Talk about covering all the bases.
[QUOTE=JoyDrop;7052219]There's great advice in the previous comments below. The sugarbaby dynamic has been exceptionally rewarding for me personally. Like you I am married and I fully intend to stay that way, so my first and most critically important rule has always been to keep everything as discreet as possible. I have always sought out longer term girlfriend type relationships and have been very successful on that front. There are SO MANY young women out there in their 20's living their best life who are very happy to have an older successful man in their life, even if he's married. Many of them prefer dating married guys - even BEING COMMITTED to married guys - given they don't have any desire to settle down. That is a tremendous opportunity for guys like us, and those are the girls I look for. I've posted about this before, but a quick recap: My first girlfriend and I saw each other for a year before she decided she wanted me to leave my wife. That was never going to happen so it would be fair to say I learned a lot about what NOT to do going forward. I used that experience to approach things differently with the next girlfriend; that worked out much better and she & I saw each other for four years. That was an exceptionally good relationship and very rewarding for us both. I'm now in my 3rd long term girlfriend situation which is my best yet BY FAR. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say I have hit the SB jackpot and found the unicorn of all unicorns. I've got it so good you guys wouldn't believe me if I told you. We have been together for almost 4 years at this point and we're both very happy with how things have turned out. She's in her late twenties, she's focused on her career goals and is in no hurry to settle down. We're in a really good spot with each other. She loves her role as my trophy girlfriend and treats me better than any woman I've ever been with. There is absolutely zero drama. She honestly brings a tremendous amount of value to my life, and I'm lucky to have her. Life is good.
I've been very fortunate to have these experiences over the past 12 years with no issues at all at home (knock on wood). To emphasize and add to some of the points below:
- Be very upfront about the type of arrangement or relationship you want in the short term and long term. It's very beneficial when you both know you're on the same page.
- It's important to talk about what you both want out of the relationship. It's even more important to talk about boundaries and set clear limits so you both know that you have no chance of a future together. That will help her keep things in perspective as the relationship progresses.
- The best candidates for the type of relationship I'm looking for either aren't looking for an allowance, or it's not at the top of their list of priorities. They want the experience - they want to be squired around town, they want the nice dinners that guys their age can't afford, they want the sex and orgasms that guys their age can't give them. Vet your potential SB's carefully. If they lead with questions in the early conversations about how much of an allowance you can offer, they're obviously focused on the money. That's not necessarily a deal breaker, but I always sought out women that were fairly self sufficient. That eliminates a LOT of potential problems down the road. The counter argument is that the allowance keeps things more business-like, and that's a fair point. I have always preferred to spend my time with women who didn't have a financial incentive to be there ... your mileage may vary.
- Get full panel STD tests for you both up front. This can be done discreetly and anonymously.
- Use birth control. Be paranoid about it. Have a serious talk with your girl about what happens if she gets pregnant so you're both on the same page. This is actually such a huge issue that I would never have been able to do this had I not gotten a vasectomy beforehand. If you're not already snipped you should very seriously consider it.
- Keep your personal details hidden. Don't use your real name for AT LEAST the first year. If you're into short term arrangements, use whatever fake name you want. But if your intent is to go long term, I would recommend using your real first name with a different last name just so you don't have to make an awkward switch somewhere down the road. Your SB will eventually know your real name. It will be on the TV in a hotel, she'll see it on the credit card when you pay for dinner, she'll see it on something in your car. It's going to happen. Plan accordingly.
- Given she will eventually know your name, take the initiative to clean up and lock down your online profiles NOW. Set your Facebook account to private and make sure there are no public posts on your page. Do the same for all of your wife's social accounts.
- I found it very helpful to be up front and honest with my girls as much as possible. I told them there would be things they would ask that I couldn't tell them, or maybe parts of my life I couldn't share with them, but rather than lie about it I would always do my best to tell them exactly that. When you explain that keeping your home together for your kids depends on it, the good ones will understand and respect your position.
- Use an app on your phone to keep all of your communications hidden. I recommend Google Voice for initial comms as you can be completely anonymous. If you get to the point where you are comfortable assuming a little more risk with your SB I recommend switching to WhatsApp as it offers a great option to keep private conversations hidden and secure. WhatsApp will reveal your real phone number to anyone you communicate with, so that's why you need to wait until you fully trust the girl to use it.
- Don't leave a paper trail. Use cash. When you can't use cash, use a Vanilla Visa card or similar. Create a firewall between your real life and your SB life and don't ever breach it. It takes a lot of discipline, but the consequences will be severe if you don't.
- Never let your guard down. Keep your head on a swivel and pay close attention to the small comments your girl makes, the little things she does that tip you off to being dishonest or any sort of instability or personality traits / character issues that could threaten your situation at home. My best advice is to end the relationship at the first sign of trouble. You're married, there is no margin for error. I've found the tipping point on all my relationships to be somewhere around the one year mark. By that time you'll have a pretty good idea if your girl is emotionally and mentally stable.
- Don't change any of your patterns at home. Never take risks or do anything unusual in the service of your SB relationship. That's the first thing that tips off the wife that something is amiss.
- Finally, as in all things in life, always hope for the best but plan for the worst. Give yourself outs. Don't take unnecessary risks. If the wife thinks you're in Toledo for business when you're out of town with your SB, actually be in Toledo. Always be very deliberate about the chances you take and be vigilant - never let your guard down. Take the time to think through your worst case scenarios and have plausible excuses well rehearsed and ready to go.
Obviously this is just a quick list of general pointers. Feel free to send me a PM to discuss this further, I'm happy to share more insight on what's worked for me. Good luck![/QUOTE]You knocked that out of the park. Not much can be added to improve.
Op response to farfaraway
[QUOTE=FarFarAway;7052281]The OP got a wealth of info out of Joydrop, and I can say to heed it, because he did the same for me 5 years ago. He's a longtime bowl bud; you can't imagine the quality of experiences he's had. If you got 1/10th of his scores, you will be happy.
However, the OP did post pretty much the exact same solicitation on a dozen or more sugar thread across the country. Makes me a little curious about what his ulterior motives might be.[/QUOTE]You're right I did post in multiple places. They're not at random. I've actually visited those places before, but the reason why is because there is a wealth of knowledge out there men with real experience. Unfortunately, in my hometown, the game is dying if you look through the sugar baby forum you'll see how bad it is. So if I post it in Myrtle and only Myrtle, I would've never gotten the drop from Jay. We’re all here for the same reason why settle for one when you can have as many as you'd like.
Why settle for for one post in one area when posting in a few pages will increase my chances of getting real advice.
