"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[QUOTE=IluvSmellyFish;2298759]The sugar that is. I guess my post wasn't clear. What I was trying to convey was that my current approach is situational and dependent on the facts.

I think its always expected though. As Hollywood Guy previously posted, the sugar is a big part of what gets an SB into the FC the first time.[/QUOTE]Looking back, I scanned your post too fast and misunderstood it. Sorry about that, I've been in overdrive today trying to get lots done and sometimes read too quickly when I'm in that mode.

For you new guys to the forum, a short history. I'm not in this for the play-the-numbers approach to have my dance card lined up with as much pussy as I have time for. I'm just a father of two schoolchildren with a successful career and a stressful-as-all-hell homelife. Early in my hunt I found what turned out to be an ideal situation for both me and my SB. I wanted someone I could connect to, not just fuck, and she also wanted compatibility in addition to financial assistance and quickly discovered the fringe benefits of an older (50 ish) man. See HG's post below on that topic.

Over the past 18 mos we've become close, I treat her as a combination of princess, daughter-I-never-had (ick factor aside), and young person to mentor. If anything, she has the much stronger need for frequent sex than do I, as I'm finding out. (not that I complain about hours of attention to the little head, even if he's not going to do much besides stay hard, wet, and happily well looked-after).

Lately her financial and living situation have become much less desperate, and she only wants me to help out on an as-needed basis (we stopped pay-for-play last summer when I had to bail her out of a couple of dire circumstances). At this point I'm pretty sure she sees me as a boyfriend who has the resources to help her out when she is in need, but without all the usual BF / GF crap. Long run that may become a liability, but I'm watching it.

So, all that said, I'm basically getting 3-4 hours a week of sex on the side with a spinner hardbody, who's mission in life is to please me, and have as many orgasms along the way as she can. As others have pointed out, SO's simply cannot compete against this. Besides physical attractiveness, they came of age in a very different time. So while it's been clear for a looong time that I've not been satisfied with the sex life, and the SO doesn't seem to have a clue on how to fix this, I've kept up a token sex life. Since finding the SB I've dialed it back to be sure (another no-no according to the wisdom here), but I don't refuse the extremely rare offer, and occasionally will attempt to initiate.

So, with all [U]that[/U] said, tonight I decide to see if she'll pick up on increasingly obvious cues. Nope, totally oblivious. When I finally make an unambiguous move, it was: "sorry, tonight's not the right time". So, yeah, ok, it was late. I told her it was fine-don't worry about it. She then spent 5-10 minutes talking about how it wasn't fine yadda yadda yadda.

Now in this house, SO sex lasts maybe five minutes. If she could have simply conjured up images of me as Tom Cruise to get wet, it would have been faster just to do it than get into a conflict that lasted twice as long. She might have even enjoyed herself.

What don't they get about this? I really don't understand.

But hey, no worries. My SB's last exam is Tuesday, so Wednesday is looking reaaaallly promising.

[QUOTE=Walruscl;2298926]
Now in this house, SO sex lasts maybe five minutes. If she could have simply conjured up images of me as Tom Cruise to get wet, it would have been faster just to do it than get into a conflict that lasted twice as long. She might have even enjoyed herself.

What don't they get about this? I really don't understand.

But hey, no worries. My SB's last exam is Tuesday, so Wednesday is looking reaaaallly promising.[/QUOTE]Walduscl, your post really hit home with me. I've always had an active sex life with the SO but it has always been me that initiated, and always with a lot of uncertainty about how or if she would respond. I can probably count the number of times on one hand, in our 40 plus years of marriage, that she actually initiated sex. I had my first SW experience in my late twenties, moved on to escorts shortly thereafter, and know rely on UTR and SBs to fill my needs. My hobby probably had no impact on sex frequency with thE SO until I started the pursuit of SBs about 3 years ago.

I know the SO can tell that something has changed but I can't really tell if she is concerned or relieved that I am now much less trouble to keep satisfied. My session yesterday with my SB lasted a full 90 minutes. We s_ked, f__ked, massaged and fondled until our free time ran out, and both complained that we needed to schedule longer for next time.

My SO is clueless on how important it is for her to sometimes take the lead and initiate some excitement in our bedroom. Without the extra excitement that the SB world provides, I would have a pretty pitiful sex life for sure.

