"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[HollywoodGuy]

Re: Pictures.

If I was dealing with semi-Pros or UTR girls I might be inclined to post pictures. But most of the babies I'm dealing with are just regular girls.

For us married guys, we have to be a bit more cautious than you single SDs.

I obviously enjoy looking at the pics in the other Non-Pro topics, but I'm perfectly fine with this topic not having pictures. This topic is more story driven, than picture driven. And I think it fits the SD / SB lifestyle.

I am starting to appreciate the theme on this thread. And thanks for the insight.

While I have done a lot of sd. Ing. I also do a lot of utr girls. And of course I am not in your area. And yes I am single. So observing what other people do and stirring the pot once in a while is the only way for me to learn anything. Thanks again.

[John G Smith]

Re: Pictures.

If I was dealing with semi-Pros or UTR girls I might be inclined to post pictures. But most of the babies I'm dealing with are just regular girls. Okay maybe I'm using the term "regular" a bit loosely, but many of them aren't hiding their real identities or facebook profiles and they're not trying to make a business of out of this. They're basically girls who have regular lives that they are willing to suppress some of their morals to have an older guy make things easier for them. But they're not living out of hotels, posting CL / BP ads, or seeing dozens of "clients" UTR. Just as I expect my SB to be discreet with any information they know about me, I'm going to respect their privacy and I'm not going to post their picture (even with their face blurred) on a public sex site. IMO, it's a violation of the discretion part of the agreement.

Also another reason is that I don't want to risk exposing myself either. Many of us (and the lurkers who read this forum) fish from the same sugar baby ponds. If I post a picture of a SB, someone else could still recognize her, contact her, and point them to this topic. All of a sudden my forum postings here could be linked to my real world. You risk your anonymity by posting pics of SBs who frequent sugar daddy sites. For us married guys, we have to be a bit more cautious than you single SDs. Especially since in this particular topic, we post A LOT of details about our various escapades. I think it's best for most of us to leave a little ambiguity by keeping our posts literary driven. As it is, we use nick / code names for our SBs in this topic, unlike the LA Non-Pro topics, which post real names.

I obviously enjoy looking at the pics in the other Non-Pro topics, but I'm perfectly fine with this topic not having pictures. This topic is more story driven, than picture driven. And I think it fits the SD / SB lifestyle.

[F Scott]

Gentlemen, and especially members of my local chapter,

I feel I need to post up this short message, alerting you that apparently I have been single-handedly pruning the Chicago tree of Baby deadwood. I have just had the most bizaare email exchange with a baby I met for the first time yesterday, and with whom by both accounts I had a wonderful coffee hour. A follow-up text from her re-iterated this, and closed with promises of more good times to come. I swear I am not making this up!

Today I got one of the chillier slap-downs I have ever received, totally unprovoked, in my mind, by anything I had said earlier. I hadn't even emailed or contacted her in any way since our meeting yesterday, and am greeted, in part, by sentences such as this," I am not the sort of person who can have that sort of connection with an older man, money involved or no." Ok, overlooking the repetition of the word "sort", why the fuck did you respond to me in the first place? Why did you send me 17 long emails telling me about your entire life up to now, closing with tender endearments? Why, at the base of it all, are you on SA? You're not going to meet your hubby here! We're called "daddies" and "babies" for a reason, get it?

I will spare you the additional bewildering emails from her, but suffice it to say that, by my count, since I rejoined SA three or so months ago, I have personally weeded out 6 psychos, or Conflicted Babies, who have cancelled their profiles after encountering me, sometimes only once, but not after dumping some crazy shit on me! It truly makes a man wonder what kind of world we live in. Do they think we will pay them just to hang out with us? I'm not that desperate ... yet! Thank God for Polo and Brit, and my Asheville nursery. Honestly!

Anyway, no real value here other than humor, I hope, except to say I feel more than ever we must love the pursuit as much as the prize. I find it ironic that I have this experience immediately after I post my thoughts below about honesty. I swear I am totally upfront about my situation, what I'm looking for, what I am willing to do, and what I expect in return, but in a very polite way! Maybe it has something to do with the economy?

Peace,

Scott

PS - I'm not a bad-looking guy, right Mandy?

