Been there, done that with explanations
Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family.
Ghost Shit.
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit.
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit.
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit.
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it. You've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit.
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit.
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit.
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit.
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit.
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit.
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit.
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit.
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit).
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers).
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit.
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle.
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Bungee Shit.
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit.
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler.
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber.
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang.
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit.
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit.
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper.
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit.
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit.
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche. But with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit.
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit.
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit.
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit.
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
Now excuse me while I evacuate my bowels.
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Lying hoe but my fault too
Met this one a few months ago at the days inn which allows truck parking. I was walking back to the hotel from my truck. When she came running up to me needing 7 coins to pay for her.
Taxi ride and was looking for her girlfriend. Yes I told her if she didn't find her friend she could hang out in my room. BTW she really look and acted like she needed some sleep.
She helped me dream the next morning with BBBJ and FS before checking out for letting her crash in my room. Yup I did sleep with one eye open.
Anyways I had to hit the road being a cross country driver and was back in two weeks keeping in touch with her. Day before get back she is hauled off to camp LEO then another.
Camp waiting to see the camp boss before coming home.
She had some nice stories to tell me and routinely got one of them on Sundays asking for some coins added to her account which I did but the least I could. I do know what.
It is like to be at camp and no funds to buy anything.
She got out and then back to camp two weeks later guess she now likes camping at Leos. I got the story about how she wants off of OBT and away from the candy.
Well guess what a couple days before I am back in town again. She calls asking for some more coins OK I fall for it so now it adds up to about $2. 5 and she is no where to be found.
Not returning my text or blocked me sure she could of drained a few more coins out of me for a dream or two not that the other dreams were all that great.
So been thinking about something I read a few weeks ago posted by someone Candy is King and the SW's are servants to the King and will do anything to serve the King.
Well this one got me for being to trusting and believing her stories. Which makes her to be just another lying candy girl who I will seeing again going to camp LEO maybe for ripping.
Another guy and running. That is what got her back at camp a few weeks ago another SW told me. So watch out for she is out again.
Her name is Becky hangs around oak ridge so most likely still in the area 32 yo 5'7" 135 lbs brown hair. Have a few of her photos from camp but this one I took of her. So this old guy is getting.
Smarter about the stories they tell and how most are lies just to the the. Oh I have met a couple others and for me no up front coins its COD for me with Bella or Britanee or any.
Others I might meet. I still feel I am to old for cruising the trail but it did work for me last week a girl said her name is Nova said she doesn't walk that often maybe just another.
Story but have her digits so will test her out my next trip back to Orlando.
