Should we stop mongering? How?

I don't pretend to be able to give any one advice without knowing the impossible answer that only you really know. Your situation as every other persons situation is different.

I can't pretend to think that sex is the only driver of a 30 year relationship. So many things come into play.

I will tell you if you plan to leave consult an attorney. If you plan to stay possibly go to counseling or create a plan for what you can live with for your own personal needs going forward that will work. Unfortunately living in the us we all have the same struggles in relationships.

[QUOTE=Blazingblue;7234837]You would think 3 decades of marriage means something to a girl but it doesn't, if anything she should be more in love with you based on the time why'all spent with each other. But sadly, that's how things work, attraction falls off and so does interest. And holding 3 decades of things that tie you together isn't worth keeping if she doesn't want to honor the literal most fundamental point of being in an exclusive relationship which is sex with your partner. Other than that I don't see the point in being in a relationship unless you want to have kids with someone. And even then its not worth it. She's having her cake and eating it too. She's making you provide for all her securities and benefits, and in return you get nothing out of it. She's manipulating you and the only reason your holding on to this relationship is because of some fond memories why'all made together which mean nothing now. Because I'm willing to bet a women that is not interested in sex with you anymore is probably also disrespecting you and starting fights with you as well. Which to me means she doesn't think highly of you. I would definitely say dip out now, so you can save face and be the one that leaves vs her and that way you can start all over again without dealing with a heavy loss. But make sure you have your financial situation in order during the split and things lined up. Otherwise if she decides to divorce you first out of no where, you will be the one in trouble. If there's no kids involved, its easier to do, if not I would still push for it, because its the last card you can play. Trust me, I know so many guys in your situation, and it always ends badly for them.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=IrwinFletcher1;7234173]Thanks for the advice. I have contemplated that way. But I have over 3 decades invested with us. It cuts both ways in the vows. But again why am I saying vows when I'm dipping out. There's a lot more involved in all this. Responsibilities in the marriage. What I know is there is no easy answer. And you're right about today's relationships, don't get married. They only want what you can provide them. Thank you.[/QUOTE]I remember thinking "I'm just not miserable enough to leave." If you ever catch yourself saying that, you are. Believe me.

38 years of marriage, 42 together and when we split up 6 years ago, I have yet to shed a tear. And we had it good, too.

I am trying to stop completely. I often find myself riding around OBT just to "kill time" maybe in reality I'm looking for that one special girl that will break my abstinence. Also found myself paying girls just to talk to me or up until recently have stopped going to strip clubs. I want to stop but the urge is so strong. I recently also deleted any and all girls I was paying but now k just feel so lonely. It's like I knew damn these girls don't like me they just want money and I kinda power trip over being able to get them to talk to me with it. I stopped going thru with getting bbbjs because someone gave me a special surprise that the doctor had to take away and I just have been to scared to do it again to be honest. Maybe for me the risk of going thru with it then worrying if I have something is just not worth it to me. Even tho I know from experience or maybe I was just lucky I've been doing this for years and never got anything. For me the risk is to great. Not to mention I feel like a loser when I do it. Also I tried some SAA meetings and that doesn’t really help me. Maybe I make a few friends but I always end up “relapsing “. I guess I’m not so sure it’s an addiction like alchohol or something drugs maybe. To me I don’t see it as the same. But hey maybe it is. Maybe I will give it a shot again cause my self esteem is so low.

[QUOTE=Bjceb;7236179]I don't pretend to be able to give any one advice without knowing the impossible answer that only you really know. Your situation as every other persons situation is different.

I can't pretend to think that sex is the only driver of a 30 year relationship. So many things come into play.

I will tell you if you plan to leave consult an attorney. If you plan to stay possibly go to counseling or create a plan for what you can live with for your own personal needs going forward that will work. Unfortunately living in the us we all have the same struggles in relationships.[/QUOTE]Biologically it is the main driving factor that keeps a relationship strong. It's obviously not the only one. But ask any happy old couple, they all say the same thing, if the sex is good so is the relationship. If the couple isn't having sex anymore the relationship is going south. Regardless of all the other factors, biologically we are driven by attraction, sex, raising children, and security. That's it. Minus the children, if we can achieve the other things the other person will be continually be attracted to the opposite sex. Regardless if you know someone's situation or not, male and female social dynamics have been the same for thousands of years. We all tend to behave the same way, that's why we've been studied so easily. Regardless of whatever circumstance or situation your in, it is important to be in control of your own life, and not let someone else take agency over it. If you let your wife run the shots aka no sex, and you get blue balled for the rest of your life because why'all "have bonded shared memories" together, then you are a slave in the relationship, because you are not getting your biological needs met in this equation where as she is.

