"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[QUOTE=Hungre123;3076744]Alright guys, I need some of your expert friendly advice. This ones a little out of the norm. I've been in contact with a woman from sa, she's married, 28 in a bad relationship and looking for some release. Over the course of a few weeks she's opened up a good deal of her personal life to me without any pushing on my part for her to do so. She seems to be the frustrated wife of an unfaithful husband and is in search of someone who will give her attention. By no means is she a sb. Doesn't want money, dates necessarily or any of that, just someone will treat her right. Here's my dilemma, she had indicated to me what she wants, she wants intimacy but she doesn't want it with a stranger. I've told her minimal on my end as advised here. She knows my first name, that I work and have a SO. That's about the extent of it. She told me she's not comfortable being alone with some one if she doesn't know my name, as in last name. Now before you tear me apart heat me out, I've found her social media all of what she's told me checks out, to the T. I've told her I'm not comfortable with doing that. I've explained to her that like me she had a lot to lose and what we don't know about each other we can never use against each other. At this point it's an impasse we can't seem to get around.

Your thoughts on this are much appreciated.[/QUOTE]Do you know her identity? Even so, do not give your I. D. To her. Offer to date a little in public to make her comfortable with you personally. Your I'd will come out eventually as you get comfortable -car license plate # ,wallet, etc. Call her bluff. My guess is that if she is real and not a scammer and she likes you enough she will go for it. You do not want an angry nut job husband after you.

[QUOTE=FredMoore;3076787]Do you know her identity? Even so, do not give your I. D. To her. Offer to date a little in public to make her comfortable with you personally. Your I'd will come out eventually as you get comfortable -car license plate # ,wallet, etc. Call her bluff. My guess is that if she is real and not a scammer and she likes you enough she will go for it. You do not want an angry nut job husband after you.[/QUOTE]I do know her identity, where she works, lives and some other tidbits of information. It all pans it as far as that goes. We have met and are meeting again. She lives out of town and us coming into town, getting a room just to see me. There a chance that once I get to her room I can just bypass this problem and she'll just let me do it. That's what I'm hoping anyway. If she does continue with this I'm just not sure what approach I should take.

[QUOTE=Hungre123;3076744]Alright guys, I need some of your expert friendly advice. This ones a little out of the norm. I've been in contact with a woman from sa, she's married, 28 in a bad relationship and looking for some release. Over the course of a few weeks she's opened up a good deal of her personal life to me without any pushing on my part for her to do so. She seems to be the frustrated wife of an unfaithful husband and is in search of someone who will give her attention. By no means is she a sb. Doesn't want money, dates necessarily or any of that, just someone will treat her right. Here's my dilemma, she had indicated to me what she wants, she wants intimacy but she doesn't want it with a stranger. I've told her minimal on my end as advised here. She knows my first name, that I work and have a SO. That's about the extent of it. She told me she's not comfortable being alone with some one if she doesn't know my name, as in last name. Now before you tear me apart heat me out, I've found her social media all of what she's told me checks out, to the T. I've told her I'm not comfortable with doing that. I've explained to her that like me she had a lot to lose and what we don't know about each other we can never use against each other. At this point it's an impasse we can't seem to get around.

Your thoughts on this are much appreciated.[/QUOTE]Well one of your early sentences pretty much summed it up -- she's not an SB in any way, so most of the stuff that is discussed on this thread is out of context for that situation.

You just need to decide if you are interested in a flat-out affair that has emotional obligations (she's already started with her demands early on) and whether that fulfills some need that you originally started looking for? If not and you're in it for sex outside your normal routine like most of us, I'd say getting involved in affairs is a bad idea. I've done that before (had ongoing extra marital affairs, back when I was married, with girls where they were heavily emotionally invested and I really liked being with them). Personally I won't do it again. It drains you mentally, trying to sustain the facade and the emotional obligation to two different women at once. But I did it multiple times before I really learned my lesson, so if you've never done it before then maybe its like a rite of passage, and if you want to have that experience then go for it? Your experience and opinions on whether it's worth it could be very different than mine. I like the convenience of fucking for the sake of fun and no strings attached. You are looking at a situation with lots of strings with this girl.

