Two ways to learn. From others or personal experience.
From my limited 31 years of experience on this earth I have come to realize there are two types of people when it comes to learning – those that learn from others and those that have to learn for themselves. Sadly, in most cases I appear to be the second type.
Thank you everyone for your many years of advice and answers (I am also colaguy with posts back in 2012 but forgot the password and email associated with it so stared colaguy1985). I should have listened when it was suggested to run the other way, just leave it alone, etc etc. Well, I couldn't. I knew – I felt. I had to see her again. To see what happens, to ask questions, to see what was there.
Details aside, I made an ass of myself. But to tell you the truth, I had rather have made an ass of myself then to have gone on questioning.
I'm done. Not because of anything she did. But because of who I am. She is damn near perfect. Her personality, her body language, her attitude, her understanding, it's all incredible. I hope that never changes! Columbia is lucky to have her.
Was I in the hobby for a good time, sure. But I think I may have also been deep down looking for someone or something. I stumbled onto it and as one member put it "my heart is in turmoil. " I'm left with wondering if she will ever realize what she meant to me and how she changed me. Thank you.
With that, I'm done. I found my treasure at the end of the rainbow, I found my unicorn, I caught the prized fish, blah blah and the best thing to do is to leave it there – beautiful.
Will I miss her, God yes. Will I think about her a lot, of course I will. But time should heal this. I apparently get attached too easily and its best I step aside and leave the hobby. As one guy put it that emailed me about a situation he was once in.,"its not healthy".
For 6 years, and many providers later. I found her. I can't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing. If she happens to read these forums. Don't ever change your personality, your attitude, your understanding, you're intelligent, you're amazing- perfect in my eyes, and above all. Thank you.
There are people that come into others lives and change them. She has changed my life and I will never forget her, funny thing is I never really knew much about her.
I guess my point in all this is. Enjoy the hobby guys. Its not worth it getting attached. But its nothing she did, its not like she led me on. Its just for some stupid as hell reason I just got attached. I have a very beautiful wife and we have a good sex life. So why did I get attached? Why is she so different from all the others? Maybe because she is so damn gorgeous and sexy I didn't keep my feelings in check when I saw her? What could have been if I wasn't married. Am I kidding myself that I am anyone special? In the end, she saved me from myself but what if she hadn't? I don't really know. I don't have the answers. All I know is.
Don't be like me. Learn from the mistakes of others and it will save you time, turmoil, heartache, and trouble. I know I was just another person to her. But gosh damnit she was, is, and probably forever will be so much more to me than that.
Yes, these wonderful ladies have feelings, emotions, passions, dreams, just like all of us and especially the ones that chose the lifestyle and enjoy their work. Treat them with respect. So wonderfully put. Love them, but don't fall in love with them.
As for me, looks like I'll have to start going to the gym as much as my wife thinks I have been. Thank you for everything and have fun and be safe. I hope that by wearing my heart on my sleeve like this, I have helped others curious like me or people going through what I am.