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[QUOTE=Droo89;1404272]Thank you all for the advice. I was already leaning towards NOT going any further with the bartender. I just had to hear a voice of reason. Too much to lose. Thank you my friend.[/QUOTE]A long-ago girlfriend said,"I don't go fishing off the same dock I work at." Sage advice!
This section is fascinating. My thanks to all of you for contributing to it, I'm seriously considering taking the plunge.
[QUOTE=Gogababa;1406638]Thanks to all the pros for their posting and contribution. I am new as some of you know. And want to try it. My first one is just to meet for a coffee. What should I do? Should I take some gift (cash, gift card, flower, or something or not needed for coffee meet)? My first one. So will post it more after that.[/QUOTE]I believe the consensus on this is that there is no need to bring anything to the first M&G, but unless the baby has ordered already, I always pay for her coffee. If there is a followup for drinks or dinner, for example, some small token is not a bad idea. Hope this reply came in time. Let us know how things went.
Scott
I wanted to solicit some advice from my esteemed colleagues here. I have been seeing a SB exclusively for several months now, with her also telling me that I am the only guy she's seeing. While we've had our ups and downs, in general the situation has been pretty damn awesome. In between visits we communicate mostly through texts with an occasional telephone call thrown in, daily for the past few weeks. In the past week or so, the texts have become less frequent from her side to now nonexistent for the past few days. My last few texts have gone unanswered. We have had discussions about this in the past and she knows I don't appreciate the lack of communication.
My question to the board is at what point does one become / appear to be needy and pathetic on this end? My recent texts have not been of the variety of asking what's going on? What's wrong? Etc, just normal conversation. I will probably ask her what is going on soon with my next text, but wanted to get some of you to maybe talk me off the ledge. At this point I believe the end is either near or, more likely, the train has already left the station. We had a discussion that we would tell the other if we got to that point as opposed to shutting down communication and going away, like so many of the younger generation seem to do. It has been about a week since our normal communication changed.
Tell me what you think guys or what you would do in my situation as I know a few or you are in a similar position with your SB.
Ok, Scott encouraged me to write and share the Sugar Baby perspective so I'll start with this one and I have a few thoughts.
1) It's over and depending on her age she isn't mature enough to be able to write that "I've moved on" email.
2) She's busy and you're probably bordering on driving her insane. This tends to be the case with me as I am a very serious employee (when I was working) /Student. Sometimes that requires a little "dead" time. And, if you are constantly asking what's wrong, where are you during this time period. It means you don't get me and we're done, that simple.
My advice would be to simply ask for ten minutes for a call. If she gives it to you, then you have a serious conversation just to "check-in" and take a temperature of where you're at. If she doesn't, you have your answer and time to move on.
I once read that most sugar relationships last between 6-7 months. In my experience, this seems to be to true. If you're approaching that time line it may just be time to close that chapter and start a new one.
Hope that helps,
Mandy
[QUOTE=Magic Rat; 1408165]I wanted to solicit some advice from my esteemed colleagues here. I have been seeing a SB exclusively for several months now, with her also telling me that I am the only guy she's seeing. While we've had our ups and downs, in general the situation has been pretty damn awesome. In between visits we communicate mostly through texts with an occasional telephone call thrown in, daily for the past few weeks. In the past week or so, the texts have become less frequent from her side to now nonexistent for the past few days. My last few texts have gone unanswered. We have had discussions about this in the past and she knows I don't appreciate the lack of communication.
My question to the board is at what point does one become / appear to be needy and pathetic on this end? My recent texts have not been of the variety of asking what's going on? What's wrong? Etc, just normal conversation. I will probably ask her what is going on soon with my next text, but wanted to get some of you to maybe talk me off the ledge. At this point I believe the end is either near or, more likely, the train has already left the station. We had a discussion that we would tell the other if we got to that point as opposed to shutting down communication and going away, like so many of the younger generation seem to do. It has been about a week since our normal communication changed.
Tell me what you think guys or what you would do in my situation as I know a few or you are in a similar position with your SB.[/QUOTE]
Magic,
Oh, my brother! As you know, this is the story of my life with my ATF, and so I feel like I am in a good place to offer some observations on this subject.
First, as much as we would like to believe otherwise, we are not these little babies' first priority. I know, shocking, but true. This shouldn't be the case, but it is, and we have to keep in mind the fact that they have lives that sometimes get messy, complicated, or just busy.
