"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

I need some advice from my more experienced brothers. I am married, have a SB I have been seeing for about a month, she lives about 30 miles away. Made a mistake the other night sending a pic (cut and paste) , not of me, but it had my email account and real name attached to it. She didn't say anything but I know she saw it and it can't be deleted because we were in Google Hangouts. Not someone who I think would cause problems but then you never know. I know where she lives, her FB page, how many children she has, what they look like, where she works works etc. She had been adamant about not sending any graphic pics, so I have none.

So I can stop now, minimize the damage, actually only been intimate with her once, and hope for the best. The other option I suppose is to amass as many missiles on my side as I can so that we have mutually assured destruction if war were to break out. If any of my brothers saw House of Cards you'll remember when the soon the be Prez started dating a young reporter he required her to allow him to take very graphic pictures of her, so she knew he could retaliate with a vengeance if she caused a problem. (Yes I know what ultimately happened to her but let's not go there). Any suggestions?

[QUOTE=Playa12;3350409]I need some advice from my more experienced brothers. I am married, have a SB I have been seeing for about a month, she lives about 30 miles away. Made a mistake the other night sending a pic (cut and paste) , not of me, but it had my email account and real name attached to it. She didn't say anything but I know she saw it and it can't be deleted because we were in Google Hangouts. Not someone who I think would cause problems but then you never know. I know where she lives, her FB page, how many children she has, what they look like, where she works works etc. She had been adamant about not sending any graphic pics, so I have none.

So I can stop now, minimize the damage, actually only been intimate with her once, and hope for the best. The other option I suppose is to amass as many missiles on my side as I can so that we have mutually assured destruction if war were to break out. If any of my brothers saw House of Cards you'll remember when the soon the be Prez started dating a young reporter he required her to allow him to take very graphic pictures of her, so she knew he could retaliate with a vengeance if she caused a problem. (Yes I know what ultimately happened to her but let's not go there). Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]Even though you both have equal ammo knowing each other's identity, it really doesn't buy you much. If the shit hits the fan and becomes a war, what does all the ammo you have on each other buy you? A battle where nobody wins.

The fact that she's female and you're male already gives her a huge advantage in an "identity reveal" battle. A hot chick can leave her husband and find another quickly if needed, this process is normal for them. Men on the other hand have this massive guilt reflex that activates in these situations. It will stress the hell out of you, while she doesn't miss a night of sleep. Plus, financial complications of ending your marriage are likely severe, while she might come out financially ahead by divorcing her spouse.

Avoiding that drama should be your top priority. But, if I were you I would not just suddenly stop seeing her. I would immediately put her on a phase out plan without mentioning it to her. Make visits and contacts farther apart. Start complaining about money problems and job stress and making excuses to spend less time talking. She will get bored and start looking elsewhere, then you have a clean getaway opportunity. Depending on how long you've been seeing her, I would plan for a slow phaseout over maybe 4-6 weeks. And while this is going on, in the meantime you're searching for new POTS, which takes your mind off the sex you've been having with her, and makes you less likely to stray from the phaseout plan. Then I'd just learn from my mistakes and make sure I never let the next one learn my name.

Just my $. 02.

And I have some experience in that, if you feel someone can potentially be a threat, you do just that; stockpile ammo so when the time comes, you either do a "show of force" by showing her was you have and what can be done, or you bomb her ass to oblivion with all the dirt. That would get messy.

True story, I had a SO once and I met a young lady before my hobby days. We met at a bar and had a thing for about a month. She wanted me for keeps. When the SO found out, rather than be a ride or die and deny, she spilled all the beans almost like an "in your face" moment and expected me to stay with her. LOL.

I dumped a lb of sugar into her gas tank and then posted an ad for her on CL with her pics and number. I was really young then and dumb but It temporarily made me feel better.

[QUOTE=Playa12;3350409]I need some advice from my more experienced brothers. I am married, have a SB I have been seeing for about a month, she lives about 30 miles away. Made a mistake the other night sending a pic (cut and paste) , not of me, but it had my email account and real name attached to it. She didn't say anything but I know she saw it and it can't be deleted because we were in Google Hangouts. Not someone who I think would cause problems but then you never know. I know where she lives, her FB page, how many children she has, what they look like, where she works works etc. She had been adamant about not sending any graphic pics, so I have none.

So I can stop now, minimize the damage, actually only been intimate with her once, and hope for the best. The other option I suppose is to amass as many missiles on my side as I can so that we have mutually assured destruction if war were to break out. If any of my brothers saw House of Cards you'll remember when the soon the be Prez started dating a young reporter he required her to allow him to take very graphic pictures of her, so she knew he could retaliate with a vengeance if she caused a problem. (Yes I know what ultimately happened to her but let's not go there). Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=JZLizard;3350435]Even though you both have equal ammo knowing each other's identity, it really doesn't buy you much. If the shit hits the fan and becomes a war, what does all the ammo you have on each other buy you? A battle where nobody wins.

