TJ Trip Report May '22 Day 1
There is no Passport.
It's been a while. I've had some interesting experiences in the zona since my last report. Went down late October '21 for the Halloween parties. Had some fun, along with some captivating drama and a toda la noche with a completely batshit insane Tropical regular that has since become my number one acosadora on whatsapp. She actually taught me the word when she used it to label herself in one of our conversations. I've written about her before, but I'm not going to put her on blast here; as I still have her on the payroll. Visited again with one of my best boys from Vegas the last day of January and the first few days of February. Though he has been to Thailand, he had never been to TJ and I finally sold him on making the foray. We had all manner of fun including but not limited to smoking cubans at a cigar shop and cafe on Revolution, a visit to the big Caliente casino to see the dog races, and an amazing experience at Caesar's Hotel restaurant. Had a second toda la nocha with the lunatic, but I think we finally reached an understanding as there was no drama that time. He had a great trip and talks about it often. Why didn't I share here you might ask. Well, not to put too fine a point on it. I don't have much free time. These things are a labor of love and take a while to put together as there is always much editing involved.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get started. So I'm wearing an unwashed T-shirt from my trip (still reeking of perfume from one of the Adelita's putas I banged {for inspiration}), I've got Grant Green piping through the headphones, a coffee on the desk and I'm going to try to bang these out. Apologies in advance. I don't drink often in day-to-day life, nor usually do I drink much in the Zona. This trip I got a little carried away. I blame my boy from Vegas. He is a great guy and I love him like a brother, but he goes hard and I made the mistake of trying to keep up with him. To my San Diego amigo that joined us Saturday. You aren't off the hook, I blame you as well "Mr. $1 door Tequila bargain at Chicago". So this one is a little fuzzy. For instance, I had completely forgotten about the annoying P. A. System at the east end of the Alley Saturday night. Until I was reminded while reading a fine contribution from an Amigo on a different board yesterday.
This trip was to be all about my aforementioned amigo from Vegas. I've been filling his ear with accounts from TJ for years and hoped that someday I could take him to mecca and make him a believer. He likes to play here in Sin City, but until recently had a live-in significant other, and a debauchery filled jaunt south of the border was logistically unlikely if not impossible. That all changed for the better maybe half a year or so ago when he became single. I knew it was just a matter of time.
Let's start at the beginning. Not long after I returned from my last trip I received a message from the star of this report on messenger. He sent me a jpeg of a tour poster for the Death Metal band "Behemoth" that listed the tour dates and the supporting acts. He asked me if I wanted to see "Satanist Sunday" in L. A. In May. That would have been a reference to a tongue-in-cheek ritual I have on Sundays. For a little background I was raised Catholic in an Italian American family. The whole nine yards: Catholic School, church every Sunday, Alter Boy, Nuns, Priests, Confessions, etc. You get the point. For those of you reading this that know me in real life, you probably just had the mother of "Ah HA!" moments. You're welcome. I digress. Anyway, "Behemoth's" gimmick is that their lead vocalist and songwriter (if not the whole band) are a group of degenerate damned-for-all-time blaspheming Satanists. My kind of people. So my boy and I have worked together for years. When I was still working swing shift, I'd be solo in the office after 2300. I'd set up my bluetooth speaker in the cubicle at around midnight and celebrate the dawn of every Sunday by listening to Behemoth's "Satanist" CD followed by a mix of my favorite tracks. My buddy would be out in the field and I'd always send him a message "Do you know what time it is? It's Satanist Sunday" or something to that effect. When I received his message I asked him if he was serious. He replied that he was. I told him that though I had not been to a concert in well over a decade, I'd be happy to come out of retirement for this. We sorted out the logistics and then through further research I discovered that the date of the show (May 15th) not only fell on a Sunday, but would be the night of the Full Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse, would be the weekend of Friday the 13th, and would be the band's last show of the tour. How delicious. And there are still people walking around that don't think life is a simulation.
So we're going to be in L. A. On a Sunday. Hmmm. Is there anyplace nearby that might be fun to explore at the beginning or ass-end of a road trip to L. A. On the weekend? Jeez, I'm at a loss here. No wait, I know JUST the place. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I ask my buddy if he has made time to finally get his passport (after me nagging him off and on these last 6 months). No. No, he has not. I suggest he look into it, and divulge my idea for the "mother of all road trips". He tells me that he is receptive and will look into it. As some of those reading this might already be aware, due to Covid perhaps (or perhaps due to some other factor that I'm not privy to) one can not simply report to the USPS with 2 photos and a money order / check and start the passport process. Now (at least in Vegas) and appointment is required. Well, despite my amigo putting in studious effort, it took him months to finally nail down an appointment that came to fruition on April 26th. He took my advice and ponied up the extra ducats for expedited processing. I was sure we'd have plenty of buffer and he'd have it in hand long before we hit the road. I asked my buddy where he wanted to slot T. J. (before or after the show) and he stated that he was giving me the reigns and would follow my lead. I advised a visit after as the rooms are cheaper, and the crowds lighter early week. Though I felt the talent would most likely be slightly better on the weekend, I felt it was not a beneficial trade off. I reached out to several amigos here and about and let them know when we'd be down. Everyone seemed receptive to a meet up. The hype was beginning to build.
