Printable View
Hey guys,
Haven't been active in this forum and am just getting started in the bowl. Been following some of HG's advice (thanks HG) and am about ready for the first meet and greet. Any advice on how direct to be with the communication setting up the date? Need a little "sales" help. LOL.
Seniors, feel free to give me a good dose of we-told-you-so. Newbies, learn vicariously from my pain. The danger of wanting the unicorn, the one with whom who have a connection, but of course on non-traditional terms. Be careful, you might get it. The human connection takes a life of it own, often in unexpected ways.
So my SB takes a winter-break road-trip with some school chums this week. Throw in some alcohol, two guys who have a crush on her, one of which she's gotten along with real well in the past year. Well, at a club one night the alcohol flowed, some mutual admissions of affection were made between her and the latter guy, culminating in a BJ in the mens bathroom. Apparently the rest of the trip was of the hold-hand / cuddle behavior, which was overt to the rest of the group. Puppy love, near as I can figure from what I'm hearing.
So I get these panicked texts about how she doesn't know what do to, doesn't want to leave me but things were suddenly swell with her college buddy. She was set to visit me the next day so I calmed her down until we could really talk.
I went into the discussion expecting that the inevitable had happened-she finally connected with a peer and was ready for more normal civvy dating. In fact, that's how I always imagined the most positive outcome. From a position of pure self-interest, there's much less risk of collateral damage if she's choosing to move on to someone else than me pushing her away. So I was ready to encourage and support that direction.
But alas, she is in too deep with me, and as this episode is making clear, I am in too deep with her. She can't give me up for something that may or may not be the right thing. As I heard more about what happened and the dynamics with this guy, my take was that it would work for awhile, but then she'd be right on my doorstep again. She mostly talked herself out of it, but I didn't argue either. Part of me wonders whether I lost a chance at a clean break, but mostly I think it would have been temporary and in the long run cause more complications.
The day ended up with lots to discuss, most of it leaning my direction, and lots of cuddle time. Her next step was to break the definitive news to her road-trip fling.
I knew that over the next few days she'd be navigating the tricky waters of unwinding her mixed messages to the group and to her crush in particular, which she understandably was not looking forward to. Those few days go by with lots of radio silence, though the communications that did happen seemed pretty back-to-normal. Then she announced that she was hanging with the group and feeling really shitty, even though it sounded like things were going to blow over.
So that's that, right? I wish.
After our talk where she made it pretty clear that she was not leaving and was just going to have to suck it up with her peers, I still couldn't shake the anxiety. We all know how conflicted people (especially women) will feel one thing with one person then something totally different when with another. So I knew better than to believe that this was the last of it. I'm sure the anxiety was unfounded, but Sugar Bowl Time Machine had unexpectedly transported me back to the old "is she going to pick me?" purgatory / hell. How pathetic is that?
This, brothers, is the danger when it gets too deep. I care way too much about this. It's not the type of thing where I'm itching to just run off with her, since I know better than to think that would work out. But she fills many needs, not just physical, and when that eventually comes to an end it will be painful. And episodes like this eat up way too much mental and emotional energy that are better spent elsewhere. Fortunately they are rare.
[QUOTE=Walruscl;2408357]Seniors, feel free to give me a good dose of we-told-you-so. Newbies, learn vicariously from my pain. The danger of wanting the unicorn, the one with whom who have a connection, but of course on non-traditional terms. Be careful, you might get it. The human connection takes a life of it own, often in unexpected ways.
So my SB takes a winter-break road-trip with some school chums this week. Throw in some alcohol, two guys who have a crush on her, one of which she's gotten along with real well in the past year. Well, at a club one night the alcohol flowed, some mutual admissions of affection were made between her and the latter guy, culminating in a BJ in the mens bathroom. Apparently the rest of the trip was of the hold-hand / cuddle behavior, which was overt to the rest of the group. Puppy love, near as I can figure from what I'm hearing.
So I get these panicked texts about how she doesn't know what do to, doesn't want to leave me but things were suddenly swell with her college buddy. She was set to visit me the next day so I calmed her down until we could really talk.