Second, I believe for us older anglers, there is a tendency to get a little paranoid / needy when our babies go silent. I know I certainly went there, and it can make you crazy.
Since my make-up with my ATF, the communication level has not, in truth, gone up, but I am in a better head space about it. When I feel the black dog start to creep nearer, I tell myself that she is busy with her life, and I'd better get busy with mine. When we do get together, it is still magic, like it always was, but I just don't sweat it in the meantime.
I'm sure some of you, who have been kind enough to offer advice to me in the past, are laughing right about now, but I really am in that mental place, and it's a good one.
Give it some more time, Magic, and take that opportunity to come to peace with her lack of message traffic. If it just means she's busy, or out of town, or maybe has the flu, things will soon be back to normal. If, on the other hand, it means that she is gone, that will be awful, and certainly you will be sad, but you will get over it. Heartache, I believe, is the risk we all run if we are committed to this pursuit. These relationships all end sooner or later. It doesn't make it any easier to know this, but honestly, would you trade what you had with her for anything else?
Think positive, my friend. I'm sure she just dropped her cellphone and is getting a new one.
Best,
Scott
I do appreciate your perspective.
I guess I didn't make it clear that I haven't been bugging her questioning what's wrong? Why haven't you called / answered my texts? As I said we had been communicating daily and that has ceased. She is not the young thing that some of my colleagues enjoy. She's almost 50 and we've had this "relationship" for almost a year so I realize that's way past the normal shelf life.
Thanks for the insight. It appears I have a tough decision to make.
[QUOTE=SbabyBlog; 1407911]Hi there,
Well, if I wasn't supposed to know about this so many of you shouldn't have visited my blog these past few days. You made me curious about the referral source. And well, as Scott mentioned, I am in grad school so you can assume I'm fairly smart and was able to track this down.[/QUOTE]Well, fancy that! May I be the first to welcome you, Mandy. I sincerely hope the brotherhood will join me in saying that we look forward to your input and observations from the other side of the fence. I think you will find us to be a respectful, thoughtful and earnest group who enjoy the SD arena, with all its ups and downs. Certainly your contributions will go a long way to helping us have more "ups" than "downs", (however many puns that is, they are all intended).
I'm sorry nothing ever developed between us, but I have pm'ed you to attempt an explanation.
As always, don't forget to write!
All the best,
Scott
[QUOTE=Mr Strict;1408105]This has been debated before and to each his own, but, the only benefit to Google Voice over a hobby phone is a measure of convenience. True, the babies don't have your "real" number but Google does and, it seems that if push comes to shove, Uncle could tie you to it. A long shot? Yes. Still a possibility? YES! A hobby phone can be deposed of quickly and cleanly with zero ties to anyone and replaced quickly. Even one thread is too many, IMHO[/QUOTE]The technical advantages / disadvantages come into play for those of us not in a relationship. For those of us who are the only consideration is not getting caught with an extra phone we cannot explain which, if we have one, will happen. What do we say when she asks to borrow it?
Well magic, as Scotty said this is a chrnic problem we all have with out SBs. Smarter men than I have recommended strict adherence to NSA and avoidance of emotional attatchments to our SBs. Having said that.I am a pure example emotionally of what not to do. I am SO into my SB I am a helpless sap so I wanted to let you know you are not alone. .
Now back to you. Altered com could mean 1) she's not into you anymore. In her case being older I would not think she would take the 20 yr old "hit the ignore button " tactic. 2) She lost her phone and did not memorize or write down your number. This happened to me and caused several days of angst for me. I since made a game out of memorizing each other's numbers. 3) She has had an emergency that is so catastrophic that you are on the back burner. Like her husband discovered the affair, or something of that ilk.
When my baby went through stretches of incommunication and ultimately showed up on the SD site I wrote her an email. Basically I said that signs were there that suggested that she was not into me and looking for a new SD. I said that I would not accept being the fall back or backup guy while she is fishing, so I am done pending her answer to my mail. Best of luck, I'll miss you, Bah, blah. Well she burned up the airwaves and totally changed her approach. I made it clear that I wanted to touch base minimally but regularly, and she has been good about that.
RE: expectations : Depending on your original agreement, SDs who are paying a nice allowance and providing well in other ways for our SBs deserve a minimal show of respect, such as communicating in a reliable way and at least acting like she likes and cares about us. In the end, usually one party is more into the relationship than the other, so the less involved needs to be a good actor.