Fast forward to about 20 days before the trip. My Vegas amigo messages me and states he put in time off requests for the Thursday. Saturday prior to the concert in May. I reminded him about the likely impending weekend sausage fest in HK if not the Zona entire, but he said he didn't care; he wanted to see the A-Team. I tell him it makes no difference to me as I am fond of hunting in the late morning early afternoon, and I'd be content just bird watching, drinking, and serving as a wingman once things started popping off in the evening. Since I am going to be there on the weekend for once, I reach out to my OC TJ Amigo that introduced me to the Zona thinking that one of his infamous dive bar crawls would be the apropos cherry on top of the proverbial sundae that would be my boy's first ever trip to TJ. My OC Amigo regrettably informed me that as luck would have it, he would actually be celebrating an event in my city that same weekend. So, the architect obviously missed a line or two of code here. Damn the simulation this one time. I express my regret, but assure him I have plenty of PTO and we will eventually find a way to meet up this summer.
As an aside, in the meantime one of my TJ amigos that has appeared in my prior reports text me to advise that he had relocated from S. D. To Vegas and he was staying on the other sided of the Valley. He tells me that his hermano is also headed this way and will be staying with him starting the end of April. I suggest he reach out once his brother arrives so we all can meet up for a bite, and perhaps a drink. We did in fact meet up a few weeks prior to this TJ trip at Ellis Island in town. If you ever find yourself in Vegas, you could do a lot worse. Its near Flamingo and Koval where Tupac got the cookie. You're welcome. During the course of chopping it up at the bar and the table, my TJ amigo starts researching the flights to S. D. And tells me he likes what he sees. He asks if I mind if he joins us on Friday and Saturday. I ask him if that is a real question. Then I update the star of this report to tell him the exciting news, and that he'll finally get to meet the guy he's heard so much about. Oddly, he was actually supposed to join us that day, but due to a special event in Vegas that impacted our industry he had been assigned an extra shift the night prior and slept in.
Ok, we are closing in, BUT. I keep tabs on the passport situation with my buddy, now we are less than a week away and he still does not have it. He's been sweating, and I send him a tracking link. No dice, it's still in processing. I assure him that this is just the matrix adding dramatic effect. I predict he'll receive it the day prior to our departure (Wednesday) because "how could it be any other way? I thought to text my boy that stays in TJ (the degenerate gambler / ex-viagra plug of mine). He tells me not to worry, worst case scenario we can just hire a coyote to ferry us across for $20 or so. Once we get to the Sunday prior to our scheduled departure however, I start sweating the passport issue and feel compelled to do some research. Keep in mind, my amigo had to submit his birth certificate with his application and he doesn't have a copy. I'm not liking what I'm finding. The last thing I want is for my boy to catch a hassle on his first trip to TJ. In the interim (after I talked to my buddy that lives in TJ) I had a memory of being shaken down in the HK shuttle on my way back to the border early AM in October. I didn't get hassled or extorted maybe because I had all my ducks in a row, and no bullshit anywhere on my person. I was actually staring at all of them like they were plates of toast when they surrounded the vehicle and had their collective rifles pointed at all the glass. Sorry boys, not impressed. I wondered to myself how that encounter would have ended had I been in Mexico without my passport. I have no fucking idea, but I'm thinking most likely badly. I ask my buddy to call me, and I advise that if he doesn't have it in hand by the next day or Tuesday our best course of option would be to be patient and wait for another time. He agrees, and tells me he's going to pull his PTO requests if need be. I tell him that I'm not going without him, but that I need time off from work. I'm content just lounging about and running errands while waiting for the concert. However, as I'm working out at the gym later that day I conveniently remember that one of the hermanos is headed down there to meet up with us that Friday. I don't want to be that guy, so when I return to the casa I book a refundable flight returning to Vegas late Saturday so that worst case I can be back in Vegas ready to hit the road for L. A. That Sunday with my boy.
