Sexual Addiction Reports

[QUOTE=MosesBlack;6621509]Which is the first step. I used to think that all this was harmless because I'm just a normal man with a high sex drive right. It is far from harmless and I'm coming to the conclusion that you can get sucked in too deep and ruin yourself, your family, and your reputation. I also fluctuate between this is normal to this is fucked up. Slowly I'm coming to terms with why I do this and the traumas of the past. Same with any woman in this industry, do you think a normal woman with a healthy loving family would do this? That's why when you hear their stories it's usually a train wreck. But yes getting out for good is hard.[/QUOTE]Honestly confronting and admitting to ourselves that we have a problem is a huge first step. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and seeing myself for who I am, a sex addict. I don't want to believe it but its true and that was the hardest look over myself that I'd ever had to do. And I've made all of those same excuses. That I'm biologically wired as a man to behave this way, or that my wife isn't attractive enough and I can fuck someone who looks better (which is usually not the case because I meet with streetwalkers and bottom-feeder escorts, most of whom look much worse than my wife will ever look), all types of crazy and untrue things.

Getting out for good is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. My personality has been shaped around this hobby. Recently, I realized that I spend so much time looking at women in public. It kinda startled me because my head always stays on a swivel. And I'll weaponize all of that imagery to compare random women to my wife, or store it for a jerk session, or worse it'll feed my desire to let it off with a worker. There are so many subtle parts of this addiction that are easy to ignore which is makes it so difficult to escape. Re-wiring myself and making a lasting change of personality is going to be hard and I'm quite scared. I keep wanting to convince myself that I'm simply not ready. But if I don't start down the path of quitting, this motherfucker will take me down and completely fracture and devestate my wife and family.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6621874]Honestly confronting and admitting to ourselves that we have a problem is a huge first step. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and seeing myself for who I am, a sex addict. I don't want to believe it but its true and that was the hardest look over myself that I'd ever had to do. And I've made all of those same excuses. That I'm biologically wired as a man to behave this way, or that my wife isn't attractive enough and I can fuck someone who looks better (which is usually not the case because I meet with streetwalkers and bottom-feeder escorts, most of whom look much worse than my wife will ever look), all types of crazy and untrue things.

Getting out for good is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. My personality has been shaped around this hobby. Recently, I realized that I spend so much time looking at women in public. It kinda startled me because my head always stays on a swivel. And I'll weaponize all of that imagery to compare random women to my wife, or store it for a jerk session, or worse it'll feed my desire to let it off with a worker. There are so many subtle parts of this addiction that are easy to ignore which is makes it so difficult to escape. Re-wiring myself and making a lasting change of personality is going to be hard and I'm quite scared. I keep wanting to convince myself that I'm simply not ready. But if I don't start down the path of quitting, this motherfucker will take me down and completely fracture and devestate my wife and family.[/QUOTE]It will absolutely be a monumental undertaking for all of us. I'll be honest when I say I'm not sure I can do it. I've realized that much just stems from loneliness and false beliefs like if I don't have a super active sex life I'm a loser which is not true. There have been plenty of people who lived celibate lives through history and accomplished quite a bit.

I suffer the same thing especially comparing and checking out women in public to the extent that I believe it goes beyond normal behavior. The comparing is terrible because there is no end. I currently see an escort who looks like a model and I still think to myself it's not good enough, what's next, can I fuck a hotter woman? Now imagine what this does to your partner, a person who loves you.

Then there's going to strip clubs and seeing the old men who still are there. To me it's sad, and it's like a gambling or drug addict that never quit.

I've tried many things, counseling, organized religion, retreats, and some have worked for a while but so still have not stopped. I wish you the best my man in this.

[QUOTE=MosesBlack;6624677]It will absolutely be a monumental undertaking for all of us. I'll be honest when I say I'm not sure I can do it. I've realized that much just stems from loneliness and false beliefs like if I don't have a super active sex life I'm a loser which is not true. There have been plenty of people who lived celibate lives through history and accomplished quite a bit.

I suffer the same thing especially comparing and checking out women in public to the extent that I believe it goes beyond normal behavior. The comparing is terrible because there is no end. I currently see an escort who looks like a model and I still think to myself it's not good enough, what's next, can I fuck a hotter woman? Now imagine what this does to your partner, a person who loves you.

Then there's going to strip clubs and seeing the old men who still are there. To me it's sad, and it's like a gambling or drug addict that never quit.

