Sexual Addiction Reports

I agree-EXCELLENT "marketing" ploy! I will go out and BUY that exact boat-AS LONG AS-it comes with the hotties, demonstrating their sexual enrgies WITH the boat! ;)

[QUOTE=A John]First let me say I apologize. I wasn't sure where to post this. I'm quite aware that it's somewhere in Latin America but I thought you guys here would enjoy it also :) This is a boat show, and whoever does this guy's marketing is a genius. What a way to draw a crowd! Just think about it who buys boats? "Men" what do men like "PUSSY" we need some of these here at home ;)

Anybody want to buy a boat
AJ[/QUOTE]

Too bad the women are so unappealing.

By the way, I wonder if that stunned, dulled-out, blank look which is visible on the face of nearly every single man observing, is the kind of stupid expression I put on my face when I'm watching hotties.

[QUOTE=Redneck3565]When exactly does this MYTH of..............It's time so-called "addicts" took responsibility for their own damned actions, and realized that yes, they ARE, ACTIVE, VOLUNTARY PARTICIPANTS in the behavior that results in the problems and consequences![/QUOTE]Well friend, that's what is taught in a twelve step program. It doesn't matter if it's a program for AA, SA(sex addiction), eating addiction or other compulsive disorders or addictions. Recognise you are powerless over the addiction and take responsibility for your life.

I have had some good success with my sex addiction. I have not used the services of a prostitute in quite some time. I still think about it but those thoughts don't have the same power over me they once had. I do prefer to think about it as a compulsion rather than an addiction though.

Compulsion ... addiction ... is there a difference? Do you have different definitions for the two? What's the advantage of thinking of it one way as opposed to the other way?

Seriously, I'm not asking rhetorical questions here. Maybe the semantics will help me to consider my own issues. Thanks. :)

How exactly is STOPPING a behavior ('compulsive" or "addictive") an example of being "powerless", if the behavior STOPS? If someone is "powerless" over ANY activity, there would NEVER be ANY STOPPING OVER IT! (like having control over blinking!). So, where exactly is any RESPONSIBILITY over a behavior taken if a "12-Step" program's assertion is you are "powerless to stop it", and yet DO! Makes no damned sense! Period!

[QUOTE=Wonderlust]Well friend, that's what is taught in a twelve step program. It doesn't matter if it's a program for AA, SA(sex addiction), eating addiction or other compulsive disorders or addictions. Recognise you are powerless over the addiction and take responsibility for your life.

I have had some good success with my sex addiction. I have not used the services of a prostitute in quite some time. I still think about it but those thoughts don't have the same power over me they once had. I do prefer to think about it as a compulsion rather than an addiction though.[/QUOTE]

Nothing too profound, but here are some ideas that I'm throwing out, FWIW.

A compulsion is a strong urge that one can overcome without significant outside help.

An addiction is a strong compulsion that one can usually only overcome with significant outside help.

It is very difficult to impossible to help someone who denies the problem and doesn't seek help.

At least in the short term, one can be "powerless" over the *feeling* to engage in certain acts, but at the same time, one has the power to resist the act itself, though maybe with great difficulty.

Different things work for different people. Humans are nothing if not extremely complex beings.

Good luck and best wishes to all.

D

Definition of powerless:
Take a box of exlax and willpower your way not to shit.

I personally choose not to work on my sexual behavior/enthusiasm.

If you know so much about 12 step programs then you know if you go to the barbershop often enough you will get a haircut! If you go to the hotdog stand often enough you will buy a hotdog!

If you're working on this behavior so diligently with so much success what in the hell are you doing being a member of this forum. You might even look at changing your handle from Wonderlust to rejuvenate. Looking at your profile looks like you might of slipped on some streetwalker action last Oct. Not using sexual solicitation for 4 months I wouldn't call it great success.

I got 42 yrs of a 12 step program this year. What I'm observing you might wanna try to save your own ass from obsessional, compulsive behaviors. The only persons ass you can save is your own! Carrying the message is a great thing but carrying the addict is insane.

I'm sure if your sponsor new you're a member of this forum he might suggest your in relapse mode!

I'm only talking from 42 years of experience of a 12 step program. Not saying I'm better than anyone because everyone has faults.

I'm just saying if this is a problem in your life Wonderlust than worry about your situation.