[QUOTE=Golfcart;1408237]The technical advantages / disadvantages come into play for those of us not in a relationship. For those of us who are the only consideration is not getting caught with an extra phone we cannot explain which, if we have one, will happen. What do we say when she asks to borrow it?[/QUOTE]This makes no sense to me. Why would you be carrying a hobby phone when you are off the clock? There is nothing so pressing that I need to have instant contact with anyone from my hobby world. And until I do need to use it, it is safely tucked away, never to be found. Having strange numbers appearing on my civilian phone and / or the SO answering it or checking to see who's calling when I'm not around seems a much bigger risk. Of course, not being in a relationship changes everything. Just my thought.
[QUOTE=Magic Rat; 1408165]I wanted to solicit some advice from my esteemed colleagues here. It has been about a week since our normal communication changed.
Tell me what you think guys or what you would do in my situation as I know a few or you are in a similar position with your SB.[/QUOTE][QUOTE=Magic Rat; 1408193]She's almost 50 and we've had this "relationship" for almost a year so I realize that's way past the normal shelf life.
It appears I have a tough decision to make.[/QUOTE]Rat,
Theory: It seems more likely that your baby might be trying to protect herself, maybe trying to put some space in between the two of you. Maybe she has realized that she is in deeper than she would like, aka falling in love with something that she can only rent and can't own, and is merely trying to withdraw some to regain some perspective for protective sake. Afterall, these SB / SD relationships are supposed to be throw aways and either party should be able to walk away at any time without pain and agony, (in theory) , and it just doesn't work that way when that much time and emotion has been invested. Wish you the best on things working out in your favor. As tough as it might be to do, I would give her more space, with preferably little to NO contact. The ship will right itself. Best regards, V
Gentlemen,
Polo and I are set for Friday! She texted me this morning to tell me that while she was shaving (her legs, I'm guessing, right?) she thought of me and couldn't wait for tomorrow. She also stated that she had a few new yoga positions that she wanted to try out with me. I can't quite believe there is anything new to do, but I am excited to see what she has in mind. I checked, and my health insurance is all paid up, so I'm good to go. Unfortunately, I am totally swamped at work, and so will not be able to luxuriate with her this time like before, but [I]some[/I] time with her is better than none. I dream about her soft skin and thick chestnut hair.
As for ATF, we have a date set for Monday. She has indicated that her roommate is out of town visiting parents, so whatever is planned will either begin or end in bed, possibly both. Hooray, and hooray! Hopefully the beautiful, if unseasonal, weather we have been enjoying will hold, and we can spend some time outdoors. She is an avid cyclist, an interest I also share, so a long bike ride up the lakefront, followed by a fantastic lunch somewhere, followed by some Good Lovin' sounds like a day well spent, no?
On other fronts, hang in there, Magic. She will either come back to you or she won't, in which case we are here to help you grieve. Joe, you did the right thing, and as has been said already, you did not abandon anything more than a massive train wreck. Good job. Goga, good luck to you with your first forays into the SB world. You will have some failures, some near failures, and hopefully soon some success. Be patient, be honest with yourself and these little fish, and you will have a great time. There is nothing like it, trust me.
Take care, my brothers, and keep in touch.
Scott
[QUOTE=F Scott; 1408185]Magic,
Since my make-up with my ATF, the communication level has not, in truth, gone up, but I am in a better head space about it. When I feel the black dog start to creep nearer, I tell myself that she is busy with her life, and I'd better get busy with mine. When we do get together, it is still magic, like it always was, but I just don't sweat it in the meantime.
Best,
Scott[/QUOTE]What Scott says is so true when you get emotionally involved. I have been able to get in a better head space with my ATF and know if I want to see her I need to deal with some of her issues. She drives me crazy at times with her communication and lateness but when we do finally get together all of the problems of getting together go away. She is 23 and I understand how immature a 23 year old can be. I have tried to let her know it drives me crazy and she makes it better for a short time but in a few weeks it returns to the way it was. If this is how it needs to be I will manage.
Like I said it is all worth it though when we do spend time together. Plus the rate we have is. 4 so it make it more tolerable. She even has seen me for free recently so this relationship has moved into a different category I think.
I have been trying to keep myself busy with other SB's to distract myself but none have compared to the ATF, not even close yet.
