Tribulation Within The Mind
[QUOTE=Burglar;3143508]I was wondering what can we do to assist these known addicts? Should I contact that particular provider & inform her I can't meet her until I know she has saught help? Just doing nothing seems wrong because someone else is certainly going to pay them repeated visits.
The worst part is not knowing if you're enabling.[/QUOTE]Absolutely the worst part is knowing or not knowing if you're enabling! It's such a fine line and really depends on the type of relationship, honest one, that you have with the addict. The first thing you have to do is establish boundaries. Things you will not do under any circumstances to enable the addict. Things the addict must not do, ask for or partake in. Those boundaries are your choice and should be carefully communicated to the addict that you will not cross them and if they cross them then you are there for them emotionally but can no longer help them until they make the choices that are so very difficult to make.
I once was with a heroin addict who I was driving into the city. She lived 40 minutes outside the city in a small town. She told me she needed me to drive her to her doctors offices to pick up some medical paperwork needed for her probation officer. Two thirds of the way there, she talked to someone on the phone and I could tell it was her pharmacist. I told her I would not take her anywhere other than the doctors office and back home, that I would not allow H in my car, she said ok. Long and short of the story is, she set up a meeting with her pharmacist outside the doctors medical building. I told her she had to make a choice. Get in the car before she met and let me take her back home or find her own way back home. She made her choice and I left her in a very bad part of town at 4 pm and it took her 8 hours to get home. She had spent all her money on her fix so no money in her pocket. She called me every name in the book for hours, told me how I didn't care and how could I have put her life in extreme danger by leaving her stranded there. My answer was simple. "I gave you options, you knew what my boundaries were, you made a choice. I did not leave you stranded, that was your choice. You had other choices".
Boundaries and choices. That is the difference between enabling and not enabling an addict. I suggest you attend some Nar-Anon meetings to help you sort through the decisions you need to make if you truly want to help your friend. Good luck with your choices.
A man with one arm doesn't get the clap
[QUOTE=Mwdude;3143588]You do realize that this entire forum is based around activities that definitely fall OUTSIDE the current proper channels, right? Don't get me wrong. I'm all for selective reasoning.[/QUOTE]I most certainly do, and I'm not pushing any "It's my way or the highway" agenda to anyone. Hell, I was driving 70 in a 55 on my way to work this morning, as I always do, along with everyone else.
I've come to realize we're going to need the immigrants to fill the jobs left by the retired baby boomers, and to do the ones that the youth of American are too lazy to do. The average person in my industry now is 49, and there are no young people interested in doing what I do. Sad, since the financial rewards are proportionate to the amount of time and work that you want to put into it. Everyone takes the easy way out now, and then want to blame others for their shortcomings.
I'm sick of the Leonardo Dicaprio's ranting about how wasteful Americans are, while riding around in planes and limo's. As we've all discussed here before, what we're doing is frowned upon yes, but if we aren't involved in human trafficking, or enabling addicts, then I can't see where the real problem is. After all, the same ones who don't like us participating in the hobby are at their desk right now, cheating on their federal tax returns.
Lets all spend more time enjoying life, instead of pointing out what's wrong with it. Change the things that need changed, instead of telling the whole world about it.
I do find it ironic that I'm bitching about people bitching.
Peace, from the recently demoted to the 53rd biggest prick.
Kyussfan.
No free sessions with professionals
[QUOTE=Burglar;3146366]I appreciate the words of wisdom Mmgeg, IndyGuy123 and FreckleFreak.
It's a real tight rope to traverse dealing with addiction and the mess it leaves behind.[/QUOTE]Life's too short.
1 photos
Happy Holidays Freckle Freak
Is that enough freckles for you?
Give an inch they'll take a mile
[QUOTE=Videoxxman;3155125]Well I don't play a lot so I am not as experienced as many on this board, and you know who you are.
But as a human I will admit to having a soft heart and try to help those less fortunate.
So you meet a provider and you hit it off. You actually take her out as she does not have the resources to experience concerts and even a meal at a good restaurant. But then come the calls, I really need to do laundry and need some quarters and transportation. Or I paid the rent last week but I'm in a bind and can you help. Or I'm out of food and the dogs have no food and oh by the way can you give me 20 or 30 after taking her to the grocery store and stocking her shelves.
But at 64 you feel good because you helped someone.
But then you begin to think. And you realize maybe that you can't be a nice guy. Its a business relationship. As Charlie Scheen would say, you pay them to leave.
Just some thoughts from someone that has only connected with a few.
I pray for them and wanted to think maybe we could help and be friends, and yes still willing to pay for services that they provided. Don't believe in free lunches.
So do we become cold hard customers and take what we pay for.
Do we keep hoping that we find a provider that will treat us with the respect that we want to treat them with.
Hope to hear from the sages that have been around the block more than me.
Thanks.
Don.[/QUOTE]When you look at what our provider makes unless they are misusing their funds for drug addictions, gambling, shopping addictions or some other inappropriate use they shouldn't need to ask for laundry money, dog food rent or anything else except the extreme emergency that's not your daily or normal expenses. Even a provider that only sees one client a day the charges say $150 an hour is still making $600 a week they should be able to handle their groceries their utilities their rent etc. It's nice to help out but it's another thing to be taken advantage of and when you're getting unsolicited calls for assistance that's what's happening is you're being taken advantage of and or played. I've had friends that have helped me out but I've always also offered to pay them they may have refused but the offer was there and when I say friends I mean mongers. Several times on this board there have been posts about establish providers having a rough time of it or needing assistance for this reason or for that reason that really just don't make sense. Often times it's the same provider over and over. No monger should ever be getting calls for assistance unless there's been a true friendship that has been developed and a true friendship is not one where they only call you when they need something. And should you assist them they should be paying you back but they always say never lend anybody anything that you can't afford to consider a gift.
So yes you are paying them to leave but you are also paying them to leave you alone. If you want to see someone you have their number they should never have to solicit business from you because you know when you have the means and / or the inkling. Just my thoughts.