Thank the gods I had the presence of mind to reach out to my OC Amigo the following day I think it was. He took the time to discuss all of our options at length and advised that it was most definitely doable, and we should go for it. He tells me that he thinks he has time to squeeze in a touch and go that Thursday night / Friday morning before he leaves for Vegas and will try to meet us at the border if he can finish his work early. HOLY FUCK, now I'm really stoked as it's been entirely too long. The star of this report and I have another phone conversation, and I tell him if I didn't trust my OC Amigo we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I remind him to put his faith in the matrix because this trip is both destined and ordained by all that is unholy, and to remember that "there is no spoon". He counters with "there is no passport", and we share a victory laugh. Touche amigo. Balls-out; we are going for it! I tell him to pack a backpack instead of a suitcase, as it will make our story more believable at the border. We are going to tell the agent that the purpose of our visit is to celebrate with my degenerate buddy from TJ (because it's his birthday) and that he lives in Playas. You believe me, right?
Here we are. It's Thursday, I'm at the gym early morning before my scheduled hair / beard appointment at 0900 (to get fresh for the ladies. I need all the help I can get). I message my boy and ask him to pick me up at the barber at 1000. I ask him if he is ready. I ask him if he is FUCKING READY. The hype is real. He tells me he is. Soon we are at the casa to pick up my stuff, and what we need for the road. A case of bottled water, check. A big bag of almonds, check. Clif bar minis, check. The stars align and we hit the road for an on-time departure. I text my OC Amigo to tell him we are on our way. He texts me back requesting updates when we reach designated points in our voyage. I tell him we are headed to the parking location in San Ydsiro that he had recommended, and that I will keep him advised. He tells me he will meet us there. While on the road, I utilize the drive time to give my boy the skinny on the bar girl racket (meseros / fichas, etc.). I teach him how to say "sorry" and "no thank you" in Espanol, and tell him that those are the most important phrases to use while hopping and shopping the bars. I tell him if a chica approaches without a Mesero and he doesn't like her to give her a "$1 fuck-off propina" accompanied by either phrase and a hug or playful slap on the ass. I tell him it is acceptable to just waive them off while shaking his head if a Mesero approaches with a girl he doesn't like. We finally meet up at the designated rendezvous point and as hard as it is to believe, I think we got the last two spots. Thank you architect. We start with plan A, attempt a pedestrian crossing utilizing my boy's Driver's License and his passport processing paperwork / receipt. There was a younger guy there that appeared like he was going to start harassing the star of this report. There was a second older guy (I think he was on a stool) that looked at the paperwork and waived us across. An few extra lines of code. Thank you architect, we'll take it. We hop in the HK shuttle and I am finally able to relax and bathe in the realization that "it's happening" - cue the animated gif.
My boy and I had some bumps at Cascadas reception, but since we were planning on doing the VIP card thing anyway, the issues miraculously evaporated. Gods bless the racket. During the struggle at check-in, my boy's eyes are coming out of his head while he observes girls exiting the elevator and coming up the stairs from the Alley. I laugh and tell him "those are just the STREET GIRLS my man". He is incredulous, which actually makes the moment more delicious for me. I can't contain my giggles. My OC Amigo declines our invitation to join at Azul for a quick bite. He tells us he'll wait for us at Tropical. My Vegas Amigo and I shower up and head to Azul. I had mentioned to him prior that I was excited to get him to the Cascadas restaurant to get his first peek at the HK talent. I recounted for him our co-worker / amigo's reaction in Jan / Feb. The star's reaction once we got to our table was much the same if not identical. I said "Motherfucker, I asked you if you were ready" as I burst out laughing. I was already having difficulty containing my enthusiasm. I apologized. I went with my favorite. The grilled chicken salad with spinach, cheese, fruits, nuts, etc. My boy went with the same. During the course of our meal we watched the happenings great and small in the alley. I asked him what he wanted to do. He told me he wanted to follow my lead. I tell him since we are starting at Tropical, we can just hit all the other main bars before heading to HK. I advise him that he should do his best to refrain from pulling the trigger until we get to HK. I tell him that if he sees a girl he likes, in all likely-hood she'll still be working after we make our rounds, and that he can go back for her.