The fact that she's female and you're male already gives her a huge advantage in an "identity reveal" battle. A hot chick can leave her husband and find another quickly if needed, this process is normal for them. Men on the other hand have this massive guilt reflex that activates in these situations. It will stress the hell out of you, while she doesn't miss a night of sleep. Plus, financial complications of ending your marriage are likely severe, while she might come out financially ahead by divorcing her spouse.

Avoiding that drama should be your top priority. But, if I were you I would not just suddenly stop seeing her. I would immediately put her on a phase out plan without mentioning it to her. Make visits and contacts farther apart. Start complaining about money problems and job stress and making excuses to spend less time talking. She will get bored and start looking elsewhere, then you have a clean getaway opportunity. Depending on how long you've been seeing her, I would plan for a slow phaseout over maybe 4-6 weeks. And while this is going on, in the meantime you're searching for new POTS, which takes your mind off the sex you've been having with her, and makes you less likely to stray from the phaseout plan. Then I'd just learn from my mistakes and make sure I never let the next one learn my name.

Just my $. 02.[/QUOTE]What about making an excuse the wife is threatning to leave and he has to spend more time mending things?

[QUOTE=Aswerty9111;3350684]What about making an excuse the wife is threatning to leave and he has to spend more time mending things?[/QUOTE]All things require situational consideration, so tactics usually need customization based on things like the personalities of each involved.

I personally don't like the "wife is onto me" scheme, because it runs the risk of a couple of unpleasant side effects:

(1) If the SB is of the evil variety, she might take to this like a shark takes to blood, and decide it's a good time to start pouring on the tension, making him sweat a bit, to her advantage. I don't know why, but some women have this instinct that drives them to sense weakness, and exploit it. It might be something that is psychologically rooted in penis envy or a feminist view of gender inequity. For this reason, I think fabricating a story that exposes a weakness that is not really even there yet is not a very good idea.

(2) If she's already developed feelings (or an addiction) from the visits, any kind of excuse that drags the wife into it might bring out a sense of competitiveness in the SB. That can lead to all sorts of shit, some of which can't even be predicted. Possibly even a Fatal Attraction type of obsession where she feels compelled to compare herself to the wife.

So I think diverting the culprit toward work related issues, and/or a deteriorating financial position is the safest bet. It gives him a good excuse to cut back spending, and usually has an effect on the girl that is somewhere between apathy and pity, and both of those are good emotions to invoke in her when you're trying to get away. Less possibility for weird side effects. You can also "adjust" the stories around money to make it seem not too bad (not exposing a major weakness), while at the same time explaining why things have to change.

In the old days I would say stories about family health issues and such are good, but if she already knows his name she can likely find out a lot about who his family members are, start confirming things over FB or whatever. So I'd only recommend those when anonymity is still in tact.

[QUOTE=TheBarbarian;3350397]After a few days into this, I have a few POTs lined up. It will all boil down to them being legit, flakes, or UTRs this weekend. I can embarrassingly say, my first 48 hrs into this, I received a 24 hr ban (I laugh now, and some are saying you idiot) but I learned quickly not to talk numbers and wording is very important, I don't think I did anything too egregious. I just slipped up in being too upfront to the wrong person.

Now, I have a shitty profile picture (no face). This really boils down to what I do for a living, yea. It would be retarded if I did. But this leads to my first big question is how do you guys navigate around this obstacle and what have you all done when time comes to spread your photo (the safest way)? Also curious how guys with SO's take this risk. I personally navigated around this in two ways thus far; (1) I got a Snapchat app and sent a photo timed for 1 second and it disappears (2) I told a future date, when we meet for coffee, I'll wear this shirt, If I'm your type come say hi. If I'm not your type, she can easily avoid this by disappearing as soon as she notices me.

In my short time, I've noticed Profiles are money. We all like visuals and the more you can give a girl, the more likely she's to respond. The headings and words no matter how clever I think can be irrelevant if you keep it simple and elaborate on who you are and what you're about in the opening messages. But good pictures and simple word play are good enough bait to catch a sexy fish.

However, that's the lowdown. I'm working on a few more ladies, but none as developed as these. Curious to hear thoughts and always open to PM.

