"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[QUOTE=SbabyBlog; 1415365]Gentleman,

3) just get rid of a lot of other stuff in your profile and make it a lot shorter and easier to read. Initially, we don't care if you go to law school or what your educational / occupational plans are or will be. All we first care about is how attractive your face is and whether you are height / weight proportionate (preferably, as thin as possible). All of us on the site are superficial. Men care (on average) more about looks. Women care (on average) more about money. This isn't eharmony.

4) you may have heard from movies or tv shows that people should care about personality or intelligence in women. Men only care about that stuff if we want a longer term relationship.

Mandy[/QUOTE]He is quite right. The weight might be a problem for some. Some agree the term BBW is correct, I prefer size 0. 4. But that is just a personal preference.

But then I also make it a point to have the SB being able to entertain me at her place. I abhor hotels. Stayed in way too many. So that limits my fishing pool.

Point 4 is also very correct, this is not, and long term it comes secondary for most.

Just make the profile short and to the point, and highlight the positives. I would highlight her weight, some guys prefer that. It is all about marketing yourself.

Just enjoy.

[QUOTE=SbabyBlog; 1415365]Gentleman,

Just like I've helped several of you though e-mail, I have a new SB that I've been talking with. Recently she read the post on my blog where a guy asked for honest feedback about why I didn't respond to him so she thought she would do the same.

The guy obliged and was VERY honest. But I don't agree with some of the things he said she should change in her profile so I wanted to get your opinions and thoughts. I do have to tell you that she is a larger black girl (I believed mixed with island). She does know her weight is an issue and is working on it. Additionally, she's a student that's just about to finish undergrad and wants to go to law school.[/QUOTE]I'd say he told her the truth, but he's as subtle as a sledgehammer through a plate-glass window. Also, she should be VERY careful about how she comes to an arragement, given that she wants to study law. The line between "sugar baby" and "hooker" can be a very blurry one, and it might be one she does not want to tread too closely to if she wants to follow the law in the future. Just my $0. 02 on the subject.

[QUOTE=SbabyBlog; 1415365]Gentleman,

Just like I've helped several of you though e-mail, I have a new SB that I've been talking with. Recently she read the post on my blog where a guy asked for honest feedback about why I didn't respond to him so she thought she would do the same.

The guy obliged and was VERY honest. But I don't agree with some of the things he said she should change in her profile so I wanted to get your opinions and thoughts. I do have to tell you that she is a larger black girl (I believed mixed with island). She does know her weight is an issue and is working on it. Additionally, she's a student that's just about to finish undergrad and wants to go to law school.

So, here's his response:

Ok, you seem like a decent person. You're asking a question so I'll give you a partial response: I think your response rate will be a LOT higher if you could make lifestyle changes to get really skinny.

Please, don't be upset with me for saying that. All of us on here can make some improvements to our lives. You specifically asked me for my opinion. Otherwise, I would never have given it to you.

Also, I would suggest you put in your profile:

1) say what your complete ethnic background is. Some men will strongly care. Others won't. But, by doing this, you'll weed out a lot of guys who would just waste your time. You'll keep the interest of guys who don't care or prefer your ethnic background.

2) say whether or not you have kids. Having kids is always serious baggage. If you don't have kids, feel free to brag about it.

3) just get rid of a lot of other stuff in your profile and make it a lot shorter and easier to read. Initially, we don't care if you go to law school or what your educational / occupational plans are or will be. All we first care about is how attractive your face is and whether you are height / weight proportionate (preferably, as thin as possible). All of us on the site are superficial. Men care (on average) more about looks. Women care (on average) more about money. This isn't eharmony.

4) you may have heard from movies or tv shows that people should care about personality or intelligence in women. Men only care about that stuff if we want a longer term relationship.

What are your thoughts on all of this?

Thanks!

Mandy[/QUOTE]Mandy- First of all she asked the opinion of one guy, and got exactly that. To make her profile attractive to him would seem almost impossible because she is simply not his type. But we've all spent enough time talking about what we like in women that it shouldn't be a mystery as to what sells in a SB profile and what doesn't. Yes, it's personal preference, but there is enough consistence around what most men look for that the odds start looking real good for some women and pretty bad for others.

1. Weight- this could be a huge issue if she if sloppy or obese, but not an issue if she is slightly overweight and carries it well. I believe the heavier she gets the more Pots she eliminates from the field. It also may limit possibilities for LT arrangements as many will just take her out once to see how well she performs in the sack, knowing its not for them in the LT.

2. Ethnic background- no need not to be perfectly honest on this one. What turns some off is a huge turn-on for others and she wants to be with the guy that's turned on by her uniqueness. This may filter out some Pots, but it's a good filter because she really doesn't want to be with them anyway.

