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[QUOTE=Civ2000]Happy New Year All (even you Psyberzombie). Civ2000[/QUOTE]
Thanks for that great post Civ2000 - it really sounded familiar.
To my significant other,
Sorry that you will never-ever be able to read this letter. It is a cry-out for help. Last night I went out on the streets again. I did the deed for one reason, for the thrill, not because I think that they are better looking then you, but because of the danger involved.
After i got done with the session, this sense of guilty overwhelmed me and i felt ashamed and felt bad for myself for the low life that I am. All throughout my lifetime my parents taught me to have morals, it appears that this addiction has kicked that hard work out the window.
It is not fair to you that I cheat on you, but I can't stop, and as it appears, I don't want to stop because i keep posting on here. It is really a shame that you will never be really able to get to know everything about me, for that I am sorry.
Each one of us has a secret that is deep and profound. If everyone knew everything about us, then what would I have for myself. ?
-007
That's pretty rough Z3. I saw from a post that I followed from a photo that you were trying to quit this in 06. I decided to do the same but left the door open a crack. Haven't failed yet, but took a stroll down one of Denvers SW spots Yesterday. Was thinking I would just see skanks and re-inforce my decision. I saw one young hottie giving a car the look, so I had to swing around and see if she was for real. It was quite a bit north of the usual area. She was gone by the time I got around the block, so she either got picked up as a SW, went into a building, or got picked up by a friend/bus, whatever. I don't think I would have done anything more than the Pickup, LE check, and just a future callback if she was there, because I really had to be somewhere and had no cash. But, I cussed myself a bit for breaking down so soon.
I am trying to limit my street activities to specific targets that have been posted as something I don't want to miss. But, that's probably not too smart either, because the last time I did that I was out a month, a few addicts and skanks later, I finally got to my target. Good Luck to all who made a resolution. Robo.
I read a lot of the reports with interest. I have been in the hobby for 10 years. Most of my experiences have been with agencies. I had luck with a few sw in mass and in fl. I find the agencies girls, though expensive, very young and beautiful. I agree with one of the posters that the thrill of being with an 18 year old girl and to believe for a few minutes that she wants to make love to you is quite a thrill. I only feel guilty if the girl turns out to be a dog. I try to keep it to $250 per time and maybe 2 a month. I have a few regulars now too in Boston and NYC. I've actually taken one of my regulars and her daughter to Disney World. My wife hates to have sex. So for me it's the companionship as well as the sexual release.
Edited
Jan 19 2006
completely unbelievable, the guilt that drips though this site is pathetic. if you do the deeds, then why be guilty. guilt is a culturally imposed emotion to keep you with in the accepted norms of a society. you have been coopted by the society of feminists and politically correct socialogist to believe you are wrong and should feel guilty because you have hormones and are doing what is natural to your manhood.
let the guilt go. go out and monger or dont. but dont let the "guilt" beat you down.
oh one other thing,,,,,,,, miracles,,,,, THE ONLY MIRACLES IVE SEEN LATELY IS ON GROCERY STORE SHELVES, MIRACLE WHIP.
Smiling Fox
I have to admit-- I am an addict. I know it. Shit, you would HOPE z3 would know it too. He posts all over this board for all kinds of stuff. Many good posts too! (esp in the Dallas area!)
That last post of his was kinda pathetic that I hope he either; 1) takes control of his addiction and STOPS POSTING AND MONGERING (cause you can't have it both ways), or 2) realizes he has a disease and limits the damage it is doing (either financially or physically).
Posting sad and mournful posts is not a road to a cure.
Hope he stops suffering.
That last post was not meant as a slam to him.
I suppose a little self-destructive behavior is acceptable, but if you are suffering SO MUCH from your mongering, drinking, gambling, lying, etc., then professional help is probably a good idea.
He is a great poster and I meant no disrespect.
Shit--
z3 pulled the post I was referring to.
oh well. Denial is more than just a river in Egypt ya know!
Z3, Hey, Don't let some detractors drag you or this thread down. Most of us really enjoy what you have to say and it probably helps a lot more guys out than you think.
You are right where you need to be. In the book I mentioned a few posts back, it would describe the phase you're in as pre-recovery. It is as necessary to the recovery process as any other phase. When the pain of continuing the addiction becomes greater than the pain of quitting the addiction -- you will quit.
