"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

I would agree with Nando about girls my age and younger embracing their sexuality more than women of past generation. We do want pleasure and enjoyment more and don't necessarily need a relationship for that to occur. Additionally, we're much more curious and willing to try new things. I started exploring swinging and being a submissive when I was only 20, simply because I was curious.

For Scotts question though, I wouldn't say that they aren't any different of a classification of a sugar baby than I am. But rather just another example of how "every sugar arrangement is different." I'll admit I've gone down this route when I've been in my periods of searching for a new SD. The situation goes like this: We meet, there's a bit of physical attraction, in my head I know it's not the long-term thing I want, but I also know they'll be a fun toy for a little bit. We'll meet a couple of times before I'm bored, at the same time I keep looking, when I find someone knew or get bored then it's time to move on. I would actually say that for many of you, these SB's would be better for your "regular world" as they manage to keep it an NSA relationship.

I've only had one of those where sugar was given at the end of each evening and I'll admit that for me personally, I felt like it bordered on the escort side and I had a hard time with that stigma in my head. I actually spent quite a bit of time talking with the hobbyists that follow me on twitter trying to figure out what the differences between the two worlds are.

My question would be this: Are these girls just seeing someone once and then bub bye, or does it come across more as seeing someone occasionally (less than a regular SB) and more like a FWB and the benefit to her is a little sugar? If it's just the once, then she's a Pro.

And for more on the conversation about is sugar the same as prostitution listen to the callers after my interview. The interview was fun, but the hosts did call me a prostitute when they transitioned from the interview to talking callers. However, after seeing my remark about that on twitter the DJ just responded saying they did it to "Warm up the phones". Oh, and for the anonymity piece of this, they referred to me as Chrissy throughout the interview. Have fun listening [url]http://www.97xonline.com/Player/101351851/[/url]

Congratulations Chrissy / Mandy! The interview went well and you sounded so adorable and smart.

The thing about Sugar is that recipients come in three carnations IMHO. 1) Sexual babies and 2) financial babies and 3) relationship babies, or a mix.

1) Life is never totally simplistic but sexual babies like Mandy are girls who flat out love sex and perhaps need a lot of sex and are not able to be satisfied by one partner. That one partner might be an inadequate performer. Or high volume sex with only one partner gets boring after the first week / month or whatever. These Babies need multiple partners to fill that need for excitement, variety, and stimulation.

2) financial babies are in it for the Sugar and cover a multitude of issues even including those who are getting by but want more out of life.

3) relationship babies are in it for the positive things to be gained such as mentoring, companionship, perhaps even love.

Sugars should pick the type of partner that they want that most closely fills their needs. For example, guys who want a monogamous relationship should make sure that the baby they have selected is a similar type as they are. If a G-1 matches with a M-3, then she will be stepping out on him. And the same works the other way around. So add that component to your tool box.

Again, Escort vs. SB is one and the same. I had long term recurring relationships with several escorts I cared very much for, so I disagree that one date for money is any different than multiple dates on a regular basis. They were still escorts and saw other guys in addition to me. If one were to see a girl and elect to "help her out" without an understanding ahead of time then that sounds like a relationship, not a business deal. Overall, who cares? As a Married man I am contractually obligated to provide support to my wife in return for wifely services. Doesn't that sound like prostitution to you? Maybe if we had a contract that was legally binding we wouldn't have the issue of escort vs. Legal consort.

[QUOTE=Hernando; 1433816]Congratulations Chrissy / Mandy! The interview went well and you sounded so adorable and smart.

The thing about Sugar is that recipients come in three carnations IMHO. 1) Sexual babies and 2) financial babies and 3) relationship babies, or a mix.[/QUOTE]Nando. Thanks so much! I'm curious if you think babies can fall in multiple categories. I ask, because I would place myself in your first & third classifications. I have to have the mentoring and compassion element. Just curious you're thoughts on that.

Mandy

[QUOTE=Hernando; 1433816]The thing about Sugar is that recipients come in three carnations IMHO. 1) Sexual babies and 2) financial babies and 3) relationship babies, or a mix.

2) financial babies are in it for the Sugar and cover a multitude of issues even including those who are getting by but want more out of life.[/QUOTE]In the case of ESCORT vs. SB

I present the following evidence for consideration:

From my perspective the SB2s are escorts by the definition and action. If Sugar alone will not get alone will not get the panties to hit the floor then they are not an escort. The number of times she decides to allow the panties to hit floor should not matter. If the sole / primary reason the panties are on the floor is due to the sugar then she is an escort not a SB.