And for him to be okay with her not interested in having sex with him anymore is just coping. Hence why he is on this website. He doesn't agree with her behavior and is here to get his needs met. Clear display of cognitive dissonance. So it is not okay to be content with this 30 yr relationship, because it is a sham, and he needs to get out of it for his own good. Ultimately its his decision to make, I can't force him, but I think he already knows the answer. And I do not think counseling is a good idea for couples. It does nothing for the male in the relationship except make the situation worse. The counselor ends up making stupid suggestions that don't provide any benefit. And it just ends up showing to your significant other that you don't have any control in the relationship and that's super unattractive. Open communication and understanding is all you need in a relationship. Just grow some balls and take to the significant other, a 3rd party person doesn't need to be involved. 2 grown adults can solve their own problems, otherwise they shouldn't get married.

Also I don't think everyone has the same struggles when it comes to relationships, only those that never set boundaries and discussed expectations with their significant other do. For instance, if he said to his wife, before marrying her or showing her that ring, "I don't believe in a sexless marriage, and I expect you to continue having sex with me, and if you decide your not interested anymore were getting a divorce". She will always have that in the back of her mind. And might not even challenge it, but if she does try him, she knows the consequences. But now that he's never mentioned that from the get go, she has no boundary to go off of, and she can do whatever the fuck she wants and if he gets pissed, oh well what's he going to do, she's got her vibrator.

If you are in a relationship and you are lying and mongering, you aren't a good person. I know most mongers are in relationships, it's sick. And most of you also talk about, "well, I need sex" yea but you can't get it without paying, pathetic. Also saying these girls enjoy it there's no way they are trafficked is ridiculous, most of you are also fat and ugly af which is why you have to pay for sex and you think these attractive women really want to touch you? LOL it's wild how some of you process things in your warped brains. If you are in a relationship and aren't happy leave, be an actual man. That's just my 2 cents, man up, if you aren't happy leave, stop going behind your so backs and being a coward a sad coward that is too lonely to leave their so but to weak and not disciplined to stop cheating. Losers.

[QUOTE=MrLive404;7243396]If you are in a relationship and you are lying and mongering, you aren't a good person. I know most mongers are in relationships, it's sick. And most of you also talk about, "well, I need sex" yea but you can't get it without paying, pathetic. Also saying these girls enjoy it there's no way they are trafficked is ridiculous, most of you are also fat and ugly af which is why you have to pay for sex and you think these attractive women really want to touch you? LOL it's wild how some of you process things in your warped brains. If you are in a relationship and aren't happy leave, be an actual man. That's just my 2 cents, man up, if you aren't happy leave, stop going behind your so backs and being a coward a sad coward that is too lonely to leave their so but to weak and not disciplined to stop cheating. Losers.[/QUOTE]This man speaks the truth. When I was in a relationship, I had to stop mongering because it just was not fair to the other person and hes right. These girls will give you the GFE because they love your money, not you. If you don't mind throwing your money away for a short session, go ahead but just know that its all fake. These girls are very good actors because they've been doing it for a very long time and have come across many versions of yourself so they know how to cater to you and get your ego off. Most of their pops are also fake, these girls are with 15-20 guys a day and they aren't wet from you, they are wet from the vibrating sex lube that they use. You have to think about it, after 3 to 4 pops, the average girl is worn out and needs rest / sleep, not 30 seconds rest before another monger walks in. Save your money bros, spend it on the right one, not the right one that is with everyone. If she gave you her digits, she also gave it out to the other high paying mongers and trust me, there are a lot of them. Its a reality check most mongers don't think about. You aren't special, you are just another high paying monger like the rest of us.

Try the 3 step approach, monger twice a week, then once a week, then try and skip a weekend and spend your money on someone who needs support. Like buy a co-worker or a friend or a neighbor a publix gift card with the money you would spend mongering. The joy you will get from seeing someone genuinely recieve a gift for nothing in return will turn your world upside down. Once you start to spend your monger money on positive things, you will start to be able to break the cycle. I hope you can turn your lives around. The last thing you want to do is be mongering when uncle LEO shows up. I would imagine that is the lowest point of anyone's life. Best of luck fellow mongers, I believe in you.