My suggestion would be to find a SAA meeting in your area. All you have to do is google sex addicts anonymous. Go to a couple and see if anything resonates with you. You've got nothing to lose. And then go from there. Dallas literally has five or six meetings a day. PM me and I'll even email you a schedule.
Good Luck! Civ2000
Thanks for the luv C2K.
Z3, I can advise you on your new year resolution. Go to hell, if you survive you will be cured.
Hook up with some brothels with some lineup. In your case the sleazier the better. If you are addicted on the convenience, you may lost the interest to cruise. Earn your stripes, and then the keepers will call you when they has good merchandise. For the quality and convenience, it's irresistible to turn them down. you will be very busy. You may have to pay more, but that's part of the plan.
Upgrade. Like good food, nice cars and nice house, it's pretty hard to go back on what you had before. You will soon find yourself living from pay check to pay check. The lack of cash will stop you from your activities. This is even more dangerous for those who have large credit limits and large home equities and considerable 401k's. You are really close to hell if you are so self-destructible as to spend all those.
Strike for perfection. If the provider is young, look for a good looking one, and vice versa. If she's all that, push for GFE, DFK, BBBJ, AR, anal, etc. And look for some deeper personal connections rather than one night stand. Take her to dinner dates, shopping and weekend escapes. This will deplete your asserts faster, and probably you will appreciate more and more what a real GF provides.
If you survive all that, you will be rich, or you will find a GF that give all that for free. If you don't survive, I'm happy to send you a holiday card.
[URL]http://www.break.com/index/springbreakbabes3.html[/URL]
[URL]http://www.break.com/index/springbreakbabes1.html[/URL]
[URL]http://www.break.com/index/springbreakbabes2.html[/URL]
.... and don't for·get to left·click on the video to enlarge the image
p.s. to James D 2004 =
I don't know what makes you tick , but , *boy!* , I hope it's a Time Bomb !!
[QUOTE=Smiling Fox]completely unbelievable, the guilt that drips though this site is pathetic. [/QUOTE]
There always has to be a douchebag like "Smiling Fox" to come and make an ignorant comment like this. Kind of like the crackhead that thinks they do nothing wrong or an alcoholic who thinks it is ok to continue drinking.
Shut up douchebag if you have nothing positive to offer other than your 8th grade perspective.
[QUOTE=Broad St Guy]There always has to be a douchebag like "Smiling Fox" to come and make an ignorant comment like this. Kind of like the crackhead that thinks they do nothing wrong or an alcoholic who thinks it is ok to continue drinking.
Shut up douchebag if you have nothing positive to offer other than your 8th grade perspective.[/QUOTE]
Agreed. When someone like "Smiling Fox" feels the need to shit all over a thread, I think it is probably because we hit a nerve with him. He's out of control, spending way too much money, whatever, and is worried that he too may be addicted, but as long as he doesn't feel any guilt like some of us, that makes him okay in his own mind. DENIAL!
Alcoholics will vehemently deny their problem all the time, and criticize everyone else who is taking responsiblity for their problem.
Anyway, if Smiling Fox doesn't have anything positive, or at least helpful or constructive to say, he should just read and not comment, as his words are a waste of time and bandwidth.
Civ2000
i generally dont really care if you think im a doushbag or not. but i feel the need to rebuttle the comments. if you read my post carefully. you will notice that i am railing about the dripping guilt, oh my god the guilt..... say it again the guilt. guys if you are addicted or not. its your business. if you need to share with your fellow mongers thats fine. but you are doing yourselves a great diservice by allowing society to weigh you down with the self imposed guilt. they have taught you, brain washed you, ingrained it into your very fabric to be guilty. dont be.
look i empathize with you guys that feel you cant control your hormonal urges. and i know an addiction can be very trying and hard to break. there is a bevy of socioligists that can help. but most of them will try to make you feel guilty. because its "wrong" to do what we do. try to get help, try to straighten yourselves out, do what ever you need to do. but let the guilt go. it eats you alive, makes you feel bad about yourselves, and guilt is just not neccessary.
i am sorry i cant explain these thoughts about guilt, i just know that whether your addicted or not. its the guilt that is killing you now. not the addiction. and there is a very big differnce.
sorry for blabbing on. and i apologize if i have insulted anyone. it was not my intention. i have just learned over the years that guilt is a sociatal emotion designed to control humans. i have given up guilt. if i do something that i wont feel good about, i dont do it. and im frankly not guilty about my sexual behavior. as a matter of fact, im having the time of my life.
douchebag like "Smiling Fox" --- eh - well maybe i am , maybe im not.
be safe out there.