[F Scott]

Gentlemen,

This whole "married or not" discussion goes back to my earlier observation that the Bowl allows us to be completely honest, upfront and unvarnished, which I for one find liberating and exciting. A married SD is not for every baby, and that's fine. Some mention it right in their texts, and so I do not even bother to contact them.

I wear a wedding ring all the time, in fact I'm not sure I could get it off at this point, so there's no use, even if I wanted to, for me to pretend otherwise.

I've met with a few babies who then decide, so they say, that they just can't get past it. True or not, I always reply that I appreciate their letting me know, as opposed to just vanishing, and wish them luck.

One of these has come back a month or so later and, after complimenting me on the politeness of my response, wanted to give it another try. Ultimately, it did lead to some playtime, but in the end I just wasn't all that into her.

If you are married but keeping it hidden, maybe the short term babies will never know, or care, but if you happen to hit on a great, long-term situation, you'll have some 'splainin' to do, and it could just fuck the whole thing up.

This is, of course, my feeling on the matter. As has been pointed out, some babies prefer a married daddy, since we are "safe" and won't be looking to mess their lives up. Some, I believe, even find it a turn-on: they are getting something "forbidden". If only they knew, LOL!

Have a great weekend, my brothers. Still no news worth printing on this end, but the situation continues to look rosier and rosier.

Keep up the good work,

Scott

[Ampboner]

Timely post. I actually planned to talk about this very subject.

On my SA profile I clearly state I'm married and within the actual text of the profile I mention it again and that I'm looking for a "discreet" relationship. This definitely cuts down on the responses I receive. Some SBs have a problem with it morally or they're worried about the possible drama, which might come their way. Also I've noticed Asian SBs tend to be more reluctant to see married men than most in my experience.

Even still I generally believe in full disclosure when it comes to this. I need the SB on day one to understand the need for discretion. By mentioning these things in my profile, I generally get responses from SBs who are already prepared for a "Behind Closed Doors" arrangement. Also they would figure it out that I'm married / attached pretty soon when I never answer their voice calls, never invite them to my place, or by my very restrictive schedule. And believe it or not I don't like lying, so I try to keep it to a minimum. I think an arrangement is less stressful when both parties know exactly what they're dealing with.

That said, I am running an experiment on SD4Me. I'm saying I'm divorced on my profile to hopefully improve the initial response rate and to avoid the marriage predators. Then once I begin discussions, I mention I'm in the "process" of getting divorced so things aren't finalized and I still need to be somewhat discreet.

The downside to disclosing you're married is that it opens you up to blackmail by psychos. After my recent psycho experience earlier this month, I'm trying to figure out if there is a different approach to handling this. A way to explain the need for discretion while also avoiding SBs thinking they have the "I'm going to tell your wife!" card in their back pocket.

Tricky stuff.

I've noticed the same regarding some Asian SB's having a reluctance to go out with married guys. Mostly Koreans and those from the Phillipines in my experience. My SB for the last seven months is a Korean sophmore attending a University in my city. She has a few other friends besides me. She tells me that she sees only unmarried guys, either single or divorced. I have been married more than once. With out lying I let her know that I was married in the past. I say what is the difference if one is or is not married. The SB is getting the $, gifts, and bills paid that she wants. She has absolutely no intention of ever going out with me other than as a SB. I do not know her friends, etc. She doesn't know mine. She is not looking for companionship from me only Louis Vuitton bags etc. I get to have a 19 yr old to sleep with 2 or 3 times a week. We are both happy in our own way.

[CantWinLosin]

I firmly believe that most of the babies who balk at married daddies while happily sleeping with unmarried ones (and I've known married women who fall into that category too) do so because what they're *really* looking for is a white knight, not a benefactor. If you're looking to be a white knight, that's fine... but if all you want is to have an open-ended casual connection, such "damsels in distress" end up being more trouble than they're worth.

[Dog Rice]

"Selective Morality". Yes. My last night SB did say,"sometimes I don't give a fuck about my moral level"."but I can't have sex w / married men". WTF.

The irony is in re: these Babies who have moral qualms about sleeping with a Daddy who is married don't have any problem fucking the unmarried ones for money. Go figure? This is truly selective morality.

[Hernando]

The irony is in re: these Babies who have moral qualms about sleeping with a Daddy who is married don't have any problem fucking the unmarried ones for money. Go figure? This is truly selective morality.

