Massage Parlor Reports

[QUOTE=LAPartner;5925096]Just got word that the pretty busy nuru massage place in noho (you know the one, at the 3 story condo thing) is shutting down for a while. Apparently the locals in the condo across the hall have a ring camera, and obviously whenever there is motion at the door they get alerted. I would be sus too if my ring camera went off 3 times on the hour every hour LOL.

Who knows when they'll open up again but keep your wits about you around there fellas.[/QUOTE]I saw a new-to-me provider yesterday and found out that a couple of the girls that previously worked at the aforementioned condo are working in VN now (much better location for me) and I can honestly say that it was one of the better RnT that I've had from a extremely hot lady. I won't get into too many specifics, but if you're looking for a new haunt with a very relaxing hour, give Nia a call (previously Mila), and she's much prettier than her pics which were pretty hot to begin with. [URL]https://tryst.link/escort/niasky[/URL].

If any of you huckleberries is getting action with Angela at gold finger off campus and not telling us about it, I hope you get monkey pox.

[QUOTE=Paul0959;5931750]Yep. Jenny mentioned that she is leaving and gave me her digits. Now. I have to say. She does have massage skills. She did some pretty good deep tissue with me. There is no way she was a guy. For a MILF. She is easily a 7. 5 - and her attitude is great as well. Not as wild as Lucy in OC. But much better looking with massage skills. In my opinion.[/QUOTE]Not sure where this Jenny / Mary is a dude claim originates, but pretty sure after 100's of reviews there would be some solid consensus and not just one claim. Or does she have a manmade AHole and she's a sex robot programmed to gather human sperm samples.

[QUOTE=Paul0959;5931750]Yep. Jenny mentioned that she is leaving and gave me her digits. Now. I have to say. She does have massage skills. She did some pretty good deep tissue with me. There is no way she was a guy. For a MILF. She is easily a 7. 5 - and her attitude is great as well. Not as wild as Lucy in OC. But much better looking with massage skills. In my opinion.[/QUOTE]Look, it makes no difference to me how a man mongers, but this Mary is more than just a little ugly. Now, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whether or not she is trans is a whole other matter, but the main point is she is not "easily" a 7. 5. She is easily a 3 or 4 meaning that only if we were in the dark ages of mongering would she survive.

[QUOTE=LC310;5932887]Not sure where this Jenny / Mary is a dude claim originates, but pretty sure after 100's of reviews there would be some solid consensus and not just one claim. Or does she have a manmade AHole and she's a sex robot programmed to gather human sperm samples.[/QUOTE]As a chronically festering wound, a surgically-made frontal hole would smell, literally, like shit at all times and most likely be hairy inside.

I don't think there's any hiding it let alone passing off a surgically-made one for the real thing, from everything I've had the misfortune of reading.

[QUOTE=BennyRava;5933236]As a chronically festering wound, a surgically-made frontal hole would smell, literally, like shit at all times and most likely be hairy inside.

I don't think there's any hiding it let alone passing off a surgically-made one for the real thing, from everything I've had the misfortune of reading.[/QUOTE]Sounds like you have a lot of hands on experience with post op providers knowing the smell and everything. Well done. Tell us more about your experiences. Thanks in advance.

[QUOTE=LC310;5934261]Sounds like you have a lot of hands on experience with post op providers knowing the smell and everything. Well done. Tell us more about your experiences. Thanks in advance.[/QUOTE]Sounds like someone fucked Mary in the front yard and is concerned.

[QUOTE=PriscillaM;5934360]Sounds like someone fucked Mary in the front yard and is concerned.[/QUOTE]Yeah, I'm concerned that I need to return and do it again.

I see the novelty in the experience as a staple in the LA scene but GD LOL. Nice woman with a wide menu but not a repeat. My junk was smelling funky after the deed.