I went into the discussion expecting that the inevitable had happened-she finally connected with a peer and was ready for more normal civvy dating. In fact, that's how I always imagined the most positive outcome. From a position of pure self-interest, there's much less risk of collateral damage if she's choosing to move on to someone else than me pushing her away. So I was ready to encourage and support that direction.
But alas, she is in too deep with me, and as this episode is making clear, I am in too deep with her. She can't give me up for something that may or may not be the right thing. As I heard more about what happened and the dynamics with this guy, my take was that it would work for awhile, but then she'd be right on my doorstep again. She mostly talked herself out of it, but I didn't argue either. Part of me wonders whether I lost a chance at a clean break, but mostly I think it would have been temporary and in the long run cause more complications.
The day ended up with lots to discuss, most of it leaning my direction, and lots of cuddle time. Her next step was to break the definitive news to her road-trip fling.
I knew that over the next few days she'd be navigating the tricky waters of unwinding her mixed messages to the group and to her crush in particular, which she understandably was not looking forward to. Those few days go by with lots of radio silence, though the communications that did happen seemed pretty back-to-normal. Then she announced that she was hanging with the group and feeling really shitty, even though it sounded like things were going to blow over.
So that's that, right? I wish.
After our talk where she made it pretty clear that she was not leaving and was just going to have to suck it up with her peers, I still couldn't shake the anxiety. We all know how conflicted people (especially women) will feel one thing with one person then something totally different when with another. So I knew better than to believe that this was the last of it. I'm sure the anxiety was unfounded, but Sugar Bowl Time Machine had unexpectedly transported me back to the old "is she going to pick me?" purgatory / hell. How pathetic is that?
This, brothers, is the danger when it gets too deep. I care way too much about this. It's not the type of thing where I'm itching to just run off with her, since I know better than to think that would work out. But she fills many needs, not just physical, and when that eventually comes to an end it will be painful. And episodes like this eat up way too much mental and emotional energy that are better spent elsewhere. Fortunately they are rare.[/QUOTE]You might want to consider meeting new POT SBs and re-establish your perspective. Doesn't mean you have to drop your current ATF but anytime a SD places all their physical, emotional, and financial chips on one SB there is a greater chance for eventually being in too deep. Sincere best of luck and I hope you get an outcome that is favourable to you.
[QUOTE=Rouleur;2408403]You might want to consider meeting new POT SBs and re-establish your perspective. Doesn't mean you have to drop your current ATF but anytime a SD places all their physical, emotional, and financial chips on one SB there is a greater chance for eventually being in too deep. Sincere best of luck and I hope you get an outcome that is favourable to you.[/QUOTE]Yeah, I've considered it, but only fleetingly. I barely have enough time for this one. Even if I could magically make another perfect-match SB appear on the scene I'd have trouble juggling them. One SB, job, household, kids, etc is more than I can handle already. The thought of the time and energy required for the M&G process is just too much.
My current plan is to let this one play out, make the most of it, and deal with the emotional consequences best I can when it ends. This ride has been sufficiently intense that it's unclear that would even enter the bowl again. This experience is a pretty tough standard to meet in terms of how good things can be, but also a cautionary tale on the emotional investment that can come along with it. This episode was a wake-up call that I need to actively moderate my affections towards my unicorn.
[QUOTE=Walruscl;2408490]Yeah, I've considered it, but only fleetingly. I barely have enough time for this one. Even if I could magically make another perfect-match SB appear on the scene I'd have trouble juggling them. One SB, job, household, kids, etc is more than I can handle already. The thought of the time and energy required for the M&G process is just too much.
My current plan is to let this one play out, make the most of it, and deal with the emotional consequences best I can when it ends. This ride has been sufficiently intense that it's unclear that would even enter the bowl again. This experience is a pretty tough standard to meet in terms of how good things can be, but also a cautionary tale on the emotional investment that can come along with it. This episode was a wake-up call that I need to actively moderate my affections towards my unicorn.[/QUOTE]I have trouble keeping track of each of the brothers' individual situations, so I don't remember if you have an SO (but I assume so since you mentioned household and kids). Assuming you do have an SO, I would just say you've gotten yourself in way too deep emotionally. There are far worse potential consequences to doing this than you've experienced thus far. What you're experiencing is just a normal type of jealousy that occurs whenever someone's been creeping around your back stairs. You've got time and money invested with her and you don't want to share her, you also want confirmation that she wants you bad enough to leave the other dude. The feeling itself is perfectly normal, but it behooves you to get control of it.