As an example, some SBs are willing to drop her panties based on the allowance proposed before we even have a meet and greet. If you are willing to present the party favors for inspection simply because I'm providing a allowance then in my book that makes them a garden tool.

Reference is made to the following quote from a SB when I asked if she was into the sex of a relationship:

"In all honesty no woman would be on this site if it weren't for the financial need. Unfortunately that is the reality of a sugardaddy / sugarbaby relationship of which many try to circumvent for their own benefit. The compensation aspect is to eleviate the money lost that I could be earning for myself during our times together."

I rest my case.

SubCmdr Out

I'm curious if you think babies can fall in multiple categories.

Mandy[/QUOTE]Absolutely everyone falls into more than one category. As I said earlier, human behavior seldom conforms to a neatly defined compartment. In fact I would proffer a list for the guys as well. What do you think? I'm sure there are items that I forgot about.

1) Sexual Daddies encompass men who have normal sexual needs who are not getting enough from their SO or do not have a sex partner as well as those who are hypersexual and have a drive that is beyond normal. Included in this group are sex addicts, OCD, bipolar disorder. There is an ICD9 listing in the psych manual but MDs are in disagreement what the strict definition is. They are reluctant to label people as having a disorder that might be an extreme variation of the Bell Curve. I think it's safe to say that if ones sexual need / behavior is interfering with the normal conduct of life activities then it verges on the pathologic.

2) Emotional Daddies are a group of guys who have a need to be loved, respected and valued by an attractive girl, and who are not receiving this validation at home or elsewhere. We all know that long term SOs can be very disparaging and disrespecting to their partner, even a successful breadwinner.

3) Helper Daddies are men who love making an impact on a woman's life who in turn will fulfil # 2. The White Knight is a classic example of this phenomenon. And

4) relationship Daddies are here to find a SO. Some older men desire young women and most do not have an entree to the world of the coed if they are over 35 t0 40. The first attraction here is support since most girls on Sugar Sites are certainly there to help with finances, but a relationship can actually develop, love happen, and a long term partnership might be evolve.

I would qualify as #'s 1, 2, and 3.

My brothers,

As reported yesterday, I was chalked in for a brief but energetic romp with my naughty British baby this early afternoon, and I dutifully reported to the locker room with a few minutes to spare before post time. As I said, she had been ringing the booty bell quite vigorously this past week or so, and the dirty talk in her posh British accent became almost more than I could bear, so you can imagine that Scottie and I were primed and ready. We find a parking space, I text up that we are here and ready for the naked weigh-in, and receive only silence from the bell tower. Now I know her mother and brother are in town, but I was assured they would be out on the architectural boat tour of Chicago, the proverbial three hour tour, and that the apartment would be entirely relative-free. I waited about 20 minutes, burned up a good 5 minutes worth of Bat Phone time in texts, all to go away unrewarded. And Brit is my go-to gal, my sure thing in times of trouble and of triumph.

What is this world coming to, I ask? New brothers take note: even a "seasoned veteran" can get turned aside from time to time. I'm sure it's nothing personal, and there will be a perfectly good explanation, and I certainly am aware that even the most docile of mothers can get cholicy, put her ears back and refuse to cooperate, but golly, doesn't that just take the cake? I cancelled on Polo for this, and my ATF is apparently U-Haul deep in her move, so I have nowhere to turn except Rosy, and at this point I'm not sure even she will say yes.

So now I'm back at my desk, Scottie's pouting, I'm trying not to think about what could have been, and I'm in a crabby mood. Thank the Lord for cocktail hour. Two hours and counting.

Please, someone post something positive to cheer me up.

Frustrated,

Scott

Scotty, Mama said there'd be days like this.

Well, I am heading down the road in about an hour to meet with my ATF HYCB for the second overnight this week. Our one year anniversary is coming up next month and I am still happily in loooove! I don't know how long this ride will continue but it is defying logic and history in this fickle SB business. I feel very boring only having one Baby and not catting around but there is safety and security in one.

Since Brit has been reliable to date I would take this as an oversight on her part. Visiting Mothers can do that to you and make even the most sexual of creatures lose their drive. Obviously if she repeats this gross dereliction of booty she might lose her Scotty privileges.

Hang in there Scot, there will be better days ahead. Nando

[QUOTE=Hernando; 1434635]I would take this as an oversight on her part. Visiting Mothers can do that to you and make even the most sexual of creatures lose their drive.

