"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[F Scott]

Sometimes I wonder if the hobby isn't a way for frustrated spies to live out the excitement of maintaining a double identity and carrying out secret missions.

Bunk,

I often think this as well. It adds to the thrill of it all. Well, that, and the sex with 20 somethings!

Scott

[BigTigger]

I was in her area the other morning. I got a room and called her up on her way to work. Told her the hotel and room number and said I'm here waiting for you. She seemed caught off guard for a second, then got herself together. She took a detour on the way to work at was at the room in 20 minutes. When she walked in, I was sitting on the chair completely naked. She laughed and said "you ok", I said,"yep, just waiting on you". As she walked over to give me a kiss, I guided her face between my legs and she was off to the races.

So here she is, in her business attire, fresh out of the shower, on her knees slobbing away. Before it was over, we did multiple positions on multiple pieces of furniture. I pretty much man-handled her the entire time. This was a bit of a departure from our first few times together. She came 3 times in less than 40 minutes. We rested, she showered, took some calls and headed in to work with a smile on her face and with her legs still trembling some. She called me later and just raved at how she loves a man that knows what he wants and takes charge. The more I led her around, gave her instruction the wetter she got. Not quite Dom / Sub, just a woman who like an assertive man.

Next time we met she had a gift for me that cost almost $300. Wow, I was impressed and still marveling at my luck. Again, I have no idea how she ended up on a SD site, but I'm glad I found her.

We are averaging once a week and we are scheduled for 2 overnights next week. I'm paying for 1/2 and she's paying for 1/2.

BigTigg.

Good report, hold on to her as long as you can, I've had a few over the years that fit this description that I bailed on after awhile for one reason or another. Though they didn't come from / through the sugar world, in your case as long as she doesn't try to put you on "boyfriend / faithful / exclusive" status ride it as long as you can, haha.

[BigTigger]

Took the words out of my mouth.

My $.02, can't speak for Tig. An app appears on your phone, anyone can click on it and see your mail as the app typically stores your password (or at the very least you get asked "why do you have a mail app I've never heard of on your phone")?

Also. Be careful with having your phone or computer auto-save passwords. If she sees a. Dotwhatever email address and goes to that site and your username / password are already auto-filled, you are toast.

And for you apple iPhone users, be careful about software upgrades and iMessage if you text on your iPhone (even if its to bs with your buddies, not talk to a SM). Sometimes those upgrades will automatically turn on iMessage, then anyone on your apple I'd can see your texts.

[Bunker Buster]

I've posted about this before, but now seems like a good time to re-cap. Here's what I have done, in terms of a secret identity:

So far, in three years, the above has served me well. I fully recognize that I, myself, am the weak link in this whole chain, so I try to follow my "procedures" with absolute rigor. There have been some noteable, and blood-freezing lapses on my part, however. An unused condom in my dop kit when I've come back from a road trip; leaving my batphone in my coat pocket, turned on! ; leaving a list of contacted babies on a slip of paper on my dresser (fortunately my dresser is covered with slips of paper, but still, yikes). The only baby who, I think, knew my real identity was my former ATF, and honestly at that point I think I may have wanted to get caught, so we could finally spend our lives together for ever and ever like I knew we both wanted LOL! Well, we all know where that ended up. My brothers, try not to lose touch with reality, even though you may desire the fantasy. The Bowl, for most of us, is make-believe, with both parties agreeing to play their respective parts.

As has been said many times, never, ever, ever reveal your true self. There will only be tears and heartache ahead. Rather, fully understand that there are two of you, the Sugar you, and the IRL you, and the two should never meet, nor ever know the other one exists. You need to be able to vanish at a moment's notice.

Peace,

Scott

And what undercover operatives do. The compartments, deceptions, and protocols are identical. Sometimes I wonder if the hobby isn't a way for frustrated spies to live out the excitement of maintaining a double identity and carrying out secret missions.