We soon find ourselves meeting up with my OC Amigo at Tropical, and doesn't he already have a pretty young thing at the table. I wouldn't expect anything less. Bravo amigo. Fortunately for me, the lunatic regular from TB had messaged me on whatsapp a few weeks prior to our trip and asked me when I was coming back (I refused to tell her anything other than "soon" for obvious reasons), and used that opportunity to advise me she'd be returning home soon. I had mixed feelings, but all-in-all this trip was to be all about my boy, so flying without interference would in the end be ideal. I did make a point to post whatsapp status updates with videos and pics of our journey leaving Vegas, entering Cali and S. D. , and at the Ped gate in front of the Mexico entrance. I posted another pic of my boy and I as we were getting ready to enter Tropical with HK in view behind us. We grab a seat, order drinks and my Vegas boy starts to take in the scenery. About that time my whatsapp lights up with crying emojis and a broken heart icon from my acosadora. At the time of writing this report they still show unviewed in the app because I'm a gentleman like that. I love it when a plan comes together. I was watching the first timer's face with delight and trying to imagine how big his eyes are going to get in HK. Most of the girls are wearing red, and supposedly they are having a "lingerie party" or some such, but some of the girls apparently didn't get the memo. God, I love * I see abso-fucking-lutely nothing of interest. After a bit, I ask my boy if he sees anything he likes. He mentions a hottie with black heels. I said, "the one over there?" as I nod. She has one of the best resting * faces I have ever seen. He nods back. I ask him if he wants me to grab her and he replies "no, you said to wait". A slow grin spreads across my face. As she comes back by, I reach around my boy to grab her and motion her to his lap. His face was priceless. I'm laughing maniacally as I stand to scootch another bench over for me to sit sideways between the first timer and my OC Amigo and their chicas. He orders her a ficha, I encourage him to use google translate, and they are off on their merry way. Not long after, I get up to head to the head. When I return my boy is gone, and my OC Amigo's arm candy has disappeared. I ask him if my buddy pulled the trigger and he gives me the affirmative. I state "well, that didn't take too long" and we share a laugh. We used that opportunity to catch up and share some more laughs. I tell him that I've been losing interest in hanging at Tropical due to the ear-splitting volume of the club P. A. , and my revulsion is being further fueled by these new colored strobe lights they have on the sides of the pillars everywhere. I never understood the seizure triggering effect before tonight. I was wondering if I was going to go "Grand Mal" in this shit. Some time later the star of the report returns with his new TJ novia and they are toting a bucket. My OC Amigo and I make a show of hurrahs, applause, and laughter for my buddy's first kill in TJ. The looks on their faces were so adorable. Once they finish up, she says her goodbyes, and my boy tells me how much better he feels now that he got that first one out of the way. I tell him he's welcome through a shit eating grin. I'm almost positive that this was the point where we all decided to explore the newly opened 3rd floor that they were telling us about at the door. It's a bit fuzzy, we may have looked more than once, but I can't be sure exactly when as we were in TB multiple nights. From what I can remember there was zippo going on in the Tiki room, but there is a nice little strip stage on the 3rd floor complete with rotating chicas, and it was about 1/4 full most of the times I was in there.
We decide to make our way next to Chicago. Or did we go to Adelita's first? As I'm proof reading this, I'm honestly not sure. I guess in the end it doesn't matter. (Spoiler alert. We were in both bars). In all fairness, we did not find anything of note in Chicago that I can remember, other than one REALLY HOT chica in the bubble tub. Unfortunately, only her head was visible above water, so I can't confirm if she was a dime. But if her body matched her face, she was a hard one. I'm almost positive that this was when my boy first noticed the HUGEMONGOUS standing rubber cock and balls dong they keep on one of those tubs in the back. I told you guys. I'm cloudy. Anyway, I told my boy that we were in a judgement-free zone and that if there was anything he felt compelled to share or talk about, that my OC Amigo and I were here for him. In any event, we didn't even sit down. We were in and out after I used the pisser.
Next up we headed to Adelita's. Now, as incredible as this may sound, for several weeks prior to the trip I had the strangest feeling / premonition that I was going to find something special this trip in AB. I can't remember the last time I was in there, but it was most definitely on my itinerary. Plus, it was only fair to hit all the main clubs, just due to it being the star of the show's first time in TJ. We weren't in there long, but at the same time we weren't disappointed. It wasn't Hong Kong, but there was no shortage of talent (especially for a Thursday) and the girls blew the talent from Tropical and Chicago out of the water. My buddy pointed out a chica spinner with side ponies and crazy-eye contacts and told me that she might be the love of his life. She told him her name was "Megan". Those of you that know me, know that I have a pronounced penchant for chocolate. I've told my sons more than once that if I had it to do all over again, they'd be black fosho. Though it is scarce in the Zona I'm always on the lookout for a fine sister. Well, as I write this I still can't believe the gem that was in AB. Once again, the god of fuck smiled in my general direction. When my eyes met with that Cuban Nubian Princess, I got that tunnel vision zoom effect. I felt a little off balance. Her face and smile were beyond striking, and her body was absurd. Her complexion was right where I like it. A shade that can only be accurately described as "Blurple". Yes, the hammer hit me right between the eyes. I knew I was dead meat. She reached for me or I her, I can't remember. I think we hugged and laughed. "Fuck" I think to myself, "I'm going to get my heart broken this trip". Better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven't as is said. Zero fucks given. I ask her if she is working "Manana" and she smiles and nods. I tell her I'll be back for her.
