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The victim of an awful automobile accident was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital,
And the emergency nurse was ordered to prepare the body for the undertaker.
Removing his clothes, she discovered that the young man had died with the most massive
ERECTION she had ever seen. Unable to take her eyes off it, she finally yielded to temptation,
Took off her panties, straddled the stiff and proceeded to enjoy herself.
She was just getting down from the table when a second nurse came in and saw her
And promptly reprimanded her for her obscene behavior.
"What's the harm?" shot back the first nurse. "I enjoyed it, and HE surely didn't mind it.
Besides, he can't complain and I can't get pregnant. Why don't YOU give it a try too?"
"Oh, I can't possibly," said the second nurse, blushing. "First, he's dead and second,
I've got my period. Anyway, listen, the doctor wants you." And so the first nurse left.
The second nurse got to work, but soon found herself terribly excited by this massive
Hard-on and finally climbed on top of it. Just as she was starting to cum, she was astonished to feel the man climax too!
Looking down and seeing his eyelids starting to flutter, she exclaimed in shock, "I thought you were dead!"
"Lady, I thought I was too," said the man, "until you gave me that blood transfusion."
_______________
Chandro the Lead Elf says, "Man, I've been waiting for this for six months.
I'm getting my ass down to Miami. I'm gonna do nothin, but suck down margaritas, bang as many babes
As I can, and soak up the sun til I get this damn cold out of my bones.."
So he gets to Miami, checks into his hotel and then heads straight for the bar.
He spots a gorgeous, tall, well built blonde sitting alone sipping a drink.
So he goes over, climbs on the stool next to her and orders a margarita. Downs it,
Orders another one, downs that too. He smiles at the blonde and says,
"Hi sweetie, I'm Chandro, Santa's lead elf. What would you say to a little fuck"
She looks down and says. "Hello you little fuck".
Gentlemen:
I am writing to you to warn you of something that
happened to me as I am a victim of the latest scam
at a mall while shopping. This happened at the
Broward Mall and it could happen to you. Here's how
the scam works :
.
Two good looking 18 year old women come to your car as
you are leaving the mall while you are placing your
packages on the floor of the front seat.
One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and
Windex while the other comes to your window saying
"Hi" while bending over with her breasts almost coming
out of her blouse. It will be impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say
"No" and beg you for a ride to the Sawgrass Mills
Mall. You agree and tell them to sit in the back seat.
On the way, they start having sex with each other in
the back seat. Then one of them climbs over into the
front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the
other one steals your wallet.
I was assaulted last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and
Friday, but I couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday.
Be careful.
A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?"
Him: "I was out getting a tattoo."
Her: "A tattoo?" "What kind of tattoo did you get? "
Him: "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."
Her: "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"
Him: "Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . .
Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . .
Third, I like how money feels in my hand . . .
And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto
to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she
possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began
to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow),
and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.
She said, “I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have
sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you.”
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to
satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.
The mermaid said to him, “If you will have sex with me ten times in a row,
I will make everything right.”
And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to satisfy
the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his
brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid.
“I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row.”
The young son replied, “Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?”
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, “Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?”
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,
“Why not THIRTY times in a row?”
Finally, she said, “Enough Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row,
then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.”
Then the young son asked, "Wait, how do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
A man gets a notice from the IRS that he has to pay a $10,000 tax bill by Thursday, and only having $5,000 he decides to pray.
GOD says 'Go to Vegas!'
The man goes to Vegas, walks in the Sahara and sits down at the BJ table.
GOD says 'Bet it ALL!!!'
The guy bets all $5000, and gets a 3 and a 2.
GOD says 'Take a hit.'
Guy gets a 5, now he's got 10.
GOD says 'take another hit.'
Guy gets a 4, now he's at 14.
GOD says 'Take a hit.'
Guy gets a 3, now at 17.
GOD says menacingly 'TAKE A HIT!!!'
Guy is nervous but takes the hit...a 3! Now he has 20.
GOD screams from the heaVens trembling the earth, 'TAKE A HIT!!!!!!!'
