Some problems ain't all that bad!
[QUOTE=Dick North]Hey Bud
I have to say that your exploits in the strip clubs are extraordinary... perhaps to a point where the rest of us sluggos realize that we are nowhere close to your acomplishments. I have visited all of the Tucson clubs many times and have only rarely achieved 'extra services'. A few explanations of your success might be that ... (1) That you look like Brad Pitt and have a 9" schlong and millions in the bank OR (2) you are one lucky SOB. OR (3) ???
I wish you continued success in you SC endeavors. I would only advise you to be a little kinder to the rest of us slobs and to understand that achievements at the level of Sexhobbyist are beyond most of us and will occasionally engender jealously, suspicion and other reactions.
Take care
DN[/QUOTE]
DN,
I think, based on SH's consistency in his reports, that choice number (1) above applies. Although I've seen plenty of occasions where it seems the girls will forgo the "Brad Pitt" looks for a large bank account and sometimes an equally large tool. I can't bring myself to tap a hideous chick, but lots of girls apparently can bang some pretty heinous lookin' dudes(think John Holmes and Anna Nicole's late money bags). However, SH's success to some extent is also in his choice of club(s). I'm sure he would agree, as he avoids some clubs but regularly hits his select few. That's where he scores. Now, in my line of work, I travel quite a bit. I've hit clubs from coast to coast. I have had FS in some clubs and have been chastized for trying to lick a nipple at others. It all depends.
In Tucson, for example, I've been with a couple of lovely ladies from TD's East and I'm still seeing one, but didn't tap them in the VIP - I've dated (or date) them as civilians on the outside. This is more of a GF type deal with no money exchanged except for movies, dinners, etc. Hell, they pay as often as I do!
To SH: the services you get are 'free', so there's no complaint in that. My advice is to go to the club, tell these babes they'll get "no cock today", select your lady of choice, and watch the others go crazy! You see, I also know that size matters ;)
BP
Booty Pirate ... John Holmes?
[QUOTE=Booty Pirate]
John Holmes
[/QUOTE]
Who the heck is he??? (He must be ancient!) :)
Just kidding.
But on to serious "size matters" issues...So then BP also has a 9" schlong???
Well, that explains my problem... I only have a 7" schlong.
Always good to hear from the Pirate.
DN
A great Post! and funny too!
[QUOTE=Member #3235]Well I ad to jingle my own bells yesterday after going. No aextras at all maybe i was too drunk but nada zip zilch zero . My buddy said he had an awesome daytime experience and i got talked into going after mucho scoth anyhow hope you all are faring better. And happy ho-lidays to all lol![/QUOTE]
#3235
I would have never guessed that you had too much 'scoth' to drink. Foster Brooks could not have written a better post than you did. Hope your head doesn't hurt too bad this am. Take some Excedrin with tomato juice. Follow that with lots of water and Gatorade. Got to purge the toxins and fire up the electrolytes. That always seems to work for me.
Too much of anything always has a detrimental effect on my abilities at the clubs. Perhaps the 'scoth' had a similar effect on you.
Take care of yourself and I hope that you have a great holiday too.
DN
The best club GFE ever today
Merry freakin' Christmas!
Best GFE ever in a strip club today.
This has been an amazing week at the clubs. They've been packed nearly all week. During the day Friday and Saturday, it was like a zoo--like Animal House--in the clubs. The VIPs and Champagne Rooms have been full. Sitting in the VIPs was, in many ways, like watching the action at one of the swinger clubs in Phoenix.
I've never had more fs in a week's time, ever. But today was the highlight of the year. I was in a favorite club with one of my regular dancers shooting the breeze when this breathtaking young thing walks past. I asked my companion about her and was told that she was relatively new. I asked my dancer companion if she'd like to do a threesome in the VIP with the new girl. After an affirmative answer, I dispatched her to bring the new girl to the VIP.
Let me cut to the chase, this sweet thing was out of this world. My regular dancer was with us on the couch, but occupied herself with her drink and an occasional commentary while the new girl did all the dancing. It was immediate combustibility; the fireworks went off for both of us after a minute or two of preliminary pleasantries. We started the DFK. She played with the equipment, then the whole GFE kicked in and she was the best ever at it. The equipment came out of its shelter and she had a ball. She had the best oral skills I've ever experienced. And that's saying something because the now-dethroned queen of oral was sitting next to me taking it all in. She rode me cowgirl to oblivion while getting herself a big 'o.' Dang, she was tight and wet.