We are anxious to finally get to HK, so we head next door. We do the usual VIP free drink coupon at the Merch store and head in. I really miss the Sol, does anyone know why they stopped offering it in the Zona clubs? I settle for an Indio. I've seen better talent in HK a few times here and there, but the overwhelming majority of the chicas are SLAMMIN' as usual. And there are plenty. We go to the bar to get our drinks and my boy has the expected dumbfounded look on his face. I'm smiling ear to ear. He tells me "nobody is going to believe me". I'm dying with laughter. We lap the bar as I show him around, they had the second and third floors open as I remember, and we perch back in front for at least a few drinks. Though he saw many fine specimens, my buddy's mind is on the girl at AB. I didn't really want to pay for a short time there while I was staying at Cascadas, but I really wanted the Princess in the worst way, and I'm not wanting to wait for her to finish her shift. At some point we lost my OC Amigo. I'm going through our text chain to make sense of it, but I think he wanted to stay at HK. So in any event the first timer and I head back over to Adelita's.
Well, as luck would have it we lap the bar, and my boy's future wife is nowhere to be found. Either her shift ended, or she had some lucky punter's cock in her mouth like the good little puta that she is. Somehow the princess ended up on my arm (I was several drinks in at this point) and we went to the back to grab a table. We started drinking and a bombshell latina immediately jumped on my buddy's lap. Somehow I had not noticed her. Probably because someone else was filling my vision. I look his way and he nods emphatically. You go boy; knock them down like the man- you are. I am so proud of him at this moment, I'm fighting back tears. I'm not too embarrassed to admit it, the Cuban princess was putting it on me. We were making out, petting, she was on my lap, all the good shit. I'm not even thinking of trying to get with her OTC. Damn the torpedoes, I'm going arriba. Fuck, it's only $20 more. I'm a baller. Shot caller. A caller gettin' laid tonight. My buddy's chica was going hard in the paint. He didn't stand a chance. Poor bastard. How he suffered. After a round or two of tequila (and I hate tequila), the four of us find ourselves headed upstairs. What can I say, the princess and I had a great time. She was one of the my top 3 girls ever in TJ. And that's really saying something. If I'm not mistaken, I think it's her perfume I'm smelling on my shirt as I type this. Yes, I'm a filthpig. Deal with it. While she is in the shower trying to wash my blasphemy from her person, I hear a knock on the door. I figured it was the clean-up crew. I was not full dressed yet, but I answered anyway only to find my boy and his puta at the door. My princess was still in the shower and I was filming. I encouraged my buddy to have a gander. "God DAMN!" was all he said if I remember correctly. She was getting water all over the floor, the shower door was open. So I threw a towel on it and fled into the hallway still undressed to abandon the scene of the crime like the consummate professional that I am. As I'm getting dressed my boy's girl makes a joke about us swapping. I give it some serious consideration, but the rest of my dinero and condoms are still in my room at Cascadas.
After we said our goodbyes, we returned to HK and tried to hail my OC Amigo. Of this, I am sure. From my text chain, I'm thinking he had a good time as well, because we never did meet back up. But that's his story, I never did ask. I'm trying to remember our time back at HK, but I in all honesty am drawing a total blank. I would guess we spent it drinking and ogling the chicas, but how can I be sure? I know neither of us grabbed anything else. After waiting for my OC Amigo for around an hour according to my text chain, I messaged to him that we were calling it. We apparently made it to our rooms, because I woke up the following morning in my bed at Cascadas.
More to come.
TJ Trip Report May '22 Day 2
Big Jib.
So. Prior to our succumbing to slumber the night before, my buddy and I agreed to get started around noonish this day. He encouraged me to knock on his door if I was up anytime after 1100. I actually slept like shit all things considered. I awoke some time in the middle of the night to piss and get a drink of water. I found myself awake and unable to return to sleep for an undetermined amount of time. There was no noise or activity, my brain was just whirring with the events of the prior day's adventure. I did eventually fall back to sleep and arose sometime around 10:30. I reached out to my S. D. TJ amigo to let him know that I smelled like a ***** and that I found a freak the night prior at AB then sent him a pic. If I remember correctly, I sent much the same to a TJ amigo from Norcal. My S. D. Buddy replied, and told me he hoped she'd be working Saturday night when he was planning on joining us. Sometime around 1100 I knocked on my boy's door. I asked him if he would be ready to grab breakfast in 30 minutes or so after we showered, etc. He stated that he was ready to get started. I reached out to the master from OC to invite him to join us, but he was already headed home. We ate at Azul and recounted the prior day's events while we both enjoyed the steak and eggs breakfast "The Americana breakfast" I think they call it. Honestly, the only thing on my mind was red meat and coffee. I always approach a TJ trip like I have a fight scheduled, and train my ass off for weeks ahead of time in a vain attempt to get ready. It's never enough. I always get the shit kicked out of me. Getting old sucks, I do NOT recommend it. I ask my boy if he still wants to go to take a look around Avenue Revolution and hit the cigar shop up by Ticuan to have a Cuban and people watch. I text my TJ Amigo formerly of S. D. (the oldest of the Hermanos) and he is already at the Airport in Sin City preparing for departure. We finish breakfast and I suggest we head out after first getting a free drink coupon from out front so that we can get a second one later in the evening.
