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If anyone cares I won't be available for quite a while. Why? I'm finally getting surgery. No, I'll still be the same size (a bbw) and still have my huge tits. P Also to the angry / upset gentlemen (s) that are mad because I flake on them or I'm never available.
O Yeah I'm getting knee surgery. After all these years on them, one finally gave out. LOL jk.
Remember guys I'm a FULL time college student and have a weekend gig. (I only take calls when I post. Or if you're a regular.)
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" and, finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
XOXOXOXO Ashley.
P. S. I see ya smilin'
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1259991]The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" and, finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
XOXOXOXO Ashley.
P. S. I see ya smilin'[/QUOTE]I'm still smilin' and it has nothing to do with these jokes.
Funny stuff Ashley. I am smiling.
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1259991]The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" and, finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
XOXOXOXO Ashley.
P. S. I see ya smilin'[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1259991]The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" and, finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
XOXOXOXO Ashley.
P. S. I see ya smilin'[/QUOTE]For all of those that constantly scream: pussy, pussy, pussy, gentlemen; that's what this forum is all about! Leave it to Ashley to show everyone that there is way more to life than just getting laid.
Kudos, Ashley. I really needed your jokes and enjoyed them immensely!
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1259991]The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" and, finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
XOXOXOXO Ashley.
P. S. I see ya smilin'[/QUOTE]I needed that today m-45
Great stuff! I especially like the suicide hotline LOL.
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1259991]The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobile laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street" and, finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
XOXOXOXO Ashley.
P. S. I see ya smilin'[/QUOTE]
Questions:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your Bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Okay everyone list your answers and tomorrow I will post the true answers. Lets see who has a dirty mind! .
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1261725]Questions:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your Bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Okay everyone list your answers and tomorrow I will post the true answers. Lets see who has a dirty mind! .[/QUOTE]Okay if I omitted the answer to the question it is because I could not think of anything other than a dirty one. His is what I thought were the answers to the riddles.
1. Dentist.
2.
3. Peanut Butter.
4. Gum.
5.
6.
7. Paper Boy.
8. Glove.
9. Wrecking Ball.
10.
Even if I got the ones I answered correct I still would only have a 60 %, a failing grade. Sucks to be me!
Thank you Ashley.
I think I need some private tutoring. When should I cum to see you for my lessons?
[QUOTE=Austins66; 1262429]Okay if I omitted the answer to the question it is because I could not think of anything other than a dirty one. His is what I thought were the answers to the riddles.
1. Dentist.
2. Wedding Ring.
3. Peanut Butter.
4. Gum.
5. Elevator.
6. Nose.
7. Paper Boy.
8. Glove.
9. Wrecking Ball.
10. Shaving cream?
Even if I got the ones I answered correct I still would only have a 60, a failing grade. Sucks to be me!
Thank you Ashley.
I think I need some private tutoring. When should I cum to see you for my lessons?[/QUOTE]Up to 90% (Maybe.)
[QUOTE=Lovely Bbw Lee; 1258844]If anyone cares I won't be available for quite a while. Why? I'm finally getting surgery. No, I'll still be the same size (a bbw) and still have my huge tits. P Also to the angry / upset gentlemen (s) that are mad because I flake on them or I'm never available.
O Yeah I'm getting knee surgery. After all these years on them, one finally gave out. LOL jk.
Remember guys I'm a FULL time college student and have a weekend gig. (I only take calls when I post. Or if you're a regular.) [/QUOTE]We will be thinking about you.
2. Ring.
5. Elevator.
6. That party favor whistle I can't remember name.
10. Toothbrush
[QUOTE=Austins66; 1262429]Okay if I omitted the answer to the question it is because I could not think of anything other than a dirty one. His is what I thought were the answers to the riddles.
1. Dentist.
2.
3. Peanut Butter.
4. Gum.
5.
6.
7. Paper Boy.
8. Glove.
9. Wrecking Ball.
10.