Smiling Fox
Myself, I don't feel any guilt, nor has anyone tried to make me feel guilty for my addiction. I don't see guilt pervading this thread, except perhaps for a guy or two who is remorseful for cheating on his faithful spouse, in which case guilt is an appropriate emotion, assuming of course that the guy is not a sociopath.
Me, I simply see that the addiction has lowered my quality of life and thus I try to reduce or quit the hobby when I can. When successful, my finances immediately improve, I spend more time engaging in healthy life-affirming activities, get closer to friends and family, my work productivity increases, and am generally happier. As I've stated before, guilt is not part of the equation for me.
The same basically is true in meetings. Guilt plays a small part in guys being labeled sex addicts. Sure, there is the guy or three who gave his wife herpes because he was barebacking 3 hookers a week, and now to save his marriage he agrees to go to meetings and counseling to quell his addiction. These guys are there out of guilt: Again, given the circumstances, a completely appropriate emotion.
So, yeah, I guess for a decent guy with a conscience, most feel guilty when cheating on their wife. Maybe Smiling Fox couldn't care less if his mongering affected those he loved, but most guys would. And I have been to a bevy of professionals, all were very caring and none tried to lay a guilt trip on me.
The lessons and tribulations that I have learned in the sport are so apparent and obvious to me now. This is a fantasy world that i am inhabiting in.
A ver deep, dark fantasy world at that. Start digging into the "inner circle of trust" that exists within USG community and you will find yourself immensely immersed in the darkness. It does exist, and it will suck you in and spit you right out.
There is another thread on the board regarding a recent TV show about "sex addiction". Admit it or not, most of us are sex addicts. I admit it ! I have come to one conclusion that may sound harsh to some or many that love this site.
Hobbyists, we are the addicts, the providers are the dealers, and guess what? USG is the crack house and our ticket to such fantasies. If you can understand this concept then you can live and function in the "real world".
-007
Interesting difference between hobby and addiction. So, Jay Leno has a car and motorcycle collection that is the envy of anyone who likes motorized vehicles. You can only drive or ride one at a time. Is he addicted? Or is it simply his hobby?
I have a friend with a watch collection of over 50 watches. We only have two wrists, so why have 50 watches. Again, addiction or hobby? Yet another friend is a wine collector, with over 4,000 bottles in his cellar. Even drinking one bottle every day for the next ten years, he'd still not get to the end.
So I ensue these two paragraphs with the most vital question of all. Are the things listed an addiction or hobby ?
-007
[QUOTE=Z3bondeye]Interesting difference between hobby and addiction. So, Jay Leno has a car and motorcycle collection that is the envy of anyone who likes motorized vehicles. You can only drive or ride one at a time. Is he addicted? Or is it simply his hobby?
I have a friend with a watch collection of over 50 watches. We only have two wrists, so why have 50 watches. Again, addiction or hobby? Yet another friend is a wine collector, with over 4,000 bottles in his cellar. Even drinking one bottle every day for the next ten years, he'd still not get to the end.
So I ensue these two paragraphs with the most vital question of all. Are the things listed an addiction or hobby ?
-007[/QUOTE]
Z3, That's an easy question to answer. I'd say: Not Addicted. Hobby. Here's why: As I've wrote before, one of the hallmark symptoms of addiction is the continuation of the activity despite negative consequences. In 12-step meetings this is referred to as "unmanageability". The alcoholic who continues to drink despite health problems, job loss, spouse loss, numerous DUI'S, etc.
Now, at least for Jay Leno, his hobby brings him pleasure; he can certainly afford it; and it probably hasn't caused him to suffer. Thus, not addiction.
On the other hand, if the wine collector has a habit of purchasing high priced bottles of wine that he can't afford and is headed towards bankruptcy court, then perhaps, but I doubt it.
