BBQ and fight thread

[QUOTE=MillitaryMan69;2728463]You would have to take your head out of Kelli's ass first.[/QUOTE]I'm jealous. LOL.

[QUOTE=MillitaryMan69;2728463]And you don't know. You would have to take your head out of Kelli's ass first. What's the next photo Crash? We got a movie photo, a dinner photo. How about the beach.

LOL at you![/QUOTE]I was making sure you knew the ladies you thumbs up offered that up. Same as Paige, Kori, Jamie, Lyla, Camilla, Kortney, Tegan, Jessie, Autumn, Ivy, Jasmine, Half the girls the worked for Ivan, the Hot rocks girls, almost all the girls at Fantasy's, yada, yada, yada.

Oh and here you go, and why Would I want to take my head out?:

Not a bad place to be! LC.

[QUOTE=MojoGuy;2728609]I'm jealous. LOL.[/QUOTE]

Could've used these when I started years ago. Only dabble a few times a year- but these are pretty spot on. And funny for me. And a few hit close to home! LOL.

I thought for "you" you might got UTR, and "X" X-rated. But you're choices were funnier! Thanks for the alphabet!

[QUOTE=MojoGuy;2727397]Adult Services: Whether using a phone book or website, it' a dead end to look for any other term. Some phone books have removed the section altogether, preferring 'Adult Entertainment' to legally cover stripping, basement / garage modeling, jumping out of cakes, and the like. 'services' on the other hand, ensures the exchange of sex for money, though it's never wise to ask the friendly voice on the other end for specifics. Trust me. That's between you and the lady who will meet every awkward inquiry.

Bargain and the haggle: Do not, under any circumstances, try to negotiate a fee upon arrival. It's even worse to do so after you've taken off your clothes. If the cost is $200, the best ladies are all-inclusive, but there are still rackets about that require additional tips. Yes, you may have to learn the hard way. If you hand over your money and she isn't naked herself within 30 seconds, I hope you brought additional cash.

Comfortable: As in, 'Maybe you should get comfortable. ' If you hear these words upon arrival, get naked. Yes, completely naked. Leaving your socks on will only cause the lady to repeat this phrase or, in extreme cases, call her dispatcher. If you're in the buff, it's unlikely you're a cop, or at least that's the assumption.

Dental Dam: If you're the crazy sort who needs to eat a much-abused pussy, failing to use a dental dam will likely send you to the hospital. Service provider pussy is for tapping, not immersing the same tongue that expects to savor a Big Mac afterwards.

Erection: If you have a raging one on the drive over, you will not exceed three minutes in the sack. If you still don't have one after she's tickling your balls, I suggest the other persuasion.

Fellatio: Any respectable prostitute will perform oral sex at the opening bell (pity if you get one of those 'massage first' chicks) , but decline immediately if she pulls out a condom. Yeah, it's safer, but you might as well be wearing a wool sock. Sure, I've gotten off to the mere sight of a chick in the nether regions, but to this date, I've never actually enjoyed a condom-oriented blow job. If she rolls it on before you can protest, move directly to sex.

Gonorrhea: You're more likely to get it from your girlfriend than a prostitute, so dive in with confidence.

Humiliation: Usually very costly and reserved for specialists, you can often convince your regular to smack you around a bit if you overpay for the half-hour session. Don't ask if it's your first time, but once you're comfortable and familiar, a sawbuck or two will likely earn a disparaging comment or perhaps an open-hand slap. Full beatings usually require a doubling of the overall price.


In-Call: Jump in the car, baby, because you're going to her place. Or his, if that's your cup of tea. Curiously, this is the preferred method of meeting an adult sex worker, as you can remain relatively anonymous and avoid blackmail schemes such as those featured in Punch Drunk Love. Sure, there's a chance some dude is hiding in the basement, waiting for you to be naked, vulnerable, and amenable to handing over your wallet, but that's not likely to happen in your more upscale, markets or areas.