Hang in there Scott, there will be better days ahead. Nando[/QUOTE]Happy trails to you, and thanks for the laugh! I envy you your overnights. May you make it to anniversary #2 undetected by the authorities, and continue to be in love.

Scott,

Brit was AWOL, you canceled on Polo, and ATF is setting up your own personal love chamber complete with key. And you want me to feel bad for ya? Yes, I'm sitting here crying into my keyboard while reading your story (NOT).

Brother, from my perspective you strike out more times than I even get up to bat. Like I tell all my friends: "There are worse problems to have."

LOL!

SubCmdr Out

[QUOTE=SubCmdr; 1434729]Scott,

Brit was AWOL, you canceled on Polo, and ATF is setting up your own personal love chamber complete with key. And you want me to feel bad for ya? Yes, I'm sitting here crying into my keyboard while reading your story (NOT).

Brother, from my perspective you strike out more times than I even get up to bat. Like I tell all my friends: "There are worse problems to have."

LOL!

SubCmdr Out[/QUOTE]Point taken LOL.

[QUOTE=F Scott; 1434595]So now I'm back at my desk, Scottie's pouting, I'm trying not to think about what could have been, and I'm in a crabby mood. Thank the Lord for cocktail hour. Two hours and counting.

Please, someone post something positive to cheer me up.

Frustrated,

Scott[/QUOTE]Shit happens, to put it bluntly. I've had some ups and downs the last few days, but it's all par for the course. I've been in this about a month and a half now, and I think I'm settling into a nice situation with a fun (though unemployed) SB. (I seem to have a knack for finding the girls without jobs, which can make the sugar negotiations delicate, given their lack of dedicated income.) I'm having trouble closing the deal, though. It seems that a decade of living under the same landlord has made me a little unsure of myself when trying to negotiate a new lease. But the new SB is giving me the attention I crave, and the conversation turned to dirty talk today, complete with a pic from her to my e-mail this morning. I'm hopeful I'll be able to get over the hump, so to speak, very soon. Wish me luck.

All we can do is keep on trying.

Here's to a happy and productive weekend in the sugar bowl.

Regards,

Joe

Well, I think the best way to explain my weekend is to share what I tweeted Friday night:

Just got to say, yeah. My life is pretty good and I'm a happy girl! Headed to bed, off to see The Doctor tomorrow, can't wait!

I had just come from a school thing where I got to spend time with some great people and was excited about my trip to see The Doctor Saturday morning. Now that I'm back home I can say my anticipation was completely worth it. I simply adore our time together, no matter what were doing.

We're making plans for me to come visit again in two weeks and I can wait! All's right in my sugar bowl and I'm still a very happy baby!

Mandy

Almost too quiet. I've got nothing going on this week, unfortunately. Naughty Brit did finally resurface, but nothing is scheduled, and no explanation tendered. ATF still moving / settling in, and Polo is busy with kid-related stuff.

On the horizon, and I hesitate to mention this for fear of jinxing it, but I have no real expectation that anything will develop: my beautiful Irish Cherokee blended baby has been emailing me with assurances that she is getting her shit together finally and thinks she will soon be ready to meet for coffee again. Can it get any less committal?

Add to this the fact that work is a little quiet for me at the moment, and I might as well go back to bed.

Hopefully someone is doing something interesting! Tigg, we have not heard from you in a while. What's up, my brother?

Scott

[QUOTE=F Scott; 1438800]Almost too quiet. I've got nothing going on this week, unfortunately. Naughty Brit did finally resurface, but nothing is scheduled, and no explanation tendered. ATF still moving / settling in, and Polo is busy with kid-related stuff.

On the horizon, and I hesitate to mention this for fear of jinxing it, but I have no real expectation that anything will develop: my beautiful Irish Cherokee blended baby has been emailing me with assurances that she is getting her shit together finally and thinks she will soon be ready to meet for coffee again. Can it get any less committal?

Add to this the fact that work is a little quiet for me at the moment, and I might as well go back to bed.

Hopefully someone is doing something interesting! Tigg, we have not heard from you in a while. What's up, my brother?

Scott[/QUOTE]It's been quiet here too, though not for lack of activity. Frankly, I've been a bit down this last week or so; my ATF announced she is moving out of state this coming Friday, much sooner than planned. She will return at regular intervals to see her kids, who are staying behind with dad. I hope things go well for her, but I will miss her terribly. Plus, we never got to have that wonderful night together she promised a few weeks ago. I shouldn't have let my hopes get so high on that, so live and learn.