Unmanageablility and loss of control are the vital questions here.
[QUOTE=Civ2000].[/QUOTE]
[b][u]Scenerio 1[/u][/b]
Drunk driver all over the road and he never has gotten stopped for D.U.I. He keeps on drinking and cannot ever control it. He has an addiction to alcohol !
[b][u]Scenerio 2[/u][/b]
Here you have a drunk driver that has an addiction and he keeps drinking and getting dui's all over the board through his years.
So are you saying that Scenerio 1 is not an addict, and the guy on Scenerio 2 is ?
-007
[QUOTE=Z3bondeye][b][u]Scenerio 1[/u][/b]
Drunk driver all over the road and he never has gotten stopped for D.U.I. He keeps on drinking and cannot ever control it. He has an addiction to alcohol !
[b][u]Scenerio 2[/u][/b]
Here you have a drunk driver that has an addiction and he keeps drinking and getting dui's all over the board through his years.
So are you saying that Scenerio 1 is not an addict, and the guy on Scenerio 2 is ?
-007[/QUOTE]
No, I'd say they're both addicted, with addict #1 being the luckier fellow, at least in regards to driving. I'd say that addict #1 has had negative consequences as a result of his alcohol addiction, just not necessarily the same as addict #2.
[QUOTE=Silver Tree]I have been out of the scene for couple months simply because when you tried the best (Angel and Ms. Anal during last summer) nothing seems to entice me anymore!
I just happened to be driving on Holt around the same time as CP Tuesday afternoon and saw the two chicks he had on his pics. I didn't get a very good look of the face of that chick in red top but if you're an assman, she's a 9+.
I too saw that innocent looking brunette walking eastboad crossing Mountain. She has that lazy walk, not really trying to turn on anyone and didn't have must makeup on. She's cute already w/o the makeup, that means she's very cute!
Nice warm day perhaps may have direct effect on when these pretty chicks decide to hit the track. I don't think I see either chicks on CL. Most chicks would walk the track and post on CL on the same day when they travelled to that area to work.
Happy Chinese New Year! It's the year of the DOG - hound dog want some pussies tonight!!![/QUOTE]
This shows that my strategy works.
[QUOTE=Civ2000]No, I'd say they're both addicted, with addict #1 being the luckier fellow, at least in regards to driving. I'd say that addict #1 has had negative consequences as a result of his alcohol addiction, just not necessarily the same as addict #2.[/QUOTE]
As a counselor at a DUI program (and working in the field the last 2-1/2 years!), I'd have to say that the scariest person out on the road (short of cell phone users while driving!) are the UNREPENTANT, ALCOHOLIC DUI driver's with continual access to motor vehicles! And here is the fun part-there is NOTHING in CA law that denies them ANY access to ownership, and access to a motor vehicle! Don't you love how our government can keep us safe by doing things like "suspending a license" and requiring ONLY a DUI program of DUI offenders?
The following is a post that got pointed out to me recently. The forum member is Cladestine72. This post is from Texas under the Other Areas reports. This post was dated 1.04.05.
This post hits home extremely hard. Many of us have been struggling to quit this sport but yet continue on, not knowing what gene makes us tick for sw. The only thing that has stopped me this winter is the weather.
Otherwise when Spring starts to blossom, so do the sw. Well this report hit home because this character Cladestine72 was an active and participating member. That is until his wife found out and actually posted on this site as to how she felt.
Read about and let me know what you think. It is very disturbing and one of the reasons as to why many on this site are just lurkers
-007
Click on the following to view the post !
[url]http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/showpost.php?p=333500&postcount=1[/url]
And that was the guy's Last Post here
Since he obviously just got booted by his wife or S.O. , you'da thunk he would have needed this place more than ever
May·be he just changed his Handle — which [b][blue]Jackson[/b][/blue] will gladly do for you if you just ask him to
There's a Lesson to be learned here =
Erase your computer's History before you log out of here ; and dis·able the 'auto·complete' feature , so the woman in your life doesn't accidentally stumble across this site
Jus want some feedback. Im a mid 40's married monger. Up to maybe 6 r 7 years ago any asian female did nothing for me as far as attraction. I even joked at cowokers who were banging them and telling me how hot it was. I worked with a few asian girls and never even look at them sexually although over time one started looking better and better since we been isolated together and away from others at the work place. This I felt was just the male urge since no other females around. I'd go to strip bars and when it was the asian girl's turn to dance, I always find time for a bathroom or snack break since they didn't interest me.
