[QUOTE=A John]Three reasons to live in a warm climate, first One then the other two![/QUOTE]
A John, but imagine having those other two reasons shivering from the cold and looking to you to get them out of the cold and keep them warm. :D
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[QUOTE=A John]Three reasons to live in a warm climate, first One then the other two![/QUOTE]
A John, but imagine having those other two reasons shivering from the cold and looking to you to get them out of the cold and keep them warm. :D
[QUOTE=A John]This is an actual barbershop in Poland .
They say women are not smarter than men?
Yeah, right... this is get ritch quick IMHO
Be honest:
If this barbershop was in your community
How many haircuts would you get a month?![/QUOTE]
We have better...
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One thing about Australians is that their hearts and humor are always in the right place!
T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from Newcastle , NSW was asked
on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners.
His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.
HIS STATEMENT:
'If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's nuts to a car's battery cables will save just one Australians life, then I have just three things to say,'
'Red is positive, Black is negative, and Make sure his nuts are wet.'
1. My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV? ' I said, 'Dust. ' And then the fight started.
2. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started.
3. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started.
4. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too. ' And then the fight started.
5. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her? ' 'Yes, ' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. ' 'My God! ' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? ' And then the fight started.
6. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please. " He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow? "" Nah, she can order for herself. " And then the fight started.
7. A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment. ' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect. ' And then the fight started.
8. I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14. 95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7. 95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.
9. My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday. And then the fight started. 10. A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband! ' So the man jumped out of the bed; Scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband! ' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running? ' And then the fight started.
11. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible. ' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that? ' And then the fight started.
12. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time! " she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen? " And that's when the fight started.
13. My wife was mad at me and said "that's it, I am going to cut you off. I said, "technically you need to be having some sort of sex periodically in order to be able tocut me off"! And that's when the fight started.
14. My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex? " "No, " she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer? " She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes. " So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend. " And that's when the fight started.
[QUOTE=A John]This is an actual barbershop in Poland .
They say women are not smarter than men?
Yeah, right... this is get ritch quick IMHO
Be honest:
If this barbershop was in your community
How many haircuts would you get a month?![/QUOTE]
I was surfing thru the photos and came a cross these. I am near Canton, Ohio, and there was a similiar kind of place in large, popular township out of Canton City called Jackson Twp, back in the mid the early to mid 1980's. It made the newspapers, and they got alot of business, so naturally, the local Leo's also watched it, and went in under cover, and even though I don't think anything out of the normal happened, Leo got with all the neighbors and churches, and the zoning board, and eventually, within about 8 months, they got it shut down. Darn.
I never was able to go there, but I always wondered if you could get them topless, or completely naked for more $, or if you get some "extra" for even more $$?? I wonder if they'd trim my hair around "ping & pong"? haha, but then again, I don't know if I'd ever want any female with any sharp objects around that area?!?!
Cleavage Lover
Too funny Cleavage LOL
[QUOTE=Cleavage Lover] I never was able to go there, but I always wondered if you could get them topless, or completely naked for more $, or if you get some "extra" for even more $$?? I wonder if they'd trim my hair around "ping & pong"? haha, but then again, I don't know if I'd ever want any female with any sharp objects around that area?!?!Cleavage Lover[/QUOTE]
Al Gore has been keeping his defeat in the 2000 Presidential election a secret from his wife, it emerged today. For the past eight years he has pretended to go off to work each day to ‘run the country’. So depressed was he about the outcome of the 2000 US presidential election, that he was unable to break the news of his defeat to wife Tipper after some television networks initially declared him the victor.
‘It’s been a struggle,’ admitted Gore in an interview with Fox News. ‘I’ve grown to hate that man Bush more than I thought could be possible. Not only do I get up each day to find that he’s doing the job I should be doing, but he is doing it real well and I then have to pretend to go and do it anyway.’ Gore went on to describe how he has employed a team of ‘advisors’ and ‘security personnel’ to supervise wife Tipper and keep her away from all forms of media in case she caught on that her husband wasn’t actually the 43rd president of the United States.
‘Obviously Tipper was keen to get into the White House and make her mark on the place, but I had to keep stalling her,’ Gore explained. ‘At first I claimed it was being redecorated, but that only bought me a few weeks, so then I said there was subsidence. I was quite pleased with that one, but it was 9/11 that really put me in the clear. After that I was able to tell her that the CIA had credible intelligence the White House was a target for terrorists and it was best we just stayed put in the family home in Nashville, Tennessee.’