I always say never take too seriously the relationship advice you get on a forum full of mongers. There are forums out there where you would probably get more on-target advice about this type of affair. I'm sure a lot of these married girls that are on the SD websites would like to have this, but for the most part its out of scope for the sugar bowl. She most likely chose to meet someone on SA because the paid membership helps filter out unemployed losers and the kind of riff raff she might meet elsewhere, but what she really wants is just an ongoing secret lover.

As Fred said, you have the additional risk of a jealous husband in that situation to be aware of. While it's true that the same could be said about SBs that are married or have boyfriends that are keeping tabs on them, the risk is kept low with SBs (at least the way I deal with them) by the fact that I do not get emotionally involved with them. The way I do it there's not a lot of constant texting and email and calling when she needs to hear your voice, which produces lots of evidence and opportunity for getting caught.

Me personally? No. No last name would be given. I wouldn't even return her messages after she made a demand of me like that.

[QUOTE=JeezLizard;3076801]Well one of your early sentences pretty much summed it up -- she's not an SB in any way, so most of the stuff that is discussed on this thread is out of context for that situation.

You just need to decide if you are interested in a flat-out affair that has emotional obligations (she's already started with her demands early on) and whether that fulfills some need that you originally started looking for? If not and you're in it for sex outside your normal routine like most of us, I'd say getting involved in affairs is a bad idea. I've done that before (had ongoing extra marital affairs, back when I was married, with girls where they were heavily emotionally invested and I really liked being with them). Personally I won't do it again. It drains you mentally, trying to sustain the facade and the emotional obligation to two different women at once. But I did it multiple times before I really learned my lesson, so if you've never done it before then maybe its like a rite of passage, and if you want to have that experience then go for it? Your experience and opinions on whether it's worth it could be very different than mine. I like the convenience of fucking for the sake of fun and no strings attached. You are looking at a situation with lots of strings with this girl.

I always say never take too seriously the relationship advice you get on a forum full of mongers. There are forums out there where you would probably get more on-target advice about this type of affair. I'm sure a lot of these married girls that are on the SD websites would like to have this, but for the most part its out of scope for the sugar bowl. She most likely chose to meet someone on SA because the paid membership helps filter out unemployed losers and the kind of riff raff she might meet elsewhere, but what she really wants is just an ongoing secret lover.

As Fred said, you have the additional risk of a jealous husband in that situation to be aware of. While it's true that the same could be said about SBs that are married or have boyfriends that are keeping tabs on them, the risk is kept low with SBs (at least the way I deal with them) by the fact that I do not get emotionally involved with them. The way I do it there's not a lot of constant texting and email and calling when she needs to hear your voice, which produces lots of evidence and opportunity for getting caught.

Me personally? No. No last name would be given. I wouldn't even return her messages after she made a demand of me like that.[/QUOTE]Thanks man.

I think what I'll do is see her since she's getting the room, make a move and if she relents good if not so be it, I'll just take my losses and move on.

In the spirit of the recent thread, I am messaging with a POT who says she has an open relationship and her guy, who she has been with for 5 years, has let her have several outside relationships. She's never been a baby, and she says as long as she is safe he is fine with it. She has all of the allure one could seek. Thoughts?

[QUOTE=Hungre123;3076828]Thanks man.

I think what I'll do is see her since she's getting the room, make a move and if she relents good if not so be it, I'll just take my losses and move on.[/QUOTE]I dunno, not to be harsh but, with all of the advice here, it sounds like the little head is doing the thinking!

Good luck! Hope the Hubby doesn't come crashing through the hotel room door and beat you senseless. She's got you manipulated, big time. Eventually your guard will be down.

Like OP said. Danger! Will Rogers!