[QUOTE=Jug145;7236766]I am trying to stop completely. I often find myself riding around OBT just to "kill time" maybe in reality I'm looking for that one special girl that will break my abstinence. Also found myself paying girls just to talk to me or up until recently have stopped going to strip clubs. I want to stop but the urge is so strong. I recently also deleted any and all girls I was paying but now k just feel so lonely. It's like I knew damn these girls don't like me they just want money and I kinda power trip over being able to get them to talk to me with it. I stopped going thru with getting bbbjs because someone gave me a special surprise that the doctor had to take away and I just have been to scared to do it again to be honest. Maybe for me the risk of going thru with it then worrying if I have something is just not worth it to me. Even tho I know from experience or maybe I was just lucky I've been doing this for years and never got anything. For me the risk is to great. Not to mention I feel like a loser when I do it. Also I tried some SAA meetings and that doesnt really help me. Maybe I make a few friends but I always end up relapsing . I guess Im not so sure its an addiction like alchohol or something drugs maybe. To me I dont see it as the same. But hey maybe it is. Maybe I will give it a shot again cause my self esteem is so low.[/QUOTE]You've already did the best thing you could by deleting those phone numbers. I am not sure if anyone has said this, but I am very proud of you. I really am. Feeling lonely is just a sign that you are doing the right thing. Remember, there must be darkness before the light can shine. Life goes on and if you have the time to drive around to kill time, you should look into facebook groups that meet any type of interest you have. Chances are you will find 1 or 2 friends out of the countless groups and your life will change. Anytime you are feeling lonely, just remember you are not alone and there are many of us on the same path as you. Even those people who live good lives with lots of friends and family will be lonely after they outlive everyone. I found that volunteering to help those who are in need is a big help to changing my mindset. It hasn't completely fixed me, but I hope it will one day and I am optimistic that it can help you too. Just remember to never give up, you got this. I am rooting for you.

[QUOTE=Jhandyspecial;7263521]You've already did the best thing you could by deleting those phone numbers. I am not sure if anyone has said this, but I am very proud of you. I really am. Feeling lonely is just a sign that you are doing the right thing. Remember, there must be darkness before the light can shine. Life goes on and if you have the time to drive around to kill time, you should look into facebook groups that meet any type of interest you have. Chances are you will find 1 or 2 friends out of the countless groups and your life will change. Anytime you are feeling lonely, just remember you are not alone and there are many of us on the same path as you. Even those people who live good lives with lots of friends and family will be lonely after they outlive everyone. I found that volunteering to help those who are in need is a big help to changing my mindset. It hasn't completely fixed me, but I hope it will one day and I am optimistic that it can help you too. Just remember to never give up, you got this. I am rooting for you.[/QUOTE]If you want to drop this all together, you have to be able to actually meet girls in the wild that are interested in dating you. Unless you are already in a relationship. You should actively be working on yourself and meeting new people. It helps keep you social and alive. Hibernating in your household and not talking to anyone causes depression. You should be trying to meet girls naturally in settings that are not sex provocative. Join a club, volunteer, etc. You'll find people naturally that way. If you can link up with a girl the normal way and actually mesh with her, you'll find this hobby not as appealing. Since the reciprocation of affection will be real. And you won't need to look elsewhere to fill that empty void in yourself. I'm sure you are only doing this, because you have not worked on proper social skills when you were younger to engage with girls and be able to date them. So to compensate you are doing this hobby, that or you are in a sexless relationship, or in need of a release. If you have access to date girls the normal way I would do that instead. But at the end of the day, guys have to let off steam, and a lot of girls now a days play a lot of games, and we strike out from time to time. So this is a quick fix. It doesn't solve all our problems but helps with a release of stress in our day to day lives. And not to mention guys enjoy variety, we like seeing many girls, that's why we enjoy this hobby to begin with. But if you feel guilty about it, then I would just focus on improving yourself and putting yourself out there to meet people not form this hobby. Good luck with your efforts.

I also stopped the Looking and looking and focused on my job and health. But yes the sexual man drive is Strong. At my age I wish I could just quit.

But I see all these potential when I go to Walmart or any store and I Wonder in my mind (.is she available) referring to all the single female I bump into with small talk.

I don't want a full time lady. But what other options are there.

Good luck with your quest in life.

Remember.(if it feels nice, don't think twice).

