Jhadiib's cat will surely get out of the bag
[QUOTE=SCJohn;7012646]You are certainly entitled to your opinion and can run your life the way you want to. But to advise others to follow your path, is reckless. For anyone considering doing what BSouthgate is advocating; Once you let the cat out of the bag, there's no going back. You will never know how your partner will react to this news. If you do decide to go down this path, be prepared for the consequences, upto and including divorce.[/QUOTE]If he takes the path of sex addiction treatment. Part of that treatment is to square with your partner. And if you do not square, you have to continuously lie about why you are going to therapy sessions twice a week, why you have a 12-step sponsor, and why you are taking those pills for ADHD.
SCjohn, if you had read all of my post, including the reference, you would see that I propose another path which is not the ridiculous sex addiction treatment nor letting the cat out. Here is the reference again. [URL]http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?4228-Sexual-Addiction-Reports[/URL].
Jhadiib's problem is not that he needs sex with multiple partners. All of us have this need. His problem, and the problem many of us suffer from, is that we do not want to admit that we are polyamorous. Not even to ourselves, let alone to our loved ones. Polyamorous people need to come out of the closet as gay people did in the end of the last century. Polyamorous people are not sick, perverted or addicted. They are genetically predisposed to a certain sexual preference.
Addiction, Guilt, Polyamorous
Coffee is an addiction. But it's affordable for most people. Numerous studies claim that coffee is beneficial (probably sponsored by Starbucks). It's not going to hurt any other people. If you want to save some money paying for sex, go for counseling by all means if you think it will work. Sex by itself is not harmful and somewhat self-regulated. I don't think you need to suppress your urges; that's evolution.
Guilt is what you feel. If your sexual urges are not satisfied by your SO, it's only natural to find satisfaction somewhere else. Just don't let your religion or morality get the better of you.
By definition, I'm somewhat in a polyamorous relationship. I have various (paid) partners, and they have other partners. Do I like it? Hell no. Do I like my ATF being fucked by other clients and put their dick into her mouth? No. But for money makes it OK; I can't afford exclusive. If she goes to bed with another person because she likes it, I'm jealous. I'm not only paying for pure sex and attraction. I need more to get more buck out of the money.
Am I mono or poly? I tend to settle down on the one who satisfies me most and enough. But mostly I'm in various stages of audition.
Sorry if my advice is not helpful
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7013216]Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.
An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).
Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.[/QUOTE]I understand precisely what you are going through. I have been there. I wasted thousands on sex addiction therapy. I wasted hours at "I am Bobby. I am a sex addict. " 12-step meetings. After all the useless therapy and meetings, I divorced my former wife, realizing that "I am who I am. I am polyamorous".
I found my way out of the shadows of shame and guilt and into the light of self-realization. I am now married to a truly loving woman who understands me for who I am, not for what her church tells her I should be. I enjoy her love immensely as well as an occasional visit to the massage parlor.
Polyamorous of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your shame; you have a hell of a lot of pussy to win.
What goes on inside of a woman's head?
[QUOTE=Taws6;7015161]Glad that works for you.
Although I don't really know what goes on inside a woman's head (who here does?) - I can only speak from my experiences.
As the old saying goes, Men are from Mars, women from Venus.
We are built differently.
Especially after a woman starts squeezing out puppies, their priorities change. We don't (by and large).
By that I mean that for the vast majority here, having an occasional side thing going on without disclosure to he wife is far healthier than telling your wife that you are going go be fucking around on her.
Women want that loving dedicated husband, father etc. Take that from her, you do far more damage and the odds are far against any conceivable percentage of chance that she will "understand".
From where I sit, I disagree wholeheartedly.[/QUOTE]From experience with three wives, dozens of gfs, scores of casual encounters and hundreds of hookers, I have some idea what goes on in their heads.
There are two levels: physical and cultural.
Physical. Women, like men, have libido or sexuality. They want sexual release ten times a day, one time a week or not at all. Like men, they masturbate. According to research, more frequently than we do. A guy, who posted on a porn site, worked as a hotel night clerk. He put hidden clock cameras in some of the hotel rooms. He recorded single women occupants masturbating. He revealed in a PM that the majority of females hotel room occupants masturbated at least once a night. Some masturbated several times each night. Some not at all.
Hetero women do not just get off by themselves. They also like to fuck with men. Of my three wives, the first was hypersexual and wanted sex several times per day, more than I did. That is one of the reasons we separated and divorced. The third wife does not like sex hardly at all. The second liked it once or twice per week.
Women also have different sexual preferences. Some like to have one partner; some two; some several.
All of the above describe women's physical sexuality. These features are largely genetically programmed and not learned.
Cultural learned sexuality. Women, more than men, learn cultural mores, rules and taboos about sex. Most women are more conformist than men. They need to fit their image to the ideal that they learned as little girls. For most, they need to look like princesses, searching for Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet. When they think they have found Prince Charming, they want him to also conform to their ideal marriage image. He must work hard, support the family and be sexually faithful. She, the princess, must also be faithful. She can enjoy fucking but only with her prince and he can enjoy only with her, the princess.
However, if she is a high libido woman with a physical preference for multiple partners, she will have problems adjusting to monogamy. My first wife was such a woman. She naturally needed to fuck with multiple partners. I was immature and could not accept this. We divorced.
Women will be less honest about their sex lives especially when they discuss them with other women. Even modern women will try to mould their stories into the princess cultural ideology. They will not admit to masturbating often; they will deny enjoying sex with multiple partners. It is only within the last two generations that they started to admit to like sex at all. Before that, nobody even imagined that women could enjoy orgasms, much less orgasms from their fingers, vibrators or tongues.
There is a dichotomous contradiction between their physical and cultural sexuality. Physically, they are hornier than we are. Culturally they dare not admit horniness. This applies to prostitutes, certainly to Chinese pros. I am Caucasian but lived in China for years. I am fluent in Mandarin. I once overheard Chinese pros in China talking about their customers. Two sex workers, one who was assigned to service me as soon a a room was free, were competing in convincing each other about how much they disliked sex work. I sat quietly and listened. I expected my hour with the woman to be mechanical, boring and disappointing. It was not. She was very responsive and had several convulsive orgasms. No, she was not faking. Those of you with experience know the difference. She would never admit to her colleague that she really enjoyed sex with her clients. Her colleague probably the same. This is the dichotomous contradiction. They like the sex with lots of guys but they cannot admit it. Many if not most women have this contradiction.
I advised a brother who mistakenly thinks he has sex addiction to square with his wife. I understand why you disagree with that advice. She may be so overwhelmed with cultural mores about sexual fidelity and she may find it impossible to allow that both the brother, her husband, and she, the aspiring princess, are just physical beings that need sex but actually love each other with a pure love that can liberate them from cultural bonds.
In my long life, I have found it better to be honest in my truly intimate relationships with spouses and children; that may not work for everyone.