3. Kids. Similar to 2 above. Some of us couldn't care less and kids just gives us something more in common to talk about. I don't see it as a "huge advantage" one way or the other though. The difference to most of us is that her body is back in shape and attractive. Without the physical attraction, none of us would be pursuing this hobby, at least not for anything more than a quick one-time lay.

4. Intelligence or education. Tough one to generalize about here because it so depends on the SD. Some of us are looking for that trophy that we can show off in public, have deep conversations with, and a hot night of sex at the end. If she is looking to be that SB, she should highlight her education. Some of us just care about the hot night of sex, and all that leads up to it is just the time we think we need to put in to get the sex (or make the sex even better). Is she wants to appeal to this type of SD, no need to list or emphasize education. For some, education may even be a turn-off because of worries that it may make the price higher (GPS concerns).

Overall though, she needs to be honest in her profile. And if she wants to increase her pool of Pots, she probably does need to work on the weight issue. She doesn't have to have the figure of a model, just be in decent shape.

Hope this helps.

Gentleman,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded either on the board or via pm. She is very thankful for all of your comments and it helped reinforce my original statement of "it's just one person's opinion."

You're the Best!

Mandy

SO Mandy, the guys have pretty much nailed this one down but I will add a few thoughts.

As Popeye the Sailor Man said "I yam what I Yam ". I agree with honesty to a point, but there is room for some creative writing that might bring in more Pots who will be enthralled once they meet her. Sugar dating is essentially about creating a fantasy world for yourself and partner (s). It is usually not about meeting your soul mate for ever. One man's treasure is another's nightmare. I think Black and obese women have a harder time on the sites from what I read on the various SD blog sites. I would also think SBs who are married and have children have a harder time because of scheduling issues and the potential for Drama. Who wants a PO'd husband tracking your married ass down from reading his wife's texts? Here are a few thoughts.

Point 1 AGE Fudge if there is an edge to do so and it is believable. I am in my early 60s and have been told I look 45. Many SB profiles limit SD ages in screening to under 50, or whatever. I advertize myself in the younger bracket and have never had a complaint or question about age. But it has to be believable. If I put my real age I would not have access to the 20 something yr olds that I like.

Point 2 Physical attributes Do not lie about obvious things. If you are fat then don't say you are Average. Don't say you are 6' tall when you are 5'2". Don't say you are an Island girl (whatever that means) when you are Kenyan. Include a full body photo in your profile so that there is no surprise when the M&G takes place. We ALL have met the obese Pot whose picture was taken 50 lbs or ten years ago.

Point 3 Married with children. Some find this appealing but as I said above sets up the potential for drama. If you can hide it perhaps you could get away with it.

Point 4 Education This is a huge benefit for many to have a smart, educated SB, but some men might be intimidated by a strong accomplished woman. I would play up the education card without going into great detail Leave the future open to their imagination and this can be discussed later when a Pot in on the line who likes smart women.

Point 5 Race Is critical for many Pots. Just say what it is without belaboring the point. Say what ever you think you are. I say I am white, not an anglo saxon norseman. Now if you have some cool connections that you think is important say so.

Point 6 IDle chit chat about your likes dreams and desires. I agree that most guys gloss over that stuff. Keep it short and interesting. Stress what she is going to DO to and for her SD. That is what we are all about.

So the bottom line for our heavy Island girl who is educated. Stress all that as a positive for some pots who like BBW who are going to tear them up in bed. She should act proud of who she is and shouldn't emphasize what she isn't (yet) She isn't slender yet or in law school, so she is a fun big girl who wants to spoil her special daddy.

[QUOTE=Hernando;1416044]So the bottom line for our heavy Island girl who is educated. Stress all that as a positive for some pots who like BBW who are going to tear them up in bed. She should act proud of who she is and shouldn't emphasize what she isn't (yet) She isn't slender yet or in law school, so she is a fun big girl who wants to spoil her special daddy.[/QUOTE]

I think if the SB quoted Nando here she would have the right kind of guy knocking down the door to spend some time with her. She just needs to make sure she isn't wasting her time with guys who may not appreciate her for what she is and has to offer.

Disagreeing with the Pot who responded to her ad; not everyone is looking for the size 4 SB. Her race is a non-issue overall, but of course this is an individual choice and some will be attracted by that, and others won't, but there is no way to generalize this. Also, the fact that she is educated is certainly a plus and should definitely be mentioned. Again, hopefully she isn't discouraged by the comments of one, because this certainly won't be the opinion of all. Sounds like she needs to meet more guys, those that are looking for what she has to offer.

Brothers and sister,

My ATF is apartment hunting today with two girlfriends, both of whom, she tells me, know about our relationship and are cool with it, so I am predicting far more Hot Yoga sessions in my near future! She texted me this morning telling me, among other things, that she wants me to have a key to her new apartment when she finally rents one.