Remember when you point the finger what's pointing back at you!

Make the man in the mirror happy, joyous and free!

Just one man of many men
AJ




[QUOTE=Wonderlust]Well friend, that's what is taught in a twelve step program. It doesn't matter if it's a program for AA, SA(sex addiction), eating addiction or other compulsive disorders or addictions. Recognise you are powerless over the addiction and take responsibility for your life.

I have had some good success with my sex addiction. I have not used the services of a prostitute in quite some time. I still think about it but those thoughts don't have the same power over me they once had. I do prefer to think about it as a compulsion rather than an addiction though.[/QUOTE]

Let's take it a step BACKWARD, and reevaluate engaging in the VOLUNTARY BEHAVIOR of NOT TAKING THE FUCKING EX-LAX TO BEGIN WITH! This is what makes a so-called "addict" so fucking STUPID! What part of moving hands, feet, arms, and legs in the ACQUISITION of the desired activity (getting a hooker, drinking alcohol, or ingesting illicit drugs!) do they NOT GET? You can crave an activity (the "desire") till you fucking cry, but if you do not engage in the PHYSICAL MOVEMENT TO GET IT (or call the "provider" to your immediate residential dwelling!), you are not gonna have the activity "spontaneously" force itself upon you! And for that matter, if a person has 42 years in a "12-Step" program (which I would NOT be bragging about!), then it sounds like "responsibility" is just not a strong feature of "abstinance" is it?

[QUOTE=A John]Definition of powerless:
Take a box of exlax and willpower your way not to shit.

I personally choose not to work on my sexual behavior/enthusiasm.

If you know so much about 12 step programs then you know if you go to the barbershop often enough you will get a haircut! If you go to the hotdog stand often enough you will buy a hotdog!

If you're working on this behavior so diligently with so much success what in the hell are you doing being a member of this forum. You might even look at changing your handle from Wonderlust to rejuvenate. Looking at your profile looks like you might of slipped on some streetwalker action last Oct. Not using sexual solicitation for 4 months I wouldn't call it great success.

I got 42 yrs of a 12 step program this year. What I'm observing you might wanna try to save your own ass from obsessional, compulsive behaviors. The only persons ass you can save is your own! Carrying the message is a great thing but carrying the addict is insane.

I'm sure if your sponsor new you're a member of this forum he might suggest your in relapse mode!

I'm only talking from 42 years of experience of a 12 step program. Not saying I'm better than anyone because everyone has faults.

I'm just saying if this is a problem in your life Wonderlust than worry about your situation.

Remember when you point the finger what's pointing back at you!

Make the man in the mirror happy, joyous and free!

Just one man of many men
AJ[/QUOTE]

why am I addicted? I do not know all the reasons. Some of them are nature driven (instinct). But I like passionate loud women. I like to see them sigh, moan, pant, scream of joy ... etc while I am giving it to them. That's one of the things that keeps me coming back. Whenever I crave for a girl I would imagine myself giving it to her and she's passionately enjoying it. She enjoys and suffers but enjoys more so she asks for more.
On this note, girls are different some enjoy but do not suffer at all. Some suffer a lot and enjoy a lot. Some just suffer without joy; mostly those are the one's that are not sexually active.
Another factor is the duration, some girls cum fast and they can't cum again. Some are mutli-orgasmic ... etc.
I would be interested to see research done on these topics! Few interesting questions would be to predict these;
Can you tell if she is a passionate loud girl?
Can you tell if she'd be a multi-orgasmic?
Can you tell if she cums fast?

I am pretty sure Kinsey researched some of these issues.

[QUOTE=Orlando J]why am I addicted? I do not know all the reasons. Some of them are nature driven (instinct). But I like passionate loud women. I like to see them sigh, moan, pant, scream of joy ... etc while I am giving it to them. That's one of the things that keeps me coming back. Whenever I crave for a girl I would imagine myself giving it to her and she's passionately enjoying it. She enjoys and suffers but enjoys more so she asks for more.
On this note, girls are different some enjoy but do not suffer at all. Some suffer a lot and enjoy a lot. Some just suffer without joy; mostly those are the one's that are not sexually active.
Another factor is the duration, some girls cum fast and they can't cum again. Some are mutli-orgasmic ... etc.
I would be interested to see research done on these topics! Few interesting questions would be to predict these;
Can you tell if she is a passionate loud girl?
Can you tell if she'd be a multi-orgasmic?
Can you tell if she cums fast?[/QUOTE]

It's OK you just don't get it! For that matter probably never will.