Jerking Off: Sure, she's a pro, but do not ask for a handjob from a prostitute. She's not only beneath such rote behavior, she'll likely do it half-assed just to piss you off. Still, that's not as bad as paying $200 and only being allowed to jerk yourself off. * wouldn't even remove her top! Not like I'm in the know or anything.

Kissing: It's pretty much conventional wisdom that prostitutes don't like to kiss because it's 'too personal, ' but that's one of the oldest myths running. They don't want to kiss because it's likely your breath approximates her pussy after an atypically busy afternoon. I slobbered all over a working girl once just to say I did, but dragon breath was the last thing my tentative erection needed for the good fight. A peck goodbye is the preferred method. Making out is for teenagers and drunks.

Love: If it existed, you wouldn't be here.

Music: I can't remember ever visiting a prostitute who didn't have music playing, though on one occasion, I fucked in a motel room while the television was on. Maury, if I'm not mistaken. Acceptable tunes include Enya, Seal, Marvin Gaye, and light jazz, though are&be will work in a pinch. Avoid heavy metal and country at all costs. AC / DC is for strip clubs.

Nasty Talk: You always think you're going to use such language (hey, she's a pro, not my girlfriend) , but it never happens. The minute you start saying, 'you want my cock, don't you * ' you feel completely stupid for assuming you could be manly. You fear women, that's why you can't find any outside the parameters of a transaction, remember? Meek and mild is best, just in case you want to see the little lady again. You are allowed to scream like a banshee during your orgasm, but leave the trash talk at home.

One-and-Done: Few things are as depressing as finding that hot little number who makes you shoot your wad inside of a minute, only to find out that 'per hour' is arguably the most misleading term on earth. Most gals are 'per load' types, which is their right, but if you manage to find a lady who lets you go as many times as you wish without additional currency, never let her go. I mean, follow her from coast to coast, if necessary. I would suggest jerking off right before seeing a prostitute to ensure a longer experience, but every time I think I can do this, I realize, post-orgasm, that I just saved a bunch of money and am too tired to go anywhere.

Prostitute: An acceptable term in some quarters, but 'escort' is pretty much the standard these days. Never, ever use 'working girl' or 'tramp' when discussing business, and if you're a real gentleman, you'll resort to 'ma'am' as needed.

Quickie: If you're going to be the sort who can't fill the allotted hour (or half-hour) , make sure you're dropping no more than $50. My personal record is $200 for five total minutes, but that's a mistake no man will make twice. Fine, three times. Find a prostitute who allows 'multiple pops' during the session, and you'll never fear the call of pre-maturity again.

Red Carpet Inn: The worst fucking place to ever meet a prostitute. Yeah, they often have the outside entrances you crave, but they never seem to cool down those rooms in the summer. As strange as it sounds, I've had the greatest times at Motel 6, perhaps because I don't feel so guilty about dripping my juice on the comforter. It seems almost obligatory.

Sexy attire: I never did like it when girls would answer the door wearing a teddy or some allegedly 'sexy' item. Such things made me more self-conscious and mindful of the business side of the situation. No, it's best when they come to the door in every day clothing, like a sweater, blue jeans, or tight-ass shorts that reverberate camel toe. And if they look like they're just gotten home from a big meeting, complete with librarian-style hair bun? I'm hard before I hit the foyer.

Talking: Very, very important to exchange words with a prostitute after sex, though no more than 3-4 minutes. Believe me, she wants you the fuck out of there. Still, I learned many things over the years, including the fact that a provider that I love see on here number one client is a married cop. My sweet, sweet little ATF in Louisville puffed up like a peacock whenever she told me about fucking a high-ranking officer in Jefferson County, or some suit from the mayor's office.

You-turn: Once you call to arrange an appointment, don't be a dick and not show up. If you have regrets, call her and cancel. She has better things to do than shower for no reason. Though you may not.

Voluptuous: They'll tell you over the phone if they're in possession of a healthy rack, and it's best to insist on it. Sure, it's wise to withhold funds from anyone that sends BS pics but if the only way you're going to get a mouthful of funbag is to climb Mt. Fuji, so be it. Few things are as depressing as driving across town to find an emaciated chick who looks like that neighbor boy who never eats.