Well one night I was in mood and there were no hookers on the street, so I decieded to try one of the AMP's that are always open. I enter one and a mamason greets me and treats me with hospitality. At this point I have no idea what to expect since it's my 1st time at an AMP. Momason ask for house fee, I ask dumb questions bout the girls she shows me the selection. I pay fee and in walks the cute kgirl.
I get nervious and run out and the mamason gives me my $ back and I leave. A few nights later I return and try again. This time I stick it out and what a surprise I get. This cute kgirl just fucks me like a fucking machine,I never been in heaven but that was close to it. Anyway since that day,I must have fucked 100 asian girls and spent close to $10k on this hobby. I guess i do have the fever. Any comments would be welcomed.
Thanks
AsianUcker
[QUOTE=asain_ucker]Jus want some feedback. Im a mid 40's married monger. Up to maybe 6 r 7 years ago any asian female did nothing for me as far as attraction. I even joked at cowokers who were banging them and telling me how hot it was. I worked with a few asian girls and never even look at them sexually although over time one started looking better and better since we been isolated together and away from others at the work place. This I felt was just the male urge since no other females around. I'd go to strip bars and when it was the asian girl's turn to dance, I always find time for a bathroom or snack break since they didn't interest me.
Well one night I was in mood and there were no hookers on the street, so I decieded to try one of the AMP's that are always open. I enter one and a mamason greets me and treats me with hospitality. At this point I have no idea what to expect since it's my 1st time at an AMP. Momason ask for house fee, I ask dumb questions bout the girls she shows me the selection. I pay fee and in walks the cute kgirl.
I get nervious and run out and the mamason gives me my $ back and I leave. A few nights later I return and try again. This time I stick it out and what a surprise I get. This cute kgirl just fucks me like a fucking machine,I never been in heaven but that was close to it. Anyway since that day,I must have fucked 100 asian girls and spent close to $10k on this hobby. I guess i do have the fever. Any comments would be welcomed.
Thanks
AsianUcker[/QUOTE]
Sounds like you're having a great time. What's the problem?
[QUOTE=asain_ucker]Jus want some feedback....[/QUOTE]
You don't mention your own race , but sociologists have long recognized that when it comes to inter·racial relationships , by far the most common matchings are white man / asian woman ; and black man / white woman
Think about it = when was the last time you saw a couple that was asian man / black woman ??
Those last two demographic groups are also the ones least likely to be married or other·wise involved in long·term relationships
I'll see if I can dig up the article were I read that ; and the explanation for WHY it occurs = it originally was printed in a journal called NATIONAL REVIEW
Mean·while = Be a smarty !! Enjoy your Asian Party !!
zombie and civ2000,
I am half white and half native american. Thanks for the info. I am enjoying the asian party. I was just courious if I was a bit wierd now, since asian girls are the only ones that really turn me on. White still do a lil, mex not much, and black not much. I mean up to age 35 or so I thought asian girls were the worst looking girls around. Flat asses, lil or no boobs, slanted eyes, broken english, but now it's a complete turn on. I guess I'm tired of seeing fat or plump older american girls with stretch marks, cellulite and other turnoffs.
Zombie if you find that info on the journel let me know.
[QUOTE=PsyberZombie]You don't mention your own race , but sociologists have long recognized that when it comes to inter·racial relationships , by far the most common matchings are white man / asian woman ; and black man / white woman
Think about it = when was the last time you saw a couple that was asian man / black woman ??
Those last two demographic groups are also the ones least likely to be married or other·wise involved in long·term relationships
I'll see if I can dig up the article were I read that ; and the explanation for WHY it occurs = it originally was printed in a journal called NATIONAL REVIEW
Mean·while = Be a smarty !! Enjoy your Asian Party !![/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=asain_ucker]
Zombie if you find that info on the journel let me know.[/QUOTE]
Here's an 'Abstract' of the article in question =
Is Love Colorblind?