I'm sure someone, somewhere, occasionally emerges from an SB arrangement with a legitimate and fulfilling LTR or marriage (assuming that's what they want), but saying they are the minority is an understatement. I'm going to say not even 1% have a chance at their SB flipping into a faithful / loyal companion for life. The very fact that the girl ever positioned herself as an SB indicates an innate feeling of entitlement to things she did not legitimately earn herself -- rather she expects to receive support in exchange for her beauty. Long term, her beauty will fade but her sense of entitlement will only grow. Sugarbabying reinforces that sense of entitlement and sets them up for a lifetime of GPS for as long as they remain hot looking, and a lifetime of bitter, moody horrors beyond that point.
So, all of us should go into this hobby with NSA as a top priority, and that means sometimes pulling ourselves out of the danger zone, possibly even with the moral support and advice of brothers here. Once emotional strings form, it's time to do something to cut them. It's not always easy to be disciplined enough to do it. I had such an immediate connection with my last SB that it took me weeks to stop texting her and wishing I could see her again from the time I forced myself to stop. But time does heal these situations, and faster than you think.
In your case it sounds like she has given you a perfect window of opportunity to do what you need to do. First of all, it was nice of her to be honest with you about what happened, but the fact that it happened is grounds for letting her go. And, since she is somewhat distracted / conflicted right now, you can do so without guilt of worrying about hurting her, you can devote all your energy to dealing with your own addiction to her.
I would agree with others that the best immediate medicine is to go shopping for a new one, one without all the strings. There's always another one out there that's hotter than the one before. Just try to get in the habit of moving to the next one before getting in too deep.
[QUOTE=Walruscl;2408490]Yeah, I've considered it, but only fleetingly. I barely have enough time for this one. Even if I could magically make another perfect-match SB appear on the scene I'd have trouble juggling them. One SB, job, household, kids, etc is more than I can handle already. The thought of the time and energy required for the M&G process is just too much.
My current plan is to let this one play out, make the most of it, and deal with the emotional consequences best I can when it ends. This ride has been sufficiently intense that it's unclear that would even enter the bowl again. This experience is a pretty tough standard to meet in terms of how good things can be, but also a cautionary tale on the emotional investment that can come along with it. This episode was a wake-up call that I need to actively moderate my affections towards my unicorn.[/QUOTE]Good advice from the brothers, but hard to do. I had an intense relationship with my ATF years ago. I was insane and would have run off with this SB 40 yrs my junior--for both of us a disaster. I haven't found the same thing years since. So I guess what I am saying is to allow this relationship to run it's natural course-whether she stays or goes. If she stays work on separating yourself emotionally -not that she would know, but you have to be able to deal with LAB (life after Baby). You might need some counselling. I heard pole dancers are good therapists LOL. I agree you should make time to add another SB to the mix. It won't be the same but you do need the perspective.
[QUOTE=Walruscl;2408357]
This, brothers, is the danger when it gets too deep. I care way too much about this. It's not the type of thing where I'm itching to just run off with her, since I know better than to think that would work out. But she fills many needs, not just physical, and when that eventually comes to an end it will be painful. And episodes like this eat up way too much mental and emotional energy that are better spent elsewhere. Fortunately they are rare.[/QUOTE]I unfortunately have gotten in too deep with a few girls. Lived with three already. Now I keep it cool. And always let them know upfront that I am nobody's B word. No offence. But as far as feelings. If I let mine get carried away then I am ready to pay the price. But having one baby is always a recipe for disaster.
[QUOTE=JeezLizard;2408547]you also want confirmation that she wants you bad enough to leave the other dude. The feeling itself is perfectly normal, but it behooves you to get control of it.[/QUOTE]Yes, SO and kids. And this was indeed a wake-up call to work on emotional detachment.