SB #2. We had a car date for. 6 but she wasn't my type. She has tried to contact me but we talked and understands I will initiate when I am ready.
SB #3. Went to her place for $. Not really my type but had fun. She wants to get together but I have not replied.
I currently have been in talks with three other potential SB's through texts but have not met any of them yet.
Potential SB #4. We came to an agreement of $50 for three hours and she can host. She originally wanted $$$ but I told her that was out of my budget. Like others here I tell them what I can do and if they don't like it we both move on. $50 is more than I like to spend but with her hosting and not being rushed I am comfortable with the amount.
The other two have just been getting to know each other texts and what we are looking for. I am out of town for work for two weeks so I had to put the adventures on hold with them. The one is very promising but the other has been wanting me to wire her money. I have laughed about it because her story is so familiar with others on here. I want to help her but without even seeing her she is not getting anything. If we had a relationship I would have thought about it.
I have went back to AM again instead of renewing SA for the month and have had some luck. I have been emailing back and forth with three seriously and have met one of them for lunch. The AM route takes more work and they are not young HCB but it is free and more stable. The way I figure if I can find someone from AM that is stable, reliable and keeps me happy it will make my ATF easier to handle with her issues.
It is good to see the new people and all of the activity lately. It helps to be able to share the adventures.
Fix
Hi Guys,
So I've received a few welcoming dms and posts so I'll assume you're not sitting at your computer cringing that a sugar baby has found your secret conversation stream. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Wait a minute, that sounds just like what I've told married Sugar Daddies! Given that you've accepted me being here, I thought I would write just a small introduction so you understand my viewpoint whenever I respond to a post.
I'm a graduate student at one of the two prestigious universities in Chicago. I'm in my early 30's with blond hair and blue eyes and look like the "Girl Next Door". Scott can vouch for this. We've had a m&g but it never went anywhere as we both were becoming involved with others. The fun thing about me is my husband and I enjoy an open marriage. I've been an SB for two years now during which time I've experienced a few different SD's and types of arrangements. They ranged from AMAZINGLY expensive "date" nights with no compensation (the fantastic date was what I wanted) to my current SD who provides those fantastic dates, pays my rent, and takes me shopping occasionally. You can see what my last present was on my blog.
I'll admit I'm becoming a bit of a "snob" in what I look for in an SD. I'm picky and am starting to want more from the arrangement. But, I'm not a stripper, pro, or flaky 20 nor am I a conceited girl with unrealistic expectations. All of it has added up to me realizing my "value" in this world is a bit higher.
While I form friendships with many of the guys who contact me, example Scott. I am selective and prefer to find someone I can enjoy a ltr with. Now, that doesn't mean that I won't "test" a few SD's out while trying to find that ltr. After all, I am a girl and I do have my needs.
Oh yeah, concerning that. I'm just as bad as you all!
So here are the details of my current Sugar Situation:
I have an SD that I see once a week. We have dinner, go to a club or piano bar, and then spend the evening in his hotel. Before him, I had an SD that lived out of state and I visited over the weekend, once a month. I found it was a great way to escape the craziness of school and I always came back to campus revived. Alas, he got attached and ran away the other month. I'm currently looking for my new weekend escape SD and will be happy to share what that search is like so you can see that perspective.
The current predicament I am in, is that I wasn't too specific in my profile and now I have two dates next week with POTS (that's the SB word for a potential SD) but they are both "during the week" guys! I wasn't looking for them, they found me. And they both come across as fantastic SDs so I couldn't turn down the date. I'll have to choose between the two because I just do not have the time nor do I want that many SD's. I'm still searching for my weekend SD and I have a feeling I will be changing my profile over the next few days to reflect exactly that.
So, now you know about me, my experience in this world, and that I too am actively searching. As always, I'm happy to answer any questions you might have.
Night,
Mandy
First off, welcome sbabyblog! Being one of your readers, it was an interesting change of prespective to see these arrangements through the eyes of an SB. I hope you stick around here to help keep us all from wandering too far off the mark.
Now for a question:
How many of you have been approached by women who live considerable distances from you with suggestions that you 'hook up' with them? So far, I've had at least two, the most recent a SB who lives over four hours drive from me (and no, there's no airline service between us) wanting to "get together" with me. From her profile, I know she's not going to be driving to see me, so all the travel will be on my dime and time. So why would a woman think a potential SD would drive that far?