Alias.

[QUOTE=AliasSM;2298972I] know the SO can tell that something has changed but I can't really tell if she is concerned or relieved that I am now much less trouble to keep satisfied.[/QUOTE]Yeah, same here, although things are so infrequent that I think it took her awhile to notice. A few years ago, in the height of frustration I basically said that I'd be happier if I could just get rid of my sex drive altogether. I fully meant it then, and even now I sometimes wonder what opportunity costs I incur with my new playtime. Even with just a single SB once a week, that's a fair amount of overhead on my time.

So if the conversation ever came up, my answer would be that I've been working hard on reigning in my urges, and having some success with that. Which isn't entirely false.

[QUOTE=Jjjchar;2298746]Guys, if you don't mind. Please give the meaning of POT and M&G. Thanks.[/QUOTE]My brother,

You will find, if you haven't already, that the brothers of the Clubhouse have our own lingo, developed in the field, and it is all explained in this Journal, but a couple of quick defs on some of the most asked-about acronyms to help you in your reading:

POT. A potential baby you have met, communicated with, but not yet bedded.

M&G. Meet and Greet; applies only to the initial meeting with a POT. Where you get to know each other and sense if there is the possibility of making something happen.

FC. Fucking Chamber; anywhere you take your SB to fuck her, except maybe your car? Not exactly sure about that last part, but that's how I interpret it.

POTF. Panties On The Floor.

SA. Seeking Arrangement; a website a number of us like. There are others as well, and it appears that their relative reliability depends on your area of the country.

Others may have more to add, but hopefully this will help. Otherwise, I highly recommend you go back to the very beginning, and read up to the present. There is so much helpful information here, and so little BS or acrimony, that I believe it is unique among all the other threads on this site.

Happy holidays to you all!

Do no harm.

Scott.

[QUOTE=AliasSM;2298972]Walduscl, your post really hit home with me. I've always had an active sex life with the SO but it has always been me that initiated, and always with a lot of uncertainty about how or if she would respond. I can probably count the number of times on one hand, in our 40 plus years of marriage, that she actually initiated sex. I had my first SW experience in my late twenties, moved on to escorts shortly thereafter, and know rely on UTR and SBs to fill my needs. My hobby probably had no impact on sex frequency with thE SO until I started the pursuit of SBs about 3 years ago.

I know the SO can tell that something has changed but I can't really tell if she is concerned or relieved that I am now much less trouble to keep satisfied. My session yesterday with my SB lasted a full 90 minutes. We s_ked, f__ked, massaged and fondled until our free time ran out, and both complained that we needed to schedule longer for next time.

My SO is clueless on how important it is for her to sometimes take the lead and initiate some excitement in our bedroom. Without the extra excitement that the SB world provides, I would have a pretty pitiful sex life for sure.

Alias.[/QUOTE]Assuming you eliminate all traces of an SB session. Like hair, makeup, perfume, etc. , if there is no emotional investment, an SO may never pick up on your extra curricular activity.

But if you have an emotional investment in another girl, even if you only fuck her once a month, your SO will pick up on the vibe.

This is what they are tuned in for. It's in their nature.

[QUOTE=JeezLizard;2298838]Looking back, I scanned your post too fast and misunderstood it. Sorry about that, I've been in overdrive today trying to get lots done and sometimes read too quickly when I'm in that mode.[/QUOTE]Completely understand. I'm typing this on my phone as I walk to a meeting (work not pleasure).

Besides you're probably busy juggling multiple sb s as well.

[URL]http://nostringsattached.com/[/URL]

Claims to have 3 MM members.

[QUOTE=HollywoodGuy;2299437][URL]http://nostringsattached.com/[/URL]

Claims to have 3 MM members.[/QUOTE]You have to pay before you can view profiles. Bad business model: guys won't pony up until they see something worth pursuing. Also, in my area, the pickings look very slim.

RB.

Saw my "little girl" S yesterday. She got herself into a small jam since we went exclusive about 4 months ago. She is a normal college student and so her family was getting a little suspicious as to why she never dates or has any visible boyfriend.