By: Sailer, Steve
7/14/1997
The article analyzes interracial marriage and its impact upon Asian men and Afro American women. According to the 1960 to the 1990 Census, white-Asian married couples increased almost tenfold, while Afro American-white couples quadrupled. The reasons cited for the increase are greater integration and decline of white racism. The problem for Asian men and Afro American women is that intermarriage does not treat every sex/race combination equality. The article cites facts about intermarriage and how they violate conventional sociological theories.
In the following link, here is a guy (Clandestine72) that got caught by his S/O.
This is one of the many of the reasons why this sport is so dangerous BUT yet so enjoyable at the same time because of [b]A Danger That Lurks Around The Corner[/b].
The report can be found on the January thread of "Other Reports" in the state of Texas, fiscal year 2005. Needless to say, the wife wrote a report, then i guess he logged on and view what his wife wrote "Yikes!"
Since then, has either used another alliace on the forum or is no longer participating in the sport, or at least publically he may not !
This is an example of what may be the consequences of an addiction, events like this make people change, usually for the better !
-007
[url]http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/showpost.php?p=333500&postcount=1[/url]
Z3,
I saw that report previously.
There are so many ways to get tripped up in this hobby, from credit card receipts to those toll paying devices in our cars to computer footprints. People in general don't realize what a trail of crumbs we leave behind during our everyday activities.
Just between us though, that guy was dumb to not at least password protect his computer if his SO had access to it. Lesson learned the hard way.
I went back and read his previous posts. Compared to me, he was pretty tame. She probably would have castrated me in my sleep. From her high and mighty tone, I'll bet he is better off without her.
Muff Scout
Im in south carolina near greenville, you know your addicted when u go to one of the amps and have done the 3 girls there , and then go to one of the brothels nearby and have done the 2 ladies there, then at another amp, Im so close to them they baked me a birthday cake and eat lunch with them at least once aweek but no extras at this amp just a friendly atmosphere type thing, is it I enjoy the latter amps company and they make me feel not guilty. ?? oh well , sometimes Im good fora month or so then just got to have some ??
[QUOTE=Z3bondeye]In the following link, here is a guy (Clandestine72) that got caught by his S/O.
...
This is an example of what may be the consequences of an addiction, events like this make people change, usually for the better !
-007
[url]http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/showpost.php?p=333500&postcount=1[/url][/QUOTE]
Quite agree, Z3. Reading that was tough to face. I wanted to look away but made myself absorb every word. To see things from the perspective of the lover who's being betrayed. There were simpler times when I didn't need this... complication in my life and I really wish I could find a time like that again.
3rdI
I went back and read the entire thread and came away with a few observations. Your posts really gave me cause to think in more detail about the subject which I have never done before.
First, it appears that those mongers who are primarily feeling gilt are the ones who are either married or have SO. I didn't sense these guilt feelings coming from single guys as much.
Second, was the distinction or definition between a hobby and an addiction. While they may appear to be similar at first glance, they are quite different. I agree with those who say an addiction is an uncontrollable urge to do something that may have negative consequences.
Third, betrayal and hurting of a loved one appears to be the primary reason for feeling guilty for your actions.
Fourth, sexual addiction, like any other addiction, is a very hard thing to break and there are often relapses to contend with.
Fifth, to best deal with your addiction, you will first need to be sincere in wanting to rid yourself of it and be willing to undergo considerable counseling to understand the root causes of it and attend various support groups.
Six, recovery is a constant uphill battle and a day-to-day thing.
This is really an interesting topic and has given my a lot of food for thought. I really appreciate everyone's willingness to share their opinions.
BBB
Bad boy u make a lot of sense, I fall into a lot of those catergories, but hey im 56 yold so better get while i can.
Passwords are good. If you erase your history and your SO is half savvy then the very erasure is an automatic conviction. Try using a different browser entirely. And use a different windows login ID too. But then theres keystroke trackers and there's no hiding from those. Anything you can do to monitor your kids she can do to monitor you. Makes me glad for this short moment that I'm totally single right now.
I have found that running a LiveCD version of the Linux Operating System offers very good security. Nothing is saved on your hard drive. The best part is that it doesn't use Microsoft Windows for anything!
To learn more visit: [url]http://www.knoppix.org/[/url]
Fred