[QUOTE=FarFarAway;3077056]In the spirit of the recent thread, I am messaging with a POT who says she has an open relationship and her guy, who she has been with for 5 years, has let her have several outside relationships. She's never been a baby, and she says as long as she is safe he is fine with it. She has all of the allure one could seek. Thoughts?[/QUOTE]Now that makes sense. As long as it is true that her guy agrees to allow her to play with others, then its OK. BUT you need to make sure they are really swingers and she's not cheating on him.

Look, there ARE real people out there who engage in recreational sex outside of the bounds or marriage. BUT it is hard stuff and requires a rock solid relationship and excellent communication skills. Many wander into it for the wrong reason or with out the skills needed and it ends in a bunch of drama. The key being that you wish to avoid any of the drama! Period.

Often, in the "lifestyle" men playing without their wives are asked by the couple or female to have the wife voice verify that she is cool with hubby playing without her. THAT such that the drama is avoided. Haven't heard of many asking a wife to confirm that hubby is cool with her playing, but it would make sense.

OP who is driving head long into a mutual affair is headed for big time drama. Eventually. Don't follow suit. Confirm the open relationship status. Also watch out for her being "managed" meaning she's a pro and not really a swinger or SB.

[QUOTE=FarFarAway;3077056]In the spirit of the recent thread, I am messaging with a POT who says she has an open relationship and her guy, who she has been with for 5 years, has let her have several outside relationships. She's never been a baby, and she says as long as she is safe he is fine with it. She has all of the allure one could seek. Thoughts?[/QUOTE]I met a girl like this on SA once, she was married but open relationship, and said her hubby might even like to watch me fuck her if I was into that kind of thing but that meeting and / or befriending him was optional. If I was really into her I might have given it a go, but I had other POTS that were higher priority so I never met her. I also thought it's a little creepy that the hubby was so into sharing, like maybe if I go to her place and bang her, he will come knocking on the door dressed in leather ready to join in and start high fiving or something. I realize that some people are into 2 guys one girl and they aren't necessarily gay or bi, but I'm 100% hetero and while a threesome with two girls is fun, a threesome with one girl and two guys does not interest me in the least, and I just got the feeling that's what they were into so I passed.

I have also had two very close friends ask me to bang their women while they watch on separate occasions. A girlfriend in one case and a wife in the other. I told them I valued our friendship too much to risk fallout from that, sometimes there is a jealous vibe that emerges from those things that can damage a friendship.

[QUOTE=CephlapodLove;3077467]Now that makes sense. As long as it is true that her guy agrees to allow her to play with others, then its OK. BUT you need to make sure they are really swingers and she's not cheating on him.

Look, there ARE real people out there who engage in recreational sex outside of the bounds or marriage. BUT it is hard stuff and requires a rock solid relationship and excellent communication skills. Many wander into it for the wrong reason or with out the skills needed and it ends in a bunch of drama. The key being that you wish to avoid any of the drama! Period.

Often, in the "lifestyle" men playing without their wives are asked by the couple or female to have the wife voice verify that she is cool with hubby playing without her. THAT such that the drama is avoided. Haven't heard of many asking a wife to confirm that hubby is cool with her playing, but it would make sense.

OP who is driving head long into a mutual affair is headed for big time drama. Eventually. Don't follow suit. Confirm the open relationship status. Also watch out for her being "managed" meaning she's a pro and not really a swinger or SB.[/QUOTE]This is the second POT I've messaged with recently who claims to be polyamorous. This is in inland SoCal, the other western Michigan. That girl said she was 'dating' two married guys right now (married to other women, of course. LOL) and she wanted to see me when I was in town. Anyway, thanks for those considerations and I will try to keep them in mind. It's true, the little head is damned interested in her. And what a way with words. I had another well-known senior look at her profile as a possible sub, and his thought was she was just GPS.