Washcloth: The classier dames will always offer to wipe down your penis after sex, which is more than my damn ex-wife has ever done. Then again, she had to mount me for free.

Xavier: Just isn't a believable pseudonym. I tried Enrique once, but giggled my way to a hang up. You're not faxing her a copy of your Social Security card and routing information, for crying out loud; just give her your usa name.

Youth: Yeah, I've had the ladies fresh from college, or its working girl equivalent, waitressing, but your dollars are better spent with the 30-40 crowd. Not only does an older woman have the chops, she's more likely to convince you that she actually wants to be there, rather than simply being too lazy to punch a time clock. A hot 20-year-old, while good for the loins, will never pull off the head-back moan. But a MILF? I'm buying it, baby.

Zero: When you're earning $7. 25 an hour and still living at home, your bank account will never rise above this point if you insist on more than one girl per month. It's why the good Lord made credit cards.[/QUOTE]

I guess you never know until ask.

[QUOTE=Crashdog;2729223]I was making sure you knew the ladies you thumbs up offered that up. Same as Paige, Kori, Jamie, Lyla, Camilla, Kortney, Tegan, Jessie, Autumn, Ivy, Jasmine, Half the girls the worked for Ivan, the Hot rocks girls, almost all the girls at Fantasy's, yada, yada, yada.

Oh and here you go, and why Would I want to take my head out?:[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Crashdog;2729223]I was making sure you knew the ladies you thumbs up offered that up. Same as Paige, Kori, Jamie, Lyla, Camilla, Kortney, Tegan, Jessie, Autumn, Ivy, Jasmine, Half the girls the worked for Ivan, the Hot rocks girls, almost all the girls at Fantasy's, yada, yada, yada.

Oh and here you go, and why Would I want to take my head out?:[/QUOTE]The thing is you aren't credible as I already explained and you even backed up. Poor guy!

Why would I know about a service I never ask for? Guess that puts you in check. Your move kind sir. LC.

[QUOTE=LotharioCancer;2729960]I guess you never know until ask.[/QUOTE]

Just put your tongue in her ass not you head, TPHFB.

[QUOTE=Crashdog;2729223]I was making sure you knew the ladies you thumbs up offered that up. Same as Paige, Kori, Jamie, Lyla, Camilla, Kortney, Tegan, Jessie, Autumn, Ivy, Jasmine, Half the girls the worked for Ivan, the Hot rocks girls, almost all the girls at Fantasy's, yada, yada, yada.

Oh and here you go, and why Would I want to take my head out?:[/QUOTE]

It's real good. I try to as deep as I can! LOL LC.

[QUOTE=BigGuyUAteMe;2731158]Just put your tongue in her ass not you head, TPHFB.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=LotharioCancer;2731130]All do BBBJ and allow DATY / DATO. I don't ask for BBFS and always come prepared. So I don't know if they do or don't. But it sounds like most do. Take care of yourself, play safe. LC.[/QUOTE]Me and a buddy who follows you closely joked BB and a certain activity is a requirement for your girls. Well he joked anyway. I'm sure your just a secret agent caught in some conspiracy to make you think you are a lowley construction worker.

You're obsessing about me again. And you got a buddy now so you got someone to talk to about me. Smh. LC.

[QUOTE=LotharioCancer;2732895]You're obsessing about me again. And you got a buddy now so you got someone to talk to about me. Smh. LC.[/QUOTE]Just calling you a liar that pretends to be dumb or are you dumb pretending to be a liar?

Have some kittens to drown, or puppies to torture? Or maybe burn some ants with a magnifying glass? Freakin psycho.

[QUOTE=LotharioCancer;2733346]Have some kittens to drown, or puppies to torture? Or maybe burn some ants with a magnifying glass? Freakin psycho.[/QUOTE]Liars and douchbags top the list. You just happen to be both.

If living with obsession is a sin, let you be guilty.

[URL]http://youtu.be/mYAFI-EJBQA[/URL]