Thanks.[/QUOTE]The recipe for the photo is pretty standard, it's what I do, and I do have a SO. Find a photo online that isn't you but could be close enough. If you're really brave it could be a full face, but the one I use is cropped at the nose. Cropping / modifying makes it less likely she can tineye the photo and see you are using a fake. Lots of people use fakes, girls too, so if you catch one, it's not the end of the world, just be aware they aren't going to look like you expected. That doesn't mean worse. See my nearby post about the POT I am working on. She's as beautiful as they come. Anyway, only have that photo public. Many guys have posted that they used a pic not themselves and never had a complaint from a POT. You can have a real pic of you as a private one on the site, but even that I am a little leery about. If there were a hack of SA, like there was of Ashley Madison (I think it's far less likely, Brandon Wade learned his lessons and is a lot smarter), it is possible the photo could get 'out there. ' Anyway, once you have determined that someone you are messaging with on the site is a real person, not a psycho, and not your daughter's gym teacher (or classmate!), you can let her see your private photo. Know that you have total control - you can take that back at any time. If she's seen it, that could be enough and you can cover yourself by rescinding permission. I have gone long periods between initiating contact and actually getting to the M&G, and I have had POTs come back to me and ask if they can see the photo again. Of course this is OK.

I am about to let my membership lapse for a couple of weeks as I take on a big job and gear up for my May push, when the SO is off the continent for 2 weeks. I will take down my private photo during this time. Note that the POTs retain the permission to see what's there, there just won't be anything there.

I feel a burner is essential. The one I have now is a tiny candybar, fairly hideable. It can't text well, or take / send / receive pix, and it is really cramping my style, so tomorrow, I upgrade to a smart burner. Then I can have Kik, google voice, etc. on it without fear of my real identity getting to the babies, or use other dating apps. I will again go as small as I can. The main question is, where / how to hide it from the SO. I'll list all the things I've gleaned from these threads. If you have something to add, we'd all appreciate it. I currently put mine in a first aid kit in the spare wheel well under the floorboard of my trunk when I am at home and I have to have it there. It is password protected and always turned off at home. It can't suddenly come alive w / an incoming text or make a 911 call.

What I have heard from others: deep in a golf bag; in a small pouch filled w / USB drives, placed on a top shelf in the garage so it is accessible upon departing; and, of course, hiding in plain sight is always good. If you can develop a story whereby you came to have this second phone around and your SO is used to it under whatever your pretense, that's seems pretty workable. Otherwise, a burner is about as close to a smoking gun as we get in the bowl (well, condoms).

[QUOTE=FarFarAway;3350992]I feel a burner is essential. The one I have now is a tiny candybar, fairly hideable. It can't text well, or take / send / receive pix, and it is really cramping my style, so tomorrow, I upgrade to a smart burner. Then I can have Kik, google voice, etc. on it without fear of my real identity getting to the babies, or use other dating apps. I will again go as small as I can. The main question is, where / how to hide it from the SO. I'll list all the things I've gleaned from these threads. If you have something to add, we'd all appreciate it. I currently put mine in a first aid kit in the spare wheel well under the floorboard of my trunk when I am at home and I have to have it there. It is password protected and always turned off at home. It can't suddenly come alive w / an incoming text or make a 911 call.

What I have heard from others: deep in a golf bag; in a small pouch filled w / USB drives, placed on a top shelf in the garage so it is accessible upon departing; and, of course, hiding in plain sight is always good. If you can develop a story whereby you came to have this second phone around and your SO is used to it under whatever your pretense, that's seems pretty workable. Otherwise, a burner is about as close to a smoking gun as we get in the bowl (well, condoms).[/QUOTE]Someone educate me, but with all the hidden / secret SMS and phone apps, do you really need a burner phone these days? Perhaps we all do and I'm very ignorant. I say this because I've come across a few that I've tested and do not appear on phone bills.

Having a 2nd phone is incriminating evidence.

When I used a burner, I kept it at work in one of my office drawers locked. When I did travel with it, I would leave it:

1. In my trunk.

2. Battery out.

3. In a shoe box.

4. In side a dress shoe.

5. Rolled up in a dress sock, pushed to the toe part of the shoe.

Typically, I extra slacks and shirts, dress stuff at the office anyway so yea.

But curious to see (as I'm sure it's been discussed) your takes on this.

[QUOTE=Playa12;3350409]I need some advice from my more experienced brothers. I am married, have a SB I have been seeing for about a month, she lives about 30 miles away. Made a mistake the other night sending a pic (cut and paste) , not of me, but it had my email account and real name attached to it. She didn't say anything but I know she saw it and it can't be deleted because we were in Google Hangouts. Not someone who I think would cause problems but then you never know. I know where she lives, her FB page, how many children she has, what they look like, where she works works etc. She had been adamant about not sending any graphic pics, so I have none.

So I can stop now, minimize the damage, actually only been intimate with her once, and hope for the best. The other option I suppose is to amass as many missiles on my side as I can so that we have mutually assured destruction if war were to break out. If any of my brothers saw House of Cards you'll remember when the soon the be Prez started dating a young reporter he required her to allow him to take very graphic pictures of her, so she knew he could retaliate with a vengeance if she caused a problem. (Yes I know what ultimately happened to her but let's not go there). Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]It's part of the risks of the bowl. If a woman will see you for months without learning or asking for your name, then she's nearly a UTR IMHO.