I've tried many things, counseling, organized religion, retreats, and some have worked for a while but so still have not stopped. I wish you the best my man in this.[/QUOTE]I feel you. I'm truly not sure I can do it either but I won't know until I try (and I've already given it about 15 half-hearted tries over the years). I hope that all of us who are acknowledging this as a problem in our lives continue trying. I'm also motivated by the fear of what happens if I don't try to quit. My wife will likely find out, or I'll get a disease, or both, or I'll just continue spiraling down the cycle of depression, lying, and self-medicating until one or more of the former happen and I take myself off this planet. Those are the frightening alternatives I have, while my addiction deludes me into thinking I just need to bust one more nut to feel better. But I also want (and need) to really change as a person because I'm tired of acting and feeling like a selfish piece of shit dysfunctional misfit who's always down on himself.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6624844]I feel you. I'm truly not sure I can do it either but I won't know until I try (and I've already given it about 15 half-hearted tries over the years). I hope that all of us who are acknowledging this as a problem in our lives continue trying. I'm also motivated by the fear of what happens if I don't try to quit. My wife will likely find out, or I'll get a disease, or both, or I'll just continue spiraling down the cycle of depression, lying, and self-medicating until one or more of the former happen and I take myself off this planet. Those are the frightening alternatives I have, while my addiction deludes me into thinking I just need to bust one more nut to feel better. But I also want (and need) to really change as a person because I'm tired of acting and feeling like a selfish piece of shit dysfunctional misfit who's always down on himself.[/QUOTE]The way you feel and think about yourself is more common than you think. I too share many of the same traits. Not until recently did I discover I am a codependent. The more I learned about it the more I understood myself and my actions. For me personally I was always looking for more intimacy that's why I bounced from one escort to another hoping to get that rush It's the same reason I never dated anyone for more than a few months. I'm still trying to kick this habit and I have a long way to go however I'm gaining ground as to what and why the urge hits giving me some pause to reconsider my actions. I use to seek out an escort at least once a month now it's every few months if that. When I do I'm able to process why I did and not beat myself up for it. We're all damaged goods my friend, the key is to identify the wound and treat it. Your mind and body will thank you for it. Good luck in whichever path you take.

I have been a sex addict most of my life. I have also always had a need to take care of people who I care about. Something is screwy in me for sure. I don't know what. 30 years ago I gave up alcohol and all drugs. And to top it all off, I have a pretty crappy life. But, I have a little money and all I know is that when I am having sex, all that other stuff and stress go away. So I chase. I am older and more mature. I know much of this problem stems from my personal insecurity. I don't really know what to do about it and if I did, I'm not sure I would do it. I do know that sex takes me away. And it makes my life better for that hour. And then some. For a guy like me, who's home life reality is pretty bad, that's something. I am now a care taker for a sick spouse. But, as other posters have pointed out, I view women everywhere as a source of an escape. Doesn't matter where I am, I undress them in my mind. It truly is exhausting and far from the way most men without this affliction live their life.

I would rather not be a sex addict. But, given the choice of Alcoholic, drug addict or anything having to do with kids, I'd rather be what I am. I work hard, take care of my family financially, I love them. And they know it but, I have secret life that I am pretty ashamed of.

I hit rock bottom last month. I travelled to Japan and saw providers who were 19 to 23 years old at legal a legal establishment. At first, I felt like the luckiest man. Wow, I have the time and resources now to travel to see providers across the world. I'm in my 30's, so the fact that I was in a room with a much younger woman felt like a dream initially. Typically younger providers in the USA are addicted to something or in bad mental shape.

While having sex, I kept thinking about the reasons why women aged 19-23 would even partake in this world. They even allowed video recording for extra money, which I declined. Digital footprint is real, and I was surprised that they would even allow that kind of option. Some of their eyes had signs of emotional detachment. In a weird way, I felt a connection despite the language barrier. I did not have the happiest childhood and remember a lot of my youth crying from abuse. I don't blame my parent anymore, but I forgave them after I began seeing sex workers. My trip wasn't exclusively for sex, so I spent a lot of my time roaming Japan thinking about my life and how it ended up this way. I don't want pity because I am in a good place financially. The fact that I am able to travel for fun alone screams privilege.

Of course I like having sex, but I find a lot of enjoyment just talking about vulnerable topics while cuddling with sex workers. My friends think I'm some sort of outstanding guy with morals. It kills me deep down every time someone compliments me for being a good person.

Feel like I'm trapped. I put on a fake persona when meeting up with friends. I end dates with women early when they start poking around my past. No one knows about my sex addiction and I plan to keep it that way.

Just wanted to write this down somewhere. Feels nice to admit being a sex addict. Even on a sex forum.