[FredMoore]

PF HCB

Is gone. She was not loving, romantic, or a good sex provider so it is all for the best. She was a sure thing though.

3 Pots

SDFM #1 GPS fired. Too pecuniary talking about money for gas, for sitters, and for pussy. A Nando 1.

SDFM #2 flaked M&G earlier this week. Young HCG 7/7/8 very doable, super loving personality. Never called back in spite of reassuring words and actions. Go figure? I guess she is out for free meals. Why feed me a line of BS after the meal if I wasn't her type?

SA #1 M&G today 9/9/7 AA HCB She is a SB virgin and was very nervous. She had plans with her friends after a midafternoon meet and said she might call for later. We will see. She is very hot! I hope she works out but I give it a 30 % chance of a call back.

SA Pot #2 I texted back and forth. She is interested but is a polyamorist. She has a live_in with an open relationship and is seeking another couple of guys. She said she doesn't believe in Monogamy. If I wanted a prostitute I would get one.

Speaking of : I saw one of my favorite working girls for some maintenance and it was lovely. I think I might go back to my old standard.

AM #1 Is fading. She lives too far away and has an incredibly impossible schedule for the two of us.

And finally,

AM #2 Is fading as well for the same reasons.

So unless this AA HCG gives me a call back I am back to the drawing board.

[CantWinLosin]

I'll be around here, tho' I don't really see me playing in the bowl again. I'm too much of a hound to ever stop the occasional casual escort hookup, but I'm pretty thoroughly convinced that trying to do the ongoing sugar engagement while in a committed relationship is, for me, too fraught with peril. It really does require a level of commitment to security that I'm not confident I can maintain on a daily basis. If the lady in my life wasn't both sexy and highly sexual, I might look at it differently.

This game we all play isn't binary, and it isn't zero-sum. The reasons we do it, what things we're comfortable with and the levels to which we each will go to participate are a constantly-changing continuum. Simply, the LOE / ROI calculation has changed for me. But if the shit hits the fan, I'll probably be back.

[Literal2]

I've posted about this before, but now seems like a good time to re-cap. Here's what I have done, in terms of a secret identity:

1. I use a cheap burner phone paid for with cash, minutes added via cash. Untraceable, I believe. Tigg's comment about ease of texting is a good one, I have to admit. Mine is a flip phone, and so texting is laborious, but with the young babies, it is critical. I stash it in the same place every time, except for when I forget, and then I am panicked until I can find it again. This is my one weak spot. Oh well.

2. I have a dedicated Sugar email, with an address that is a play on my SA name, so it seems legit. Needless to say, neither is even remotely close to my real name.

3. I created a facebook profile, with no photo, that contains both my burner phone # and my Sugar email, so if the babies google either one, they will get an FB profile that is only what I want them to see. Most of the details are really me, so I don't have to remember every little thing, but they are also true of thousands of other dudes out there, so no possibility of tracking the Real Me down. Funny thing about FB, once I posted my fake profile there, I started getting friend requests from people I didn't know, and who clearly didn't know me, since I didn't exist. I accepted them all, thereby adding layers of "truth" to my fake page. Also, I friend-requested my email contacts from my Sugar email, and a surprising number of them accepted, thereby increasing the "legit" look of my profile. Crazy, huh? It is heavily weighted towards 20-something females, however. Would some of you like to friend me to even the balance?

4. I send out a picture if requested, but it is one that I took myself with my iphone, and I only use it as a Sugar photo, so it can't be googled back to anywhere else. It astonishes me how many babies use pics that can be found elsewhere, thus revealing their real names, identities, etc.

5. I always pay cash, unless I am booking a room on the web, in which case I use prepaid gift cards purchased through my bank, Chase, which I buy with cash as well. I guess there is a trail through the bank that would ferret me out if my SO instigated divorce proceedings, but for the average baby, there is no way to find the Real Me here.

6. I keep a clean car, with no receipts, registration or anything else that has my name on it anywhere accessible. I have it all in the wheel well in the back.