[QUOTE]I'm sure someone, somewhere, occasionally emerges from an SB arrangement with a legitimate and fulfilling LTR or marriage (assuming that's what they want), but saying they are the minority is an understatement. I'm going to say not even 1% have a chance at their SB flipping into a faithful / loyal companion for life. The very fact that the girl ever positioned herself as an SB indicates an innate feeling of entitlement to things she did not legitimately earn herself -- rather she expects to receive support in exchange for her beauty. Long term, her beauty will fade but her sense of entitlement will only grow. Sugarbabying reinforces that sense of entitlement and sets them up for a lifetime of GPS for as long as they remain hot looking, and a lifetime of bitter, moody horrors beyond that point.[/QUOTE]As for her chances of a LTR in her life, I can't say. A seriously broken home is a huge hindrance to that. But I will say that I am completely certain that she is essentially not an SB, as generally understood by this board.
At the time we met she was in dire straits and was down to very few options. She had little choice but to accept the sugar, and I went out of my way to frame each one as a gift as much as possible. We went a little over a year in a standard sugar arrangement, during which time her situation improved by several orders of magnitude. It's not ideal, but it can at least be called stable. It's been six months since there was sugar involved. She has left the door open to the notion that I might help her again if she gets underwater, but other than that there is no discussion of it.
She has high aspirations and know she has a lot of work to do to achieve them. "Entitled" is about the last adjective that applies to her. A lot of support she gets from me these days is more of the "mentor / life-coach" variety.
So while you brothers who work the bowl more actively than I can claim a lot more insight into the dynamics of a typical SB, I can confidently say from both my own instincts and what I've read here is that she's not at all typical. I'd have to say that this has all but completely moved into the category of "affair", but without the usual threat to the main relationship. I didn't want to go there, but here I am nevertheless.
[QUOTE]In your case it sounds like she has given you a perfect window of opportunity to do what you need to do. First of all, it was nice of her to be honest with you about what happened, but the fact that it happened is grounds for letting her go. And, since she is somewhat distracted / conflicted right now, you can do so without guilt of worrying about hurting her, you can devote all your energy to dealing with your own addiction to her.
I would agree with others that the best immediate medicine is to go shopping for a new one, one without all the strings. There's always another one out there that's hotter than the one before. Just try to get in the habit of moving to the next one before getting in too deep.[/QUOTE]For better or for worse, I'm already in pretty deep, and I don't think it's in much danger of getting deeper. We have both openly acknowledged that there is no long term future. There have been a couple of times where one or the other of us have considered ending it, and the emotional pain stirred up was about the same as this last episode. So the calculus is that having needs fulfilled for a longer amount of time won't have much effect on the pain of splitting up, so it keeps on for now.
Again, I could be wrong, and may come to regret all of these decisions. But I just wanted to share my cautionary tale. Especially the irony that even the unicorn carries its own issues.
(and this is not intended to be argumentative, just clarifying how my situation is atypical).
[QUOTE=FredMoore;2408624]If she stays work on separating yourself emotionally -not that she would know, but you have to be able to deal with LAB (life after Baby).[/QUOTE]LAB is a good way to put it. And frankly, as much affection as I have for her, it would mostly be the hole she'd leave behind that causes the most emotional distress. No reason to pop open GV to see if there are any messages. No looking forward to the mini-escapes in the FC. Nobody to talk to about the trials of a stressful family life.
But I'd be kidding myself at this point to deny that there wouldn't be a more personal element to the emotional trauma. That part I can work on. The gap left behind is more difficult, the only real option being another SB. Again, I don't consider that a viable option right now. When LAB finally does arrive, I'll probably opt to see how well the gap heals before I subject myself to the perils of the bowl.
Ok. It's time for the lurkers to report. I have gotten PM's from people I have never even seen post here. And that's fine. But its like the same 10 guys doing all the posting. So please, entertain us with your stories of hunting and conquest. Pics are also appreciated. Or how about everyone give us their version of a 10. Not in the FC, just in the looks dept.
lets see there are lots of possible 10's. How about 5'5" about 105. Dark hair, green eyes. Small face, hands and feet. B cups and medium to dark skin. Worked out physique and doesnt talk much. lol. Or all that on a black girl with naturally straight hair. sexy
Strikeout.