So she manged to find a closeted gay guy at her school that was in the same predicament. They have now pretended at a few family functions no problem. While she is not close to my type physically, she is pretty and her total devotion to me is hard to ignore. I also put her in the top 3 of all time in the BJ department. She may even be #1. Not really sure. But she should be giving lessons. It's amazing how important BJ skills can be to a relationship. Very few girls are willing to spend an hour at a time on oral. And do it well.

I am her first boyfriend ever, but she is totally cool and would never do anything to rock that boat. So far in 4 months I have bought her one gift for 40 dollars. Thats it. We have hit the FC 10 times and always for a few hours at a time. So she hit the all important 10 date mark and she is still here.

I was actually feeling sorry for her at one point because she seems so lonely and that's not a good reason to stay together. But for now I am going to stick with her because she really is sweet and giving and is genuinely in love with me (something I know most guys on here would dread). I have a tendency to forget the importance of giving if the girl is a real looker. But all my regulars right now are real givers in the FC.

[QUOTE=IluvSmellyFish;2299403]Completely understand. I'm typing this on my phone as I walk to a meeting (work not pleasure).

Besides you're probably busy juggling multiple sb s as well.[/QUOTE]Wish that were my excuse, but sadly, I'm in my dormant stage at the moment. No contact with any SBs. I ramp all that activity up when I'm in a position to act on it. I used to keep a few lingering SB contacts, some of whom would send me e-mails once every few weeks asking if I was ready to meet or not, but I found that they eventually either move away, get a boyfriend, or whatever, so when I get a chance to play around I just look at what's currently out there and start working from there.

[QUOTE=HollywoodGuy;2299437][URL]http://nostringsattached.com/[/URL]

Claims to have 3 MM members.[/QUOTE]Just TOFTT.

Not impressed. Can't really search the members even after you pay. YOu can get local results, close to you, but at least in my area, most of them say they haven't logged in in months.

By comparison, on SA, there's about 10, maybe 15 that currently log in every day, every couple days. SO they are at least active. THe ones on NSA, seem to be old or something.

ANd there's no way to filter the search results to only those that have been on the site in the last X days or something. On SA you can filter the results to the "most recently active" or something like that.

Save your $$, unless you just want to blow 30 bucks and if you do, make sure you go into your billing history / account section and turn off "auto renew" if you don't like the site, or you'll get dinged again next month.

[QUOTE=Almighty;2299878]Just TOFTT.

Not impressed. Can't really search the members even after you pay. YOu can get local results, close to you, but at least in my area, most of them say they haven't logged in in months.

By comparison, on SA, there's about 10, maybe 15 that currently log in every day, every couple days. SO they are at least active. THe ones on NSA, seem to be old or something.

ANd there's no way to filter the search results to only those that have been on the site in the last X days or something. On SA you can filter the results to the "most recently active" or something like that.

Save your $$, unless you just want to blow 30 bucks and if you do, make sure you go into your billing history / account section and turn off "auto renew" if you don't like the site, or you'll get dinged again next month.[/QUOTE]Thanks for taking the hit.

And thanks for TOFTT. I had the same impression. Most profiles were of women over 30 and inactive. You cannot see anything before you pay and it sounds like not a lot more after you pay.

RB.

[QUOTE=Almighty;2299878]Just TOFTT.

Not impressed. Can't really search the members even after you pay. YOu can get local results, close to you, but at least in my area, most of them say they haven't logged in in months.

ANd there's no way to filter the search results to only those that have been on the site in the last X days or something. On SA you can filter the results to the "most recently active" or something like that.

Save your $$, unless you just want to blow 30 bucks [/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Almighty;2299878]Just TOFTT.

Not impressed. Can't really search the members even after you pay. YOu can get local results, close to you, but at least in my area, most of them say they haven't logged in in months. By comparison, on SA, there's about 10, maybe 15 that currently log in every day, every couple days. SO they are at least active. THe ones on NSA, seem to be old or something.
[/QUOTE]More than once I've thought, if I were the owner of a successful dating site, since there's no way to patent or protect the concept from competition, what sort of strategy could I employ to stay in business? The most effective one I could come up with would be to completely saturate cyberspace with lots of useless knock-off sites that do little more than send people running back to the main site. I'm not saying the owner of SA owns that particular site or any of other alternative sites, I'm just saying it could be a very useful tactic for preventing competitor efforts from succeeding.