General Reports

**ParttimeZ** · 09-18-11 12:30

The jokes are refreshing, nice to crack a smile if even for a short time. They are all good and provide a nice interlude but I have to say Mystical0945 takes the gold cup with her comic additions. I agree, keep the lighthearted fare coming ladies.

Cheers

**Vino 7373** · 09-18-11 03:35

This swingers' club was mentioned earlier this week. It just so happens that I got an invitation tonight to go check out the new Tastebuds. It's located on Hwy 192, close to the intersection of Hwy 27. They were offering free admission (my favorite words) all this week to get people to check out their new spot.

I must say I was quite impressed with the bar set up. The club had great flow, was clean, good club music and the lighting was nothing short of spectacular. There were couches all around and a stripper pole that received some action.

I'm disappointed to say that the stripper pole received the only real action I saw during the evening. There were some hot women in there and a few were showing some mild debachery. I certainly saw some very nice untethered tatas in there. It wasn't quite like the anything goes of the old Tastebuds on the Trail and Sand Lake Road. Keep in mind that this is NOT pay for play and is strictly a swinger's club. Therefore, giving out the general location is cool since there's no illegal activity going on at the place.

The crowd was pretty light with only about 40 people in the club. Hopefully, word will spread and the place will see more and better business, I certainly hope so. I was impressed with the bar enough to hope that things work out well.

Something happened later on in my evening that I will report about tomorrow. Right now, it's light's out for me.

**Vino 7373** · 09-17-11 22:13

Little girl calls up a bar: "Is my pappy there?"

Barkeep: "Ain't no one here but one drunken bum."

Little girl: "That's my pappy!"

**Skatar018** · 09-17-11 20:28

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

Not yet, said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

How come I don't get any eggs and bacon & why don't I have any milk in my cereal.

Well, his mother says, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, You going to tell him or should I!

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 17:48

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says,"Hello, master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking,"Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says,"I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife,"Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife,"Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him,"But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says,"Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle."

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 17:39

1. Cover your stump before you hump.

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.

4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.

12. If you go into heat, package your meat.

13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis.

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse.

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

18. The right selection will protect your erection.

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.

20. A crank with armor will never harm her.

21. No glove, no love!

22. Prevent parenthood! Cover your manhood!

23. If you find her online, dress him up every time.

24. To prevent a real stanker, be sure to wrap your wanker.

25. Dress to impress! Contain your mess!

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 17:18

The Queen visits a major hospital to open a new ward.

She is shown around first by a nurse so she can inspect the facilities.

On her way, she hears orgasmic groans coming from a nearby room.

She goes to the room to investigate and, upon arriving, finds that a man is masturbating on the bed.

She asks the nurse "Why is that man doing that?"

The nurse replies "Oh, he's got to relieve himself every so often because he has a disorder."

"Oh, OK then," the queen said, and moved on, but on the way she hears more orgasmic groans.

She looks in the room and sees a nurse giving a man a blowjob.

The queen asks her escort "Why is that nurse giving that man a blowjob?"

Her nurse escort says "Oh, he's got the same disorder as the man before, only this one's got health insurance!"

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 17:13

One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied,"Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained,"Well. OK. The mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."

Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said,"Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 17:11

This guy was walking down the street and he bumped into a really hot girl.

"Hello, sexy!" He said while stopping in front of her "What's your name?"

She didn't answer.

"Well, my name is Barry"

"Okay" she said "Barry what?"

"I can't really pronounce it, so I'll write it down"

So he wrote it down.

She read allowed,"Madickenewe. Barry Madickinewe."

She slapped him and stormed off.

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 17:09

At a local college, there was a dance.

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says,"In America, we call this a hug". She replies,"Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says,"In America, we call this a kiss". She replies,"Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says,"In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says,"Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

**Marc70** · 09-17-11 16:03

You,

Girls are absolutely cracking me up. Keep up the good work.

Marc

**Doubej** · 09-17-11 13:58

A man is at a junk shop and happens to find a really old, tarnished lamp in the back. Just out of curiosity, he rubs the lamp and low and behold, out pops a Genie! The Genie says to him: "You have three wishes my master". The guy thinks for a second and finally he figures out what he's always wanted the most. He says back to the Genie: "I want to be rock hard, I want to be as cold as ice and lastly, I want to get plenty of ass, all the time.".

The Genie says back: "Your wish is my command" and *poof. Turns the man into a toilet.

**Dixie Haynes** · 09-17-11 10:06

In Too Far:

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said,"and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor,"Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said,"There's nothing I can do. He's in too far!"

Pickled Penis:

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"