I recently traveled to one of the southern states. I had a week in town and wanted to meet up with a few ladies. But I was unsuccessful. I actually use my account on SA a few weeks in advance and to chat up with a few ladies to arrange something during my visit. I sent out some messages to a bunch of ladies. I managed to gain the interest of five ladies.
Lady 1: We talked and chatted for a while. We even did some video chats. I managed to meet her for dinner at a restaurant. She had agreed previously that we would hand out for some private time for a late night stay over. But she change her mind after dinner. Apparently she had some things to do and could only stay for a short period of time. The most I manage to get was a covered BJ, which did nothing for me. I was feeling good about this one and I thought I had found the one. I could meet up with for my future trips to area. I took a risk and give her some funds to handle a bill. She spoke with me a few time via text messages. But I never heard from her again. I don't know, I just thought she was different and that I could build some type of trust with her. And to show her I was legit. So it would be much easier for me the next trip. *****.
Lady 2: We talked constantly via text messages and even chatting on the phone a few times before the trip. She sound excited and ready to meet me. But when I arrived either she either busy hanging with her friends or she went silent in between text messages for a long period of time. The last time I manage to speak with her and ask if she was wanted to meet up, she stated that she had a doctors appointment and couldn't meet up. After that I didn't even bother talking with her anymore. It was a waste of my time.
Lady 3: We talked constantly, she sent me pictures every other day. This is the one that I thought I had nailed down for the trip. But a day before my trip, she went silent and I didn't hear back from her again until the trip was over. She knew I was coming to town and knew how long the trip was for. I don't even understand this one, I really thought she was serious about meeting. After all the pictures and constant messages back and forth.
Lady 4: I had this one designated as my back up straight to the FC type of deal. My plan was to only contact her if things didn't go well with the other ladies. After I wasn't getting the response I had hoped for from Lady 1 and Lady 2. I called her and she was willing to meet up right away at a hotel. We had talk before about me providing compensation but not an exact figure. Before she came she ask how much she was getting, so I replied how much you want. She said $$ I declined. It double the maximum amount I was willing to spend and that didn't even include the room. She said I could afford her, and I hanged up afterwards.
Lady 5: After things went bad with lady 4, I called up this lady. We hadn't talk for about two weeks. This was my last ditch attempt to salvage something from my one month membership for entertainment on the side for this particular trip. She was willing to meet and I got the directions to her place. But things didn't go as plan. My intentions was to leave immediately but something came up and I had to delay for about 1. 5 hrs. I finally made to her place. She came out and we chatting in the car for a few minutes. She said she was expecting me to come right away and that her roommate was on her way home from work. So, I asked about some action in the car. She was uncomfortable so we drove around looking for a secluded spot, I couldn't find anything. So she started talking about how her roommate was on her way right now and she had to go. But ask if I could give her some money to pay her phone bill. I basically told she didn't do anything and I don't see why I should pay a bill when she could even give a BJ, her complaint was that the car windows wasn't tinted.
I don't even know what to say other than to just call it a learning experience. You know to actually be able to tell which girls are actually serious about meeting. I think if I was local and had more time cultivate something I would had some success because a lot of the females lost interest after finding out that I would only be visiting. But I tried counteract it, with future trips to the town but I was unsuccessful.
*.
Walrus, I feel for you! I'm in the midst of trying to seperate from my unicorn. 5'9", 125#, beautiful long lt brown hair, no kids, great connection, perfect in my eyes. Too perfect, I'm always thinking about her, way too much. I've come to the same conclusion that the others are offering, find another one. #2 (21,5'4", 110 lbs) and #3 (MILF spinner) all doing fine and still in the regular rotation but not near the connection as #1. Loaded some credits on the SB site, 1st m&g tomorrow night. Ill update if she doesn't flake. I'm sure if I devoted half my baby energy towards the SO, things would be great. But then I would be stuck with an anti-spinner mid 50's love life. Yeh, that aint for me anymore. I've got the bug I guess.