However don't forget opinions are like assholes everybody's got one.

I hope someday when I grow up I can be as responsible and self-righteous as others!

AJ

PS
Not that it would matter to you or that I personally care about your opinion. I am extremely ecstatic about MY 42yrs.

Never criticize a man unless you`ve walked in his shoes.

Wonderlust knows exactly where I'm coming from, and that's what was important to me!

What exactly IS it that you want "Gotten"? Your inability to make RATIONAL CHOICES? What a pathetic, waste of oxygen consumption you are? Obviously, rational decision making will never be your forte! I am ecstatic about my 42, soon to be 43 years too! They involve ZERO ADDICTION OF ANY IMPAIRING BEHAVIOR OR SUBSTANCE! Don't be jealous!

[QUOTE=A John]It's OK you just don't get it! For that matter probably never will.

However don't forget opinions are like assholes everybody's got one.

I hope someday when I grow up I can be as responsible and self-righteous as others!

AJ

PS
Not that it would matter to you or that I personally care about your opinion. I am extremely ecstatic about MY 42yrs.

Never criticize a man unless you`ve walked in his shoes.

Wonderlust knows exactly where I'm coming from, and that's what was important to me![/QUOTE]

HEY,
TRAILER PARK
Reading back a couple pages it's obvious to many here you are the one who needs to look in the mirror.

Something is obviously hitting a nerve with you (pushing a button)
push, push, push & push

Does CONTROLLING sound familiar!

I'm done with your ignorance.

LMFAO :)
AJ

I see, and you are such a damned genius, you . . . . CAN'T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS?? You cannot even articulate to yourself your own "sobriety/contol over behavior" maintenance?? P.S. Enjoy your relapse, cause I don't think abstinance is a viable option for you!

[QUOTE=A John]Reading back a couple pages it's obvious to many here you are the one who needs to look in the mirror.

I'm done with your ignorance.
AJ[/QUOTE]

Two cliches come to mind concerning recent posts on this thread.

> Gentlemen can disagree without being disagreeable.

> If you argue with a fool, you may be taken for a fool.

The topics being discussed here are obviously very personal, not-to-say explosive, and some folks are very touchy. There seems to be more heat than light in many comments. Let's keep in mind how our posts might contribute to increased understanding and success in reaching desired goals.

While I disagree with a lot of what I read, I can also usually find nuggets of truth in almost any non-trivial post.

It is sometimes useful to [b]focus on points of agreement,[/b] even while pointing out points of disagreement.

D

Redneck

The thread's about addictions. If there is or isn't a legitimate possibility that someone has a sexual addiction, is a valid question. Accusing certain members (most of whom you've never met) of not having addictions, or of being normal rather than addicted, in the absence of evidence about their lives, is not really a valid response.

It's kind of like talking about food addiction. We all need food, and most of us use it rather sensibly. Some of us use it irresponsibly but still aren't "addicted" -- nevertheless, we experience deleterious side-effects from our lack of moderation (overweight; unhealthy). But THEN, above and beyond the "irresponsible" eaters, there are actually ADDICTED people. They have a set of neuro-transmitter and other physiological and psychological responses to a certain behavior, which are categorically different from the previous two categories. Responsible and irresponsible eaters, alike, are simply making choices and living by them, as you rightly point out, Redneck. But ADDICTION victims are not making choices for themselves. Their addiction, rather than their internal mental skills, is the issue at hand.

You wouldn't walk into a room of people who are suffering the detoxification symptoms of coming off a three-year heroin binge, and tell them they should "try harder" not to feel bad about the absence of heroin in their bloodstream. Well, similarly, it's foolish to tell someone who is sexually addicted, that his only issue is will power.

