[QUOTE=GuyInTheCorner;6275145]I've had a handful of experiences where real feelings developed. It can go poorly unless you have a solid head on your shoulders and communicate effectively.
First experience. Relatively early on in my sugaring days, met someone, we connected instantly, and she agreed we would not really have the sugar part. The lack of boundaries scared me a little and I was definitely more into her than I should have been. She moved away so it resolved itself. (Fun fact, her profile pic for a while was her holding a Plan B I bought her. Looking back, we should have had sugar from the get-go and had I been more in touch with my non-monogamous side I probably could have navigated that, because neither of us intended to be exclusive.
Second experience. About a year later, had an incredible ongoing arrangement with a lovely young woman. Sexual chemistry firing on all cylinders plus logistical convenience that led to regular meetings as much as 2-3 times a week. We genuinely connected on multiple levels and I found myself falling for her a bit. It seemed like she was doing the same. She moved in with her folks and that brought it to an end. Looking back, I think had I been able to communicate more directly and effectively, I could have resolved my concerns and kept the dynamic where it belonged. (Fun fact, she is back out on her own again and I still see her from time to time. It's fun but the magic of the original visits is gone.).
Third experience. Last year, hit it off with someone who was definitely falling for me. She wasn't consistently obsessive, and there was a d / s component to the dynamic so it was somewhat wrapped up in that, but it was clear she was over a line I did not want her to cross over. In her defense, the time together was pretty electric, but I most definitely did not not feel the same way. I cut it off, which was drama laden but that helped convince me it was for the best.
Fourth experience. Around the same time, also hit it off with another SB. She's very much my speed on multiple levels, and our chemistry is electric. She was somewhat experienced in poly life and also incredibly clear and communicative. Through our conversations and time together I broke through my own barriers on monogamy and got comfortable with the fact that a part of me really cared for her, and that she cared for me, and that did not undermine or take away from my feelings in my primary relationship. Again, communication has been essential in all of this. We've been together for over a year and it is by far the best arrangement I've had. One of the best relationships I've had. It is healthy and positive and supportive in all ways.
Moral of this story is that you absolutely can enjoy a mature and healthy relationship within a sugar context, but it takes time, chemistry, logistics, and communication.[/QUOTE]Great post. Congratulations on Fourth experience and your great sugar relationship.
I have 2 experiences.
Young, smart and sexy SB but not much you can do with an anthropology degree. Trying to find herself and we connected and had a 2 year arrangement. She offered me essentially unlimited access in exchange for paying her half of the rent. The math absolutely worked in my favor. Unfortunately, with increased frequency, the chemistry decreased and the novelty wore off. As a married man, didn't need any additional relationship expectations or obligations. Ended the relationship and she moved out of the country.
Fast forward to my Covid SB. When everything was shut down we spent an incredible amount of time together. She had her own place, gave me a key and we really grew close. She was my #1 SB, but she wanted me to become her boyfriend'ish. After about 18 months, she suggested that we stop the PPM and that I just help her out occasionally with funds. That lasted about 2 months. Then the expectations for my time increased. When I couldn't make a dinner with her best friend from out of town, she absolutely lost it. Then cried when we met to talk about it. That was the last time that I saw her. Had to cut it off.