[QUOTE=FarFarAway;3350992]I feel a burner is essential. The one I have now is a tiny candybar, fairly hideable. It can't text well, or take / send / receive pix, and it is really cramping my style, so tomorrow, I upgrade to a smart burner. Then I can have Kik, google voice, etc. on it without fear of my real identity getting to the babies, or use other dating apps. I will again go as small as I can. The main question is, where / how to hide it from the SO. I'll list all the things I've gleaned from these threads. If you have something to add, we'd all appreciate it.[/QUOTE]I can't add much on stashing a burner. Before the Hushed app became a viable option, I had a candy bar phone that I made only modest efforts to hide -- Hushed works better for me mostly because I got tired of carrying more than one device, not to mention paying too much for it. The other advantage is that if I do need separation of devices, I can remove Hushed from my phone and load it on a cheap tablet and just use it over wi-fi connections. Not that I've ever had to do this, but let's say I want to give the SO my phone and let her rummage through it for her peace of mind. I could delete Hushed in a couple of seconds, and hand her the phone, then walk into the other room and chat with an SB while SO is going through my phone because the Hushed messages are synced across devices.

What I did want to say is that if you load apps (kik, google etc) on the burner, be sure that any account you log into them with on the burner has never been associated with your real identity or primary phone, for example for password recovery. There is a possibility that could be linked back to you in the future just by Googling the phone number (which I'm sure most of these girls do). It is true that these apps will typically be linked to you through your app store account (icloud, google play, etc), but that doesn't imply a direct connection to the phone number the SB knows, so it's unlikely she could find you later based on that fact alone. I don't believe the provider of the app (like Hushed) even knows your phone-associated email address, they only have access to the email address and phone you give them during actual registration for the app itself. The link to your Google / Apple cloud account is just an I'd number that has no real context.

There is a new function. You can hide a profile as well as block it. I tend to block profiles I dislike (TSs, fat women) so I don't have to see them and they don't take up space in searches. Does anyone have an idea what this is good for? Obviously, hiding it means you don't have to look at it; I hide my own, so if I hide them, there's no means of communication.
FF away

[QUOTE=FarFarAway;3351672]There is a new function. You can hide a profile as well as block it. I tend to block profiles I dislike (TSs, fat women) so I don't have to see them and they don't take up space in searches. Does anyone have an idea what this is good for? Obviously, hiding it means you don't have to look at it; I hide my own, so if I hide them, there's no means of communication.
FF away[/QUOTE]I block the undesirables myself. Here is a screen shot off the hide function. I was kind of wondering the same thing though. So it looks like you an ghost but they can still message you if you've contacted them before.

For you SDs that have been able to maintain a consistent LTR with your SB, What amount of birthday present have you found works to appreciate the friendship with the SB and keep her happy? Maybe an extra allowance? Thanks.

[QUOTE=BobVac21;3352519]For you SDs that have been able to maintain a consistent LTR with your SB, What amount of birthday present have you found works to appreciate the friendship with the SB and keep her happy? Maybe an extra allowance? Thanks.[/QUOTE]I'd treat her like a regular GF. Spend maybe a couple hundred on a gift, take her out to a nice meal. Depends on your arrangment if that's = allowance.

[QUOTE=TheBarbarian;3351108]Someone educate me, but with all the hidden / secret SMS and phone apps, do you really need a burner phone these days? Perhaps we all do and I'm very ignorant. I say this because I've come across a few that I've tested and do not appear on phone bills.

Having a 2nd phone is incriminating evidence.

When I used a burner, I kept it at work in one of my office drawers locked. When I did travel with it, I would leave it:

1. In my trunk.

2. Battery out.

3. In a shoe box.

4. In side a dress shoe.

5. Rolled up in a dress sock, pushed to the toe part of the shoe.

Typically, I extra slacks and shirts, dress stuff at the office anyway so yea.

But curious to see (as I'm sure it's been discussed) your takes on this.[/QUOTE]See JZlizards post, too. He likes Hushed. The issue is not whether it appears on a phone bill. The issue is leaving evidence on the phone that could be resurrected easily, and the app going into other parts of your regular phone and potentially revealing your identity to the SB.

Of course a burner is a smoking gun. That's why I mention stuff like hiding in plain sight. I seriously entertain the idea of getting a phone identical to my own civi phone, using the TracPhone 'bring your own phone' deal to get my sugar # onto it, and then I just have to keep track of which is which. Seeing the phone isn't an immediate alarm bell.

Many people recommend having Google voice on your burner, that way you can control wild babies who are blowing up your phone, etc. I tend not to go for ones that have those risks, so this hasn't been important to me yet. But, I have several POTs giving me kik and whatsapp handles, and it is a pain not to be able to take them up on it.