7. I describe my work as something close to what I actually do, so that I can chat about it with some kind of intelligence, but not so close that I could be googled.

So far, in three years, the above has served me well. I fully recognize that I, myself, am the weak link in this whole chain, so I try to follow my "procedures" with absolute rigor. There have been some noteable, and blood-freezing lapses on my part, however. An unused condom in my dop kit when I've come back from a road trip; leaving my batphone in my coat pocket, turned on! ; leaving a list of contacted babies on a slip of paper on my dresser (fortunately my dresser is covered with slips of paper, but still, yikes). The only baby who, I think, knew my real identity was my former ATF, and honestly at that point I think I may have wanted to get caught, so we could finally spend our lives together for ever and ever like I knew we both wanted LOL! Well, we all know where that ended up. My brothers, try not to lose touch with reality, even though you may desire the fantasy. The Bowl, for most of us, is make-believe, with both parties agreeing to play their respective parts.

I think this covers it for me, but if I remember any more tactics, I will post.

Keep up the good work,

Scott.

PS. When ordering coffees at an M&G at Starbucks, for example, I always give my Sugar name, since they call it out when your order is done, or when making a reservation at a restaurant. It took several times for my "name" to roll off my tongue with anything resembling ease, but now I can do it in my sleep. Think of yourselves as a spy under deep cover in a foreign land where they will shoot you if discovered. The essence of it, I guess, is that if you can establish a compartment in your mind where you can live and operate normally while under cover, it will be easier. I had to smile while watching the movie "Argo". It had so many parallels to my own life in the Bowl. As has been said many times, never, ever, ever reveal your true self. There will only be tears and heartache ahead. Rather, fully understand that there are two of you, the Sugar you, and the IRL you, and the two should never meet, nor ever know the other one exists. You need to be able to vanish at a moment's notice.

Peace,

Scott

This is very useful. Thanks.

[Member #4103]

Tig, what's the downfall of using an app to check email?

Also, for email, I suggest using hushmail or gmail. Yahoo mail is too easy to track a location using the IP address in the header.

My $.02, can't speak for Tig. An app appears on your phone, anyone can click on it and see your mail as the app typically stores your password (or at the very least you get asked "why do you have a mail app I've never heard of on your phone")?

Also. Be careful with having your phone or computer auto-save passwords. If she sees a. Dotwhatever email address and goes to that site and your username / password are already auto-filled, you are toast.

And for you apple iPhone users, be careful about software upgrades and iMessage if you text on your iPhone (even if its to bs with your buddies, not talk to a SM). Sometimes those upgrades will automatically turn on iMessage, then anyone on your apple I'd can see your texts.

[Spitfire]

Create a email, name that sounds real and buy a prepaid phone that you only use for this hobby. Get one that you can text easily with, don't go too cheap. Only use the email for these type of activities. Never use an app to check your email, always login via the web.

BigTigg.

Tig, what's the downfall of using an app to check email?

Also, for email, I suggest using hushmail or gmail. Yahoo mail is too easy to track a location using the IP address in the header.

[Literal2]

I agree with John G that GV is the way to go.

I've switched to GV from a burner phone with different sim cards. As it happens, after years of artful (I thought) hiding the burner, the drawer where I kept it was searched by the warden for unrelated reasons."Look what I found," she said, burner in hand. Since the device had made legit appearances on a couple of foreign trips several years ago, its discovery didn't set off any alarms. I kept the secret second sim card somewhere else so I retrieved it and cut it up. The event made my blood run cold for a few minutes.

Re Cantwin's dilemma. If it were me, I think I'd claim a security breach / hack / virus requires a change of phone # and email and just trash the old stuff. Or maybe a buried encrypted file for the old stuff.

[Hernando]

Congrats Cantwin.

It sounds like you can win after all. Relationships are so great, until they're not. Don't throw away your web contacts, you never know when you might need them again.

