Hey. I know the feeling, my brother.
Way back when we were young & dating, the girl who became my wife would occasionally do anal if she was really fucked up (which we often were). She never learned to like it, though. A couple of years after we were married (& after lots of gentle but firm refusals to go there), she finally said she just was not into it & closed the back door for good. Since she was amazingly satisfying in all other ways (her blowjobs are world class), I let it go for a long time. But that backdoor boogie would not let me go & I eventually found my way to the hobby.
Speaking of which, got a question: do any of you guys ever discover your dick is splotched & speckled with little bruises after a serious session of sodomy? It does not happen to me all the time or even most of the time. But it does happen, especially if she clamps down hard on it when I come. After my most recent round of rump riding, my johnson looked like a pinto pony. The bruising fades after a day or two but still. Don't think I have ever seen anyone mention this, just curious.