We exit via the Alley behind Cascadas / HK and allow our eyes to drink in the Paraditas. A lot of good selections for so early in the day. My boy vocalizes his amazement the quality of talent. I tell him for the 3rd or 4th time that most of these chicas can be had for $30 or so. He's incredulous and shaking his head, naturally. Nope, nothing like this in Vegas sadly. The ratchets on the Tropicana and Boulder tracks usually start at $100 or better for a car date from what I'm told. We find ourselves at the top of the hill making our way toward the Arch and I explain to my buddy that the trannies hang out on the north side of this stretch especially at night. With a show of impeccable timing, what could only have been a transvestite steps out from behind a pole to give us a look and a "hola". I ask my buddy if he wants to check out the bazaar / market and he is willing, so we walk and inform more than a few individuals that we had just eaten while they are welcoming us and attempting to show us the menus from their fine establishments. I get us a little turned around at the exit, but soon realize we are not on Avenue Revolution, and head back the way we came while scanning for the Arch. Once we make the right onto Revolution we are just taking our time while my boy is taking it all in and gets his first look at the infamous TJ Zonkey. As I write this I can't help but wonder if the Zonkey was Tijuana's satirical response the the "Donkey Show" urban legend. Only the architect knows I suspect. Speaking of the architect, the weather is an absolute dream. Sunny, warm but not hot, with a nice breeze. We end up walking right by the cigar shop. Pro-tip, it is mostly across the street from the Jai Alai Arena for those that may find themselves looking for it on a future visit. Once we get to the next street, I recognize Ticuan and know to turn back around.
I locate the shop and I wonder how we missed it. We both enjoy a scrumptious cuban out front while we continue to people watch. My buddy has made a game of determining what make and model of firearms are being carried by both the Policia and National Guardsmen. My boy mentions the concert as if it were tomorrow, and I remind him we still have a full day of TJ left after today, as it's only Friday yet. The look on his face spoke volumes. While we are smoking out front, I receive a text from the oldest hermano that he has landed in S. D. And will be on his way to the border soon. I tell him we are finishing up and plan on returning after hitting farmacia for some vitamins, and the mom and pop place next to OXXO for some bottled water. He says he's going to check-in to Rizo and shower and will meet us at HK. Once we get down to my go to across from the wax museum I notice they still have the masked entry signs on the windows, so I tell my buddy we'll have to return tomorrow. We grab the water, and I text my TJ hermano from the room, we are headed down to HK. He is headed over.
We meet up in the club and introductions are made. I'm pretty sure we found a table for a bit and shot the shit. My TJ hermano now residing in our town gave us an enthusiastic rundown of his impending trip to Pataya in a few weeks. He has been anxious to return, and in fact had discussed his intentions while we enjoyed our meal a few weeks back at Ellis Island. I told him how glad I was to hear it had come to fruition. The first timer and I gave a brief synopsis of the first day, and I told my TJ hermano that I think he would like the Nubian Princess calling herself "Tsunami". He is a face man after all. I promised to make introductions should she be working. We eventually roamed around a bit while the first timer continued to take it all in. At some point one of my HK priors approached me to wrap me up with a big hug, smile, and look of recognition. For an awkward moment that seemed like an eternity (but in fact could only have been a few seconds) I legitimately had NO fucking IDEA who she was. I tried to play it off - "OHHHH" *insert innocent smile here*, but the look on her face said she wasn't buying it. Ooops, faux pas. I'm not completely sure I didn't hurt her feelings. And SHE'S the ***** here. Jesus, how embarrassing. I introduced her to my buddies as "The Sagami Killer #2" due to the fact that she was one of two HK girls that shredded a condom on former visits; happy bareback accidents you could say. She corrects me and introduces herself as "Daisy". Oh yeah. I saw her several times during the course of my rounds that day and Saturday, but she looked in every direction except at me. C'est la vie.
We made our way to the bar in back by the soapy stage and alley entrance. I spotted another one of my priors "Robbie" across the way, with her glasses and ridiculous natural body. Today she was not wearing her patented floral dress. I told my boys to hold a sec while I fetched her and brought her over. I tipped her a dollar while requesting that she show the first timer her tits. She graciously pulled out the left one, and I thought my buddy was going to fall off of his stool. I encouraged him to grab it, but he was gun shy. After it became apparent to her that no fichas were to be found here, she immediately disappeared like the savvy businesswoman that she is. I for one respect the hustle. To be frank I was surprised neither of the boys bit. She is one in a million, and I consider her one of my greatest hits all time. When I asked the star of the show about it the following day, he informed me "I know my limits, I don't want it to be over in the blink of an eye" or something to that effect. I laughed and told him in truth I almost popped in the bar that night while she was grinding on my lap and guiding my hands all about those lovely pillowy howitzers of hers.
