[QUOTE=LotharioCancer;2800714]Ladies and Gents, I've done this hobby since I was 18. My first time was with a provider, I've taken breaks from the hobby for various reasons, marriages, LTR's, 12 Step Programs etc. I've never dated a provider and never will, I think it's a recipe for failure.
But I have decided to put all this, this hobby behind me, why? I've decided to try to become a better person. No I haven't found religion, No I haven't contracted anything permanent or life-threatening I just got checked out and all my tests came back clean. There's nothing prompting me to do this other than my desire to stop. I've done it all I think, (well not all, all that I desire to do / try) and the bucket list is empty.
I can look at a beautiful woman now and not think of what It might be like to have her. Because I've had many beautiful women, and have had lots of great experiences with women. I've had my fun, more fun than I can remember, more fun than most men will ever experience. Now what? To keep on doing it is akin to playing Russian Roulette. I don't have a death wish, I'm not trying to kill myself, but I have put myself in risky situations for kicks, for thrills. For what?
I also have to look at things external to me, these experiences were selfish pursuits, I don't have any relationships with these girls other than I like how they treated me, and that's why I saw so many repeatedly. To all the girls I've been with that treated me so well, thank you, for providing a very personal and intimate experience and making an old man happy, even if just for a little while. Thank you for not judging me, and for entertaining my requests no matter how strange they may have been.
I also have to come to terms that many of you girls have habits and circumstances that prompted you to sell yourselves, I do apologize to all of you for taking advantage and for enabling you to continue your self destructive behavior. I always respected you as people, I never wanted to hurt you or make you do things against your will, but maybe feel that I have. Sure there are some providers that do enjoy what they do, but I was told once by one I'm pretty close to, that a girl doesn't do this because they want to, it's because they have to, there's no other alternative, so I feel I've taken advantage of some really good people when they have hit rock bottom.
And for that I apologize, the Ursula saga did affect me. She's a nice girl deep down. And she got the "Pretty Woman" fairy tale ending, she had a client, a good man, well to do, mature, self-made, a guy willing to forgive her past, who fell in love with her, and wanted to marry her and have a family with her, and she blew it. I didn't help her, Instead I used her. For that I feel ashamed.
To those on the board that mock me, for seeing so many, or for seeing so many at one time then giving you all the dirty deets (bragging really), maybe I deserve to be mocked. Just know that I'm not a better person for having done that. I'm not proud of my actions or what I have become. I have an addiction too, I am a sex addict and it is thrill seeking, self-destructive behaviour. I not only facilitate the girls hurting themselves, but those around me and those close to me. To those that admire me, you shouldn't. I'm not doing you any favors by helping you follow in my footsteps and that's why I haven't returned some PM's and my absence from the board the last few weeks.
This board and all of you will still exist and continue after I am gone. Just be safe, and try to get help, and be kind to the girls if you see them, but don't get too close, that's only going to hurt you in the end. Everyone needs to come to terms with why they do what they do. The guys and the girls. Ladies, If you're playing with fire, doing dangerous drugs, please try to stop, seek help. Guys you cannot help them by providing income they use to feed their addictions. In the end you'll just probably feel as I do now. Empty, Sad, Ashamed and Broke, I've spent a small fortune on these selfish pursuits with nothing to show but memories. Memories that don't make me feel better anymore.
So this still being a pretty new year still. I've decided to stop and seek help for myself, I hope all of you mongers and all the girls do the same. After I post this I'll leave my account up for a bit, then eventually delete it. L to the see out.[/QUOTE]Man, I go out of town for a bit, and I come back to find LC has retired? Seriously, you started paying for pussy at 18? Your first piece of pussy was from a provider? That is sadder than FF's Ursula story. I'm just kidding you, good luck to you and thanks for all the posts and info. Now, who is willing to book this action? I say LC will fold and go see a girl within a week. The over / under is 10 days. Like I said, give me the Under.