On the one hand, I am incredibly touched by this, but on the other hand, is it crossing a line that maybe shouldn't be crossed? I'm trying very hard to keep my mindset in a good place, and not start to imagine a life with her, and I was pretty much there the past month or so after our make-up, but lately I've been thinking would it be so awful? We met for lunch on Friday and then hit some antique stores in the neighborhood, and it was a really great, normal time.

Mandy, you and I were talking about "crossing the line" Friday evening, but I don't think we really concluded anything, so if you have more to say on the matter, please chime in.

Beautiful sunny day here.

Best to all,

Scott

PS - good advice from the brotherhood to Mandy's friend. All one needs to do is read [I]one[/I] randomly-selected thread on this site to realize there is someone for all tastes and desires. She should just present her best self, and let the SDs who are into her find her. They eventually will!

How close is too close?

Remember the saying of a not so wise old man."careful what you wish for"

I believe we both can think of certain members of this site to which this applies. Tread carefully my friend.

'Rat

Scott,

How close is too close? Well, it's always a bit different, depending on the girl, no?

I'm still new here, but going on my recollection of your older posts, I think I can say I've been in your place. I met my ATF almost exactly one year ago. We got pretty serious pretty quickly. I was (with her permission, of course) stopping by her place on my way to work to "wake her up" a couple of times a week. I didn't have my own key, but she told me where she hid the spare for me. I'd stop on my way home sometimes, too. We'd go out to dinner, hang out somewhere, or get a nice hotel room. Honestly, I was spending more time with her than at home.

After about a month and a half, she told me, much to her own credit, that we couldn't keep this up. She was developing feelings and hopes and dreams that she knew she couldn't realize. She didn't see things ending well for "the important people involved." What she didn't say, but probably knew, was that I was having the same thoughts. It was a terribly stressful time in my life, both with her and other important people.

We still have a wonderful relationship. But there's no spare key anymore. Perhaps you can make it work, but I suggest you do more than just ponder her offer. Talk to her about it. You both need to set realistic limits on where this is allowed to go. I was lucky to come out relatively unscathed, but it could have been A LOT worse.

Regards,

Joe

Is your ATF more available for you than pre time out? Does she wonder why you are not as available to see her or is the time working out between her and your # 2? Does this imply more of a time committment with her than before? Roommates add a separate set of problems including a new security issue for you. Now you will have 3 people who know about you and who you are. Will they be sex partners also? That could be very interesting but will change the dynamic a lot. Also the other two will have BFs and other friends hanging around. You might have to sneak around more with roommates living there.

I agree with Joe that you should adopt the hidden key instead of taking possession of one. Tread carefully at first until you see how this is going to go. How are you doing with your #2? Is she still tearing your ass up in the boudoir? Has her presence changed the way you look at your ATF?

Lot of question, very few answers I'm afraid. Nando

[QUOTE=Hernando; 1416560]Is your ATF more available for you than pre time out? Does she wonder why you are not as available to see her or is the time working out between her and your # 2? Does this imply more of a time committment with her than before? Roommates add a separate set of problems including a new security issue for you. Now you will have 3 people who know about you and who you are. Will they be sex partners also? That could be very interesting but will change the dynamic a lot. Also the other two will have BFs and other friends hanging around. You might have to sneak around more with roommates living there.

I agree with Joe that you should adopt the hidden key instead of taking possession of one. Tread carefully at first until you see how this is going to go. How are you doing with your #2? Is she still tearing your ass up in the boudoir? Has her presence changed the way you look at your ATF?

Lot of question, very few answers I'm afraid. Nando[/QUOTE]Nando,

These are all excellent questions, and along with them the points they so gently make. I believe the availability factor was primarily due to the current roommate not having a job, and so being in the apartment all the fucking time - pun, unfortunately, intended. Since my free time is mostly during the day, it is difficult to schedule hotel rooms on a reliable basis, as most of the nice ones require check-in after 4, which is when my ATF and I are both at work. Thus, the bulk of our alone time has come either when the roommate is out or my SO is away on business.

So far, my time with Polo has not aroused any suspicions on the part of ATF, since she is in school or working when I am in the Pleasure Dome. I believe I would be able to juggle an increased visitation schedule with ATF while maintaining my once-a-week rendezvous with Polo, but only time will tell. Scottie is willing to give it the old college try at any rate, and I admire his plucky attitude.

I seriously doubt that the roommates would be interested in playing with us, but your point about them having BFs, and the BFs having guy friends, and the roommates having other friends, and so on and so on, is well stated. Clearly, I must never meet the roommates. Jesus, what if one of them knows one of my daughters? ATF, age-wise, is right in the middle, so it is not out of the realm of possibility. They can talk all they want, as long as I remain invisible.