For the past year and a half, every time I've came, it's been while high on a substance known for its energizing properties, similar to Adderall, but could lead to a very methed up life if you're not careful.

I've grown addicted to the climax while in that state since I can easily string 4 or more climaxes back to back over the course of 5 minutes. How could I not once I experience that?

I can understand labeling it a problem if a monger spends $1 million on AMPs over the course of 10-15 years, IF this amount of $$ has a negative effect on their financial well-being. But how about mongers who still have plenty of $$ after fucking about 5000 different AMP girls over the course of 15 years?

Rolling Cols OH streets for last decade, flee from mundane life usually. Infrequently to celebrate a success tho that is few and far between. Cruised 4 or 5 times a week, at my peak, cause I could, and since chasing women at bars or at dating sites often meant getting strung along for weeks, without a hint of sex from the lady. Streetwalkers can be a sure thing. Tho I'd been ripped off many a time. Now aging and seeing a lesser need to cruise, I think of a bucket list. As if I could actually walk away from the hobby. SW'ers or AMPs. Never got into escorts or strip clubs very much.

Reading "The Seat of the Soul" by ex-Green Beret, Gary Zukav. Is 4 sections, and the 3rd is Responsibility, with chapters of Choice, Addiction, Relationships and Souls. To release an Addiction, one must first admit that there is one. To acknowledge it, is to say that part of our life is out of control. (it is a fine line, requiring each to decide, or continue to run away or minimize a problem) The experience of addictive sexual attraction is an experience of powerlessness, and a desire to feed off a weaker soul. THE WAY OUT of it is to remind yourself when you feel the attraction, you are feeling powerlessness and desiring to prey upon a soul that is weaker than yourself.

Remind yourself that the partner to whom you are drawn (at a mall, bar or streets) is equally drawn to others. Sexual attraction is a weakness detection system. When it locates a person who is weak enough to be susceptible to you, to be seduced by you, it triggers within you the experience of sexual attraction. The need to dominate is the same as the need to be submissive. It is a power to choose. Test your power of choice because each time that you choose otherwise, you disengage the power of your addiction more and more, and increase your personal power more and more. (maybe some of you are already doing this; I tried to quit, pre-covid, but the social isolation had me running to the streets for connection; then it was invaluable; now I have other choices).

Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, upon yourself and upon your finances, mental and emotional health, children or partners, etc. You stand between 2 worlds of your lesser self and your fuller self. Your lesser self tempts you with irresponsibility, unconsciousness and no discipline. Your fuller self is aligned with your non-physical help. The work to be done is yours, but assistance is always there for you in your guides, teachers, mentors, and expansive thoughts. You may hear or feel their guidance, but not be ready to take that step. Your guides do not know time, so they know you will eventually move away from it. At times, there is wisdom in waiting until all of you prepares for the journey away from your addiction. There is no shame in that decision, as the Universe does not judge.

Eventually you will come to authentic empowerment. You will know the power of forgiveness, humbleness, clarity and love. You will evolve beyond the human experience, beyond the learning environment of Earth school. When you die, you leave your personality and your body behind as well as your powerlessness, inadequacies, fears, angers, and time. You will perceive with loving eyes and compassionate understanding the experiences of your life, including those that seemed so much to control you. You will see what purposes they served. You will survey what has been learned and you will bring these things into your next incarnation.

[QUOTE=NGorged;6734683]Rolling Cols OH streets for last decade, flee from mundane life usually. Infrequently to celebrate a success tho that is few and far between. Cruised 4 or 5 times a week, at my peak, cause I could, and since chasing women at bars or at dating sites often meant getting strung along for weeks, without a hint of sex from the lady. Streetwalkers can be a sure thing. Tho I'd been ripped off many a time. Now aging and seeing a lesser need to cruise, I think of a bucket list. As if I could actually walk away from the hobby. SW'ers or AMPs. Never got into escorts or strip clubs very much.

Reading "The Seat of the Soul" by ex-Green Beret, Gary Zukav. Is 4 sections, and the 3rd is Responsibility, with chapters of Choice, Addiction, Relationships and Souls. To release an Addiction, one must first admit that there is one. To acknowledge it, is to say that part of our life is out of control. (it is a fine line, requiring each to decide, or continue to run away or minimize a problem) The experience of addictive sexual attraction is an experience of powerlessness, and a desire to feed off a weaker soul. THE WAY OUT of it is to remind yourself when you feel the attraction, you are feeling powerlessness and desiring to prey upon a soul that is weaker than yourself.