On other fronts, though, things are humming along. My ATF's accelerated departure makes me glad I started investigating other options last month. I had a very nice M&G with a very attractive, flirtatious, and smart SB early this week. We had great conversation and a few good laughs. The only drawbacks are that we live a little farther apart than I'd like (for meeting purposes), and she, though not ditzy or immature, is 10 years younger than I and a different race. The latter is not a problem for me (and neither is the age), but I haven't much experience with either issue and am not accustomed to some of the glances we received at the restaurant. We'll see how things progress.

The relationship with the unemployed SB I spoke of last week is really heating up nicely. I've had to invest more time and money with her, but the return on those investments is coming along nicely. We've had a few intense dates at her place the last two weeks, and she asked last night when she gets to keep me overnight. I'm trying to make arrangements for next week. Add to all of this the fact that she is attentive, seems to genuinely enjoy my company, we're relatively close in age, and she gives me the type of IRL GFE that I crave (while still acknowledging it's all fantasy), she could turn out to be a keeper.

Here's to hoping no news from the others is mostly good news.

Regards,

Joe

" 10 years younger " and " (I) am not accustomed to some of the glances we received at the restaurant."

Well Joe, my Baby is 40 (forty) yrs younger and I do not notice any critical glances at all. Of course I am not looking but perhaps people think we are father / daughter, but we make out in public places rather tackily at times, so that leaves little to the imagination. I sure don't care. I do find young men eyeballing my SB, because she's hot.

I am looking forward tonight to my second all nighter this week with my Baby. We manage to see each other about twice / week, so all is right in Sugar land for me. Sounds like Brother Scott has cranked up the multifucking behavior with 4 babes on the line although this week is lean. You will be saving up a lot of little Scotties for the next sperm bank donation to that lucky girl.

Gee. 10 years. The ones I meet are usually 30 years younger.

What I did found out that last week there was a deluge of winks and emails on sa. Geee I limited myself to 4 m&g this week, and declined all the ones who wanted some sugar at the m&g. Th emost fun was a set of two, but one does not seem very interested while the other is. We will see on the 2nd date. Bowling and shopping.

[QUOTE=JoesParty; 1438812]She is 10 years younger than I and a different race. The latter is not a problem for me (and neither is the age) , but I haven't much experience with either issue and am not accustomed to some of the glances we received at the restaurant.

Regards,

Joe[/QUOTE]My ATF is 30 years younger than I am, and there is no way anyone thinks we are father / daughter the way we behave in public, but I understand how you could feel uncomfortable if people are staring. This never happened to me until the last time we were together having lunch, and the waiter was giving off a totally shnarky vibe, so much so that I thought for a moment about calling him on it. I'm not sure what I would have said, but my baby noticed it too, and it cast an ever-so-slight chill on the occasion.

I guess this is something that comes with the territory, but I wonder how others deal with it. I would also like to hear from brothers who are dating outside their race on that whole issue. While I have yet to go there in my sugar life, I did, for a brief period, have a black girlfriend in college, and we both got shit for it to the point that we broke up because it was too much to deal with. She was so sweet, I often think of her and what might have been had we been at a less-conservative, less-uptight institution. She was, by far, the best kisser I have ever encountered to this very day, and she always smelled like lotion. Ah!

Still quiet,

Scott

[QUOTE=JoesParty; 1438812]She gives me the type of IRL GFE that I crave (while still acknowledging it's all fantasy).

Regards,

Joe[/QUOTE]This is perhaps the most succinct description of the ideal SB / SD relationship, at least for me.

Scott

Booth will get you the looks, just ignore them. Older women will give you dirty looks when you are with a young attractive girl and not acting / looking like her father, their men normally give you the grin / nod. Waiters will sometimes hit on them or flirt right in front of you. I have on occasion excused myself to use the facilities and said something to the young man or even the manager; this has always ended that issue.

We are in the South add the age issue and you will run into people that may even say something, if staff talk to the manger right away, if just some A-hole ask to be moved or ignore them. If at any time it looks like it could get out of hand leave, you do not want to find yourself in a police report. In about 10 years I only really had 1 issue, was out with a 20 yo black girl (I'm white) and a black guy made an ass of himself about it, I said something to the manager and he was asked to leave.

One way to avoid is to use the same recusants, treat the staff well and tip well, once they get to know you they will take care of you and you may open a new door on possible SBs, wait staff general make very little and they will know you are nice and in the game.

