Guess I'm entering semi-retirement
You are not alone in how you feel. I've had a similar argument / discussion with many people including women. Monogamy is unnatural for men. Full stop. I would even say it's unnatural for women, but its harder for them to be non-monogamous for a variety of reasons (emotional, society, shaming, etc).
I'd say more than 50% of the time people agree with me (including women). Often times people don't know how to respond and look confused which to me implies. They know I'm right, but won't admit it. Occasionally, I'll get an idiot to says I'm wrong and have no feelings.
Anyway, if you want to stay married, but see this as a problem. Then you need to deal with it. Given what you have been doing for years, I doubt you will able to keep it to twice per year. I would approach it differently, perhaps find a non-escort on the side that knows your situation and is OK with it. Perhaps she is in an open relationship. I don't know, just thinking outside of the box a bit.
Anyway, good luck. No need to create stress and anxiety in your life because you like having sexual variety in your life.
[QUOTE=MrPlow57;4752864]For context I am mid 30's and have been in this hobby since I was about 21. Recently got married and I struggle with the "guilt" of doing this on the side. I question whether I'm a bad person or if I should burn in hell etc etc. Maybe some of you that are married feel the same way, or maybe some of you that are married hate your wife and couldn't care less about fuckin escorts on the side? Either way I will say my wife is a good egg. I don't hate her and I want to continue being married to her. It's just that when it comes to sex I don't like just being with one person. The idea of remaining monogamous and only having sex with one person for the rest of my life kind of overwhelms me- I feel like I'm trapped and I start to panic. I guess you can relate it to someone asking an alcoholic to stop drinking- their immediate thought would be they couldn't picture going on without alcohol in their life. That's how I feel about sex. Throughout the years though its obvious that what I do is now a bit like an addiction instead of a hobby. I let it take the reigns and its kind of spiraling of out of control.[/QUOTE]