And then, are your ready for this, she licked it all up. We spent some "post-coital" time together with her nice and cozy, kissing me like I was her long lost lover.
While all this was going on, my regular dancer kept saying in my ear "this is the luckiest day of your life, you bastard" and "she's doing all the things you like as if she knew you."
I gotta tell you, mongers, this one is a keeper. I'm going to be seeing this sweet young thing for a long time.
I'm leaving out some details of the experience because you wouldn't believe them anyway, but my eyewitness was even amazed to see this (she's been a dancer for 15 years and never seen this before).
This is now the fifth time in fifteen years I've had fs from a dancer the very first time she's danced for me. And I have an eyewitness who was awestruck watching it unfold. After giving my new favorite dancer a Christmas bonus, she left to go home. My regular dancer and I sat in the VIP for another half hour recounting what just happened and totally mesmerized by the whole thing. As experienced and jaded as I am, I was blown away today (literally and figuratively) by this girl's attitude, skills, and companionship. It was the ultimate strip club GFE.
Speaking from fifteen years of experience, this was the best club encounter I've ever had. Period. And all with a jam-packed VIP room. Words cannot adequately describe it. At least not on a public forum.
As always, ymmv.
Sexhobbyist
(If LE is reading this, then this report is fiction.)
Sexhobbyist's condom etiquette in strip clubs
Rule #1, always be prepared and come with protection.
Condoms are always useful in those circumstances when it comes to playing safe. Perhaps you're going to a club where you know the action will be exciting enough that you might soil yourself and your $100 slacks before going back to the office or home. It's possible you will get rubbed the "wrong" way and an accident happens. Perhaps you think you might get lucky with a dancer and you want to play the game with a full armory of protection. Whatever you do, take condoms.
Slipping on the condom. Plan A: put on the condom before entering the club if you think you're able to keep it on a limp dick. Plan B: get some table dances from a dancer that is a hot prospect for VIP action. By now you should be in such a state of arousal that the condom will go on and stay on. On your way to the VIP, tell the dancer to meet you there and that you want to go to the restroom first. Put on your condom discretely in the restroom then join your dancer in the VIP. Plan C is my preferred method. It requires a little forethought and some wardrobe guidance. I always wear a shirt with an extra long shirt tail to help cover any action from prying eyes that might be going on in the groin area and the shirt MUST have a shirt pocket. This is where I put my condom(s). It's a logistic thing as well as an incentive.
I'll explain. Have you ever had a dancer sitting astride your lap with your ding-a-ling out of its shelter and have the moment of decision arrive for the dancer to either entertain you "inside" or simply keep you motivated with hand and, perhaps oral action? The instant appearance of a condom package from your shirt pocket is nonverbal communication that gives her incentive without hesitation. She will either call you a pervert, tell you to put it on, or grab it from your fingers and put it on herself (preferred method). Even if all you end up with is a handjob, you won't have a mess to deal with. Whereas, if your condom is in your pant pocket, you have to fidget and wrestle with your pocket to fish it out. In the meantime the dancer thinks your doing something fishy down there with your hands. You have to verbally communicate with her what the hell you're doing. ("You're doing what!? What makes you think you're getting any of THIS!") She has to adjust her lap position to allow you to get access to your pant pocket. Doing so might expose your ding-a-ling to nearby onlookers (hence, the long shirt tail). At the very least, it requires an adjustment by both of you that just about ruins the moment which is now fleeting.
So, keep your condoms in your shirt pocket and play safe. Once a dancer gets to know you and knows your expectations, she will pick the condom out of your pocket herself and find some interesting ways to "dress you" for what comes next. It's all good.
Rule #2 always, always play safe.
More about wardrobe.
Most professional mongers know about wearing the right slacks, shorts, or whatever. We each have our favorite strip club uniform that allows easy access, and is comfortable for the dancer and you. Elastic waistbands and velcro zippers are the greatest inventions ever devised for mongers
Wearing the right shirt is something that is probably not given as much consideration. As explained above, I prefer shirts with pockets and long shirt tails. Any size guy can purchase shirts with long shirt tails from the "Big and Tall Men's Store" in your town. In my town they're called Casual Male XL. You don't have to be a big or tall person to shop in these stores. Average guys can purchase their size shirts in a tall size which includes an extra long shirt tail. The good dancers, those with the right attitude and skills, know how to work the shirt tail. I highly recommend it for strip club mongering. If it's not clear to you why you want an extra long shirt tail, then come back another time for the next Sexhobbyist seminar.
This has been a Sexhobbyist secret to successful mongering.