In my admittedly limited experience, I haven't had anyone really pay any special attention to me and my date. Both meetings were in a good-quality restaurant, and we made no effort to get an isolated table. Wait staff and patrons treated us no different than anyone else. As for race, I'm white, both of the women I met were black, but the meets were in a large northern town where 'mixed race' couples aren't anything out of the ordinary. What would I do if there were an 'incident'? I don't know, and frankly, I hope I don't find out.

I think the first time I really experienced this was when The Doctor and I went a concert together – front row tickets and we arrived pretty late. I was dressed in a cute little dress and boots (it was country). It all added up to a bit of an unintentional dramatic arrival. As I stood there with his arms all wrapped around me I did notice a few stares from women. I learned then to laugh about them. It just made me giggle and kiss him more.

Now, there is a much more visibly significant age difference between Memories and I and while were affectionate towards each other in public, were not over the top. Again, I've noticed a couple stares from men and women at restaurants. Ultimately the men just wish they could have the means to do the same thing and well who cares what bitter mean women think. I don't waste a second on them and won't let them ruin my fun night out.

I guess it's a hard concept to teach a girl not to care about what people think and say. But, growing up as 'the awkward kid' I learned to fast. Help your sugar baby embrace it and turn it into something fun if it's making her uncomfortable.

The posts about "looks" in public about age and race, etc. are interesting, but I should probably reveal a little background so that my earlier remarks can be viewed in the context in which I meant them. I am in my early / mid-30s. My M&G partner just had a birthday and is barely above the age at which one can order a cocktail in a reputable establishment. I haven't dated anyone that age since, well, *I* was that age.

Now, one can certainly argue that age is just a number, or she's a HYCB (almost, except she's not in school), or 10 years isn't that far apart. But not having experience with the difference, I am concerned that we will not connect on many emotional (not physical) issues. Not that it is impossible, but I am just being cautious. She really wanted to impress on me how "mature" she is, a line that, quite frankly, I used in my younger, immature days. This is not to say she is not SB material or that I will let "looks" discourage me, but she may not be long term material. We shall see.

Anyway, thanks again for the anecdotes and perspectives.

Regards,

Joe

" you may open a new door on possible SBs, wait staff general make very little and they will know you are nice and in the game."

VA Jimbo, This is a very good point. My SB and I frequent many of the same places and one in particular has HCB waitstaff who always take care of us. I often think that if my SB and I ever part ways I would definitely go back there for some sb shopping. Also I take her to a jewelry store in a large mall and the HCBs who wait on us give me THE EYE. I sense that one in particular would not mind being on the receiving end of my largesse.

Gents, ergo keep your eyes open while you are out with your Baby. SB material abounds. Having said that I would not hit on anyone else while I am involved with my SB since I am a Mono Man and not a MF at the moment.

Scott, Mandy and others thanks for all your guidance on this forum. This is a great forum and will be active member now. I joined a month back to SA based on you all's tips and then several hits but no luck. Several were either fake or not serious. About to give up on SA, still, everyday I came here to read you all's success and blogs. But as you said, keep looking don't give up. No local hits but most of them hour+ drive. #1SB. 2+ hour drive, was very exciting on phone (yes did share it) and then finally one evening decided to see her. It was late arrival, with dinner but she was mostly into TV. Well, night went well, it was short and quick but was good. So found my first one. Found #SB 2 but still travel. Love the way she prepared and presented herself. Will post how it goes on our next date.

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

[QUOTE=G George;1440565]Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?[/QUOTE]George, you will get varied opinions on this, but tread carefully in sharing details. They can come back to haunt you. On the other hand, I find it difficult to keep up with my alter-ego.

I have been reading the reports on here and would love to try this but have no idea what site to use of how to go about this. Would love for someone to private message me some info on this.

Thanks

[QUOTE=G George;1440565]Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?[/QUOTE]George,

This is the question that everyone (Including SB's) wrestles with. I once had someone tell me their "rules" and that included not knowing anything about their normal life. I wrote them back and said no thanks, I wasn't interested in that type of relationship. For me, I like longer term relationships and that means that eventually you share a lot of information. It doesn't mean you fork it all over during the first meeting though. With "Him" he held to closely his last name and employer for several months. However, he hadn't realized he used a credit card to pay for dinner the first date we had so I saw his last name, did my research etc. The details he wanted to protect, I had already known. I eventually felt bad and came clean about knowing the info, by that point he just laughed though. The Doctor, isn't married, and I was going to have to travel a couple of hours for our first meet so he volunteered his first and last name. The facility he practices and teaches at has his picture on his bio and that obviously matched what he sent me. So, I knew all of his information before we ever met.