I think your and Joe's advice about the key is a good one. I will figure out some way to decline for now in a manner that does not shut the door to it in the future. How nice to come by and wake her up, right?

As for Polo, we are scheduled for Thursday morning, and all signs point to a spirited riding lesson. I have requested Big Pony or no scent at all, and she has agreed. It apparently never occurred to her that the perfume rubbing off might be a problem for me. She thought I might like it as a memory jog. Don't you just love that? As for her changing the way I feel about my ATF, it has not happened yet. I am beginning to think that she views me as an engaging Boy Toy, who is, for the time being, scratching her various itches, but with both of us being married, I have the feeling she also does not want this to go anywhere other than the P Dome, which is fine with me. My interest in her, and her freckles, has not diminished, but honestly we don't have the connection on all levels that ATF and I do. I am sure this is because the only place we meet is the hotel, but there it is.

Again, thank you all for your advice. And, while she's not looking, isn't Mandy a great addition to the brotherhood?

Magic, sent you a pm, my friend, with more to follow as I am able.

Peace,

Scott

My Dear Scott (Hey, no typo – I didn't write dead this time!)

I wish we could have had longer to chat on Friday and discuss this, but wow what a predicament. I think the guys have very much covered the basics.

The 2 roommates and subsequent friends will make alone time very difficult, which would really preclude you just randomly stopping by whenever you like. I mean, after all that is the point of you having a key, is it not?

Additionally, there is most certainly an extra layer of attachment that comes with such a step. There has to be some sitcom out there that poked fun of the drama caused by the conversation of giving a girlfriend or boyfriend 'the key'. It seems to me that a key and its underlying representation most certainly crosses the line we were discussing.

The question that only you can answer is do you want to cross that line. If so, you must be willing to handle ALL repercussions of doing so. I would wager that, given the pretext of the relationship, there is a way to balance that 'I always want her around feeling' without jeopardizing your entire world.

Just my opinion,

Mandy

[QUOTE=SbabyBlog; 1416675]there is a way to balance that 'I always want her around feeling' without jeopardizing your entire world.[/QUOTE]I am saving this statement for my own future reference. It's going in my "repeat to yourself often" file.

I've been away from the SA site for a few months running silent and running deep. Fat girl writes me twice. I'm like delete times 2. I mean she is fat, ugly, old and halfway across the country. Third time she writes I check out her profile and see that she wants a 1-3K allowance. After I compose myself and get back off the floor I think "hey I'll be polite and let her know that her requirements are out of my budget." She insists on taking the conversation offline saying she would still like to chat with me and does not want budget to hinder us (right, heard that before). Anyway few email exchanges later she writes back that I have a very limited perspective and that I wasted her time by responding and rudely dismisses me. I'm dying here, this girl is killing me. Since when did being polite and expressing your preferences become narrow minded? What part of mutual does old girl not get? No my brothers (and sister) I'm not hung up on it. I actually think it is a funny story. It was in a word an excellent way to be welcomed back to the sugar world.

SubCmdr out.

It's a sad tell when you get your hopes up about a potential SB and then find out that it's just not going to work. I don't know really if this is just another tale of a just college girl with a bad case of GPS, or if I just am too far out of the going price range to realistically land a LT ATF.

This arrangement stated off good enough. A young HCB in he senior year, looking for extra cash, and we seemed to hit it off pretty well on the M&G. I left her a little sugar as I dropped her off at her apartment, we txted back and forth over the next few days, and set up the next meeting at a local nice hotel. I thought we were straight that this date would start off at the bar with a nice drink and early dinner, then we would retire to the room for some private fun. I should have known I was in trouble when she texted me the day before the date and asked about money.

I told her straight up what I was willing to pay for an allowance, and she basically told me no way in hell. That's cool if it would have ended there. I told her that she needed to look elsewhere for the 500 to 600 per meet that she was expecting. But then she texted me back and said since she "liked me so much", she would accept approximately a third of that amount, much more in line with what I originally offered. So I agreed, and like a fool went ahead and rented a nice room and bought a nice bottle of her favorite wine for the main event.

We started off at the hotel lounge for a nice meal and a couple of drinks and the conversation went well for almost 2 hours. When I finally got the check, paid the bill, and directed her up to the room. When we got to the room it was like we had never discussed money at all. She said she would feel cheap doing anything physical for any less than 500 and that she had bills to pay and didn't ant to lose respect for herself. On and on. The upsell almost worked since I had already invested in the room and meal, but she was still asking more than twice what we had last discussed. I finally told her no deal, and took her home. I don't know why, but I gave her a small amount of sugar for the almost 3 hours we spent together and we went our separate ways. (Am I stupid or what?)

This can really be a tough search. I'm back at home, wasted an afternoon taking off work, out over $250 for hotel, dinner and drinks, and still horny as hell. Someone give me some sympathy please.