Remind yourself that the partner to whom you are drawn (at a mall, bar or streets) is equally drawn to others. Sexual attraction is a weakness detection system. When it locates a person who is weak enough to be susceptible to you, to be seduced by you, it triggers within you the experience of sexual attraction. The need to dominate is the same as the need to be submissive. It is a power to choose. Test your power of choice because each time that you choose otherwise, you disengage the power of your addiction more and more, and increase your personal power more and more. (maybe some of you are already doing this; I tried to quit, pre-covid, but the social isolation had me running to the streets for connection; then it was invaluable; now I have other choices).

Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, upon yourself and upon your finances, mental and emotional health, children or partners, etc. You stand between 2 worlds of your lesser self and your fuller self. Your lesser self tempts you with irresponsibility, unconsciousness and no discipline. Your fuller self is aligned with your non-physical help. The work to be done is yours, but assistance is always there for you in your guides, teachers, mentors, and expansive thoughts. You may hear or feel their guidance, but not be ready to take that step. Your guides do not know time, so they know you will eventually move away from it. At times, there is wisdom in waiting until all of you prepares for the journey away from your addiction. There is no shame in that decision, as the Universe does not judge.

Eventually you will come to authentic empowerment. You will know the power of forgiveness, humbleness, clarity and love. You will evolve beyond the human experience, beyond the learning environment of Earth school. When you die, you leave your personality and your body behind as well as your powerlessness, inadequacies, fears, angers, and time. You will perceive with loving eyes and compassionate understanding the experiences of your life, including those that seemed so much to control you. You will see what purposes they served. You will survey what has been learned and you will bring these things into your next incarnation.[/QUOTE]Much of what you quoted really resonates with me. Lately, I've narrowed down the reasons why I've partaken in this hobby and it comes down to a few primary things: validation seeking, "new pussy", escape, pleasure seeking, and an attitude of "because I can". I picked apart each reason and what I've found is that none of these are truly good and defendable reasons, especially considering that these encounters really don't serve me in a productive way and haven't made me feel better about myself in a very long time. Nowadays, I typically feel shame, regret, anger, resentment, and fear afterwards. I know I'm not living up to my core values and I'm harming myself and others. Its mostly an act of avoidance for me. Therapy and daily journaling have been very helpful in peeling back the onion.

[QUOTE=SkeletonKey6;6721324]I can understand labeling it a problem if a monger spends $1 million on AMPs over the course of 10-15 years, IF this amount of $$ has a negative effect on their financial well-being. But how about mongers who still have plenty of $$ after fucking about 5000 different AMP girls over the course of 15 years?[/QUOTE]Its only a problem if you think its a problem. Has nothing to do with money spent. For me, money spent is only an indicator of a lack of control even though I've never been able to not afford the hobby. I'm otherwise a pretty frugal and financially responsible person, but I've probably spent easily over $30 k in the last decade alone on this. That speaks to a pattern of behavior if nothing else.

I just wanted to share some advice that was given to me that is really helping me (so far). And that was a getting over the shame and self loathing over what you have done. Learning to forgive yourself and move on in a happier life. The past will only cripple you if you choose to dwell there. If you find yourself thinking about what you've done and you're beating yourself up over it, you need to stop, acknowledge it, and remind yourself there is nothing you can do to change your past, but you can feel better by focusing on your present and future by being better. I'm just at the start of the journey but, that advice really resonated with me.

Sometimes that might be what it takes. Hit bottom. Face the risk of losing what really matters to you. In some devastating way. Ruining the lives of the people who matter to you. Ruining your reputation. Are these fleeting and forgettable moments worth all that? Probably not. But we're all like frogs in water, gradually heating up. Eventually it's boiling. And we die.

[QUOTE=TCap5225;6749865]I just wanted to share some advice that was given to me that is really helping me (so far). And that was a getting over the shame and self loathing over what you have done. Learning to forgive yourself and move on in a happier life. The past will only cripple you if you choose to dwell there. If you find yourself thinking about what you've done and you're beating yourself up over it, you need to stop, acknowledge it, and remind yourself there is nothing you can do to change your past, but you can feel better by focusing on your present and future by being better. I'm just at the start of the journey but, that advice really resonated with me.[/QUOTE]Great advice. Focus on what you can change. Accept what you can't. Like the past.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6749831]Nowadays, I typically feel shame, regret, anger, resentment, and fear afterwards. I know I'm not living up to my core values and I'm harming myself and others. Its mostly an act of avoidance for me. Therapy and daily journaling have been very helpful in peeling back the onion.[/QUOTE]You're not alone. I feel the same way. Bad habits take on a life of their own.