[QUOTE=Walruscl;2408740]LAB is a good way to put it. And frankly, as much affection as I have for her, it would mostly be the hole she'd leave behind that causes the most emotional distress. No reason to pop open GV to see if there are any messages. No looking forward to the mini-escapes in the FC. Nobody to talk to about the trials of a stressful family life.
But I'd be kidding myself at this point to deny that there wouldn't be a more personal element to the emotional trauma. That part I can work on. The gap left behind is more difficult, the only real option being another SB. Again, I don't consider that a viable option right now. When LAB finally does arrive, I'll probably opt to see how well the gap heals before I subject myself to the perils of the bowl.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Walruscl;2408731] Again, I could be wrong, and may come to regret all of these decisions. But I just wanted to share my cautionary tale. Especially the irony that even the unicorn carries its own issues.
(and this is not intended to be argumentative, just clarifying how my situation is atypical).[/QUOTE]Understood. I actually thought she sounded atypical of a female in general when she so readily admitted to blowing a guy in the men's room. A lot of women (SB or not) have trouble being totally honest about the naughty things they do, and the fact that she came right out and told you says things about her that I can't really speculate about without knowing her. It could mean she has an exceptional amount of courage and integrity, or it could mean that she doesn't understand what raunchy behavior that is (I can't think of a less sanitary place to do anything sexual than a public restroom at a club), or it could mean something in between that nobody's thought of yet.
Actually the dilemma you're faced with right now doesn't seem all that terrible in the big scheme of things. I read about these guys with pregnancy scares, stalkers and extortionists and having been to those dark places myself in the past, it actually stresses me to read their stories and to watch them struggle with them. It seems to me you just have to figure out how you want to handle the situation in your own mind, so if it helps, you could always be glad she's got these other urges or activities going on that makes her not a direct threat to your household life.
I just know that when I look back at all the women that gave me headaches, internal dilemmas to struggle through, and what not, the main regret I have in retrospect is spending as much time with each one contemplating the situation I was in at the time. With almost everyone of them, the moment I made the conscious decision to stay away from them, I almost immediately hooked up with someone better. My big regret is not tearing myself away from them sooner. The only recent exception to that was when I split up for a while with my current GF. In that case I felt that, despite being free to tap into new and strange pussy, I was ultimately less happy than when I was together with her (thus the reconciliation). I figured that's how I knew I was really in love, when I missed her even as I was banging some new poon. If this girl is of that same ilk to you, then maybe she's worth the ongoing investment of time, but in my case it was only worth it to go back to my GF because I had made a decision to try and make a future with her. If I knew for sure it wasn't going to work out long-term, I'd drop her tomorrow and go back to sport fucking.
Speaking of 10's. This one lives a few blocks from me and agreed to meet. An admitted UTR with a full-time job. And she is pretty. Wish I could show you but need to protect her anonymity. She is an 8/10 for sure. It's very rare for me to get one this luscious. And I don't have her yet. But with a UTR I am going to get something. LOL. I guess most girls with a body like this, just can't help but get suspicious of any guys intentions. Sorta like being born rich.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]370645[/ATTACH][ATTACH=CONFIG]370646[/ATTACH].
Is there a such thing as too much? The communication with my spinner fleeted. Amazing raunchy sex and I totally dominated her. It was awesome and then I got emotionally attached, which I suppose was my downfall. I jumped back in the bowl head on and lately have been taking no prisoners.
Last night, I met up with a 6/10, but amazing BJ. Once this girl gets started she never removes my cock from her mouth. I feel bad because I never offer her any $. We hit the bars up, and typically end the night at her place for the FC. Routinely, I leave out in the middle of the night.
This week, I've got several M&G's set up. I've never had to buy so many condoms in my life. I'm noticing I'm now having performance issues. I really have to step my game up in case another spinner comes through. With 8/10 - 10/10 SB's my adernaline is pumping so high that I perform a few hours straight. I'm afraid I might be draining myself out. I workout 2-3 times a week, but lately with the average SBs I don't have the all night drive.
Should I slow down or try to get a script for the Blue Diamond pills? Anyone know a reliable place to purchase them online. I've never tried them before.