Although Gore admitted that he felt awful regaling his wife each night with accounts of his fictional successes. Something that was much easier to do while things went well during Bush's first 6 years in office, but somehting that became increasingly difficult to do whenthe Democrats took control of Congress 2 years ago and things started to tailspin. It was finding things to occupy his time that proved his biggest challenge. ‘To be honest, I’d never been too fussed about the environment or good causes,’ he said, while commenting on his fantasy film "Inconvienent Truth", ‘but everyone needs a hobby and there are only so many times I could recount all those votes cast in Florida.’
While Tipper Gore is reported to be looking forward to resuming normal life after the conclusion of husband Al’s ‘second term’ on 20 January, she has apparently written to Michelle Obama warning her that being First Lady may not turn out to be quite what she’d expected. Gore meanwhile has conceded that he’ll need to draw on all the qualities that made him one of America’s greatest presidents if he is to explain to his wife the recent deterioration in Israeli-Palestinian relations following the historic 2006 ‘President Gore Peace Accord’, for which he told his wife he received the Nobel Prize was for.
[QUOTE=LordBlackAdder]Al Gore has been keeping his defeat in the 2000 Presidential election a secret from his wife, it emerged today. For the past eight years he has pretended to go off to work each day to ‘run the country’. So depressed was he about the outcome of the 2000 US presidential election, that he was unable to break the news of his defeat to wife Tipper after some television networks initially declared him the victor.
‘It’s been a struggle,’ admitted Gore in an interview with Fox News. ‘I’ve grown to hate that man Bush more than I thought could be possible. Not only do I get up each day to find that he’s doing the job I should be doing, but he is doing it real well and I then have to pretend to go and do it anyway.’ Gore went on to describe how he has employed a team of ‘advisors’ and ‘security personnel’ to supervise wife Tipper and keep her away from all forms of media in case she caught on that her husband wasn’t actually the 43rd president of the United States.
‘Obviously Tipper was keen to get into the White House and make her mark on the place, but I had to keep stalling her,’ Gore explained. ‘At first I claimed it was being redecorated, but that only bought me a few weeks, so then I said there was subsidence. I was quite pleased with that one, but it was 9/11 that really put me in the clear. After that I was able to tell her that the CIA had credible intelligence the White House was a target for terrorists and it was best we just stayed put in the family home in Nashville, Tennessee.’
Although Gore admitted that he felt awful regaling his wife each night with accounts of his fictional successes. Something that was much easier to do while things went well during Bush's first 6 years in office, but somehting that became increasingly difficult to do whenthe Democrats took control of Congress 2 years ago and things started to tailspin. It was finding things to occupy his time that proved his biggest challenge. ‘To be honest, I’d never been too fussed about the environment or good causes,’ he said, while commenting on his fantasy film "Inconvienent Truth", ‘but everyone needs a hobby and there are only so many times I could recount all those votes cast in Florida.’
While Tipper Gore is reported to be looking forward to resuming normal life after the conclusion of husband Al’s ‘second term’ on 20 January, she has apparently written to Michelle Obama warning her that being First Lady may not turn out to be quite what she’d expected. Gore meanwhile has conceded that he’ll need to draw on all the qualities that made him one of America’s greatest presidents if he is to explain to his wife the recent deterioration in Israeli-Palestinian relations following the historic 2006 ‘President Gore Peace Accord’, for which he told his wife he received the Nobel Prize was for.[/QUOTE]Sorry LBA, jokes about that loser just aren't funny anymore. Even if he now looks like he back into a air hose.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While enroute home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tiptoe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?
The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'
Funny thing Tipper`s father owened a plumbing supply house at one time. I often though if maybe she and Joe the plumber ever hook up?
A Russian and a Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal.
Before the final match, the Newfie wrestler's trainer came to him and said, 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has.
Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'; the Newfie nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the Newfie and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Newfie and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there wa s a scream, then a ch eer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in20the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfoundlander collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, He asked, 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before! '
The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. '
So the trainer exclaimed, 'That's what finished him off! '
'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts."
As many of you know, I had ambitions of finding a simple, uncomplicated
part time job. Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I have
become a little less sensitive. So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart
greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive,
mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been
instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart..
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped
yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's
9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are
you blind, or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't
believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at
Wal-Mart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.......
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said, 'No,' so, she gave him a hug and
walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and
walked on.
The third really beautiful woman came up to him and said, 'Have you ever been fucked?'
The fellow said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his johnson, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate. No reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest
He bent over to pick it up. Then all the other bells started to ring.
The Mustang Ranch
and The $750 billion bail-out
Back in 1990, The Government seized The Mustang Ranch Brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
They failed and it CLOSED!. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country and 850+ Billion Dollars to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a ***** house and selling booze.
Now, If that don't make you nervous, what does???