I would say that it partially depends on the SB you're seeing. If she's like Scott's Polo (who has her own family) or myself looking at a very promising career, we have just as much to lose as you do. But, if you're dealing with a Nando 1 type. Well, they don't have much to lose and wouldn't think twice about using your information against you.

At the end of the day it comes down to how comfortable you are with revealing. If the thought of sharing personal information unnerves you, then start practicing your alter ego now. If it doesn't bother you, then just make sure the girls you pick are sane.

Good luck!

Mandy

This week I've been thinking about this A LOT. NSA is simply impossible when you see someone for a significant length of time. Well, last night while I was enjoying the happiness from my non-NSA relationship I wrote a little about it for my blog. [url]http://sugarbabystory.com/2012/05/05/happy-with-my-non-nsa-world/[/url]

I have a feeling a few of you feel the same way and would love to hear your thoughts.

Happy reading!

Mandy

Originally Posted by G George [View Original Post]

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

Sharing personal information depends on two issues 1) the trust you have for your SB and how trustworthy she is and 2) how NSA your relationship is

Most of us pray to the altar of NSA in this exciting sport of ours. That is, we keep it undramatic, simple, and safe. This is particularly true of married Sugars and those who could be harmed by public knowledge of this lifestyle. So, be careful about revealing personal information that could compromise you if the Sugar deal went sour. Nando 1 desperately poor addicted SBs need the most help but will cause the most damage if rejected. I have been blackmailed three times by Nando 1 s, and so far survived it. However, as Mandy said, a smart SB who is looking and alert can see your personal info, your license plate number, etc. And can figure you out. So keep your cover story to a close facsimile of your real self. This is particularly true if your NSA relationship develops into a non NSA one.

I never think it is a good idea to discuss your sexual experiences with a new partner. We are engaging in a fantasy when we enter the Sugar world, and part of that fantasy is thinking that we are the one and only person who can turn the other on and that your SB is the hottest and sexiest girl in the universe. IF girls make reference to a previous partner's sexual performance I am totally turned off. I don't even want to think that she has had sex before although I know different. Preserve the fantasy. Now if you are turned on by your Sb's sexual exploits then you need one who will talk about it.

" NSA is simply impossible when you see someone for a significant length of time " Mandy

I agree totally that NSA is impossible long term if you develop feelings for your Sugar. If you are only about sex then it is feasible.

I totally was looking for an emotional connection and found one with my SB. We know most everything about the details of each other's lives, but do not discuss anything about previous partners including my wife. This is a little disingenous because my Wife is the elephant in the room so to speak. And I have not broached the subject of my single SB's dating practices. I don't want to know if she is banging some other guy. I am not as open as Mandy in embracing polyamoury and prefer to think that I am her only partner.

This brings up a question for the Board, and Mandy in particular.

Does a SD / SB relationship involving monogamy inhibit a young SB 's social development? To put it a different way, if a SD insists that his SB not become sexually involved with anyone else does that do her a disservice because she is not free to seek a male who could be a potential mate (IRL BF or husband )?

This also brings up another question re: a non NSA relationship.

How can you love more than one person simultaneously? Mandy is happily successful with this it seems. How is it possible to go from one lover's arms in which love is expressed to anothers? If Love is not involved and it is just recreational sex with a dear friend I get it.

[QUOTE=Hernando; 1441249]This brings up a question for the Board, and Mandy in particular.

Does a SD / SB relationship involving monogamy inhibit a young SB 's social development? To put it a different way, if a SD insists that his SB not become sexually involved with anyone else does that do her a disservice because she is not free to seek a male who could be a potential mate (IRL BF or husband )?

This also brings up another question re: a non NSA relationship.

How can you love more than one person simultaneously? Mandy is happily successful with this it seems. How is it possible to go from one lover's arms in which love is expressed to anothers? If Love is not involved and it is just recreational sex with a dear friend I get it.[/QUOTE]I'm not Mandy, but I've given these issues a LOT of thought, so here's my two cents.