[Zomby]

"Why can't you? Do you have a wife at home?"

She apparently had not carefully read my SA profile, which clearly says "married, but looking." She was visibly disappointed, and it was suddenly very chilly in the car. I see no point in lying to babies about this, and it would be hard to keep up the charade anyway. She politely thanked me for dinner and was on her way.

[snipped]

What should I do in the future to avoid this type of misunderstanding? Obviously, close the deal! But beside that, I'm thinking I need to ensure the pot is aware I'm married and is ok with that. How do you guys handle this? Because it's never been a problem for me before.

Even still I generally believe in full disclosure when it comes to this. I need the SB on day one to understand the need for discretion. By mentioning these things in my profile, I generally get responses from SBs who are already prepared for a "Behind Closed Doors" arrangement. Also they would figure it out that I'm married/attached pretty soon when I never answer their voice calls, never invite them to my place, or by my very restrictive schedule. And believe it or not I don't like lying, so I try to keep it to a minimum. I think an arrangement is less stressful when both parties know exactly what they're dealing with.

I agree completely with being upfront about being married. In my dealings with strippers and other providers, I've never been shy about answering "yes" to the question of whether I'm married, and probably for much the same reasons, it gets it out of the way, and I don't like lying. And for any who might consider that statement hypocritical, I can only advise you to check your premises and preconceptions.

My SB knew shortly after we met, and long before we started anything sexual, that I was married, and happily so. It's actually one of the reasons she considers me "safe", because there's no danger of me leaving my wife and showing up on her doorstep. She doesn't want me for a boyfriend (even the one she has, she never calls "boyfriend") and I'm completely uninterested in an emotional relationship of the type I have with my wife. I personally think that's why it's lasted so long. Neither of us wants anything from each other except for exactly what we're getting.

/z

[Zomby]

One story worth sharing, however, it a young AA girl that I met almost 6 months ago now. She was just 18 then (19 now) and told me she was taking some college courses but I always thought that was a little suspicious. She never talked about school and never answered questions about her courses, always just changing the subject when I asked her about it. When we first met, she was very shy, but did not hesitate to agree to the FC on only the second date. We met off and on about every 1-2 weeks for a couple of months. At first she would allow almost anything but full penetration was almost impossible. I don't think she was a virgin, but she was certainly unexperienced and tight in every way imaginable. She gave a good BBBJ, enjoyed DATY, and really liked deep FK and making out. I was pretty smitten by her youth and innocence for the first several times that we met.

Of course, the newness of it all wore off pretty fast and after a couple of months, she was more and more obvious about just wanting some cash and ending the date as soon as possible. She finally rushed me through so fast one night that I just said F__k it and decided not to see her again. I have given in a couple of times since then, but the performance has been marginal at best and she even told me once that she "didn't suck dick anymore and really didn't like DATY anyway". I used her as only a backup for a few more months, but she continues to txt me off and on trying to continue the sugar as long as possible. She finally moved out of her mothers house to a place of her own, and each txt message is getting more and more desperate, even though its been several months now since we have seen each other. At this point, I'm pretty sure she is completely on her own. 19 years old, no means of support, and no school ambitions whatsoever. She texted me recently with this message:

"Hey- I got a new number I misss you so much lets meet up tomrrow and have fun for a couple of hours have sex eat me and ill suck your dick the whole me not liking it thing was a joke I love oral LOL but pllllleeeaassee ill even wear the pink thing you gave me. Please don't make me beg for the money I really need it right now it doesn't have to be a lot but you should help me because I'm asking and giving you something in return."

I'm running as fast as possible away from this desperate one. Too bad she went down hill so fast. She seemed like a keeper at one time.

Keep up all of the great posts. It's the first thing I read each morning.

Obviously, if you're not getting what you want out of a relationship, then it's pointless to pursue it. However, I kinda of agree with SubCmdr on this one. If her hunger makes her willing to go back to the way it was, were it me, I might give her another shot, even telling her up straight up that you really liked the way it was when you first met, and the reason you stopped seeing her was because she stopped doing the things you like and that she apparently stopped having fun, and that that's not the type of relationship you want.