[QUOTE=FarFarAway;3077817]This is the second POT I've messaged with recently who claims to be polyamorous. This is in inland SoCal, the other western Michigan. That girl said she was 'dating' two married guys right now (married to other women, of course. LOL) and she wanted to see me when I was in town. Anyway, thanks for those considerations and I will try to keep them in mind. It's true, the little head is damned interested in her. And what a way with words. I had another well-known senior look at her profile as a possible sub, and his thought was she was just GPS.[/QUOTE]One thing I will tell you is most guys just do not "get it" when it comes to "the lifestyle," Swinging or a shared wife. There are plenty of dudes who love their women as much or more than the average dude availing himself of SBs AND who love to see their women happy by being shared or poly. But hey, one can see the old double standard in many dudes on this board who are aghast that their SB might be dating other dudes, while they see no double standard in the fact they are married / attached or dating several SBs on their own. The politics of recreational sex are fascinating and often amusing. Shoot some of the most "conservative" dudes (rules out the ying-yang) I have met were part of couples in the lifestyle.

So if a dude wants you to bang his girl. Get yer head out of your double standard and have fun. While I have taken a few women while SO watches, I prefer one-on-one encounters. Shoot if one is comfortable with their physique, not homophobic and confident of their skilz, then MFM can be fun too. Nothing more exciting than banging a girl while she gives her hubby head. Shoot, jumping in on a DP is pretty incredible too. But when you get into air tight situations or more, it can get to be a but much. How about banging a hot chick in an open play room at a swing club as tens watch? That can be incredibly erotic!

The point is that IF you can get you head around it. Shared wife, poly or swinging can be as much fun as a SB. But their in lies the rub. It is just recreational sex, period. So your job is to be a good playmate and KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS in check. If you can't keep from falling in love with some other dude's girl then you aren't welcome in the situation. But hey again, plenty of dudes can't keep a firewall between their heart and their d*ck. THAT breaks the basic tenant of the shared / poly situation. Know your limits and act accordingly. This is why swinging is so difficult. You need to be able to judge others to see that they can keep on their "side of the line. ".

Conversely, a shared wife isn't a sl#t, or a wh*re or a c&nt or some other derogatory term. So treat them with the respect you'd afford your SO. Seems like its pretty straight forward and doesn't need to be said? However, many dudes can't get their head around such and nothing will get you a quick azz kicking than disrespect some dude's girl after he has been gracious enough to share her with you. Sometimes a guy just gets off watching his wife pleased. Sometimes he wants to be there to make sure you aren't a douche and will treat her well - in those situations if you are a gent, then the potential for future meetings that are one-on-one increase.

So, Hey, as long as all parties involved are in agreement, there is nothing wrong with poly, shared or swinging.

Now I think it might important to define poly. Poly = polyamorous which means a man or a woman that does have emotional and sexual relationships with more than one person. In that case, however, it is important to know who is the "primary" in her life so that one knows where they stand. Very few people can truly stomach a true polyamorous relationship (s). We just are not socialized that way and very few can over come their socialization.

Not sure if this was reported back. Considering how cheap Uber pool is and the opportunity it creates for more SBs come to you it's a no brainer. If personal identity could be kept confidential I'm sure this will b a super hit in our community. LOL.

[QUOTE=BikeRider;2959416]You can create an uber account under any name provided you've an email address. Use an alias, and then add your real card would work. I'm actually considering trying to create an account with a gift card. I'll report back.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=CephlapodLove;3077885]
So if a dude wants you to bang his girl. Get yer head out of your double standard and have fun. While I have taken a few women while SO watches, I prefer one-on-one encounters. Shoot if one is comfortable with their physique, not homophobic and confident of their skilz, then MFM can be fun too. [/QUOTE]That idea in itself is beyond the level of judgment I would apply to others. Just like it's true that not everyone into MFM threesomes is bisexual, not everyone who is turned off to the idea of having the visual of another man's rod to look at while he is trying to enjoy some nice pussy is homophobic or insecure. I see it as a matter of preference, like the fact some people prefer blonde and some brunettes. Some are ass men and others are boob men -- and some men like sausage or all of the above. Different strokes for different folks, people have their kinks, as long as everyone is having fun and nobody gets hurt.