I have never insisted that a SB relationship be monogamous. After all, I am married, so even if I'm only seeing one SB, I'm not being monogamous. However--and I actually said this to a SB recently in describing a past experience--don't rub my face in the fact that you are seeing other guys. I never considered myself the jealous type, but I discovered last year that I kind of am the jealous type. I learned (indirectly) that my ATF was seeing other guys, and it made me sick to my stomach. We were able to get through it after I took a little break, and she never was "rubbing my face in it." But I had to be more careful, for example, when checking out her FB page (I stopped doing that) and so on. And she never brought up other guys.

Now, on to the second part of the question: Does monogamy do her a disservice by making her unavailable to a potential mate? Maybe. But she is making the choice, isn't she? Again, the SBs I meet are familiar with my situation, if not only because it's in my profile on SA, but also because I make a point to bring it up during the first M&G. Still, it is a valid concern, as my recent offline discussions with a fellow member illustrate. Some ladies will still get attached and start to expect you to change your home life. In those cases, I'd say it is very important to back away as quickly but politely as possible. There, she is looking for a real commitment, something that many of us cannot and will not give.

Finally, can one love more than one person simultaneously? Yes, without a doubt. But here again, there are different degrees. My ATF told me she loves me a few months after we started seeing each other. I reciprocated. But our discussions made clear, as noted above, that we couldn't take it any farther. I do love her, though, and I believe her when she says it. I care about her, I care what happens to her, I want only the best for her in life, and I would do many things to make her happy. I think that qualifies as love. And that doesn't mean I don't love my wife any less, but they're two different situations.

OK, that's enough sharing by me, especially after the discussion about how much is too much to share!

Regards,

Joe

[QUOTE=Hernando; 1441239]Originally Posted by G George [View Original Post]

Only thing, I kept wondering, how much one should share about personal life (like past girlfriend, marriage or kids, etc). Does it matter? Do SB care about it? If I like SB and should I tell her everything. What if she decides to not see me after that?

Sharing personal information depends on two issues 1) the trust you have for your SB and how trustworthy she is and 2) how NSA your relationship is

Most of us pray to the altar of NSA in this exciting sport of ours. That is, we keep it undramatic, simple, and safe. This is particularly true of married Sugars and those who could be harmed by public knowledge of this lifestyle. So, be careful about revealing personal information that could compromise you if the Sugar deal went sour. Nando 1 desperately poor addicted SBs need the most help but will cause the most damage if rejected. I have been blackmailed three times by Nando 1 s, and so far survived it. However, as Mandy said, a smart SB who is looking and alert can see your personal info, your license plate number, etc. And can figure you out. So keep your cover story to a close facsimile of your real self. This is particularly true if your NSA relationship develops into a non NSA one.

I never think it is a good idea to discuss your sexual experiences with a new partner. We are engaging in a fantasy when we enter the Sugar world, and part of that fantasy is thinking that we are the one and only person who can turn the other on and that your SB is the hottest and sexiest girl in the universe. IF girls make reference to a previous partner's sexual performance I am totally turned off. I don't even want to think that she has had sex before although I know different. Preserve the fantasy. Now if you are turned on by your Sb's sexual exploits then you need one who will talk about it.[/QUOTE]Well my new SB, I met this week. She was very well prepared herself (according to her it was her first experience. So called date in this world). I think first meeting dinner, then coffee, talk. I was attracted to her but was still kept me thinking should I tell her. Well next day I thought will tell her everything. But then I thought. Let's see where this goes before breaking the news. I don't want to hurt anyone here but like to be safe and also want to make sure SB is serious. So at this point will hold of the info and soon will go for next date. While first SB#1 kind of not preparing herself for meets and am thinking how you all can manage more than 1 SB. I am already getting overwhelmed. Planning, communication, safety, etc.

I know I've shared this story with a few of you offline but this is the best description for loving two people that I've ever heard.

One afternoon while 'Him' and I were in Las Vegas relaxing he looked at me and said, 'You know, it's like when my first daughter was born and I held her and thought I'll never love anyone as much. And then I had another daughter. And, my love for the first didn't dissipate at all and I love the second just as much. '

At the time we were both wrestling with how we could have the emotions we were feeling towards each other when we were completely happy and in love with our spouse.

While it is a dangerous line to walk, particularly when the sugar person you're playing with is single. If the line can adequately be drawn that there are no expectations that your 'regular world' won't change, then you're fine. But, this is a difficult balance

Nando, to your question 'is it unfair'. Well, in my opinion it is a little bit when you 'demand' monogamy. But, she did agree to those conditions so as it was pointed out she knew what she was getting into.

I'll admit though, I rarely hear of an SD who wants monogamy. It just adds to the problems that abound when lines get crossed. Granted, most don't want to know the details about what you're doing, its understood that we have our own life as well.