[QUOTE=Blazingblue;7265096]If you want to drop this all together, you have to be able to actually meet girls in the wild that are interested in dating you. Unless you are already in a relationship. You should actively be working on yourself and meeting new people. It helps keep you social and alive. Hibernating in your household and not talking to anyone causes depression. You should be trying to meet girls naturally in settings that are not sex provocative. Join a club, volunteer, etc. You'll find people naturally that way. If you can link up with a girl the normal way and actually mesh with her, you'll find this hobby not as appealing. Since the reciprocation of affection will be real. And you won't need to look elsewhere to fill that empty void in yourself. I'm sure you are only doing this, because you have not worked on proper social skills when you were younger to engage with girls and be able to date them. So to compensate you are doing this hobby, that or you are in a sexless relationship, or in need of a release. If you have access to date girls the normal way I would do that instead. But at the end of the day, guys have to let off steam, and a lot of girls now a days play a lot of games, and we strike out from time to time. So this is a quick fix. It doesn't solve all our problems but helps with a release of stress in our day to day lives. And not to mention guys enjoy variety, we like seeing many girls, that's why we enjoy this hobby to begin with. But if you feel guilty about it, then I would just focus on improving yourself and putting yourself out there to meet people not form this hobby. Good luck with your efforts.[/QUOTE]

So you said it all right there. You don't want a full time lady. But most gals who are non providers are always trying to be full time gals.

Men want sex and peace.

Women want many things, alot of the time it is money, drama, all your time and sometimes sex!

Is is it a wonder we have issues in the world!

Just saying!

Mongering offers sex and to walk away for peace.

[QUOTE=Samm900;7489114]I also stopped the Looking and looking and focused on my job and health. But yes the sexual man drive is Strong. At my age I wish I could just quit.

But I see all these potential when I go to Walmart or any store and I Wonder in my mind (.is she available) referring to all the single female I bump into with small talk.

I don't want a full time lady. But what other options are there.

Good luck with your quest in life.

Remember.(if it feels nice, don't think twice).[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Bjceb;7489612]So you said it all right there. You don't want a full time lady. But most gals who are non providers are always trying to be full time gals.

Men want sex and peace.

Women want many things, alot of the time it is money, drama, all your time and sometimes sex!

Is is it a wonder we have issues in the world!

Just saying!

Mongering offers sex and to walk away for peace.[/QUOTE]This 100%.

I'm in my 40's, was already married for more than a decade, and have kids. I don't want a new relationship or a SO. I work, co-parent with my ex-wife, we get along perfect like family, and from time to time go out for drinks with friends.

To me mongering is like when you want to go to your favorite food place that's a bit expensive just because you feel like it. I want to fuck a hot, pornstar looking lady with a nice ass and big tits and not worry about anything else. You see your favorite flavor, pick, pay and dine, that's it. Anybody that's looking to fill some relationship void with providers, is looking at the wrong place. It's a business transaction, nothing more.

As the great charlie harper said your not paying for sex, your paying them to leave.

[QUOTE=PseudoRican;7497904]This 100%.

I'm in my 40's, was already married for more than a decade, and have kids. I don't want a new relationship or a SO. I work, co-parent with my ex-wife, we get along perfect like family, and from time to time go out for drinks with friends.

To me mongering is like when you want to go to your favorite food place that's a bit expensive just because you feel like it. I want to fuck a hot, pornstar looking lady with a nice ass and big tits and not worry about anything else. You see your favorite flavor, pick, pay and dine, that's it. Anybody that's looking to fill some relationship void with providers, is looking at the wrong place. It's a business transaction, nothing more.[/QUOTE]

I get tested annually for STDs, but I requested a screening after a trip abroad. Came back HSV2 positive, but asymptomatic. It was the first time they tested for it too, so I could have been positive for years now and not realized it. I looked it up and apparently it's generally recommended not to test for HSV unless the person is showing symptoms and requests a screen. So, there's most likely a large population of people like me that even despite being tested are carrying and spreading herpes without realizing it. Isn't that insane? Anyway, I wouldn't want to spread this around so I'm hanging up the hat.

[QUOTE=DingusConrad;7553858]I get tested annually for STDs, but I requested a screening after a trip abroad. Came back HSV2 positive, but asymptomatic. It was the first time they tested for it too, so I could have been positive for years now and not realized it. I looked it up and apparently it's generally recommended not to test for HSV unless the person is showing symptoms and requests a screen. So, there's most likely a large population of people like me that even despite being tested are carrying and spreading herpes without realizing it. Isn't that insane? Anyway, I wouldn't want to spread this around so I'm hanging up the hat.[/QUOTE]Did you go to a health care provider to get tested? Was it a blood test? The reason why they do not recommend getting tested for HSV without any symptoms, is due to the high rates of false positives. I would contact your health care provider for their recommendation.

RP.

[QUOTE=RP469;7554018]Did you go to a health care provider to get tested? Was it a blood test? The reason why they do not recommend getting tested for HSV without any symptoms, is due to the high rates of false positives. I would contact your health care provider for their recommendation.

