This test is based on how cool you were in High School--whatcrowd you ran with, etc., it's pretty accurate.
[url]http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm[/url]
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This test is based on how cool you were in High School--whatcrowd you ran with, etc., it's pretty accurate.
[url]http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm[/url]
An old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $500
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a
meager looking group of farmers.
'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'Can I help you?'
'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who gives the hand jobs?'
'Yes,' she purrs, 'I am.'
The old biker replies, 'Well go wash your damn hands. I want a cheeseburger.'
Differences Between Grandfathers and Grandmothers
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs t o see her grandfather. 'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?' 'Oh yes, PaPa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!'
Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring whenever her friends called, and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
HILLBILLY AND A MIRROR
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the big city stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.' He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn.
Every morning before leaving for th e fields, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked in the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with.'
Some will be laughing and others will not it's not open for discussion!
Barrack Obama , Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey were flying
on Obama's private plane. Obama looked at Oprah,
chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000
bill out of the window right now and make somebody very
happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I
could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten
people very happy. Michelle added, 'That being the case,
I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and
make a hundred people very happy. Hearing their exchange,
the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot,
'Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of their
asses out of the window and make 56 million people very
happy.
You might as well accept it, Obama is your President and you should hope he is a very good one. It will take a good President to straighten out the mess Bush has made.
I have heard that Obama is going to fix everything.
No more war.
No more hunger.
No more poverty.
No more cancer.
No more illness of any kind.
No more hurt feelings.
No more missing socks.
No more global warming.
No more global cooling.
No more dogs chasing cats.
No more bad hair days.
No more dandruff.
No more worries.
And all of this caused by the evil W.
It's a joke. I get it. At least there were no monkeys, watermelon, etc., in it.
lol
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm..
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'
The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you..
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'
The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?'
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.
The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....
'Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYZDDSTsomE&feature=related[/url]
[QUOTE=The One Jack]I have heard that Obama is going to fix everything.
No more war.
No more hunger.
No more poverty.
No more cancer.
No more illness of any kind.
No more hurt feelings.
No more missing socks.
No more global warming.
No more global cooling.
No more dogs chasing cats.
No more bad hair days.
No more dandruff.
No more worries.
And all of this caused by the evil W.[/QUOTE]
You guys can't F*cking stand it. Guess what, THERE AIN'T A F*CKING THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. Get used to hearing President Obama.
[QUOTE=Mechanic69]You guys can't F*cking stand it. Guess what, THERE AIN'T A F*CKING THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. Get used to hearing President Obama.[/QUOTE]
Doesn't mean we have to like it, but, I'm sure Socialism will work [i]this[/i] time. lol
Redneck Play Station
[url]http://majman.net/fly_loader.html[/url]