[QUOTE=PriscillaM;5920257]Saturday started like the usual day. Look on a bunch of useless websites for some poontang. Get a text from a regular that her husband is divorcing her and that he hired a wildly expensive attorney and that I have to find her a wildly inexpensive attorney. Text a girl of RUBMD who offers me an 8 o'clock and then disappears. This one:

[URL]https://rubmd.com/los-angeles-ca/3a87d2ff-cca3-42d5-8b0b-98c6054d4e3b[/URL]

But I am in west Hollywood.[/QUOTE]Thanks for the report.

[QUOTE=StoryTeller69;5936360]I see the novelty in the experience as a staple in the LA scene but GD LOL. Nice woman with a wide menu but not a repeat. My junk was smelling funky after the deed.[/QUOTE]Yea with her. I wouldn't go bb. I've done alot of stupid things in my life. But not this one LOL. No disrespect to anyone else. But yup I wore a rubber on this one.

Given the borderline traumatic abuse I suffer on this board, I cannot believe I am doing this. But if you are on this board and do not live in fucken Downey, Lomita, or van Nuys, and actually participate in the real life of a homo sapiens sapiens on the west side (you know, eating with cutlery, not being arrested 19 times, stopping at limit lines), then this is for you.

The place is the old M & V massage, now called ocean massage at like 711 on that big street that goes through Venice named after the president that rammed the south harder than a Cat 4 hurricane.

It is a strip mall shopping center with a "pho" restaurant where white people literally eat in the fucken parking lot. A beauty parlor, a "capoeira" studio. This is some horseshit martial arts from brazil in which you do cartwheels, a health food store, and Indonesian (restaurant and said massage parlor.

It is awkward "AF" to get in here. There is always some goody two shoe millennial parent on Instagram leaning against the fucken common wall of the parlor and the capoeira joint. Also, there are always a few boomer whites eating the pho in the fucken parking lot. The beauty parlor seems to shut early. I have never seen a single muther fucker in the Indonesian restaurant or the health food joint.

Anyhow, I called over and Cindy answered. This was 8 o'clock. Cindy had a voice that. Unlike the fucken hag mamasan Vanessa that make you want to shove your galaxy note 8 up your ass. Can give you a boner just from singing take on me by a ha. She sounds like the submissive Asian type that would suck your dick while you were shooting from the rough with a five iron. I said I would be there in 15 minutes and she said fine.

I roll down Lincoln like a convoy going from Ramadi to Baghdad with a brigage of Lithuanian prostitutes (OK, I ran out of parables). I drove pretty fucken fast.

I park on the street and fuck it, I walked right the fuck in. Out comes Cindy. The reports on her are correct. She is cute. She resembles the wife of the fucker who brought us facebook, but without the extra pounds and without the cleft lip. She is 28. She is personable. She tells me that she is unavailable and they bring in some fucken hag wearing a mask. I said, look, I am not dead yet and I am not having a home health care worker jerk me off. So Cindy returns.

She is wearing pale olive yoga pants and a black top, with midriff showing. Ass is flat as dudamel conducting the beastie boys. Her legs are titanium alloy and she is flat chested. She is very talkative and my fish monger skills came in handy during the conversation. Oh yeah you lay flat faced on the table, and she takes the towel off. The floor is stone and the place is spartan as an ADX cell.

Her English is better than the current press secretary, but she can whip out the mandarin to manage the flight deck. She does a non-sensual massage on your back that is as painful as watching the view while having your dick eaten by a group of Pomeranians.

She turns you over and asks after a few minutes if you want to be jacked. She asks that you be generous given the CPI and the current glee of causing 6 dollar diesel.

She let me touch her over the clothes because I am such a fucken stud. She does a decent handjob but she is cute enough that you wish for more, like putting her legs behind her ears, tying them down with duct tape and fucking her in her Asian real pussy (hey, I am no pervert that fucks Mary from chens).

I tipped her 100 , and it was 60 for the door.

So my hiatus from goldfinger lasted just about as long as lebron's book club meetings.

Bedpage and rubmd only had girls in Huntington park and thatmall only has girls who have AARP level old pussies.