People who make some sexual choices that are rather gluttonous, but who are nevertheless not addicted, have one pattern of behavior. You're welcome to go talk to them. They aren't, generally, in this thread. They're all over the rest of this website. :)

People who are genuinely ADDICTED to sexuality experience it differently. They get out of jail for cruising, and cruise that same afternoon. They lose all their money and then go solicit a pay-for-play. They lose their job for spending the afternoon cruising, and then cruise on the first day of their new job. These people require not just suggestions about choices and will power. Their will power is insufficient to control their addiction. The issue for them has almost NOTHING to do with choices and will power. It has to do, instead, with addiction.

You're not an addiction counselor, Redneck. I see that you've claimed some expertise in this area. That's a lie. If you did have expertise, you wouldn't so obviously conflate two familiar conditions into one. You wouldn't assert tough-love enthusiasm-coaching of the "improve your will power" sort, to people for whom (as you would instantly know, if you genuinely had experience) the question has nothing to do with will power.

Well, there is something to what Redneck is saying.

For example, I have never been addicted to heroin because I know it's highly addictive and I have resisted all invitations to give it a try. I am responsible for that first hit.

From what I remember reading there is some controversy in the psychology community about whether "sex addiction" even exists. And IMHO we shouldn't demand forum members produce citations of studies. Of course it would improve their credibility but this is an anonymous forum, not a peer-reviewed journal. The way it works for me is: if a credible-sounding member makes a statement which is interesting or useful to me, I'll follow-up on it myself. For example, I researched the 12-step program because of what I read here.

Indeed there is some danger that by calling a behaviour an "addiction" we dismiss our responsiblity. We may rationalize that we are no longer in control, so it's somehow ok to do it. We say: "Can't stop it, so don't try."

Hookers are just not on a par with heroin. I don't go into a shaking delirium if I have deprived myself of hookers.

I'm not trying to give anyone a hard time -- I know it's tough out there -- just playing devil's advocate here.

Thank you Snake! Point well taken! I too don't have withdrawls if I don't get laid, but blue balls sure hurt, and it sucks to not have that pleasure that is found in SEX! However, it does not, nor ever has been at the level of an "addiction", and for anyone advocating that it is, is well-versed in the art of NOT taking responsibility for what is an overwhelmingly VOLUNTARY activity, whether it is consuming sex or an illicit, intoxicating drug. Period!

[QUOTE=Snake27]Well, there is something to what Redneck is saying.

For example, I have never been addicted to heroin because I know it's highly addictive and I have resisted all invitations to give it a try. I am responsible for that first hit.

From what I remember reading there is some controversy in the psychology community about whether "sex addiction" even exists. And IMHO we shouldn't demand forum members produce citations of studies. Of course it would improve their credibility but this is an anonymous forum, not a peer-reviewed journal. The way it works for me is: if a credible-sounding member makes a statement which is interesting or useful to me, I'll follow-up on it myself. For example, I researched the 12-step program because of what I read here.

Indeed there is some danger that by calling a behaviour an "addiction" we dismiss our responsiblity. We may rationalize that we are no longer in control, so it's somehow ok to do it. We say: "Can't stop it, so don't try."

Hookers are just not on a par with heroin. I don't go into a shaking delirium if I have deprived myself of hookers.

I'm not trying to give anyone a hard time -- I know it's tough out there -- just playing devil's advocate here.[/QUOTE]

Nevertheless, some people have a problem with sex, so maybe we should call it a "sex problem" instead of "sex addiction", but since the term "sex addiction" is in widespread use and has been defined here it may be convenient to keep using it to label the problem.

First one must decide if one has a problem, and here it may help to have some objective evaluation from a trusted person. If you don't have a problem, great. As an example, I would say that if you are a single man who sees a prostitute once or twice a month, and you don't spend too much, and there's not much danger (either to health or getting arrested), and you're generally happy -- then you do not have a problem. But if these parameters change substantially then you might have a problem.

The interesting question to me is: what to do about it ? There's little useful discussion on that here. After some more thought I may assemble a list of suggestions that have worked (partly) for me. Anyone else want to suggest things that have actually worked ?

Snake: yup, I see your point, and purdy much wish I'd said exactly that. :)

[QUOTE=Book Guy]Compulsion ... addiction ... is there a difference? Do you have different definitions for the two? What's the advantage of thinking of it one way as opposed to the other way?

Seriously, I'm not asking rhetorical questions here. Maybe the semantics will help me to consider my own issues. Thanks. :)[/QUOTE]

Addiction, I believe comes from an outward influence; cocaine, heroin, crystal meth, etc. Anything you do because you got hooked on; because or in spite of your intent.