Even if I got the ones I answered correct I still would only have a 60, a failing grade. Sucks to be me!
Thank you Ashley.
I think I need some private tutoring. When should I cum to see you for my lessons?[/QUOTE]Honey that was the whole idea, to see just how dirty your mind really is! The FIRST thing that pops into your mind is to be the answer. Guess it looks like I am going to have to get the ruler and school teacher uniform and take you back to school my dear! (Evil Little Laigh). XOXOXOXO
The answer to #2 is a ring. I hope that helps.
1. Dentist.
2.
3. Peanut Butter.
4. Gum.
5.
6.
7. Paper Boy.
8. Glove.
9. Wrecking Ball.
10.
Even if I got the ones I answered correct I still would only have a 60, a failing grade. Sucks to be me!
Thank you Ashley.
I think I need some private tutoring. When should I cum to see you for my lessons?[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1261725]Questions:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your Bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Okay everyone list your answers and tomorrow I will post the true answers. Lets see who has a dirty mind! .[/QUOTE]2. Wedding ring.
5. Water fountain.
6. Nose.
10. Toothbrush
Answer for 2 is a ring. Obvi you aren't married LOL.
[QUOTE=Austins66; 1262429]Okay if I omitted the answer to the question it is because I could not think of anything other than a dirty one. His is what I thought were the answers to the riddles.
1. Dentist.
2.
3. Peanut Butter.
4. Gum.
5.
6.
7. Paper Boy.
8. Glove.
9. Wrecking Ball.
10.
Even if I got the ones I answered correct I still would only have a 60, a failing grade. Sucks to be me!
Thank you Ashley.
I think I need some private tutoring. When should I cum to see you for my lessons?[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Vankleek;1262542]Answer for 2 is a ring. Obvi you aren't married LOL.[/QUOTE]Yes Van, I am obviously single.... ;-)
Be safe.
Austin
#6 is a nose
T.
[QUOTE=Austins66; 1262553]Yes Van, I am obviously single. .
Be safe.
Austin[/QUOTE]
Answers:
1. A dentist.
2. A wedding ring.
3. Peanut butter.
4. Chewing gum.
5. An elevator.
6. A nose.
7. A newspaper boy.
8. A glove.
9. A crane.
10. A toothbrush, of course!
Thanks guys for playing along. I just want to break the chain of bickering on the board. We are all GREAT people that is in a very small misunderstood community and it is nice to smile every once in a while and not to mention work together. I am very proud of the ones that participated. I have something very special for each one of you when I see you.
Xoxoxoxoxoox
One day about a month ago, Barack Obama was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge-a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said,"I am the President. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied,"Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied,"One hundred dollars."He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied,"Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes. Get my panties as low as my wages. Get that thing of yours as hard as the times. Keep it high as the gas prices. Keep me warmer than my apartment. And. Screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me President, it ain't going to cost you a penny."
If you have no post, zero contribution to this forum do not PM asking for details about any of the ladies I have seen. You are wasting your time.
Thank You
This lady has a great sense of humor as well as a great attitude.
Great job Mystical you certainly made may day with this joke!
President.
One day about a month ago, Barack Obama was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge-a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said,"I am the President. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied,"Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied,"One hundred dollars."He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied,"Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes. Get my panties as low as my wages. Get that thing of yours as hard as the times. Keep it high as the gas prices. Keep me warmer than my apartment. And. Screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me President, it ain't going to cost you a penny."
[QUOTE=Eelectri; 1264400]This lady has a great sense of humor as well as a great attitude.
Great job Mystical you certainly made may day with this joke!
President.