The guy takes the hit and draws an ACE!
GOD: 'UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!!'
One day, two ladies decide to go to the zoo. As they walk by the monkey house, a gorilla reaches out and grabs one of the ladies.
He pulls her into the cage and starts to hump her. The second lady rushes off and summons help to rescue her friend.
A few days later, the second lady visits her friend in the hospital. When she sees her in her hospital bed, she asks, "How are you feeling? Are you hurt?"
Her friend replies, "Of course I'm hurt, two days have passed and he hasn't called or anything."
A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
"I want to get screwed," said the man.
"Okay, mister, but this is a private club, so slip 20 bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"
"What?" said the voice, "Again?"
A Jewish friend of mine told me this, so don't think I'm anti-Semitic:
[quote]Q: Why do married Jewish men die young?
A: They want to.[/quote]
We need more Immigrants like *this* =
[URL]http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11046018/[/URL]
[ Don't forget to launch the Video !! ]
A study was done in the US to determine why the head of a man's member is bigger than the rest of it. After 1 year and 1.5 million dollars they concluded that it was to give the man more pleasure.
A similar study was done in France. After 3 years and 5 million dollars, they concluded that it was to give the woman more pleasure.
Canada, not to be outdone, also studied the same subject. After 2 weeks and 8 cases of beer they determined that it was to keep the man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
[ :) The author has clearly never read the postings on the forum.]
A picture is worth a thousand words...
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her... "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all his beer.
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The
first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your
wife look like?
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue
eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your
wife look like?"
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
I am writing to you to warn you of something that happened to me as I am
a victim of the latest scam at a mall while shopping. This happened
at Middletown Mall and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam
works:
Two good looking 18 year old women come to your car as you are leaving
the mall while your are placing your packages on the floor of the front
seat. One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex while the
other comes to your window saying "Hi" while bending over with her
breasts almost coming out of her blouse. It will be impossible not to
look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and beg you
for a ride to Fairhaven Mall. You agree and tell them to sit in the
back seat.
On the way, one of them climbs over into the front seat
and has her way with you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I was assaulted last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but I
couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday.
Be careful out there!!!!!!
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-k ay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized
she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took
the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted
out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled, and said, "Business.
I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here with the most goegeous woman he hd ever seen,
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?" She responded, "Lecturer. I use information I
have learned from my personal experiences, to debunk some of the popular
myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are
there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is African-American men are the
most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian
who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that
Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent
who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the
best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't
even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Web Sites that Sound Dirty (But Aren't) =
[URL]http://*******.com/dbn97[/URL]
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks
over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now.
Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that
since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could
celebrate that long."
A duck walks into a pharmacy and buys a box of condoms. The clerk asks if he would like to put the condoms on his bill. The duck says "I'm not that kind of duck."
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bedside. "Grandson, I wanna you lissina to me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? ...pointa to your watch and say, 'Times Up'?"
This sad·looking guy goes in·to a Bar , and starts 'drowning his sorrows'
After his fifth drink , he says to the Bar·Tender =
" Man , I had it ALL !! A huge house.... The finest Cars... a million dollar Stock Port·folio...
... and the Love of a Beautiful Woman
..... Then , *BAM!* —— just like *that!* —— it was ALL Gone !!!! "
The Bar·Tender says =
" That's Awful !! What the fork happened ??!!??!! "
The guy says =
" My Wife found out about the Beautiful Woman "
p.s. For another Joke , go to the Boston » General Reports Board =
[URL]http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/showpost.php?p=419372&postcount=112[/URL]
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, waking his wife.
He says "this is the pig I fuck when you're not in the mood."