Compulsion come from within: Gambling, stealing, excessive horniness that leads to picking up prostitutes. Anything you do do because your natural body chemistry leads you to it.

How can someone have a "problem" with something that one get PLEASURE (e.g. sex or intoxication!) from? As an analogy, I always like to pass on a perspective that one trainer told me regarding alcoholics: They don't have a "problem" with alcohol, they have a problem with SOBRIETY! (After all, if they can't stay SOBER is that not the "problem"?). Same with a so-called sex "addict". That person does NOT have a "problem" with "sex", but a problem with a LACK OF SEX, or lack of sexual partners, encounters, etc. Thus, the voluntary pursuit of ending the "problem" (however temporarily!) begins!


[QUOTE=Snake27]Nevertheless, some people have a problem with sex, so maybe we should call it a "sex problem" instead of "sex addiction", but since the term "sex addiction" is in widespread use and has been defined here it may be convenient to keep using it to label the problem.

First one must decide if one has a problem, and here it may help to have some objective evaluation from a trusted person. If you don't have a problem, great. As an example, I would say that if you are a single man who sees a prostitute once or twice a month, and you don't spend too much, and there's not much danger (either to health or getting arrested), and you're generally happy -- then you do not have a problem. But if these parameters change substantially then you might have a problem.

The interesting question to me is: what to do about it ? There's little useful discussion on that here. After some more thought I may assemble a list of suggestions that have worked (partly) for me. Anyone else want to suggest things that have actually worked ?[/QUOTE]

Ok, Redneck, your opinion has been received and is acknowledged. Just to address one specific point in your last post, even if we say drinking alcohol is completely voluntary and leads to pleasure, etc, one potential "problem" is that, if abused, alcohol can lead to serious health problems. Or should we say "health issues" ? In any case, the alcoholic needs help, in my opinion, which is the main point.

Redneck is delighting in acting superior to others.

The initial context is, that some people posted on here complaints -- that they felt they might be "addicted" to sexuality. Redneck MIGHT have been able to contribute to that context by asking fair questions which aided those people. They are (myself included) clearly seeking answers to some of life's thornier issues.

Instead, however, Redneck posts with a tone and an attitude that betray three or four very problematic beliefs. The first and foremost of these, is, that Redneck insists on portraying Redneck as knowing more because that makes him better and therefore someone whom we ought to listen to. However, his posts tend to portray a lack of education in this field. Sure, it's fine to question the basic premises as stated by many many workers in the addiction-recovery field, by stating them and then pointing out, point by point, weaknesses in those premises. But to just announce something utterly contradictory to them without acknowledging they exist, indicates to me he doesn't know they exist. He's working in a vacuum.

Second, Redneck insists on speaking down to his listeners. His one piece of advice, consistently, is "Be like me because I'm better." Though he doesn't outright say this, he implies it. Note the circularity -- choose A, because A is worth choosing -- which is the hallmark of those who have nothing but ego to add to a conversation.

Third, Redneck is consistently using "frustrated" language. The tone of a man who is bugged that other people aren't "listening to me." No, Redneck, we ARE listening. JUST listening isn't enough for us to be convinced that you have anything valid to say. Your correct realization of our failure to AGREE with you, is not identical to our failure to HEAR you. You haven't DEFENDED your propositions, and you have generally stated them from far outside the normally accepted context as presented. Like me jumping in to an abortion debate and hollering, "You IDIOTS! How can you USE knives and scalpels on a little baby?" See, it includes several assumptions, and fails to address the other participants (or their opinions) with respect.

In the long run, Redneck is just trolling for a fight. He probably has a lot of deeper personal questions about why he mongers, himself, and doesn't want to address them so instead of thinking about his own issues, he lambastes others who are thinking about similar issues. It's the same as trying to shut everyone up on the internet.

So, to address your question: Redneck, just because it's pleasurable doesn't mean it isn't addicting. And to re-cast alcoholism as people who don't have trouble with drinking but with sobriety, utterly misses the point of much discussion of that addiction, casts yourself as someone not willing to participate in the group's talk, and therefore as someone setting out to deliberately cause problems rather than help resolve them.