One day about a month ago, Barack Obama was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge-a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said,"I am the President. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied,"Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied,"One hundred dollars."He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied,"Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes. Get my panties as low as my wages. Get that thing of yours as hard as the times. Keep it high as the gas prices. Keep me warmer than my apartment. And. Screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me President, it ain't going to cost you a penny."[/QUOTE]My pleasure honey. I like to see people smile it always brings out the best in them. I have more for everyone but I think I will stick to the dirty ones and not the political ones. A friend of mine suggested political jokes really have no place here. I tend to think that person is correct. Because in no way am I out to upset anyone, only bring a little humor.
XOXOXO
[QUOTE=Eelectri; 1264400]This lady has a great sense of humor as well as a great attitude.
Great job Mystical you certainly made may day with this joke!
President.
One day about a month ago, Barack Obama was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge-a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said,"I am the President. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied,"Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied,"One hundred dollars."He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied,"Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes. Get my panties as low as my wages. Get that thing of yours as hard as the times. Keep it high as the gas prices. Keep me warmer than my apartment. And. Screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me President, it ain't going to cost you a penny."[/QUOTE]Yes she does and she is also as sharp as a razor blade, as are others on this board, which a very very few mongers on here don't understand. Good post Eelectri.
Marc
If sex with three people is called a Threesome, and sex between tow people is called a Twosome.
Then why in the hell is HANDsome still a compliment?
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1264689]If sex with three people is called a Threesome, and sex between tow people is called a Twosome.
Then why in the hell is HANDsome still a compliment?[/QUOTE]Wow I guess I should have rechecked my wording. LOL two people not TOW. Guess that kinda spoiled the moment.
A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for $500.
When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things having transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him, but would have his secretary mail her a check for it, made out with a memo of RENT FOR APARTMENT, to avoid any embarrassment.
On the way to the office, however, after thinking the matter over carefully, he decided the night hadn't been worth what he'the agreed to pay. As a result, he had his secretary send a check for $250 instead, and enclosed the following explanatory note:
Dear Madam:
"Enclosed is a cheque for the amount of $250 for rent on your apartment. I am sending this amount instead of the amount originally agreed upon, because when I rented this apartment, I was under the impression that.
1. It had never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat.
3. It was small.
Last night, I found that it had been occupied many times, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large!"
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check, with this note:
"I am returning the check for $250. I cannot understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat. There is plenty of it there if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it's not my fault if you didn't have enough furniture to furnish it."
Someone asked about lips and I forgot I had these. A model and provider I took a couple of yrs ago, sadly I've lost touch with her.
It isn't how much furniture you have to furnish the apartment, it's how you move the arrangement around. Lmao.
[QUOTE=Mystical0945; 1264899]A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for $500.
When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things having transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him, but would have his secretary mail her a check for it, made out with a memo of RENT FOR APARTMENT, to avoid any embarrassment.
On the way to the office, however, after thinking the matter over carefully, he decided the night hadn't been worth what he'the agreed to pay. As a result, he had his secretary send a check for $250 instead, and enclosed the following explanatory note:
Dear Madam:
"Enclosed is a cheque for the amount of $250 for rent on your apartment. I am sending this amount instead of the amount originally agreed upon, because when I rented this apartment, I was under the impression that.
1. It had never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat.
3. It was small.
Last night, I found that it had been occupied many times, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large!"
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check, with this note:
"I am returning the check for $250. I cannot understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat. There is plenty of it there if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it's not my fault if you didn't have enough furniture to furnish it."[/QUOTE]
Did you creampie her first?
[QUOTE=Woodwhiz;1264999]Someone asked about lips and I forgot I had these. A model and provider I took a couple of yrs ago, sadly I've lost touch with her.[/QUOTE]
Ok I've been gone for a min but I have been keeping up with the hilarious jokes on the board. I heard one of my own while away so here goes: A young boy walked into a cat house and asked the madam for the most nasty and dirty working girl available. The madam asked why would he want her, he could get infected and die. So he tells her he know thats why he want her. Again she asked why and he said he would sleep with her go home, give it to his sister and she would give it to his father who in turn would give it to his mother. And his mom will give it to the milk man and thats the motherfucker he's trying to kill for backing over his bike! LMAO! I found it very funny even though the guy that told me said it was an Alabama Joke. Anyways stay safe out there people and most importantly have fun! Xoxoxo.
