[QUOTE=Jjbee62;4590022]I've finally found it. After more than 300 massages, I've found a reason to stop looking. First some background.
My first 150 massages were all with LMTs. Most were part of my physical therapy, some were just to work the knots out. Each was highly skilled and professional. No hint of any extras and I always kept at least my underwear on. All of them were quite attractive too, with the exception of Bob. He wasn't attractive to me.
Then I entered the AMP world. I've now had non-LMT massages in 3 states and 3 foreign countries. The masseues varied in looks from "you don't need to touch me, just smile and I'll nut", to Chinese Granny Clampett. The massages have varied in quality and we all know how the endings vary. Last night I found one end of the total AMP experience scale.
Last night I was finishing late and wanted to squeeze in massage with at least a possibility of something beyond standard. With getting out of work after 9 and needing to get to an ATM, my options were somewhat limited. Too many places close at 9:30. I settled on the Firehouse, 86th Street, west of Michigan road.
Pulled in the empty lot at 9:15 and was greeted by an unattractive 40 something. She was stocky, but not really fat. Imagine a 3/4 scale shotputter. Or imagine Odd Job from the James Bond film, minus the hat and mustache.
I'll get to the pluses first. The place seemed clean, a full menu is available and she didn't use any oil.
I've had some bad massages. I've had a few terrible massages. At least I could call them massages. This was something like the "he's touching me" game played by kids, crossed with trying to get boogers off all your fingers simultaneously. You could get a better massage by posing as a piata at a kids birthday party.
Fortunately, it didn't last long and she was unable to cause lasting damage. The flip came after 12 minutes. The menu was presented and I chose the CFS option. I figured, if I'm going to have a terrible experience, I might as well make it as bad as possible.
CBJ was actually decent. CFS was full starfish mode with occasional light, fake moans. At least there was no odor issue. I finished as quick as possible, got cleaned up and suffered through 2 minutes of what she probably calls a facial massage. I didn't complain when she told me I was done with a full 20 minutes remaining of my hour.
On a scale of 1-10 I'd rate the whole thing as a 1. 3, with 0. 8 being for the piece of candy I picked up on my way out.[/QUOTE]LOL well said!
On the other hand, You wouldn't have to worry if granny were to accidentally bite when she should have spit (assuming she took her teeth out).