Speaking of yet more priors, I saw "the librarian" (that I hooked up with last fall) on the first day. I smiled at her and she wiggled her ficha and looked to the punter that had her locked down at the table. I ran into her again on day two and waived her over. I picked her up like a little kid and introduced her to my boys. I offered her a $1 propina to take off her glasses and said "show them your pussy". She obliged. She's a rockstar like that. I thought the first timer was going to lose his mind; as I've mentioned in earlier reports, she has a dandy. I wish I could describe his facial expression, but I'm at a loss. I also pointed out "the one that got away". She is always hustling, dancing etc. You rarely see her posted up in the club, there's no quit in that girl. At some point during our rounds in HK that particular one approached us and I repeated the propina pussy proposition. My boy smiled and told me that with all of my priors he "could see it". When I asked for clarification, he informed me that I was Indiana Jones. "a collector of fine relics". There is a compliment in there somewhere. I asked my boy and the hermano how great this place was that you could just offer a chica a dollar and she'd be delighted to whip out her tits or pussy. There was an unspoken moment of deep appreciation between us. I think we all just bonded.
Now my TJ hermano formerly of S. D. Is very picky. It is not uncommon for him to be unable to find something he likes. This day he was able to locate only two chicas that satisfied his tastes. Regrettably, they were both occupied with fellow punters. It didn't look like they were going to be free anytime soon. My boy (the star of the show) pointed to a knockout that had his attention. I didn't like her make-up, but she was all that and a bag of chips to be sure. By this time we had made our way back to the front bar. She was, if I remember correctly, on the center platform closest to the entrance. I think she had been dancing above the bar during an earlier song, but there's always so many stunners in HK that it's hard to keep track of who, what, where, when, and why. I ask him if he wants me to grab her as she is now back on the floor. He tells me she looks too young. I scratch my head and mention she has to be every bit of 25. I tell my boy to hold on with a grin and he reaches to stop me. But I was already gone (I told you, I've been training). I walk up to her and wrap my arm around her waist. She looked to have been making for casa de banos. I ask her how old she is and she tells me she is 27. I request that she walk with me and she grabbed her little hand purse off the platform where she had just been dancing. I walk her back over to my buddy and tell him to ask her how old she is. He did, but she was confused or didn't hear him correctly. So I let him know and dropped her into his lap. A drink or two later and the rest is history. I told him we'd wait for him where we were perched. I was happy for him and slightly jealous. You never forget your first HK trophy. She was back down in the bar much sooner than I expected, and I wondered if something had gone awry. Once my boy returned, his sheepish grin told me that everything had probably gone more right than he had anticipated. "Latina Sorcery" I remind him. I looked him dead in the eye and said "they are working at Hong Kong for a reason" and smiled. He then briefly described the encounter with generous mention of her "pussy control". Yep, I totally get it. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. No shame in that, we're only men after all.
Now we must pause for station identification. As I am writing this (Tues 17th), my boy just messaged me to thank me again for the trip and to inform me that his passport just arrived in today's mail. I told him "that's going to make a great story". I wish my imagination was rich enough to make this shit up. I'm sending screenshots to my TJ amigos from OC and S. D. I have witnesses.
Ok back to our original programming. I think we had a round to celebrate then the 3 of us headed out. I'd be lying if I told you I can remember the exact order, but we ended up at AB after checking out Tropical and Chicago. Still not much happening at Tropical, but the talent at Chicago had picked up from the night prior. We did take the time to show our hermano the 3rd floor at Tropical before we bounced if I remember correctly. While in Chicago, the first timer once again was transfixed with the looming megadong. He brought it to the attention of our hermano, and suggested we nickname it "Big Jib". I'm still not sure if my buddy had developed an obsession. I guess in the end it doesn't really matter because what happens in TJ stays in TJ. Unless of course you are an attention ***** seeking approval and validation by posting a Tijuana trip report on a website for millions to see. "Jib" became adequate source material for several running jokes during the remainder of our stay. Gods bless that big fella. It was still early once we got to Adelita's and the talent there left a lot to be desired, just as in the other two clubs. Neither girl we were looking for at AB was yet on-shift according to the mesero my buddy questioned. He told us to come back after 2000. I asked the Hermano if he was ready to eat and if he liked sushi. He suggested we go to Azul instead. The hermano got the grilled chicken, my boy got a stuffed chicken breast with chipotle sauce. I was considering the stuffed breast as well, but sold out in the end and took the coconut shrimp because I didn't want to risk heartburn later. The joke was on me because the shrimp was on a sauced cabbage compote that blistered the palate like coleslaw dipped in a nuclear payload. True story, but it was so delicious I could not stop eating it.