Perhaps you should share a smidgeon of your singles carousing with her so that any reemergence of unwanted attention would not be so hard to explain.

Best of luck! Will you be leaving the gang here?

[CantWinLosin]

Unlike many of you, I've been single for several years now, and as such haven't felt the need to go to some of the lengths on security that you married folks have. For example, I use my personal cell for all my communications; I've felt no need for the burner phone type of scenario.

But after a long time in the single life, and with no plans to go down that road again, I find myself entering into a monogamous relationship (and happily doing so.) But it's one in which my new partner knows nothing of my playtime history, either in the sugar bowl or in the escort realm. I'm finding that there's a lot of housekeeping to be done. Cleaning out old emails (including in backups) , killing entries in the phone's contacts list, deleting links and clearing histories, etc. And I'm realizing that while I can clean out MY stuff, there's not much I can do about the people that have my contact info and could email, text or call out of the blue at inopportune moments. Changing my cell number now, after having the same one for years, would raise a red flag of its own. Mea maxima culpa, and feeling pretty stupid about it, but the bed is made and I have to lie in it.

So, for the guys who may be scoffing at the depth of security measures many of you are taking: I used to scoff too. And I'm realizing that going to that level of effort would have been more work at the time but would be saving me a lot of fear and work now. Never say never! You too could find yourself back in that real relationship again... and wondering why you're feeling the cold breeze blowing across your ass.

[F Scott]

I list it too. I think it helps to weed out the babies that are looking for a Real Life relationship. Anyone who responds to a contact after reading my profile saying that I'm married I feel has already accepted what the nature of things are going to be. Like Tigg, I find that they often help me with details and arrangements that might otherwise get me caught.

Plus, it reinforces my concept that this whole situation presents an opportunity to be honest and upfront with the babies, recognizing the one firewall is my true identity. But, really, what's in a name?

Scott

[BigTigger]

I list it, just saves me a headache later. I prefer to have someone who is cool with that and I don't want a bunch of arguing later if they find out. It also is one less thing I have to keep under cover. It also depends on which type of SB you are after. The ones I target, they appreciate that kind of honesty upfront. No to mention, as discrete as I have to be, I need the SB knowing, so she can work with me. What other reason would I have to not go into the hotel and leave at the same time, etc.

I saw a comment on here the other day that said do not list that you are married or tell the SB that you are married.

What do you guys think of this. I put married on my profile. But now I am having second thoughts.

Revvo

[John G Smith]

1. I use a cheap burner phone paid for with cash, minutes added via cash. Untraceable, I believe. Tigg's comment about ease of texting is a good one, I have to admit. Mine is a flip phone, and so texting is laborious, but with the young babies, it is critical. I stash it in the same place every time, except for when I forget, and then I am panicked until I can find it again. This is my one weak spot. Oh well.

I prefer to use Google Voice. You can pick whatever number you like. It could be a number in a neighboring town or a city 3, 000 miles away. Whatever fits your cover. With GV, you can text through their website so you can text your baby discretely and easily without fumbling with a cheap burner phone. GV comes with very nice screening and blocking features. So you can block a rogue baby without having to get a new number and redo your sugar contacts. You can easily toggle on and off forwarding, so if you don't want to receive any calls / txts from babies then you just disable the call forwarding.

I have the GV app setup on my real phone and I mostly just use it for notifications. When the light blinks on my phone (no ringer or vibration) , I know I have a text from a baby and I goto the website to return the txt. And the GV app allows you to make calls on your regular phone with the GV number. This allows you to make anonymous sugar calls while still using your regular phone. You don't have to worry about leaving your burner in a coat pocket or turned on somewhere for your SO to find. And when you don't need to make any txts / calls to your baby for a while, just sign out or uninstall the GV app on your phone. And now your phone is completely clean. You could hand your phone to your SO and she would never find anything incriminating. Finally in an emergency situation where someone borrows / takes your phone unexpectedly or you lose it, you can wipe all your contacts and messages remotely on the website. So if they have happen to open the GV app on your phone, everything will be blank.