[QUOTE=CephlapodLove;3077885]
But hey again, plenty of dudes can't keep a firewall between their heart and their d*ck. THAT breaks the basic tenant of the shared / poly situation. Know your limits and act accordingly. This is why swinging is so difficult. You need to be able to judge others to see that they can keep on their "side of the line. ".[/QUOTE]That summarizes the main reason I avoided the invites from my friend to bang their girls. Their friendship was more important to me than the sexual experience -- I can get laid elsewhere anytime without jeopardizing a friendship, and no matter how well I think I know them or trust them to not get upset, how do I know they won't get insecure, compare themselves to me sexually or physically during the act, and get resentful or jealous? Why take that risk at all?

Just like you said some can't keep the firewall between dick and heart -- even if they have it initially, what's to guarantee they can maintain it over a longer duration? Even the best of humans are dynamic, unpredictable and just not the most reliable creatures on the planet, especially when it comes to sexual matters.

A friend of mine decided to invite a guy he had known since childhood into a video taped threesome with his long-time girlfriend (serious relationship). Everyone was cool with it and it all went well, no hard feelings. Then many months down the road, my friend is out of town on work, and the guy had a beer too many and called up the girlfriend because he was horny and thought maybe a little one on one "side action" would be possible. Well of course the girl reported the attempt, my friend felt betrayed because the original threesome was with his consent and his idea, and you guessed it he and his friend from childhood stopped speaking to each other.

I've seen it happen more than once, so I always say if you're going to swing do it with strangers or expendable friends. No matter how well you think you've judged someone or predicted their future behavior, they may still surprise you.

Gentlemen, I need some advice. If I get a room, should I book for 1 or 2 people? For most places, price seems to be the same, but I don't want SB's name anywhere on the paperwork. Also, for a first-timer SB, do you guys wait until the last minute, to be sure she's not a no-show, and then book the room online, or do you just walk into the lobby?

[QUOTE=Assaholic;3078364]Gentlemen, I need some advice. If I get a room, should I book for 1 or 2 people? For most places, price seems to be the same, but I don't want SB's name anywhere on the paperwork. Also, for a first-timer SB, do you guys wait until the last minute, to be sure she's not a no-show, and then book the room online, or do you just walk into the lobby?[/QUOTE]For your first question, I've never seen a hotel ask for the names of the additional people staying, nor have I seen them charge more. I believe the only purpose in that is for them to allocate room keys and maybe towels? Someone else might correct me if I'm wrong.

Second question, in my case I always have the room ahead of time because I'm always traveling when sugaring and need a place to sleep anyway, but if I were doing this close to home and had no plans of using the room if she didn't show, I would wait until after I met to book her unless it was cancellable. I had a recent M&G where the girl showed up, and quite frankly she was below my standard (no fault of her own but I didn't want to bang her much less bang then gift her). First time that happened to me. Point is you never know for sure with the M&G.

[QUOTE=Hungre123;3076744]Alright guys, I need some of your expert friendly advice. This ones a little out of the norm. I've been in contact with a woman from sa, she's married, 28 in a bad relationship and looking for some release. Over the course of a few weeks she's opened up a good deal of her personal life to me without any pushing on my part for her to do so. She seems to be the frustrated wife of an unfaithful husband and is in search of someone who will give her attention. By no means is she a sb. Doesn't want money, dates necessarily or any of that, just someone will treat her right. Here's my dilemma, she had indicated to me what she wants, she wants intimacy but she doesn't want it with a stranger. I've told her minimal on my end as advised here. She knows my first name, that I work and have a SO. That's about the extent of it. She told me she's not comfortable being alone with some one if she doesn't know my name, as in last name. Now before you tear me apart heat me out, I've found her social media all of what she's told me checks out, to the T. I've told her I'm not comfortable with doing that. I've explained to her that like me she had a lot to lose and what we don't know about each other we can never use against each other. At this point it's an impasse we can't seem to get around.

Your thoughts on this are much appreciated.[/QUOTE]I would first do a M&G to see how you two vibe, and let her know that. Even then I would probably not.