Once we filled up it was more of the same, making rounds until we finally docked at AB. In truth, I was a little disappointed with the talent at HK for a Friday night. I was expecting the A-Team, but they never showed. Don't' get it twisted, there were plenty of hotties, but it didn't seem any different than any other time I'd been in HK. The crowd was much thinner than I expected as well. Maybe a hangover week after Cinco de Mayo perhaps. Once we made it to Adelita's my boy spotted the love of his life right away, but she was enjoying a ficha at another table. I pointed out the nubian princess to the hermano, but she was in the same predicament. It was our good fortune that they came free about the same time, and we didn't have to wait long. I dragged the Cuban goddess over to my hermano while the first timer was wrapping his mind around the fact that his future wife was smiling at him while bouncing on his lap. I had been so busy I neglected to notice a chica making a rapid approach. She grabbed my beard and started speaking to me in perfect English. She reminded me of Cameron Diaz and had one of the best hardbodies I had ever laid eyes on. Well shit. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so the two of us joined my amigos and their LADIES at the table and we all started drinking. My new chica introduced herself as "Jessie" of all names and told me she used to be a body builder. I asked her if she was on the juice, and she said "not any more". She did not have the bulk, but she was cut for a woman, she had a rock solid core, and her quads and glutes were as hard as a coffin nail. And I had JUST told my boys at dinner that I was not doing any more short-times this trip. I asked Jessie when her shift was ending while we were drinking and she said not until 0400. Fuck if I was going to be up that late. I asked her when she started her shift Saturday, and she told me she was flying home in the morning. Well shit, redux. I start my negotiations with the usual "so what are you not comfortable with in the bedroom? She tries to be sly and tells me that she'll take good care of me. Fail. Sorry sweetie, you'll need to do better than that. I rephrase the question. Let's be more direct: "so what will you NOT do in the bedroom?" She tells me "I am very open minded, but no anal". I reply with "ooh, I never liked anal, I always found it to be somewhat painful. Oh, you mean on YOU. " It took a second, but when it clicked she cracked up laughing. "Open minded". Ding ding, we have a winner. Fortunately I still had a condom in my wallet, but I had only brought enough cash for drinks. I shuddered at the idea of eating the ATM fees out front, but you can't put a price tag on a memory, right? I remind myself that I'm a baller gettin' laid tonight.
My boy and I were ready to arriba before our hermano, so we bid him farewell and headed up to Adelita's short time reception once again. I had asked "Jessie" for pictures / no face shots to which she agreed, but somehow we ended up not taking any. I suppose I was pre-occupied. As a side note, I was talking mad shit about the ghetto poverty stricken short time room because I REALLY wanted a shower, and there was no shower head nor any hot water for that matter. She told me not to worry about it and immediately initiated her 5 star service. We had a great time, and I soon forgot about the shower head. Once we finished up she asked if I was going to tip, and I reminded her that we didn't take any photos. We made our way down and said our goodbyes.
I was headed back to my room at Cascadas when I received a message from my boy that he was back in Adelita's with the love of his life and invited me to join them. As I made my way to the table I saw Jessie back in action scouting for her next victim. Of the hermano, there was no sign. I supposed it was his turn to ride the "Tsunami". The three of us shared a drink and I jokingly told my boy's puta that he had been cheating on her. All in good fun. Eventually my puta came by and because I love surprises, I grabbed her and asked her if she was ready for her tip. She gave me really good service, and I felt like a 3rd wheel after all. I don't know what kind of Tequila she ordered, but it was $20 a shot. In fact, I was confused earlier when her and I had a round of tequila and I received much less change than I expected from our Mesero. The shit was good though, and I hate tequila. After she finished her shot we talked a bit more and she wanted to make out for some odd reason. Then she his my boy up for a dollar and insisted that I dance for her. She pulled the front of my pantskis away from my waistline, put the dollar bill in her mouth and tipped me with her face while the other two applauded. She's a good sport like that. After I had had enough fun, I told her that I appreciated her company, but that I didn't wish to interfere with her work. She graciously excused herself. It wasn't too terribly long after that that the 3 of us got up from the table. On our way to the door, "Jessie" came out of my blind spot to intercept me for one last embrace. She had given me her number in the room and told me to look her up if I was ever in Mexico City. She said much the same again before kissing me goodbye. I told her she was "a good kid" and that maybe our paths would cross again, and I meant it. My buddy said goodbye to "Megan" and we continued on to the the exit.
Not long after that I found myself back in my bed at Cascadas. Day two was in the books.
More to come.