You might have a valid point. But if you can't express it in a manner in which the rest of us feel like you're talking WITH us rather than DOWN TO us, then your point will continue to be lost on most of us. Personally, I think you're just very proud of yourself, and now you want the rest of us to acknowledge your superiority and gratify your ego a bit. "Oh, gosh, Redneck, I never thought of it that way. You're so brilliant! Why didn't I REALIZE that sex is PLEASURABLE and therefore I ought to do AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE? Golly, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your help. Where would I be without you?" Yeah right ...

Below is some advice to mitigate the dangers. I will admit that I am not perfect at following this advice but I have made good progress. My sex habits are far more careful and in better moderation than 20 years ago.

As I've said before, the first step is to decide if you have a problem, and here it may help to have the objective judgement of a trusted person. The criteria would be if the results of your actions can lead to serious negative consequences. If not, then you don't have a problem and you may ignore this post :).

When confronting an addiction, you must define your goals. Moderation and safety are key goals. Consider all the small steps you need to take, and work on them one at a time in sequence. Total elimination of the habit may not be realistic. It is also relevant that two of the main moral problems with visiting prostitutes are the health risk you bring to other partners and the danger of excessive expenditure, where the latter is also a problem with gambling.

With all that, here is my advice:

1. Keep a log of what you spend. This will create pressure to hold down costs. A goal of 2% of income is reasonable.

2. Rigorous adherence to safe sex. Consider alternatives such as lapdances, full-body massages, and handjobs. Don't laugh, if done right they can be fun.

3. Avoid street prostitutes and drug addicts. Finding a few regulars with whom you "click" can reduce risk too.

4. Curfew at 2 am. Limit the number of adventures per month (4 at most, 2 better).

5. Find plenty of non-sexual entertainments and develop routines -- e.g. vigorous workouts on a regular basis (makes you tired, improves your body). Even becoming a workaholic may help (keeps you diverted, improves your career, assuming you have one).

6. Best advice -- though often easier said than done -- find a loving woman, a true friend. Granted you may still feel the temptations (and it raises the aforementioned moral issues) but the demons within will be much calmer.

This advice is free, and you get what you pay for ! :)

Good work, Snake! Thanks. :)

Now, HOW does one find a loving true female friend?

I've always (personally) felt, that the problem was simply lack of sexual outlets other than mongering. It seems pretty clear to me, that if I could just get a decent girlfriend who was hot-looking enough and not psychotic about withholding sex and limiting it to only one bout of missionary coitus once a month, I wouldn't feel the need to monger at all. Really, why ARE women so fucked up about sex?

[QUOTE=Book Guy]

Now, HOW does one find a loving true female friend?

Really, why ARE women so fucked up about sex?[/QUOTE]

Not every woman is "fucked up about sex."

I've retired from this sport and am married to a former AMP worker. Every K-girl I've talked to, and especially my wife, tells me if they are treated properly (and this just means being nice to them) they will do whatever you want. "Anytime you want honey-ya, I'm your wife."

Go East young man.

Over the past two years I have read everything I can get my hands on about addiction and recovery. I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what recovery program is followed. I have, however, noticed 2 keys to successful recovery from an addiction. They are: 1. The person must have an overwhelming desire to change their behavior, and 2. They must believe, without a doubt, they can change their behavior. If those 2 keys are not present then no recovery program will work.

For those who want to blast my observations, feel free to do so. It won't change what I have seen.

One of the worst forms of mental masturbation perpetuated on American society is this belief that it is a "desire to stop" that results in one stopping an "addictive behavior". How exactly can this be, when the "desire" to stop an activity is just a THOUGHT, whereas the ACT OF STOPPING equals the actual stopping? You can think, plan, desire, contemplate, meditate, masturbate, and levitate your way all over the act of "stopping", but IT NEVER WILL OCCUR until you actually engage in the VOLUNTARY ACT OF STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR! PERIOD! Thinking about it does NOTHING. Stopping it does! THAT is the damned difference! It does not matter whether the activity is an addictive substance, or a so-called "addictive activity", until you stop it, you are only engaging in mental masturbation. You actually want it done? KNOCK IT THE HELL OFF! PERIOD!