There are a couple of downsides to GV. You do need to be a little bit tech savvy and understand the GV app and your phone settings. If you don't know what you're doing, you could merge your GV SB contacts with your regular contacts on your phone. And you need to be aware when you have GV activated on your phone to make calls. You don't want to inadvertently call your SO with your sugar number!

But I've tried both methods, a burner and GV, and I prefer GV by far. Sometimes the best hiding place is hiding it in plain sight. It's also starting to become common knowledge that "cheating" husbands use burner phones, so it's going to get harder to explain the existence of one if you get caught. Whereas having your sugar number as a "shadow" on your real phone will actually raise less suspicions.

3. I created a facebook profile, with no photo, that contains both my burner phone # and my Sugar email, so if the babies google either one, they will get an FB profile that is only what I want them to see. Most of the details are really me, so I don't have to remember every little thing, but they are also true of thousands of other dudes out there, so no possibility of tracking the Real Me down. Funny thing about FB, once I posted my fake profile there, I started getting friend requests from people I didn't know, and who clearly didn't know me, since I didn't exist. I accepted them all, thereby adding layers of "truth" to my fake page.

Like BigTigger, I don't closely tie my sugar phone and email to my Fake FB page. I don't want babies messaging each other. In fact with my fake FB, I have about 15-20 friends (60-70% babies) , most of them were friended without them knowing my sugar identity. I try to become friends with them discretely this way they don't know I'm watching them and I can see how stable they are. Girls who have over 200 friends are usually pretty easy to get on their friends list since they basically collect fb friends. I also use a cute profile photo to encourage requests. And I may change my city depending on who I'm trying to accept the request. So I have a legit looking profile that is pretty much untraceable. The email leads nowhere and no one knows it's a sugar daddy. They just think it's some random acquaintance whom they can't quite remember completely. But it allows me to get a glimpse into their world undetected. If they seem crazy or unstable, I move on.

4. I send out a picture if requested, but it is one that I took myself with my iphone, and I only use it as a Sugar photo, so it can't be googled back to anywhere else. It astonishes me how many babies use pics that can be found elsewhere, thus revealing their real names, identities, etc.

I take a slightly different approach on this as well. I actually give them a publicly accessible photo. A photo that's public but can't be traced back to my real identity. For example, I put a few my photos on one of those "Hot Or Not" websites where people rate photos based on attractiveness. I then showed my SO how my photos rated and got a good laugh. But more importantly, I created a very plausible alibi down the line. If some crazed SB claims to have pictures of me, she'll just be able to show the ones that were on the pubic "Hot or Not" sites, which is seen by tens of thousands and that my wife already saw. I can say crazed SB must have got them off that site and is now trying to blackmail me. Those photos prove no personal connection.

Whereas I NEVER give a baby a candid picture. Never. Because if she shows your SO a picture of you that your SO doesn't recognize, then an argument could be made that you gave this girl a personal photo of yourself and there was some direct personal connection. How often do middle-aged men take photos of themselves in front of the mirror, which their wife never sees? Not often at all, so I try to avoid taking candid pictures which could bite me later on.

Otherwise, I pretty much follow all the other steps you have laid out to a "T". I agree I sometimes feel like a deep cover agent. I sometimes I have to catch myself not to sign messages with my "sugar" name when I'm in my regular day-to-day life. It's also why I sometimes just need to take a little break. Being in deep cover gets very exhausting and little mistakes get made all the time. And you don't want to have one of those little mistakes be the one that exposes you. So whenever I feel mentally fatigued, I try to take a little break. I haven't had any major close calls (except when my Backseat SB left her undershirt in my car last week! But I caught it right away). A few times I was a little shaky on telling a fake story when I was gone for the day. But that's pretty much it. So far I've done a good job of keeping my sugar life in a parallel universe which the SO can't see.