Before I met the girl I'm seeing now, I spent a lot of years chasing strippers, and still do sometimes, albeit with much less frequency, and what your girl has done here sounds like what every money hungry stripper does, suck you in (sometimes literally) with high performance, and then drop off as long as the sugar keeps coming. When the sugar falls off, one of two things happens. Either she drops you like a hot potato and moves on to the next PL, or she ramps it up again. The girls who do the latter can sometimes be worth it.

Of course, if she's now lying about having lied about not liking that stuff, and is just going through the motions to get your money, it might not be worth it, but that's something you have to judge for yourself.

/z

[Zomby]

This thread has the second lowest pics to posts ratio except some Honolulu mp thread. Its like. 02.

I don't think that lack as in any way a shortcoming.

Can't we see some g rated face slightly hidden pics? Please

Not to say some might be willing to do so, or have SBs that wouldn't mind the exposure, but in my own case, there's no fvcking way I'm posting a picture of my one and only sugar baby. I don't even have one on my phone. I've spent a long time with her, and doing that would, IMO, be a violation of the trust we've built up. I will not disparage those who do post such, but my belief is that, for many potential sugar daddies, the hoped-for nature of a SB relationship pretty much precludes the posting of pictures on a public sex oriented web site.

Just my two cents.

/z

[Dog Rice]

Chatted w / this 22 yrs Brunette for several days. We were both eager to meet. M&G turned into dinner date. I did ask her "did you read my profile?" She looked at me and said "yes". Had great time. Lot of touching and hugging. After dinner, she started asking me about "you married?". I said,"yes as mentioned in the profile. You knew this before coming out, correct?".

She was then telling me that she has a high moral standard, blah blah blah. Then, she said that I can't have sex with you, but I like you and want to see you more. As being a gentlemen (or gentle-dog) , I told her that this is mutual relationship and if she does not want, so be it. (said it in very polite way). I did express my disappointment that we should not even meet if she has such mortal issue. She told me that she really wants to see me.

I pretty much took her back to her car (with some chatting w / her. Blah blah blah) and drive out as fast as my engine can.

P. S: Sub-Cmdr gave me a lecture that such SB pot are "conflicted SB". There will be others like that. (thank you, Cmdr)

Dog is still in "Cadet" level.

[HollywoodGuy]

However, I must admit that I am enamored at the idea of finding the true SB, of being her first SD. This for me is what makes the amount of work we must put in worthwhile. It's also the reason I am extremely picky of who I choose to play with. Keep up the good work guys.

WS

This is what I live for. But in between there are lot of fun interviews with non repeaters. I love being the first sd, first white guy, first kinky sex, first multiple o, and on and on.

[HollywoodGuy]

This thread has the second lowest pics to posts ratio except some Honolulu mp thread. Its like. 02. Can't we see some g rated face slightly hidden pics? Please

[F Scott]

Have to stop in and say thanks to the regulars that contribute here. I have been playing the sugar game for about a year and a half. I keep adjusting my strategies based on methods other posters have used with success. The knowledge that is shared here is priceless. In the past two months I have screened 50+ real email responses from M4W sections of Craigs List. I have had 4 meet and greets. Then finally I hit pay dirt this week, having spent 3 hours in a hotel with an absolutely stunning 21 yo, blonde, blue-eyed coed. Immediately following our first M&G. This was my first sugar experience since August of 2011. I do partake in well reviewed Back page girls, and have a few numbers of girls from the street that are good for a cheap quick fix.

However, I must admit that I am enamored at the idea of finding the true SB, of being her first SD. This for me is what makes the amount of work we must put in worthwhile. It's also the reason I am extremely picky of who I choose to play with. Keep up the good work guys.

WS

Brother Woodster (we already have a "Woody" - GuyWoodson) ,

Let me be the first of many to welcome you to the clubhouse. As you have already experienced, this is not the hobby for the corner-cutters nor the place to achieve quick results. They are an elusive and quixotic breed, these sugar babies, but if you are fortunate enough to land one, or two, the rewards are worth ten times the effort. Scroll back through the entire thread, take what advice you feel relevant, and leave the rest. Everyone on here has contributed valuable advice, gleaned from personal experience and hard work, so no one's comments should be dismissed lightly.

I think you will find that anyone here will be more than happy to share information and experieces with you, including our den baby, Mandy.

Good luck to you, and don't forget to write.

Scott