[QUOTE=The Backrow]Over the past two years I have read everything I can get my hands on about addiction and recovery. I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what recovery program is followed. I have, however, noticed 2 keys to successful recovery from an addiction. They are: 1. The person must have an overwhelming desire to change their behavior, and 2. They must believe, without a doubt, they can change their behavior. If those 2 keys are not present then no recovery program will work.

For those who want to blast my observations, feel free to do so. It won't change what I have seen.[/QUOTE]

Well, Redneck, the BRAIN controls the BODY, hence under this scenario THOUGHT controls ACTION. However, perhaps it's not the case for everyone.

Perhaps your message is that one shouldn't think about it (stopping an addiction) too much ? One should "Just do it", as the Nike commercial says ? Not clear how that works, but it sounds simple and appealing.

Ok, I will endorse that. No "thinking" for any kind of "pre-contemplation." and just END the behavior (whether a substance or an activity), showing once in for all, control was had all along.

[QUOTE=Snake27]Well, Redneck, the BRAIN controls the BODY, hence under this scenario THOUGHT controls ACTION. However, perhaps it's not the case for everyone.

Perhaps your message is that one shouldn't think about it (stopping an addiction) too much ? One should "Just do it", as the Nike commercial says ? Not clear how that works, but it sounds simple and appealing.[/QUOTE]

When I made my previous post I was referring to people who I observed had stopped their addictive behavior. I was referring to what makes one person stop the behavior with no relapse yet another person struggles with relapse after relapse. What I observed was the people who stopped their addictive behavior had a strong desire to stop and a belief they could stop. It also did not matter if they used a 12 step program, REBT, or simply cold turkey on their own. What mattered was their internal belief system.

Agreed -- it's "from the inside" but there's a full panoply of internal characteristics that are necessary. "Just do it" isn't enough advice -- the person has to have ability, desire, determination, and a whole host of other facets to his own character to make it work for him.

Given that this is the case, what would you recommend to someone who has been struggling with relapse after relapse? What would his prescription for change be?

Love Sick: Secrets of a Sex AddictSynopsis:

Based on the book by Sue William Silverman, her personal account of conquering sexual addiction through therapy and a 12-step program after a life of abuse.
Genre: Drama, Adaptation

URL: [url]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213864/[/url]

Director:Grant Harvey

Writer:Maria Nation (writer)

Release Date:19 April 2008 (USA) more

Genre:Biography | Drama more

Plot:Based on a memoir by Sue William Silverman about her struggle and triumph over sexual addiction. | add synopsis

Plot Keywords:Seedy Motel | Sex Addict | Partial Female Nudity | Motel Sex | Twelve Step Program
User Comments:I expected more.

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

I expected there to be more sex scenes in a movie about sex. I didn't need to see nudity or certain body parts but I thought that the scenes they showed were way too short. I had to wait 41 minutes into the movie just to see a two minute scene of lust. It wasn't enough for me watching Sue clean her house and serve cake. I didn't watch the movie for that, I wanted what the title gave me. I suppose I shouldn't judge a movie by it's title. Especially not this movie. There were some good things in it too like how she opened up to her psychiatrist about her past. It explained a lot about the movie. I really didn't know if she was addicted to sex, I thought that she just had a sex problem but what do I know. I really expected more out of this movie and I was somewhat disappointed.

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Cast (Cast overview, first billed only)

Sally Pressman ... Sue Silverman

Actress:
"Army Wives" .... Roxy LeBlanc / ... (25 episodes, 2007-2008)
- Episode #2.5 (2008) TV episode .... Roxy LeBlanc
- The Messenger (2008) TV episode .... Roxy LeBlanc
- Strangers in a Strange Land (2008) TV episode .... Roxy LeBlanc
- Would You Know My Name (2008) TV episode .... Roxy LeBlanc
- Goodbye Stranger (2007) TV episode .... Roxy LeBlanc
(20 more)
Love Sick: Secrets of a Sex Addict (2008) (TV) .... Sue Silverman
"The New Adventures of Old Christine" .... Melanie (1 episode, 2008)
- Between a Rock and a Hard Place (2008) TV episode .... Melanie
"Criminal Minds" .... Chrissy Wilkinson (1 episode, 2007)
- Birthright (2007) TV episode .... Chrissy Wilkinson
Life Unkind (2007) .... Amelia
The Dread (2007) .... Teri
Last Rites of the Dead (2006) .... Angela's Boss
... aka Last Rites of the Dead (USA: copyright title)
... aka Zombies Anonymous (USA: new title)
"Shark" .... Deena Brock (1 episode, 2006)
- Pilot (2006) TV episode .... Deena Brock

Seeing friends and so forth that had addictions of sorts that really does work. I have seen it. You just have to tell yourself your "done". Then go ahead and just do exactly what you have planned to do. The old saying "'I Try to Say What I Mean, and Mean What I Say".

