackyMac** · 03-02-19 10:50

Originally Posted by TwistedBrother [View Original Post]

Any of you watch Family Guy? One of the newest episodes deals with an AMP opening that lures Quagmire and where the typically misguided Peter eventually goes to work, gets arrested, etc., etc.
Pretty on-target, though, as far as AMP depiction. Seth McF and/or the other writers seem to know of what they write, LOL. You can see it on Fox.com or Hulu, I think.

Family Guy sure is entertaining. I'm currently hooked up with The Bing Bang Theory LOL. My girl and I loves this show, will try to watch Family Guy today. Thanks!

**TwistedBrother** · 02-26-19 14:15

Any of you watch Family Guy? One of the newest episodes deals with an AMP opening that lures Quagmire and where the typically misguided Peter eventually goes to work, gets arrested, etc., etc.
Pretty on-target, though, as far as AMP depiction. Seth McF and/or the other writers seem to know of what they write, LOL. You can see it on Fox.com or Hulu, I think.