RP.[/QUOTE]100% agree. I took a test about 2 years ago and tested positive for hsv2, but never since. I do have hsv1, and on that 1 test that came back positive for hsv2 I was negative for hsv1. Best I can deduce is they crossed the results between the 2 tests. I would definitely not take the 1 positive test as gospel.

[QUOTE=Kma2016;7554043]100% agree. I took a test about 2 years ago and tested positive for hsv2, but never since. I do have hsv1, and on that 1 test that came back positive for hsv2 I was negative for hsv1. Best I can deduce is they crossed the results between the 2 tests. I would definitely not take the 1 positive test as gospel.[/QUOTE]Appreciate the advice but the new tests are supposedly pretty accurate at differentiating between the two, and I came back positive for 2 and not 1. It could always be a false positive and I could request a second screening, but regardless currently policy being a general recommendation not to test for either is still bad. If I had simply relied on my routine exams I'd never have found out since I've never shown any sort of symptoms. And that's most likely the case for a lot of people out there, and probably plenty on here as well. Be careful out there fellas.

[QUOTE=RP469;7554018]Did you go to a health care provider to get tested? Was it a blood test? The reason why they do not recommend getting tested for HSV without any symptoms, is due to the high rates of false positives. I would contact your health care provider for their recommendation..[/QUOTE]It was a blood test from my health care provider. There's a possibility of a false positive and I'll most likely request another test, but these are supposed to be pretty accurate.

I was doing lots of research and the numbers are pretty staggering, I mean 1 in 2 black girls are carrying and don't realize it. That's probably how it happened. But the majority never have any symptoms or symptoms are so mild they're basically unnoticeable. And you can get infected through condoms, on practically any part of your body. Soke poor guys out there with itchy fingers can attest. I'll be getting on anti virals through my health insurance to reduce the risk of spreading as much as possible, but the wisest thing to do is to call it quits.

[QUOTE=DingusConrad;7554671]It was a blood test from my health care provider. There's a possibility of a false positive and I'll most likely request another test, but these are supposed to be pretty accurate.

I was doing lots of research and the numbers are pretty staggering, I mean 1 in 2 black girls are carrying and don't realize it. That's probably how it happened. But the majority never have any symptoms or symptoms are so mild they're basically unnoticeable. And you can get infected through condoms, on practically any part of your body. Soke poor guys out there with itchy fingers can attest. I'll be getting on anti virals through my health insurance to reduce the risk of spreading as much as possible, but the wisest thing to do is to call it quits.[/QUOTE]Routine HSV testing is not recommended if you have no symptoms, as blood tests can produce inaccurate results. If you are at high risk to exposure, then you may consider testing every 6 to 12 months. Most will use the standard ELISA testing due to speed and cost effectiveness. The Western Blot is far more accurate, but far more expensive. The most accurate is when you have symptoms. They can then do the swab test. As always, please consult with your health care provider. They will have the most accurate and up to date recommendations for you.

RP.

[QUOTE=JhandySpecial;7263516]This man speaks the truth. When I was in a relationship, I had to stop mongering because it just was not fair to the other person and hes right. These girls will give you the GFE because they love your money, not you. If you don't mind throwing your money away for a short session, go ahead but just know that its all fake. These girls are very good actors because they've been doing it for a very long time and have come across many versions of yourself so they know how to cater to you and get your ego off. Most of their pops are also fake, these girls are with 15-20 guys a day and they aren't wet from you, they are wet from the vibrating sex lube that they use. You have to think about it, after 3 to 4 pops, the average girl is worn out and needs rest / sleep, not 30 seconds rest before another monger walks in. Save your money bros, spend it on the right one, not the right one that is with everyone. If she gave you her digits, she also gave it out to the other high paying mongers and trust me, there are a lot of them. Its a reality check most mongers don't think about. You aren't special, you are just another high paying monger like the rest of us.

Try the 3 step approach, monger twice a week, then once a week, then try and skip a weekend and spend your money on someone who needs support. Like buy a co-worker or a friend or a neighbor a publix gift card with the money you would spend mongering. The joy you will get from seeing someone genuinely recieve a gift for nothing in return will turn your world upside down. Once you start to spend your monger money on positive things, you will start to be able to break the cycle. I hope you can turn your lives around. The last thing you want to do is be mongering when uncle LEO shows up. I would imagine that is the lowest point of anyone's life. Best of luck fellow mongers, I believe in you.[/QUOTE]I personally know I'm addicted and want to quit but I always end up going right back. It's been a decent way to temporarily patch up the loneliness and boredom in my life but after 7 years of doing this it's lost a lot of its luster and I'm thinking of finding other things to do with my time. At this point, living like a monk feels better than continuing with this routine.