I'm spending the money so you don't have to, part 56
[QUOTE=Smiling Fox; 1383544]You will never become a better person here. LOL.
You may gain knowledge, become curupt, debauched, disgusting, and on and on. One might even call you a gentleman, here, in jest and mutual respect.
But a better person.
Smiling Fox, ; }[/QUOTE]I'll be honest Mr. Fox. I don't really understand most of your posts, and this one is also a bit lost on me, but I think I get the idea.
At least you're not trying to charge me a fee for hooking me up with information.
And on with my report, which I will not accept a fee for providing to anyone who wants to read it.
On BP the other night, was at a hotel waiting for a friend to come over but she never showed up. Its ok, she's busy and I will run in to her later, one way or the other it will work out. I actually had a nice time at the hotel. I made some friends, I am pretty sure they were working girls and we are all hanging out on facebook now and spent some time in the gym on the treadmills and in the pool. I did not get to play splashy splashy naked fun time with any of them, yet. But that will maybe happen eventually, but the problem with this is that after being awake all night and constant teased by the hotness I was making friends with, I was horny, had some money, and made a dumb move. I returned a call that I got no response to from the night before.
The ad I responded to was on BP, no pictures, and if you search for the term "housewife", it will pull up.
There is a reason no pictures, she is a fat old cow and nothing at all like the ad.
Ad "A Real Housewife looking for lonely males 202 XXX 6535. 35.
Smokin blonde 38dds 145lbs looking to wear you out specials 202 XXX 6535 serious inquires only.
Poster's age: 35"
If she is 35 than I am George Clooney. I am in fact not George Clooney or I wouldn't be living in Baltimore hanging out with you guys, no offense. She is probably something like 50, and rough as shit. She has monster titties though, but there is a whole lot of fat underneath them. And maybe 145 is what she weighed in high school, but there is no way in hell grandma is that light. I don't care if girls really do look different than guys do in how much they weigh and stuff, she is full of shit totally.
Plays a neat game of staying out of view at the top of the stairs and just far enough ahead of you until you are in the playroom in her house. Once you're in the room, she makes a comment about having 19 cats and how proud she is of not having a house that smells like 19 cats live there. OMG WTF have I gotten myself into. Well I think to myself, maybe she gives some ridiculous phenom head and I will have an experience. Not so much.
Like an idiot I lay my crap out of my pockets on top of the dresser, hand her. 6 and put the other. 2 I had under my cigarettes and keys. She says you don't want FS, I say no, just head for the. 6 and that is all. Then the fucking kunt takes the. 2 from under my stuff and puts it with the money gave her and says "Oh Mr. CVPI you're going to love what I am going to do for you, you like my titties and I am really tight, trust me." At this point I should have gotten up and taken all my money and stuff and just gotten dressed and gotten the fuck out of there. I need to stop putting myself in these positions when I am tired and horny. I make bad mistakes. Not bad, but expensive. At least no one who takes the time to read what I am writing will make these mistakes if they are half as smart as me.
She does this weird thing with I guess lube and puts it onto the inside of a condom (is that normal?) and maybe sucks on jr for twenty seconds, and then tries to titty fuck me and not suck my cock at all. I know this is going nowhere fast, I decide at least to try and fuck her and get the hell away asap. I get on top, I can barely stay hard. I try to titty fuck her but she is so fat that I can't really stay on the bed and balance is tough. I finally get some motion going and reach down to feel her tits and she has one of them hanging over the side of her chest, she is FAKING A TITTY FUCK! Wow, I know women are lazy, and hookers are lazy even among women, but a lazy hooker is the worst. I feel bad, she is an aging blonde grandma with 19 cats to feed. Maybe this is pity. Fine. I will just try to fuck her and nut and go home and cry a little. I get off her and ask her to get doggy so I can fuck and go.
She say no doggie, the only position I do is on my back. Grrreat, I have to look at her still and try and keep jr hard. This is not going to be easy, but I thought about the girl who was supposed to come over to the hotel room and got a little wood going and started to put it in. She keeps her hand down there the whole time, I am not having more of this, I move it out of the way and realize that she is trying to keep me out of her pussy. So I hold her legs up and apart and really slide it in, and she starts complaining about how much it hurts (I am not a superman or anything so more bullshit from a lazy grandma I think) and I try and I try, but I cannot get off. I pull off the condom, rub the rest of it out, nut all over her and start getting dressed.
Then she asks for a tip, and I told her I paid too much as it is. I didn't want to fuck at all, you took tha money anyway and then no BBBJ no doggie and you tried to jerk me with your hand and pretend it was your pussy. You are a bad provider and I am writing a report to warn people, this is bad advertising. She says write whatever kind of report you want I don't care. Ok grandma, here it is. Well she tells me she has plenty of happy customers, I call her a liar and I don't care. She says you win some you lose some and I say she lost this time and I never coming back.
Stay away from her, unless you want to donate to the elderly and dimented. I guess there is a chance she thinks she is really amazing and everything and has no grip on reality. But I think we all know the truth here.