His wife says "that's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
This guy goes in·to a Toy Store and tells the sales·woman that he wants to buy a Barbie™ doll for his daughter's birthday
The gal shows him one of the more expensive ones , and the guy says =
" Does she come with Ken ?? "
The woman says =
" No.... she comes with G.I. Joe.... she fakes it with Ken "
*********************************************************************
This guy goes in·to a Toy Store and tells the sales·woman that he wants to buy a Barbie™ doll for his daughter's birthday
She starts showing him all the different 'Editions' =
" Here's Malibu Barbie , $ 39.95 .... and Flight Attendant Barbie , $ 39.95 ..... and Brain Surgeon Barbie , $ 39.95 ..... and Divorced Barbie , $ 179.95 "
The guys asks why the 'Divorced Barbie' is so much more than the others
She says =
" Because Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car , Ken's house , Ken's Pension Plan .... "
Bad Humor
At The Car Dealership
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.
Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson hadn't been near. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.
With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that, if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price
A newlywed couple decided that they would furnish their new home with antiques and decided to visit the local flea market. In one of the stalls, they found a beautiful and ornate mirror that the wife decided would be perfect for the back of the bedroom door. They found the stall owner and asked him about the mirror. He replied, "That one is 500 bucks."
The couple looked at each other in shock and the husband asked, "500 dollars? That's outrageous! Why so much?"
The stall owner replied, "Well, believe it or not, that is a magic mirror. You simply have to phrase your request in a poem, and just like in the fairy tales, your wish will come true. I wouldn't even sell it, but I'm not much for rhyming, and I really haven't the talent to use it much. Just a word of advice, though...be careful how you ask for things, cause it can be pretty literal at times. Oh, and if you find it doesn't work, I'll gladly give you a refund."
The couple looked at one another and decided that they had nothing to loose. That night, after mounting the mirror on the door, the wife stepped in front of the mirror and gave it a try. "Mirror, mirror on the bedroom door, make my boobs a perfect 44!" POOF! The next thing she knew, she was sporting a pair of porn star quality tits! She ran excitedly to her husband and said, "Look at these! It really works!"
The husband then decided to try his hand. He went to the mirror and said, "Mirror, mirror, on the bedroom door, make my dick touch the floor!" POOF! His legs disappeared.
[color=green][b]Did you know Adam and Eve were Irish?
When they were standing naked in the garden of Eden; Adam pointed down at Eve and said "Oh, hair" Eve pointed down at Adam and said "Oh, Tool."
Sometime later tonight, while watching Conan O' Brien, you'll get that one.
An old one:
What do you call an Irish 7 course meal?
A six pack and a baked potato.
What do you call a drunk Irishman?
Redundant.
Sounds like there is a population explosion in the capital of Ireland. Someone told me the other day it was doublin'
[/color][/b]
Bad Humor
Cowboy Honeymoon
A cowgirl married a cowboy. He was a man of the world, while she was an innocent with no experience.
On their first night together, they got into bed and started exploring each other's bodies. Things went fine until she asked, "Oh! What's that?"
He replied, "Well, darlin', that's ma rope."
She slid her hands a little farther down and gasped, "Oh, my! What's that?"
"Why, darlin', them's my knots."
Finally, they started making love, but after a few minutes, she cried, "Stop."
Her panting husband asked proudly, "What's the matter, darlin'? Am I hurtin' ya?"
"No," she replied, "I jes' want cha to untie them knots. I need more rope!"
Sperm Is Good For You
Hormones in Semen Shown to Make Women Feel Good
On June 26th the news agency Reuters reported that Hormones in semen may help to ease female depression because women whose partners don't use condoms are less likely to feel down.
Scientists at the State University of New York suspect the mood-altering hormones are absorbed through the vagina and make women feel good but they stressed that their results are not an excuse for unprotected sex.
"I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," Gordon Gallup, who led the study, told New Scientist magazine on Wednesday.
"Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen," he added. The researchers assessed the moods of 300 female students using a standard questionnaire. A score of more than 17 was considered moderately depressed. Women whose partners never used condoms scored about eight on the test while those who never had sex without condoms scored 11.3.
Women who weren't having sex at all scored about 13.5. Depression in the students who sometimes or never used condoms was more severe the longer they went without sex. The scientists said they looked at other factors, such as the use of oral contraceptives, frequency of sex and personality type, but found that none could account for the findings.