If you really do try to follow through it will work. But they also say you cant expect to do the same things and get different results. So you have to want change somewhere.

My humble opinion.

Happy Hunting..


[QUOTE=Redneck3565]Ok, I will endorse that. No "thinking" for any kind of "pre-contemplation." and just END the behavior (whether a substance or an activity), showing once in for all, control was had all along.[/QUOTE]

I am a sex addict and that's OK. I don't smoke crack. HELL! I don't use drugs at all. I don't commit felonies. I don't drive drunk. I only use a firearm when I have to. I salute the flag. I consider all service men and women as heros, as well as all prior service men and women. I own a business. I pay my taxes. I don't mooch off the system. I drink beer. I make moonshine. And I enjoy having sex with beautiful, petite, young ladies, that enjoy older men.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm a sex addict. And that's OK.

Amen brother. If you're comfortable with your own actions, then I have nothing but respect for your own choices for yourself, and I salute your self-reliance and sensibility. Amen brother.

If you do what you do, and are comfortable, and most importantly, HAVE CONTROL, when you do it, I think the term "addict" does not even apply. One of the more ridiculous concepts of "addiction", is that a person engaged in a specific behavior (whether having lots of sex, or paying for it, or drinking alcohol, or buying and using illegal drugs), is someow "out of control" with that activity. Considering that you, and ONLY YOU, can "make yourself do what YOU do", the idea of your behavior being an "addiction" is questionable at best, and an insult at worse. The 12-Step types that think that EVERYTHING should be labled as an "addiction" use such a broad definition, and vague criteria, that ANY sexual behavior is somehow an addiction! Don't let anyone else give YOU a "label" for what YOU DO on your own-willingly, voluntarily, and knowingly. Period.

[QUOTE=Teabag X]I am a sex addict and that's OK. I don't smoke crack. HELL! I don't use drugs at all. I don't commit felonies. I don't drive drunk. I only use a firearm when I have to. I salute the flag. I consider all service men and women as heros, as well as all prior service men and women. I own a business. I pay my taxes. I don't mooch off the system. I drink beer. I make moonshine. And I enjoy having sex with beautiful, petite, young ladies, that enjoy older men.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm a sex addict. And that's OK.[/QUOTE]

If you enjoy something and you are still comfortable and your not hurting anyone in the process then do what you enjoy. To me if you want to smoke a joint and drink beer and you arent committing crimes to get your cash and you have worked for what you have then enjoy yourself.

Theres even people that do cocaine -crack that are functioning in the world everyday. You and I wouldnt even know they are addicted. But if they can function and do a good job who am I judge them. My personal deal with ladies is there all woman who are hookers and are kept by rich men also. That doesnt make them any worse or better.

So just enjoy yourself.

[QUOTE=Teabag X]I am a sex addict and that's OK. I don't smoke crack. HELL! I don't use drugs at all. I don't commit felonies. I don't drive drunk. I only use a firearm when I have to. I salute the flag. I consider all service men and women as heros, as well as all prior service men and women. I own a business. I pay my taxes. I don't mooch off the system. I drink beer. I make moonshine. And I enjoy having sex with beautiful, petite, young ladies, that enjoy older men.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm a sex addict. And that's OK.[/QUOTE]

What is it that makes you a sex addict? Are you continuing to have sex with prostitutes despite experiencing increasingly negative consequences? Have you tried to quit but could not? Are you spending money you don't have? If not, probably not an addict.

I completely agree with Redneck here. If you are comfortable, having fun, and in control, you're not an addict even if banging 7 hookers a week. You could also get drunk everynight and not be an alcoholic. Millions of college kids do it. Loss of control, unsuccessful attempts to quit, guilt and remorse, and negative consequences.....that is addiction.