[QUOTE=Hernando;1441249]Does a SD / SB relationship involving monogamy inhibit a young SB 's social development? To put it a different way, if a SD insists that his SB not become sexually involved with anyone else does that do her a disservice because she is not free to seek a male who could be a potential mate (IRL BF or husband )?[/QUOTE]Nando, Your question brings another question to mind. WHY would a SB (HYCB) have a desire to be menogomous with an aged SD in his sixties? Is this even a realisitc expectation? Fortunately for you, since this is important to you, that you have found this but it doesn't seem as though it would be easily duplicated. If one were bestowing the Hugh Heffner lifestyle upon a young girl this would be one thing, but from what I have gleaned this isn't the case with most of us here, so why would a HYCB be inclined for a meager sum, pocket money per week, to be menogomous with someone generations older? I can't come up with the answer, so help me out here. And Nando, make no mistake about this, I'm being serious and in no way chiding you here at all. I just felt that I needed to clarify since it could be taken as such. Glad that it is working for you and hope that it continues as long as you like.

Thanks for all the input my fellow (gents and lady ). I do struggle with this concept since I put so much emotion into my SB. I don't like thinking about it but when Mandy talks about being so happy and excited seeing The Doctor with her husband at home (granted doing the same thing) I just wouldn't like it if my SB were feeling those same feelings and doing those same things that we do together with someone else. But that is just me and I am certainly not being critical or judging at all. I'm wrestling with it myself. It would be a whole lot easier if the L word were not involved and I cared, but not so much.

Varoom, you bring up the essential question which brings this whole scene back around to Sugar. Realistically, she probably cares about me but is it really love? The big question is if the sugar went away, would she? LOL Probably. Nando

My first overnight with my recent favorite is tonight. I've been eating my Wheaties and doing my stretches (as Scott is wont to say), and so far, the day at work seems to be speeding by. The sexy talk has ramped up significantly the last few days, and she has been sending photo evidence that she has acquired the appropriate accoutrements for the evening. My only concern is with the amount of sugar, given that we've not done a sleep over before. After significant thought, I've decided to be generous and give what I consider my best and final offer. I'm not big on negotiating, and if she's not happy with it, I have at least two other fish on my lines. If she is happy with it, I think it will engender significant goodwill going forward. I really like this girl.

Wish me luck, brothers and Mandy.

Regards,

Joe

[QUOTE=JoesParty; 1442427]My first overnight with my recent favorite is tonight. I've been eating my Wheaties and doing my stretches (as Scott is won't to say) , and so far, the day at work seems to be speeding by. The sexy talk has ramped up significantly the last few days, and she has been sending photo evidence that she has acquired the appropriate accoutrements for the evening. My only concern is with the amount of sugar, given that we've not done a sleep over before. After significant thought, I've decided to be generous and give what I consider my best and final offer. I'm not big on negotiating, and if she's not happy with it, I have at least two other fish on my lines. If she is happy with it, I think it will engender significant goodwill going forward. I really like this girl.

Wish me luck, brothers and Mandy.

Regards,

Joe[/QUOTE]Joe,

All the best. Have fun and post the report too. Well, it is quite tough to discuss how much sugar. I am always tend to be very generous when it comes to this. In fact, SB gets more that what they are looking. Ex: I went to my visit my first one, on coffee date. And gave a nice gift card, second SB to dinner date and she did shopping for a gift. I am hoping to get full night with one I like but she want 2-3 more dates before that. I always struggle, what sugar to pay for lunch / dinner / hang around type date vs a big night date?

Mandy / Scott and others who are experienced can shed more light! I have one coming this week and it will be another 4-5 hour date but will be just that. Should I give full sugar or partial? Hmm. Don't know. Does shopping on me **** towards sugar?

Keep in mind that whatever you give her tonight will set the bar for the future. If it works out and becomes a regular thing it will be very hard to take back what you have already given. Nando

[QUOTE=Hernando;1442486]Keep in mind that whatever you give her tonight will set the bar for the future. If it works out and becomes a regular thing it will be very hard to take back what you have already given. Nando[/QUOTE]Very true, and thanks for the reality check. I'm repeating the mantra "Never negotiate against yourself."

I agree with Nando that you will set the bar with tonight's overnight donation. I give the same for an overnight as I do for a normal visit. The only difference on an overnight is there is usually dinner involved which is not a big deal.

Have fun tonight and report back.

Fix