There was no way I was going to 3200 santa monica, I cannot fuck fat latinas with vulcanized rubber condoms while some pot smoking millenial of the homeboy persuasion waits for my sloppy seconds.

So, having quit goldfinger for about two months, I rolled in around 730 pm.

I did not call ahead for a lineup, that fucken place needs a disinformation governance board. The names are apocryphal and the availability is as spotty as baby formula.

I did a quick walk around the block and no one was going in or coming out.

I walk in and this pig of a human in an evening dress you might find in a goodwill dumpster greeted me. She looked like she had just learned about dove bars by eating 10 of them and she was so happy to see me that I think I heard her fart. I informed her that I wanted a mother fuken line up. She had me temp up at 35.9 and brought Katie up.

I had heard mongers requesting Katie before. In fact, after mongers requesting to take a shit at the glorious can at 19 XX, the next words out of a monger's mouth are "is Katie available. After I take a wet dump I want her finger up my ass."

Katie cannot possibly be over 40. Well, 45. She had black yoga leggings on showing an ass as flat as the earth. Do not give me the earth is round bullshit. She had a top that was like a wife beater but with some words on the tits part I think they said "Sheraton" (you will get the joke if you go to goldfinger). She stepped into the break room (which is now a jack shack if they are at full capacity) and kind of disappeared. Walking down the hall came another fucken evening dress urchin and I was like, I want the girl in the fucken flip flops with legs so skinny I could only imagine how tight her box is.

So somehow, Katie is flushed out and she walks me to room 2. She is not wearing a mask and has a face that I could nut all over if I was high on fentanyl. She has a nice set.

I get in the room and wait like five minutes.

She comes in and asks if I have been here before. I asked her, does dolly parton sleep on her back? Yes, I have been here before. She did an execrable massage on me and barely teased. This must have been a 25 minute massage as useless as a wet fart in a paper bag. I had to ask for lighter pressure twice. She touched my nuts like she was trying to get the milk from the back of the ralphs fridge. She was wearing a mask because jacking a guy off would not necessarily spread any virus.

She then gets the hot towels and rubs me down.

She then teases all over but does not grab the mic.

She says turn over, and finally gets to my shvantz. Her technique is as weak as soy half and half at a Larchmont Starbucks.

She did take down her bra to show some nice, possibly fake hooters that would be better Russian than a Kiev offensive.

She let me play with them, but south of the Mendoza line was only OTC.

She was a little rough on the balls, but she took heed when I told her "it is an egg" and "strikeouts are boring" and she was like what the fuck? I guess she missed bull durham over there in fucken yunnan.

In a moment of humor some monger came into the lobby and was asking for vanessa. Vanessa is goldfinger's version of Mary at chen's. Face ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road, old enough that jesus is in her high school annual, and annoying as a phone going off in the shitter stall next to you.

I hear Vanessa is blowing guys in violation of goldfinger policy.

Anyhow, after like 15 minutes of dickwork, Katie was getting more winded than a long covid sufferer running a marathon carrying lizzo.

I figured I would give in and let her win, but she was shaking my entire shaft and my knob is more sensitive than an msnbc guest on critical race theory so it was pretty bad.

Tipped her 100 and on the way out an identical looking gal came out of room 4. [blue][Deleted by Admin][/blue]

Anyone seen her? She's been advertising for years on Eros and elsewhere, but I can't find one single review. I talked to her on the phone and she seems like a lot of fun. I rarely TOFTT but I might have to this weekend with her.

[URL]https://massage.eros.com/california/los_angeles/files/2439762.htm?cat=83[/URL]

[QUOTE=RootPotter;5937888]Anyone seen her? She's been advertising for years on Eros and elsewhere, but I can't find one single review. I talked to her on the phone and she seems like a lot of fun. I rarely TOFTT but I might have to this weekend with her.

[URL]https://massage.eros.com/california/los_angeles/files/2439762.htm?cat=83[/URL][/QUOTE]She is sweaty fat and generally speaking a complete pig I can pm you more details.