I puked in my car after, no from smells or anything but from shame I think. Lucky I have extra shirts and a bottle of cold water from the night before. I went home and showered for 45 minutes, but 2 days later I still feel dirty.
One of these days I will have a good report that will make all of you jealous. Right now, I am making sure nobody else runs into the scams and the bs that I am discovering.
Next time I see the slightest thing away from the ad, even if it is a fake pic or the smallest lie I am turning around and leaving. I say that now and hope that when the time comes I am able to remember to do it and not think with jr.
CVPI
Explaination? Big brain vs small brain
[QUOTE=CvpiMonger; 1383507]Wow. One post can make a difference.
Despite some "interesting" interactions with some of the "senior" members on this forum, I shall keep posting and try to become a better person.[/QUOTE]Cvpi,
Why did you stay with her. Grab your stuff and go.
What happened to the new friends. Now that sounded exciting.
It was the "better person" comment, just tickled me. But I am disapointed about you not hitting your new friends, and staying with fat cow housewife. Although I have had a fat cow housewife before, LOL. Mine was outstanding. Think she could suck and lick me so well that I really didn't care. Some of the best skills ever. And if I recalled, multi-O's with a hell of a gush.
Now for some exciting news.
Seems miss Courtney is flying thru BWI on thurs. I can't wait. Haven't seen her in well over a year. She travels around, and is coming in from NYC as I gather. Small petite lady, must be in her 40's by now, I should ask.
Last time she was in, she came and had one of those amazing O's that women have some times. She curled up and started to shake from being so sensative. Then she couldn't stop holding me. An amazing lover. Can't wait to see whats instore this time.
Smiling Fox, ; }
Gives me nightmares just thinking about it
[QUOTE=CvpiMonger; 1383700]I puked in my car after, no from smells or anything but from shame I think. Lucky I have extra shirts and a bottle of cold water from the night before. I went home and showered for 45 minutes, but 2 days later I still feel dirty.
CVPI[/QUOTE]What a great post to start the day. LMAO.
Thanks, CvpiMonger, for your posts and for throwing some refreshing life into these boards.
Keep drinking
If not for bad luck you would have no luck at all
As I posted before, CvipMonger I love your posts. I have made some bad mongering desicions so it is nice to see I am not alone. Wow puking in your car afterwards, Thats a first. LOL Keep trying it has to get better, & please keep posting
You win the "Nightmare of the Month" award
[QUOTE=CvpiMonger; 1383700]The ad I responded to was on BP, no pictures, and if you search for the term "housewife", it will pull up.
There is a reason no pictures, she is a fat old cow and nothing at all like the ad.
Plays a neat game of staying out of view at the top of the stairs and just far enough ahead of you until you are in the playroom in her house. OMG WTF have I gotten myself into.
Like an idiot I lay my crap out of my pockets on top of the dresser, hand her. 6 and put the other. 2 I had under my cigarettes and keys. She says you don't want FS, I say no, just head for the. 6 and that is all. Then the fucking kunt takes the. 2 from under my stuff and puts it with the money gave her.
I get on top, I can barely stay hard. I try to titty fuck her but she is so fat that I can't really stay on the bed and balance is tough. She is FAKING A TITTY FUCK!
She keeps her hand down there the whole time. I try and I try, but I cannot get off. I pull off the condom, rub the rest of it out, nut all over her and start getting dressed.
I puked in my car after, no from smells or anything but from shame I think. I went home and showered for 45 minutes, but 2 days later I still feel dirty.
CVPI[/QUOTE]I had a scrub-with-bleach experience last week that left a stench in my nose, but at least had a little BBBJ and successful FS. You're also a contestant in the "Funny Post Following a Nightmare" award, but you're up against me in that category.
[url]http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/showthread.php?9224-BackPage-Advertiser-Reviews&p=1379632&viewfull=1#post1379632[/url]
The best way to deal with pain is to turn it into a humorous cautionary tale.
For posterity and future searches, the number of the househog who traumatized you is 202-276-6535.
FWIW, ad is.
[url]http://maryland.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/a-real-housewife-looking-for-lonely-males-202-276-6535-35/4993069[/url]
No way that's her in the pix
[QUOTE=Hugh Jardon; 1383995]You have to hear her say her name. Love that Spanish "L" thing. Nice young girl. That's her in the pics, although her hair is different. She is incall, seems intelligent enough, talks a bit much. Usual two call system. Room smells like smoke, but is mostly clean. She has no tats, but a couple weird piercings near her hipbones. I've never seen that before. All services are covered, no kissing, will get into any position you want her to. Nice rump on her, and she doesn't mind a spank or two. Good performer, nice person. Usual tuition.
[url]http://baltimore.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/looks-good-feels-even-better-21/4968834[/url]
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What are you waiting for?
Mariella 407_494_6892[/QUOTE]Those pix blow up on Google image search. They're Jenny Tusabe.
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