JADA69
[QUOTE=Jada69; 1265560]Ok I've been gone for a min but I have been keeping up with the hilarious jokes on the board. I heard one of my own while away so here goes: A young boy walked into a cat house and asked the madam for the most nasty and dirty working girl available. The madam asked why would he want her, he could get infected and die. So he tells her he know thats why he want her. Again she asked why and he said he would sleep with her go home, give it to his sister and she would give it to his father who in turn would give it to his mother. And his mom will give it to the milk man and thats the motherfucker he's trying to kill for backing over his bike! LMAO! I found it very funny even though the guy that told me said it was an Alabama Joke. Anyways stay safe out there people and most importantly have fun! Xoxoxo.
JADA69[/QUOTE]Hey sexy lady welcome back! I liked the joke by the way.
XOXOXOXO
[QUOTE=Philherup;1265460]Did you creampie her first?[/QUOTE]Thanks, never do bb. That's all her and her excitement.
Appreciate any help. Please reply or PM me. Thanks!
[ATTACH=CONFIG]143011[/ATTACH]
The last day I took calls by the airport I had a short "photo shoot" before going to sleep. I just wanted to share pics. I never post face pics, but fuck it. I model. It's what I do.
FYI Surgery went fine. In pain. But I should be back to normal in a coulple of weeks! .
Reading the forums for a long time and ready to contribute, if any seniors want details feel free to PM me here.
Went to see a girl who advertised here in the Classifieds section, not many reports on her so I was going to TOFTT and report back. She has good another site reviews and I'm fairly she's safe. So this is not a slam on her.
Emailed and made an appointment, simple 2 call system and very sweet girl on the phone. On the 2nd call, I realized I was about 8 miles down the road at the wrong hotel and headed out to the right one. (making me 15 minutes late). I figured I'd just tip her because I felt bad about being late. When I drove by the hotel on I drivr there were 4 marked cars out front with 2 drug dogs so I kept driving. I called her and told her what was going on, she sounded surprised. (told me in a email later) that she called the front desk and they have weekly drug searches at that hotel and she shouldn't worry. I know the Hotel is safe because I saw queen Kelly there once before.
Anyone can chime in or PM me for more info. I didn't include her name be / see I believe she's straight up.
[QUOTE=Lovely Bbw Lee; 1266738]The last day I took calls by the airport I had a short "photo shoot" before going to sleep. I just wanted to share pics. I never post face pics, but fuck it. I model. It's what I do.
FYI Surgery went fine. In pain. But I should be back to normal in a coulple of weeks! .[/QUOTE]Hey Lee, you look absolutly beautiful in these pics.
Wishing you a speedy recovery, love ya baby girl.
Playing It Safe,
Jerseygirl.
XoXoXoXo
[QUOTE=Lovely Bbw Lee; 1266738]The last day I took calls by the airport I had a short "photo shoot" before going to sleep. I just wanted to share pics. I never post face pics, but fuck it. I model. It's what I do.
FYI Surgery went fine. In pain. But I should be back to normal in a coulple of weeks! .[/QUOTE][QUOTE=Jerseygirl; 1266995]Hey Lee, you look absolutly beautiful in these pics.
Wishing you a speedy recovery, love ya baby girl.
Playing It Safe,
Jerseygirl.
XoXoXoXo[/QUOTE]I agree with Jeresy, great pics Lee! Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Austin
[QUOTE=Lovely Bbw Lee; 1266738]The last day I took calls by the airport I had a short "photo shoot" before going to sleep. I just wanted to share pics. I never post face pics, but fuck it. I model. It's what I do.
FYI Surgery went fine. In pain. But I should be back to normal in a coulple of weeks! .[/QUOTE]Very nice. You should have posted some face pics before this.