The magazine said the results are not a complete surprise because scientists know that semen contains several mood-altering hormones including testosterone. "Some of these have been detected in a woman's blood within hours of exposure to semen," the magazine said. The scientists suspect semen will have the same effect on women regardless of how they are exposed to it.
This guy comes home staggering drunk in the wee hours , and is met at the door by his wife — hair up in curlers and a rolling pin in hand
She immediately starts bitching at him , natch =
" Where the fork have you been ??!!?? You smell like perfume !! And lemme tellya = you better have a darned good explanation for why there's lip·stick on your shirt collar !!!! "
He sez =
" Well .... I DO have a good explanation for the lip·stick , dear ..... you see .... I used my shirt .....
..... to wipe off my dick "
Nightstand Picture
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband? " he nervously asks. "No, silly, " she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then? " he continues. "No, not at all, " she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother? " he inquires, hoping to be reassure. "No, no, no! " she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then? " he demands. "That's me before the surgery. "
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells good.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells good?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget!"
The Biker at the Bank
A crusty old biker walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account.
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank "
The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that sort of language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see, " says the manager, "and is this ***** giving you a hard time?"
Taming the Lion
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, licks and kisses her privates for several minutes and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the older man and asks, "Can you top that?"
The older man replies, "No problem, just get that damned lion out of there!!!"
SENIOR MOMENT
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
That one reminds me of an Old Classic =
This little old lady goes into a Biker Bar . She walks up to the biggest , meanest looking guy standing at the bar ,
and taps him on the back [ she's too short to tap him on the shoulder ]
He spins around ; looks down ; and snarls = " What the F**k do YOU want ?? "
" Are you guys the Hells Angels ?? " she asks
He sez = " YEAH .... what's it to ya ?? "
She says = " Well , I wanna Join Up !! "
He breaks into a broad Grin , *winks* at his buddies , and says =
" SURE , Lady ... You can Join Up .... but , first , you gotta QUALIFY !!
.... You ever been in PRISON ?? "
" Uh ...... No "
" You ever KILLED Any·One ?? "
" Uh ...... No "
" You ever been in ANY kind of trouble with The Law ??? Ever been ... *hee!*hee!* .... pulled over by The Fuzz ?? "
She says =
" No .... but I've been whipped around by the tits a few times !! "
Day·light Savings Time begins today , Gentle·men =
Did you remember to set your cocks ahead an hour ??
An old hillbilly is sitting on his porch when a young lad happens by, carrying a roll of wire fence. The old guy says: "Boy, where are you goin' with that there wire?" The young fella says: "This ain't no ordinary wire, this is chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens." The old one laughs and says: "Boy, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire!" Later on, the Young fella comes back with a bunch of chickens entwined in the chicken wire, much to the shock of the old man.
A day later; the boy passes the same old man on the porch. This time he's carrying a roll of tape. The old man says:"Boy, where you goin' with that there tape?" The boy says:"This ain't no ordinary tape, this is duck tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks." The old guy laughs again, and says: "You can't catch no ducks with duck tape!" Again, the boy returns with several ducks stuck to the tape, and the old guy still can't believe it.
On the 3rd day; the boy passes by the old man again. This time he's carrying a tree branch. Once again the old man asks: "Boy, where you goin' with that there tree branch?" The boy says: "This ain't no ordinary tree, this is pussy willow." The old guy says: "Wait a second boy, let me go get my hat."
[font=edwardian script ITC][size=5]K.J. Baltimonger[/font][/size]
This is a real ad I copied from the CL:
Nude Folk guitar lessons - m4ww - 53
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email]pers-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org[/email]
Date: 2006-04-06, 12:31PM CDT
"Learn to play guitar in the nude. Strum along to favorite folk songs. You'll see why a guitar is cut the way it is. Private lessons in your home or area you are comfortable. Reasonalble rates. I'm a professional performer and songwriter will make it easy for you."
I would like to know if this got him laid.
BB
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, that might be OK in California and Wyoming, but we're not having any of that shit in Texas!"